Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It is so amazing how stuck in time I can be. It is strange how affected my heart can be by the worries of "time".
We rode in a taxi today, through the traffic jammed streets of Bangkok. Bumper to bumper we sat, and sat, inching our way forward. We barely moved. The clock moved, though. And, we knew every minute that passed. We were late.
Or, were we? The truth is... we were "going" to be late. We were quite certain that we were doomed to be late and our lateness was going to be bad! The jammed traffic and our slow moving taxi was every indication and proof that the 20 minute drive was definitely going to take an hour. And, our appointment couldn't be missed! What were we to do!?
...so much worry, and frustration stole my joy during that 40 minute drive. And, it was all "borrowing worry". All of it in vain.
We got there late. Yep. And, it didn't really matter. The clock on their wall was "off" and according to their calculations we weren't too late anyway... All worry was wasted energy. All frustration was expended for no good purpose!
It is amazing how affected by time I can be.
"Now". "10 minutes". "Bed time" and "late" or "wait" ... can all bring instant frustration when they are spoken, or pushed, or pulled, or messed-with in any way.
Yesterday I read a sweet reminder... "a day is like thousand years and a thousand years like a day" (2 Peter 3:18). In this truth, I was reminded that my Father is before time. He is above time... outside of ... around and within time. My "now" and "late" and "wait" ... look very different to Him.
The rush of being late... a thousand years late, in fact ... isn't late at all. It is just a day late. A thousand years late? No. Only a day late, really. Or even, if our clocks are different, right on time!
It is good to remember that God is not slow... and He is not rushed ... and He is never frustrated ... or looking at His watch.
I say, "Lord, I want this now". He says, "yes!" and ... His "now- yes" could be answered in a thousand years. Or, He could give it today.
His perfect timing is, well... perfect. And, I can trust that.
So, it doesn't really matter what my watch says... 9:00 or 9:05 ... He is never late.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Why so downcast O my soul?
These words spoken by David years ago, echo the cry of my heart today as I wrestle with sadness and disappointment.
Tears linger on the rims of my already red eyes. And, there aren't many more words... I am just sad.
Why so disturbed within me?
Sometimes it is just good to speak to your soul. Sometimes asking questions, hard questions of my soul is important. And, helpful. So, I ask myself... Why so disturbed within me? And, then I speak, like my brother David did, I speak to my soul ...
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise you.
These words aren't trite to me today. They are spoken in pain from my confused head to my sad soul... they aren't "praise the Lord!" with an indifferent smile or a wave of ignorance. My head speaks these deep words and calls out to the depth of my soul... put your hope in God!
Deep calls to deep.
My head speaks these true words. I will yet praise him. ...it will come. The praise. It will come again. I will be able to say, "I praise the Lord" from the depth of my soul again and with a smile.
I will yet praise Him. This is my hope. He is my hope.
But, right now, today... it is okay to say to God, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by my enemy?" I ask my soul hard questions. David reminds me it is okay to ask God hard questions, too.
Why so downcast O my soul? Put your hope in God. for I will yet praise Him. My Savior and my God. Psalm 42
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
There is no way around it, really. Either way, it's going to hurt! The only way forward is "into" pain. And, I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like pain...
Friday, January 7, 2011
I believe God played Yahtzee with us the other night.
The faithful pursuit of the Father's love in my life has been steadfast and amazing. Time and time again, when my eyes are opened and I am aware, I have seen ...continue to see... His poured-out love and blessings in my life.
I saw Him the other night in the play, the laughter and the game.
The other night He poured out His love in Yahtzees. Seven Yahtzees in one game, to be exact. Whoever rolls seven Yahtzees in one game!?
Poet Elizabeth Browning says, "Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God: But only he who sees, takes off his shoes, The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries."
As I have grown and continue to grow in awareness, I feel I am seeing Him more often and in the most unexpected ways. I believe He opened my eyes this special night.
The kids and I played Yahtzee. I was fully present in this moment, which can be a struggle. I was thoroughly enjoying myself with my children. It was a sweet moment of joy.
Somewhere in the middle of the game, I rolled a "Yahtzee" (not a common occurrence, I might add for those who may not frequent this particular game). Indeed, I rolled six "sixes" and we all cried in one loud voice (as we do), "Yahtzee!!". It always bring such rejoicing when a Yahtzee is rolled!
I wrote "50 points" on my score sheet and passed the dice onward. My son rolled as normal and when it came to my daughter's turn, she rolled her dice and ... rolled a Yahtzee! (was it six "fives" this time? I don't remember.). We all laughed and cheered and yelled, "Yahtzee!!". She wrote down her 50 points. A second Yahtzee!! Wow. This was indeed rare... and very fun.
And, then it was my turn again. And, would you believe that I rolled... ANOTHER "Yahtzee!". By this time we were all in hysterics... laughing to tears in unbelief and in cheerful glee. I immediately put my hands up in worship and said out-loud, "I think God is just blessing us right now, guys! I just feel He is saying, "I love you with Yahtzees!"
Right after my shout of praise and pronouncement, my sweet 8 year old son said, with a tinge of sadness, "But He isn't blessing me....". Oh, sweet boy!
"He is blessing our game, our family, and you are a part of that, my sweet boy", I said. He agreed, a bit begrudgingly, and then rolled his dice. And, yep... (I am not exaggerating here in any way!)... yep, you guessed it, my son rolled the next Yahtzee!!
At that point, the laughter was hilarious. Any outsider would have thought us all mad! All three of us were wriggling, bouncing and laughing with tears. We were all thanking God for His love and His blessing.
We proceeded to roll a total of seven separate Yahtzees that game! Seven. And, the new mantra now in our family is "Yahtzees aren't hard for God!" He can just roll them whenever He wants!
So with Elizabeth Browning, I say, "Play is crammed with heaven. Every Yahtzee-game aflame with God"
Teach me to see you more and more, Father. Help me to know You are always present and to be ever aware of Your Presence. Open my eyes, my heart and my mind to You in every game I play... every email I write... every phone conversation... Make me more and more aware of You!
"To See a World in a grain of sand,
And a Heaven in a wild flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
and Eternity in an hour" ~William Blake
Thursday, January 6, 2011
"And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains." Col. 4:3"I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God's ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should." Eph 6:20