Koodaigirl Pages

Friday, October 30, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #14 The Word

 


The Word

A firm rock

A solid stepping stone.

It lifts me, to see more. 

I peek just over the wall. 


A place to settle.

To sit and rest from the noise

My home.

I take warmth in refuge.


My doorway to beyond... 

More of You, more of me.  

My gateway to light and truth.

I walk through and see.


My river to life, 

To drink from, to wade in, to swim!

My raft. 

The vessel that carries me. 


My rock.  

To hold me and lift me up

The place I find rest, light, and life!

The place I find You.


Written July 2020

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #13 The Sky


The Sky

It reaches.
It covers beyond what I can see.
Beyond what I can even imagine
'Stretched out like a canopy'  

Dark, deep, high, vast
A space of stillness---
a moon, set in place
stars in their home.

Reality of movement, phases
Lifting and lowering.  
And dancing 
...so much dancing!

Stillness, yet so much motion. 
Clouds that shift and sway. 
Layers of profound stillness.  Layers of movement. 
Still one moment, swift the next. 

Colours and shadows
Depth and variety
A different portrait each day.
Moment after moment

It holds a welcome for all.
Welcome to gaze and behold!
Always the same and ever changing.
Simple; yet with complexities I can not comprehend.

Beyond what I can even imagine. 
It reaches.  It covers.
He 'spread it out like a tent'. 
It wraps us, a shelter and a wonder. 

"Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these?" Isaiah 40

Written July 2020

 

Monday, October 26, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #12 Mrs. Tree

 


Mrs. Tree

Old, rugged, worn. 

How long have you been there, Mrs. Tree?

You stand so tall, so very stable. 

As new growth climbs and entwines, 

encircling itself in and around you.

You seem untouched.  Firmly fixed.


What have you heard, Mrs. Tree? 

The comings and the goings of life.

The laughter, tears, cries and triumphs.

Building up all around you.

Breaking down, falls and rubble.

Days and years passing.


Have you felt the sadness? 

Or, rejoiced in the triumph?

Have you felt the frustrations?

Have you pondered or considered why?

How long have you watched as your friends, 

your neighbours are destroyed? 


What have you seen?

Generations come and go.

Littles run around your feet,

Aged rest in your shadow.

The young carve their hearts' intentions.

Who has noticed you?


Old and new.

Ancient and aged being replaced.

Yet, you remain still.

Years after years. 

What was, is no more. 

What is, will always be.


How many winds have run through your branches, 

How many rains have rustled your leaves, 

torn and tugged at you... made you dance?  

Do you worship while you sway?

Do you know the hands and mind that made you?

Do you 'laugh at the days to come'?


How long will you be there, Mrs. Tree?

My time will have come and long gone by, I am certain. 

Yet, there you are.  Old, worn and rough.

Steadfast and sturdy.

With 'strength and dignity'.

There you will be.  




Written July 2020

Proverbs 31

"For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people" Isaiah 65:22


Friday, October 23, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #11 Rubrics

 


Rubrics

Colour on a page

Do you know what it is? 

These easy going, even fun...  

Grace-filled criteria.

Rubrics in place.  

to judge

to know.

And, yet, 

Yet, even the colour is not bright

...enough.

Not muted enough. 

Not smooth

...enough.

Not well textured or blended...

...

My very existence

My every. moment. of. every. day

Not enough.

Falls short.

Do I know what it is?

A splash of colour on the page.

This day.

   This being.  

Me.


Written June 2020


Reminds me of this post I wrote in 2019


Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #10 This Old House

 


This Old House

This old house---

Same old house

Same smells and sights.

Corners and walls

So familiar.


The wallpaper needs changing---updating.

No, actually, the foundation.

Pull up the floor boards!

Rot underneath. Rip them out!

Rebuild with lapis and turquoise.


A foundation laid and layered with faults and cracks

Burn it down!  

Start again!

Sounds of shifting sand echo and warn. 

This house will fall!


But, alas! the land is secure.

This rickety structure was built on a rock which is firm.

Faithful. Steadfast.  

Before the foundations of the earth, 

hesed was.  Hesed always is.


Yes! Mold and mildew may lurk deep within these old walls.

Disease lingers.  

Pour over with the cleansing water and ash.  

With hyssop, scarlet and cedarwood, 

Clean this old house!   


Written June 2020

Leviticus 14

Isaiah 54:11,12


Monday, October 19, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #9 How I See


 How I See

When did it begin?
This way of thinking
This way of seeing myself.

Like Lewis' green lady, I step
outside myself 
and I look. 

Rather than simple 'being', 
I become observer
I watch. I evaluate and I judge.

Unlike his lady, I don't like what I see
My gaze doesn't lift.
My mouth doesn't form in satisfaction.


Written June 2020




Friday, October 16, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #8 The Moon Again

 


The Moon Again

I watch for you each evening. 

Waiting and wondering.

Like a child longing for dessert,

When is dinner time over?  

How many peas must I eat first?


I anticipate. 

I wonder and wait...

when will the dark become 

dark enough!

Enough to reveal your glory.


Each night I see a different sight

A new shade and perspective. 

Light reflected, revealed, radiating. 

Or tonight... covered, shroud, hidden. 


Yesterday's dusk brought deep, dark clouds 

Across my vista, shadows swept thick with movement

Dense with a heaviness that slowed their race overhead.

Each step they took across the sky laboured.


I waited.  I watched. 

Wondering if I would see you when these dark ones parted.

As the clouds trudged through the murk of the evening sky

I wanted...


Willing just one glimpse... 

One quick view of your face. 

For I knew you were there.  

Even if hidden.

You are always there.


Positioned there long ago, 

you remain.  

Not yet shaken, always firm in place.  

I know you are there.

Now, I watch for you every evening.   


Written June 2020


...reminds me of this post from March 2012

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #7 "Sin"


Sin

There is a place I go 
to which looks so
 ..so different at night.

In the daylight it calls me. 
Sweetness on my tongue.
Cool and quiet. 
A place of rest. 

In my mind, on my way there, 
I feel the pull.  
The draw.

It always appears delight 
in my mind's eye---
As if by night, I have never visited. 

Each moment
Each venture seems the same
The draw
The journey
The rationale
The place. The taste.

And then...  the memory
Within memory is where the night time terror lives.
Dark and dank.
Rank and rotten.
Screaming shame.

'Even at night my heart instructs me'
This memory lane reveals the true nature of this place. 
Every. Single. Time.

An emptiness
which always leaves me wanting. 
Angry. Hurting.

Bitter and sour. 
Cold and alone.
No rest.
Indeed there is no rest for the 
wicked.  


Written May 2020

 

Monday, October 12, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #6 "The Moon"

 



The Moon

How many phases have passed in my 47 years?

Sliced and thin
Hung... tilted precariously on it's side. 
Nursery rhymes and children's books tug at my mind.  
Beauty revealed.
I feel wonder rise up.  

He moves and shifts upward. 
His head almost tilted.  
The veil pulled back only just so.
Will I see his eye?  
Tonight?  

Each episode new sights.
Each stage, a fresh wonder.
Half here tonight.  
Only half and yet so very brilliant!

Flanked by stars that feel so distant. 
He looks almost close. 
If I could only just reach out.  
Maybe... just maybe...  

Why is this the first time I've seen, 
or watched?  
Why is the first time I have waited to see his brilliance each night?  

Evening comes.  I will and urge the sky to be clear, 
longing for a sleepless vigil.
Tomorrow night, where will he be?  What state will I find his face?  

47 years
 I have never taken the time.  
I have never noticed, never seen, never watched and wondered.
  
Google tells me I have had 611 opportunities. 
Six hundred and eleven phases I have missed. 

Well, today I see.  Now.  I see. 
This chapter... turn the page... 
I will anticipate.  
 I will watch and wonder.  
I will let the joy linger.  

 I will crawl up on my Father's lap and let Him read this book.    

Will anyone join me?  


Written May 2020
 

Friday, October 9, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #5 "The Shoulds"

 


The Shoulds

Like Egyptian taskmasters of old, 
the 'shoulds' whip at my back and call me to attention.
Slaves don't rest. 
Only masters do.
What masters me?  What masters my heart?
What I ought to have done....
What I am compelled to do...  
What should I say...
Who I must be...
Heavy bricks, these laws weigh me down.
Bricks with no straw--- quotas unable to ever be met.
These 'shoulds', the load of responsibilities,
A perfect kind of slavery for this girl.
One crack of the whip and I run again---
weary, worried,
wondering when the job will finally be done.  


Written May 2020
                                                                              
                                                         
                   

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #4 "Introverts Cry"

 


Introverts Cry

Will I ever be able to go back?
My energy for others seems to have left. 
Will it ever return?
Weeks go by...
Will months pass, and I still feel the same way?
The desperate need to be alone. 
...to go away...
The cry of my heart for true quiet.
True solitude.
Why after so many days, so many hours, do I feel so exhausted?
Pushed.
Pulled.
Maybe I will never be able to go back.  


Written May 2020


Monday, October 5, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #3 "Meaning...full or less"

 


Meaning...less or full

One, two, three, four... seven days.

The ebb and flow of the days as they merge together into a week, 

Each day unique, but intertwined and to be joined.

One, two, ...

One day full of light and life. 

Eyes see.  Ears hear.

Hearts awake and connected.

Laughter and dance trickle through.

Then a shift.  A flow.  

Dark rushes into the next...

Two, three, four...

Light seems hard to find.

Blind or blank stares.

Fingernails on a chalkboard.

Distance and frustration.

The walls feel close.  The air thin.  

The boundaries unstable. 

The ebb of light. 

The flow of darkness.

Three, four, five

One day full, the next empty. 

How have I been, you ask?  

Seven days...

Conflux of emotions make one week.  

Can happy and sad live in the same week?  The very same day?  

Solomon called each day "hevel"

A vapour.  A breath.  

There is a time for everything... 

Highs and lows.  

One week recedes and retreats.

Swirls and surges. 

Intertwined.  Merging together...

One, two, three, four...


Written May 2020

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #2 "Conflict"

 


Conflict

It frightens me.

The rumblings below, 

The feelings of heat. 

Radiating, pulsing. 

Am I aware first?  

Or am I frightened by what may come?

Low tones, 

Eyes darkened, 

Brows tight. 

My whole body responds.

It frightens me.  

Tension and heat rise up

I want it to stop.  

Just stop. 

Cover it over. 

Run away and hide. 

Rumbling, quick, stilted, purposeful staccato words.  

Tears pool deep, well below my eyeline. 

Tension fills.

Heat rises in my neck.

It frightens me.  





Written May 2020