Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #27 Crutch

 

Crutch and Cistern

Broken and twisted gait

Crutches needed 

For far too long

I think I am ready to let go.

Age old mechanisms

Survival needed

Modes to steady

Finally I am ready to release.

My legs are strong now.

Trusting muscles hold me.

Rock hard core

I don't need you anymore.

You crutch!  You, cisterns.

Watered and fed me.

Carried me with stale drink.

My tastes have changed. 

I know living water now

I know steady foundations

Will I release and let go?

Will I walk freely and drink fresh?

Hands off and letting go

I feel the wobble.

Worry floods... 

Can my legs hold me?

As I walk free, I feel thirst.

Stagnant pools draw

Familiar tastes tug at my mouth.

Will I walk free from these crutches?

Written October 2020

John 8:36  "If the Son sets you free, you can be free indeed!"

Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

Reminds me...

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #26 TV-The Sad, Sad Truth

 

TV- The Sad, Sad Truth

They feel like family, these pretend friends. 

Lights, sounds and transmissions flicker on the screen. 

I come home from school and I can't wait!  

Backpack dropped.  Coat and shoes chucked off.  

Quick!  Grab a snack... 

Drop down into the well-worn couch. 

We eat together, and I tell you about my day.

I watch you laugh and it brings me comfort.

Each day, I visit my mother and my father living in a box.

After school cookies and milk with Julie, our cruise director.

Ice cream with a Silver Spoon and Benson. 

Learning the Facts of Life with Jack, Janet and Chrissy.  

Alone in this world, I watch you cry and fight.

I cringe while you escape fire and disease and I am with you.

I join you to laugh.  I join you and I cry.

Your safety is my joy.  Your victory my win.

My young heart feels connection.  

Someone else had a hard day!

We commiserate together over chips and soda. 

You say the words of love I long to hear. 

Signals traverse through the air, they warm.

Like a much needed hug, the wrap around me.

Transmissions touch the gaping hole of loneliness.

You are there every day, my friends!  

Your presence just a click away.

Hours and hours and hours together.  

Your fun and antics tell me I am not alone.

These are the 80s realities.

Raise your glass... Cheers! 

Let's drink to television!

What in the world have we done!?

So, are the Days of Our Lives.  

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #25 Unseen

 Unseen

Two people

inhabit the same space.

Disconnected.

Coordinates identical.

Yet so very distant.

Untouched.

How can you sit there?

Across a table.  

Arms length and acres apart. 

Am I an apparition?

Sitting here, facing you.

You look but do not see.

Even as my sound enters your ears.

Vocalization unheard.  Unnoted.

You hear but do not listen. 

Please just respond.  Please remark.

Please look at me.

See and try to understand.

Why won't you ask?

Where is your curiosity?

Will you refuse to know me?

If I am here, or not,

A cut-out.

Or, a picture would suffice.  

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #24 The Best Medicine

The Best Medicine

Laughter wells up and spills over.

Like a singing stream, 

a song of joy bubbles and gurgles.

Laughter rises and bounces up.

Like a dancing dolphin, 

riding the wake with a jump and frolic.

Days of sadness have gone before.

Songs of mourning filling my week.

Waves of grief have racked and crashed. 

But today, I chuckle and chortle.

His essence fills my aching soul with good medicine.

Laughter wins today! 

Written September 2020

Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #23 Your Face

 Your Face

Your face

Attuned

Eyes smiling

Aware

Your face 

Seeing

Eyes knowing

Soft

Your face

Watching

Eyes delighted

Waiting

Your face

Always?

Yes, always...

Attached

My heart

Seen

Ever known

Secure

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #22 Depth of Sadness

Depth of Sadness

Down in the bedrock, 

far below the surface.

Streams of groundwater run and churn.

Filling the pores,

seeps into the cracks of my soul, 

The sadness flows deep and wide.  

Creeping and edging through.

Pressure pushes and pulls, 

This grief.  This pain.

Mostly quiet, even unknown.

Almost always unnoticed and unseen,

Rarely will it rise.

Today it threatens a flood.

Noah's springs of the deep roar and rumble.

The agony has reached it's tipping point.

Will it finally be heard?

Spill up and over.

Pour out and destroy.

Will the aquifer reach it's limit?

Will the confined boundaries be overcome?

Eruption of furry and flood.

Will the sadness win and have it's say?

Destroying all that is wicked on the surface.

Washing, finally.  Bringing justice!

Will the façade be toppled?

The earth be cleansed.

The floodgates finally opened wide.

O! These underground streams!  

The sorrow coursing through the foundations.

Living, growing and building all these years.

I hear you.  I see you.  I honour and listen. 

I welcome your voice.  

Pour forth, rise up, and make me whole.

Written September 2020

"Let your tears flow like a river...Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord"

 (Lamentations 2:18,19)

"It is better to enter a house of mourning than a house of feasting, since death is the end of every man, and the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for a sad countenance is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure."  

(Ecclesiastes 7:3)

Aquifer 

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #21 Freedom's Call

 Freedom's Call

Like a gentle breeze on my face, 

the expanse beckons me.

I am called to run.

Invited to venture forth.

In a brief moment of time, 

With just a breath and a whisper.

I can feel the offer to rest.

The binding weight being lifted.

Shackles loosen.

Arms free... movement offered.

Open space before me,

I am called to run.

Inspired to walk without weight,

Chains left and scattered to the wind.

Energy lifts, excitement fills

I am poised... ready to bolt!

Crouched down, I begin to push off

Feel the exhilaration from the momentum.

A small beautiful moment of time.

For just a breath and a second, I run!

Jolted to an abrupt stop.

I smack into myself again.

Just around the corner, there I am.

I run into me.

Instantly, in that moment,

I am locked again. 

Stuck and held.

Heavy and subdued.

"Who shall rescue me from this body of death?!"  

Romans 7:24

Written August 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #20 Midnight Call

 Middle of the Night Call

 A nudge.

A gentle tap.

3 am invitation comes again.

I roll over.

Pull covers up tight.

Certainly the clouds are too thick tonight, Lord.

A whisper.

A small thought.

'I want to show you, again!'

Another gentle nudge.

A push and a tap in my mind.

Barely conscious I am waking.

Doubt-filled thoughts.  

Questions rise.

This second-guess girl wonders at crazy midnight ideas.

Oh!  But, the tug.  

Now, the pull. 

With little expectation, I yank myself out of bed. 

Grab the coat

But, oh!, it's so very cold, Lord!

I slowly wander outside. 

Startled. 

Instant awe.  

I am shocked to my very core.

Dark clouds drawn back.

Opened like heavy curtains.

Pushed right to the edge of the earth.

Stars on display.

His masterpiece.

Singing His glory again!

Arrayed in majesty.

A picture of love.

Arranged by the greatest artist of all time.

To think! He invited me!

His hands pushed the clouds back.

Did He smile big that night?

When next will He call? 

Will I respond?

Will you listen?

"By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, their starry host by the breath of His mouth" Psalm 33:6

Written August 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #19 They Come to My Window

 They Come to My Window

My heart is only so big.

My mind even less in size.

But still, they come.

They come to my window,

Sharing places and pain.

Stories and stupidity.

Hearts poured out like a waterfall,

Into my waiting pool. 

Their lives bring movement and stirring.  

Turmoil to any stillness that might be found.

I am never untouched.

Pain reverberates. My pond is disturbed.

They speak and cry.

And, sometimes they use words.

Bravely revealing vulnerability.

Tender and precious each one.

They come to my window.

Sometimes their hearts are beyond my understanding.

'Pray for them with all sincerity',

the Abbess advises, and I listen.

'Then, give them over to God'

So, I must let go.  

My heart is only so big.

My arms even less so.

I set them down

Leave them at His feet.

His grand heart, His kind mind, His strong arms

I leave them and close the window.

I pour them back into His hands.

But, still they come.  

Written July 2020

"...you can't hold in your heart all the pain that comes to your window.  Pray once and let them go" 

~The Abbess told Julian of Norwich (1343-1416)

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #18 Stargazing

Stargazing

Middle of the night rendezvous

I wait for Your call.

Step through the dark

Into the glory of light.

Tiptoe out. 

Don't wake the neighbours!

Wait.  Watch.

Tears fill my eyes.

Tiny. Bright. Distant dance.

Beauty and majesty touch my soul.

Spread out like a tapestry

You made these with Your word.

A still, yet moving, work of art.

Your heart shouts with a thousand lights.

Written July 2020

Jeremiah 31:35  This is what the LORD says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-- the LORD Almighty is his name!

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #17 My Man

 My Man

My man

When you walk--- knee deep---

in the River, 

you are stunning.  

You leave a wake of strength and kindness.

As you journey along--- knee deep---

splashed with grace, 

I see you filled up and confident.

More than you. Radiant and passionate.

You get bigger in the water--- knee deep---

Compassionate and gentle, 

Unnerving, comforting, protecting.

Heavenly fire fills your very being.

When you walk---knee deep---

in His Presence, 

You expand. Larger and fuller. 

  Beautiful vigour. A gentle giant.

My man.  

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #16 Pain

Pain

Pain that shifts and rambles.

One day it is here. 

Tomorrow it is there.

Last week it was here and there.

Always present. 

Often niggles. 

Occasionally scary.

Mostly annoying.  

Sometimes sharp.

Definitely cumbersome.

Usually dull.

Never welcome.  

It seems to take a walk around me. 

A long wandering journey.

Certainly, it has it's favourite spots to 

sit a spell.  Stretch out!  Hunker down. 

Without announcement or fanfare

It begins to stroll again. 

Pain making its ways to new vistas, 

new horizons.

Meandering, searching, looking, 

I wonder, 

for new favourite spots.

To rest and sit for a while.  

Written July 2020

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #15 The Climb

 

The Climb

One step at a time

One foot in front

What seems impossible

and beyond, 

can become reality

With one step

One foot following the other

Sit for a while.  It's okay.

Don't look too hard for the end.

Steady your gaze. 

Glance back!  

See how far you have come. 

The destination feels distant. 

Even arduous.

Sit for a bit.  

Then, begin again. 

Keep your eyes right in front of you.

Just one single. 

                        step. 

                               at. 

                                      a. 

                                                   time.

The climb.  

Written July 2020