I find myself often so wishing I could do more. I often feel I haven't done "enough" or that there must be something more for me to do. I have often wondered whether God is pleased with me. At the end of the day is He just putting up with me? It sounds almost silly to write that. But, none-the-less so goes my heart.
The words of last Sunday's message touched my heart. The pastor's first point was that God asks us to "do what we can do". Meaning, we need to do that which is before us each day, to His glory and that is all. So simple. I can get up, smile at the Lord, ask Him to guide me, talk to Him throughout my day, enjoy His presence and do just what is before me... my laundry, my dishes and my hours of prayer all become alike as the "thing" He has put before me to do. I was thinking on the sermon while walking through the fields the other day. I noticed the bees at work on the nearby flowers. I was reminded of my belugas. I know it seems a strange jump... sermon to bees to belugas. And, no I don't own belugas! None-the-less my heart remembered my belugas.
One day the Lord spoke so tenderly to my heart while I watched the belugas at Sea World, that I now refer to them as "my" belugas. This day, a few years ago now, I watch these amazing, beautiful creatures swim. They are a truly breath-taking animal, a sight to behold. A gliding, smooth movement of white. Amazing. Beautiful. Anyway, after a significant time of watching in awe, my attention span began to wane and a thought struck me, "boy, all they do all day is swim around and around in circles. ... they eat... they swim... and they eat and they swim..." In a moment this thought brought up in my heart what I can only describe as disdain. I was almost disgusted in that moment at their lot in life. They are so very unuseful. In almost the same instant as the disdain began to bubble up in my heart, I felt the Lord speaking gently (yet quite profoundly) into my soul, "I am pleased with these".
I think my soul was shocked in that instant. The distinct disgust with this useless animal and my Father's whisper of pleasure were so distinctly different it was shocking to my system. God and I began a conversation about the fact that these belugas were, in fact, truly amazing, glorious animals created by a Creative God. But, most importantly these belugas were "doing exactly what they were supposed to be doing". These belugas were doing what they were created to do... what was before them to do each day. It happens that they were created to swim and look amazing as they do it...
I was created for something too. And if I do that which He created me for... then yes, He is pleased with me. Simple as that. Even as I write that, though, I think I am off track a bit. It isn't actually about doing that which He created me for... but instead being who I was created to be. If I "am" who He created to be, then He is pleased with me. Who are the belugas? They are acting as they were created to "be". Who are the bees? They just are who they are created to be... bees.
Who is Stephanie and what was she created to "be"... including or not including her doing. So, maybe a part of the belugas "who-ness" is the job of swimming beautifully, the bees "being" bees includes pollination. And me, my "who-ness" includes mothering, prayer... or laundry, or cooking, or hosting a guest... it doesn't matter! It is about waking up each morning, gazing at our Father, walking through the day with Him and being who He wants us to be.
The bees... the belugas... and me.
All created by an amazing and creative Father to be that which He created us to be for His Glory. What freedom!
