I talked to my sister last night. I love my sisters. This sweet sister is pregnant and I want to be near her. She told me about her current spiritual journey and I just wanted to be in the same room. I wanted to hug her.
I read a note from my dear friend today and I just wanted to cry. I could literally feel "missing" in my chest. My chest tightened and I felt just a bit sick. I miss her so much.
I drank coffee yesterday from a mug that I painted with my friend for her birthday. Why can't I just live next door to her and we could drink our coffee together... on the same continent! I just want to stop by her house and chat.
My mom is in pain. She is physically hurting and weakening. She needs surgery in this next year and I won't be there. ...I think of her so much. I want to help. I want to be a phone call away--- without calculating a time difference.
I opened an email from my sister-in-law and saw pictures of my cute niece. She is growing so fast, I can hardly believe it. I am missing it! She won't know Aunt Stephanie next time I see her and this... well, ... it sucks.
Sometimes this life of mine just stinks! What else can I say?
As I write this I am listening to Aaron Shust's song, My Savior... it is good for my soul right now.
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior
I take Him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, but once did I
Before I knew my Savior
My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be
My daughter has had a dream more than once. In her dream, all the people she loves live in one big apartement building (or house). It is a happy dream! I have that dream too...
It is good to remember that God knows what it is to "leave" His place. He knows about missing people, separation, deep love for friends... He knows what it is to be a stranger, an alien, longing for a better country, a perfect home.
Thanks, Lord for music. Thanks for Truth, Father. It doesn't make it hurt less, or stink less... it just brings Your Presence into the pain.