I am reading an interesting book on prayer that my husband recommended. The premise of the book, Long Wandering Prayer written by David Hansen, is the concept of taking a walk with God... both literally and figuratively. I have only read the first few chapters and was struck by his assertion that our wandering thoughts in prayer may be a blessing, or seen as a means of God-directed prayer, rather than a nefarious enemy to be controlled or silenced. I must say that throughout my entire Christian life, I have perfected techniques and strengthened my ability to control my thoughts---especially disciplining them when I am praying. So, this "wandering thoughts prayer-thing" is a bit "new" to me and I can't quite get my head around it. I know that prayer can and should fill a whole day... and have read similar concepts in Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. I guess it is the word "wandering" that seems to throw me off. Wandering doesn't seem to fit as being a "good" thing... I don't know.
It doesn't seem that David Hansen is opposed to a disciplined life, thoughts or otherwise, but he does seem to think that there is a prominent place that the wandering mind has in prayer. If this is indeed true, I have much to learn in this!
S0, onward I read, wondering if the obvious personality difference between the author and myself will preclude any real benefit that I receive... or if, is it possible, I am missing something significant in my times of prayer. And, may this be why I walk away so very frustrated with myself when I spend hours of prayer... plagued by a wandering mind.
So yesterday on the train, I stopped after reading a few pages of the book and asked the Lord, "Why can't I do this??!" "Why does it seem so difficult for me to have a conversational relationship with you, Lord?!" "Why is this so hard... it seems so natural to David Hansen and so unnatural to me?!"
Today at the beach I had a similar, almost one-sided (so it seemed) conversation with the Father about this topic. What is it Lord, you are trying to teach my heart? Change me, Lord and teach me to pray... an ongoing petition.
Baby, baby steps in prayer. Good books to read... challenging people to share their stories with me on page. So much to learn!