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But, to watch someone you love suffer and to feel so helpless to stop their pain... well, that just rips and tears in a way that is different and deep. The watching is not more painful, per se. It is just different and intense and confusing.
I am watching someone in pain and I am witness to suffering that I can't stop. And, it hurts deep. It pains my heart in ways that are hard to put words to...
In tears, I sat with the Lord this morning. What do I even say to You, Lord? I had no words. Just tears.
I hate this suffering. I hate to watch and hear about the pain. I hate the confusion. Father...
There are times when words don't work and all we have is His name. Father... My eyes cried tears as my heart whispered this single word today. Father. A single word was enough--- it was full expression of my prayer to Him.
We have been talking about the beauty of Lent and this season of "longing" and "hunger": A time to feel, to touch and remember the sufferings of Christ. ...waiting for Good Friday. ...waiting for Easter. ...waiting and anticipating the resurrection and eternal life.
Oh man! With the news of this suffering, I can feel the deep longing and the groaning for Heaven! Lent lessons right smack dab in front of me.
Longing. And heaviness. And, sadness. Oh Father...
After the tears subsided, there came a few more words to aid my prayer... Isn't there another way?
These words came out of my heart unbidden. As they formed in my mind I recognized them---Don't they sound familiar? Isn't this what Jesus was saying to the Father in the garden? Can this cup pass from me, please, Father? (Matthew 26:39) Isn't there another way, Father?
I know this road--or, at least, I know a small portion of this road.
And, I know beyond any shadow of doubt that suffering and pain have done significant work in me: heart, soul and character work in my life. Deep work. I know... that I know... that know... that I know... that suffering has indeed produced endurance. It is producing faith, character and hope in my life. In fact, I really can't imagine myself without my past and current pain journey. It is one way, one avenue, God has used greatly to show me His love and His touch and the knowledge of Him.
I want this deep, heart work in my loved one. But, still as I watch this dear one hurting... and, I asked my loving Father, Is there any other way?
There was no straight answer to my question. There are no easy answers to pain and suffering, are there?
But there was a faint lifting of heart and a glimmer of hope welling up from within me. I have been learning and am re-learning today that this faith and hope will not disappoint. God's love will be poured into my and her life. (Romans 5:3-5)
But, the truth still remains. To endure suffering or watch suffering simply stinks. Royally. Doesn't it?