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I slumber and slip into numbness with the simple tasks of cooking, cleaning, teaching my children and walking to the store... I slip into a state of "to-do" and "task-girl". I slide into automatic. Do you ever do this? Like a dishwasher, just push the "start" button on Stephanie and off I go... working without much thought or "life" or awareness. Almost inanimate.
I think Jesus is inviting me to something more... a life lived more alive. More awake.
"Be dressed and ready", He has been saying. (Luke 12:35)
"Stay alert, watchful and awake", He has been speaking to my soul. (1 Peter 5:8) Not words of condemnation, but these have been words of invitation and wisdom.
I have more for you, Stephanie.
I went away on a three day spiritual retreat this week. What a joy! The beauty of silence, solitude and pulling away are always balm to my soul. Curled up in the comfy easy-chair in my friend's living room, I sat with my journal, my Bible and my pens... "What is it you want to do with our time, Jesus?" I asked and waited.
Go outside and take a walk into town.
What?
The quiet words wafted across my mind. Go outside. Take a walk into town. "What, Lord? Go outside? Take a walk into town?" No, that can't possibly be from God.
So, I asked Him again.
Silence.
Twenty minutes later (after explaining to God all the reasons why I shouldn't be doing "this" on my pull-away-quiet-solitude spiritual retreat!) the invitation still hung in the air of my soul. It was like the words just waited patiently for a response. Go outside and walk into town.
So, I put on my shoes and my coat and took a step outside. Crisp cool air hit my face and woke me up.
I have more for you, Stephanie. Be awake and alert. Be watchful.
I walked up into town with an obedient heart. I was so alive in those moments. Awake and aware. Extra aware, extra sensitive. I was listening. What was it He had for me? Why would He ask me to do this? Who, Lord? What is it, Lord Jesus? Show me? Teach me... Lord, I want to walk into town with you.
I walked into town with Jesus that day... In those sweet moments, I was so very awake. I felt alive. From the beginning until the end of my walk, I felt that I "saw" everyone, smelled everything and heard all. I noticed each soul and prayed my way through the town. I was waiting and watching and listening... What do you have for me, Lord Jesus? My heart was asking.
I have this..
I have this awareness, Stephanie. Awakeness. Surrendered-obedient-anticipating-adventuring-aware-awakeness. Learn to walk through all of your life in this way, my daughter.
Because... I fall asleep so easily.