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Do you ever feel absolutely sure you are right about something?
I read somewhere that a true, genuine conversation can only happen if both parties are ready and willing to be changed by each other. Conversation and dialogue only happen when I sit anticipating my viewpoint will indeed be altered because of this discourse. Problem is... what happens when you think you are absolutely right? Period. Full stop.
This prideful, closed way of "communication" happens much, much more frequently than genuine conversation.
I used to think it was certain personality types--- mine or my husband (ha!), for instance!---which felt they were "right" or "correct" all the time. Or, maybe it was family of origin training. Certainly my family has it in spades! All I knew was that I struggled and was upset when my viewpoint was challenged or questioned.
The more years I live, I am convinced that this is true about everybody. Every-single-body struggles when their point of view feels threatened. Maybe not on all accounts, to be sure; but, just poke around a bit to find that person's topic-of-certainty. Push it. Or have a slightly differing slant or question... and you will feel the mechanisms of defense. (Defenses are many...and they do tend to suit each personality.)
Don't get me wrong, I am a firm, firm believer if absolute Truth. I believe that God gives us insight into and understanding of His Truth... certainly He has given us a huge leg-up with the gift of Scripture (the unchanging Truth). We have a great deal of clarity on many areas from God's Word... "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23), for example. Pretty clear. I can hold this and many other biblical truths securely. But, I also know that my ability to understand God's ways and truth is significantly limited. So many things I hold true are impacted by Stephanie-ism. (Definition of "ism": a distinctive practice, a system or philosophy.) Stephanie-practice. Stephanie-system. Stephanie-philosophy.
Just as there are indeed rock-solid, unchanging Truths in Scripture; equally so, there are many 'not so black and white' areas that I am learning to be at peace holding more tentatively in my hands...
...What one thinks about global warming, boarder control, working mothers, or homeschooling. How one decides to parent a small child or keep a house. How one interacts with their adult children, their aging parents or their neighbors. Where and how one chooses to work, to play, or to rest. What one thinks about exercise and diet. What one does with their time, their money, their energy... for example. In these areas, I long to have genuine and true conversations with others. While I believe that God's Word touches and impacts each of these areas... the "certainty" case is not closed or locked.
Can I be changed by another's ideas and their thoughts? Can you change me?
All these things above, I think about. And, I certainly have my opinions on each of these issues---as I am guessing you do, as well. But, can you be changed---even if just slightly?
Yesterday, I had a conversation where I felt 'changed'. Honestly (and slightly embarrassingly), going into the interaction, I felt very "right" in my discernment and advice. Our first interaction about the topic did not go very well. It was a few hours later over coffee, when this friend and I re-visited the dialogue where the thought twigged for me, "A true conversation is one where you are ready to be changed". In that moment, I prayerfully looked across the table ready to be impacted.
Was it my openness or just the grace of the person talking with me that allowed for the topic to be resurfaced? ...maybe a bit of both. But, I distinctly felt a profound "aha" moment while this dear one was explaining her values and view point. It was a lovely smack to my pride when I realized that I had been looking at the issue from one singular point---a limited way of thinking---truly unknowingly. Her words and explanation changed me, even if just slightly. In that moment, I had available to me another way of seeing the issue and her decisions made sense to me in a way that I had been unable to see before. Our conversation changed me.
As I reflect on this today, I wonder and quiz myself a bit as to how often I do this with God--- let alone other people. How often do I pray, assume, and walk forward in the "right" way, without a humble, surrendered heart ready to be impacted by my interactions.
Problem is... I generally think I am right. Period. Full stop.
Lord Jesus, have mercy on me, a sinner and fallen short of Your glory. Change me from the inside out.