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I like to understand. I like to know. This morning, I was struck with the reality that I don't hold ambiguity very well. Many of us don't.
I remember taking a personality test a few years back that proved that my ability to tolerate ambiguity was quite low... or underdeveloped. I didn't really need a test to show this. I know it well. Each and every day.
Yesterday we had some hard and sad news. The news included certain pain. But, also much ambiguity. ...as does most difficult news.
If I am honest, in my line of work, we have hard and sad news quite regularly. But, don't we all? I mean, really!? Don't we all. Each and every day.
I felt like yesterday's news hung around my neck like a dark, wet blanket. Heavy. Hard to carry. How many times did I pray... Lord, I am just sad. Father, I feel so very sad.
All day long, questions filled my mind... Why? Why, Lord? What are You up to, here? What are You doing? What should I do?
I want to know the answer. I like to know.
This morning I had a lovely moment of fleeting light and a lift to the heaviness of the damp, sad news. Psalm 90 reminded me,
"Lord, You have been our dwelling place from generation to generation. Before You made the mountains and brought forth the earth, from everlasting to everlasting You are God" (Psalm 90:1,2)
As these words were read, I could feel the lift and the peace swell deep within my heart.
He is. And, He knows.
Stephanie, I know.
Is that enough? Today, yes, it is enough. God isn't ambiguous. He, Himself, is firm, certain, clear, and definite. He has always been. He will always be. From always and for always... and He knows.
You know, Lord.
Solid One, my rock. You are the place I live. You are my home, my refuge, my hiding place. You are my dwelling place.