"You would think you'd get used to it...right?!"
Yes, yes... one would think!
It was a passing comment in response to my exclamation and exasperation about the time travel and jet lag that was plaguing me.
I have been officially traveling, as a living, for nearly 25 years. One might think I would get used to it. But, I haven't.
I have indeed become better acquainted with the challenges. I have gotten much better at managing the sleepless nights, the hours on an airplane, and the dizzy feeling and nausea that I experience for days after arriving in a new time zone. But, the truth is... I was not made to rush from one world to another. It just feels unnatural.
It feels jarring. Jerking. Shocking, in the least.
Like Lucy stepping through C.S. Lewis' wardrobe, I feel the disruption intensely when I feel the new ground under my feet. I get confused. I get utterly confused--- in my soul--- as I step into the new world.
I have felt confused for days now Out of step. Out of whack. Where am I? Was I actually in Asia, just three days ago?
Age old struggles rear their ugly head and I feel like I don't quite know how to act, to think, or sometimes even... to pray.
I told someone yesterday that "my soul has yet to catch up with my body". (I stole that phrase ages ago from a preacher who travels!) My body is here. My physical actions are well rehearsed and accurate. But, I just don't 'feel' here. It's like Stephanie hasn't quite arrived in this new land.
And, I feel this most every time I travel.
No, I am not used to it.
Driving in the car yesterday, I was listening to a favorite song. As the words washed over me and my mouth moved with the lyrics... there was a single moment in time where I started to "feel" the words of the song. Tears welled on the edge of my heart and my eyes. Almost like my 'self' started to finally engage. In that moment, I had the funny, passing thought...
"Oh! There you are!"
Defrosting. Awakening. Catching up...
I think today I finally feel a bit more here. Able to know again how to act, to think... and, this morning, knowing again how to pray.
I don't think we are made to time travel. The stretching of myself between lands, peoples, cultures, time zones, and such distance feels unnatural. ...almost like I was created for one garden. One beautiful garden.
You will commonly hear me say to my daughter... who lives 5,332 miles away from me (not that I've counted...ha!) "We were supposed to live in tents next door to each other... always".
I don't know.
But, I do know that I am certainly not used to it... I also know that, in time, my soul will catch up with my body.