But, even attentiveness and practicing God's Presence, doesn't always stop the madness. I can go from peaceful knowledge of God's now Presence and, in the blink of an eye, I find myself lost again in the fast paced brain buzzing. Before I know it, I am locked in a cycle of hurried thinking--- way too much thinking and very unproductively.
I find that there are different ways or kinds of thought. This cycle of buzzing is not helpful, it is harmful thought. These busy, burdened and even berating thoughts are unproductive thinking. They feel more like chaos than order. They are filled with lies and falsehood instead of truth. And, often they cause anxiety, as opposed to peace. The enemies of my soul play a huge part in this battle--- the adversary and my flesh--- fighting against the love, joy, peace and patience of the Spirit.
I found myself in this very cycle this week. It doesn't really matter the topic or topics of thought--- it is just that my mind is bursting with unproductive and busy thoughts. Like Martha of old, I am "worried about a great many things".
Psalm 84 caught my attention on Wednesday... the whole of the Psalm. But, also one particular phrase jumped at me with clarity. "whose hearts are set on a pilgrimage...they go from strength to strength" (Psalm 84:5-7). The Psalmists are talking about the Presence of God. They are rejoicing in their experience of dwelling with Him--- or in Him, His temple.
In this Psalm, the Sons of Korah, are sharing about the blessedness ('esher'=happiness) that is with those who remain and abide in God. We know that, as His people, we are now His temple. He dwells within us through His Spirit! We, then, have this happiness always available to us. We can abide in His love. Always!
With the phrase "whose heart is set on pilgrimage" the Lord seemed to be reminding me that the direction I was pointed was important. A pilgrim is going somewhere. She is pointed in a very clear direction, with purpose in their journey. I could feel the gentle rebuke of God's heart... Where or to Whom is your heart, your mind and your soul pointed, Stephanie? Where is your mind headed?
In most cases, when my mind is buzzing with unproductive and unhelpful thought, I am most definitely pointed inward. I am looking at me... either in the negative, the positive, or just the practical... my eyes are downward or inward. If I am not inwardly focused, I am focused just on my immediate earthly reality: the very same "many things" that Martha was buzzing about. I am headed in a circular race to get the next thing done, to fix this or that, only to start over again to fix the next thing and do this or figure out that. It is a rat race in my head. My own personal torture device!
The old adage comes to mind: "Worry is like a rocking chair. You move but go nowhere."
It is good to look up and out. It is very good to stop--- to Sabbath ("to cease")---and look at Him. It is not only good, it is essential and life giving. I must stop the madness. Just cease. Just cease, sit, and ask myself, prayerfully, "What do you actually think?! What is true?" In response to this question, I wrote in my journal today: I think and know He is--- and then followed it with all that He is---all that is True about my amazing God and Savior.
He is righteous. He is good. He is loving. He is faithful. He is covenant and steadfast. He is wise. He is aware. He sees. He knows. He loves. He judges rightly. ... the list went on and on.
When I get locked in the hurried and heavy thinking of my running mind, this productive truth-thinking stabilizes me. His truth---who He is, and who I am because of Him--- is an anchor for my soul and most definitely for my mind. I can feel the order and equilibrium immediately. This is indeed my "one needful thing" (Luke 10:42). Every day. Every moment of every day.
"You will keep in perfect peace all whose thoughts are fixed on You!" (Isaiah 26:3)