I am wondering. Rambling a bit...
I am pondering... Meekness.
I am thinking about a kingdom that is upside down. A kingdom that is entirely different to the natural ways of my mind and heart...
I have been thinking about the climb up that is the descending way. ...the way of our Jesus, gentle and humble of heart.
I am wondering about a staircase down...
Thinking about "further up and further in" that takes us downward and lower. ...to think of others as more highly than ourselves.
I have been praying on the idea of meekness, humility, abiding love that works in and through... and outward.
What might it mean or look like if we, God's beloved, lived in and out of His love? What might it look like if we were aware of our soul-poverty... hungry and thirsty for His righteousness? ...living as peacemakers? What if I didn't judge... what if you didn't condemn? What if you gave freely... I forgave always... What if we loved mercy, as our Father loves mercy. (Luke 6:20-42)
I am well aware that this meekness, humility, and abiding love is exactly that... abiding. ...meaning it doesn't come from me; but, in and through me, from Him. His love. He blesses in order for us to be a blessing. He fills us with good fruit... makes us good-trees... to feed on and be fed on. Receiving His love, living in it, soaking it in... and then giving freely as I have been given.
I believe the measure by which I know His love to, for and in me... is the measure to which I can even begin to live it outward toward others. Known. Felt. Divine. Spirit-led.
But sometimes there is resistance in me to surrender and receive this love. Why do I resist? Why would I rebel against love? Joy? Peace? Patience? Kindness? ...what in us fights this?
The resistance and even rebellion that is in sometimes in my heart to give-way to God and to others... to forgive-first... to step towards... to offer warmth and love. Is it fear that makes me push a bit harder, to stay silent longer, to hold that grudge, to be right, to not forgive, to get justice for myself, to hold to my rights.... ? Is it pride? Or simply folly?
Forgive this ramble...
I am just wondering.