I woke up seriously lacking. Lacking energy. Lacking joy. Out of sorts and out of whack, I certainly didn't have it this morning. Grace. Love. Peace. Joy. I didn't have any of it for myself, let alone for anyone else.
The morning habit of "the chair" always draws me... sometimes with excitement and anticipation, often simply out of discipline and habit. At some silly-o-clock every morning, my alarm sings. I wake. I stumble down stairs and drink my glass of water. And, then I go to my chair... Habit. Good daily habits. What a gift!
Bible. Journal. Prayer App. Worship Music. ...all tools I might use in my chair. This day I just sat there, half awake, staring into the space in front of me. How long did I just stare into the room? Looking but not seeing. Just sitting.
I could scarcely hear the whisper waft my way... was it from my habit, was it from my Lord?... Either way, I could hear a whisper: the Word.
The Word, Stephanie. A still small voice reminding me to pick up God's word. With automatic obedience, I lifted my bible and my journal from where they live in the basket next to the chair.
Opening the Bible, the red cloth book marker directed me where to place my eyes on the page. Good thing for that marker! Without it I may have just stared for more time into the nothingness. Following the marker's direction, I found my place and I read. Almost from the first word, from the pulsating life which lives within the very letters on this majestic page, I could feel a surge. Truth. I could feel the truth in the words I was reading. None of the Words were new. I have read them a thousand times, to be sure. In fact, I had read the very same words yesterday. But, again today, they were fresh with life. Ah, the Word of God does wonders for the soul!
As Scripture awakened my mind, my heart and my soul... I began to see a bit more of me. It took time. A thawing was beginning as I read word after word.
Finally words from within me began to emerge. The first words I scribbled in my journal said, "I just don't have it today."
I just don't have it, Lord. I am seriously lacking.
As if God is surprised by this confession, right? He is well aware of our need for Him. He knows I am lacking. I am always lacking...
Yes, I know, Stephanie. So, now that you know, ask Me for exactly what you need.
What did I need from God? Today. What was my need. Oh. So much! I need grace, Lord. I need love today, Lord! I don't have it. I don't have it for me. I don't have it for anyone else.
Truth washed over my mind like a flood. I have both in abundance. I am Love. I am rich in grace. And, I live IN you.
In You... abundance. richness and fullness.
I could feel the boldness growing. Yes, I can ask for exactly what I need! Yes, my God is rich in mercy. I need joy, Lord... Oh man, I am really not feeling the joy, Lord! Can I have more joy today, please? And, oh, I'm seriously needing peace and definitely patience... I need so much, Lord.
In the dark, cold morning, I was warmed by His invitation. My Spirit lives in You. My fullness. Love. Joy. Peace. Patience... all I am, accessible to you. Always. A living stream of life and truth is welling within you, because I live in you. I dwell in you. You have everything you need. Everything. In Me. Ask me... and then wait and see!
Truly, I walked away from my chair with more joy and peace. I asked and He answered. I could feel Him giving me what I needed for the day. Enough. I always have enough in Him. I simply needed to ask and receive. Bread enough for my today.
I didn't have it this morning. But, my God does and He loves to give the good gift of His Spirit to His children. (Luke 11:13)
"Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them. He was speaking of the Spirit..." (John 7:38, 39)