Learning to stay curious about my emotions has been life changing. I am so grateful for this gift.
Why, Lord? Not an intellectual question, as such... but, a soul question. A question of wonder, awe, and simple curiosity. I am asking God, the One who knows and sees all, to show me to me.
Why, Lord? Why did his words pain me so?
It's old... deep, and old.
Old, past wounds were surfacing with the simple scratch of his now words. They touched something deep. They touched a young me. They hurt. Not because he was hurting me. They hurt because there was a painful spot, deep within, that was being poked. Call it scars. Call it a sore spot. His words touched something before...
But, we've looked at these many times, Lord.
Yes, many, many times.
So, why is this coming up again? Why, Lord? It feels so fresh. Show me, Lord. Show me, me.
My life is dripping with abundance. Truly. So, why this sadness today? It's not about today.
I asked and I sat. I cried and I prayed. I journaled. I picked up the Scriptures and He opened my eyes, again, to His big, grand why-plan...
In Isaiah 40, God speaks so tenderly to the heart of His people. He tells them to be comforted. Comfort, comfort we hear Him say. What comes in the next section surprised me and jumped off the page at me today... They can be comforted because their sin is forgiven AND because..."Every valley shall be raised up. Every mountain will be made low. Every rugged and crooked place straight. The rough places will be made a plain."(Isaiah 40:4)
This is WHY... this is the why-plan God is activating in my life as I stay curious about my painful, wounded past hurts.
The truth is, in all of us---every. single. one.--- there are valley places, crooked places, and rough places in our souls. He loving heart is to smooth us out. He is clearing out the debris. He is straightening out the wrong, bent parts of me. Making me... inside me... a straight, plain place. He is making me a green pasture.
The words said to me this morning were not meant to hurt me, I know that. They were innocent words that happened to fall upon a crooked place in me. In the quiet and the stillness of moments with God, I can visit those crooked, bent places and have a look. With Him, I can look intently at the pain. I see the data point that is my strong, painful emotions. I stay curious and ask the Spirit of the Lord, who knows all things, to show to me, myself. And, I trust His work to raise up those valleys.
Have Your good and loving way in me, Lord!