Unfinished Beauty

It always starts with a vision of beauty. 

Something strikes me as beautiful and I want to paint it!  

In my mind's eye, I can always envision the breath-taking 'could be' and I dive in...  sketching, laying it out, choosing the colours.  

Step by step, I paint.  

Every single time I paint, I am aware of how my skills fall so very short of my vision.  What is so remarkable in Creation... that cloud, those colours, that shade...  it never quite matches or lives up to the beauty that I desire to represent.  

                                    But... still.  Step by step, I paint.  

As I have been painting now a few short years, I have learned that patience is a key ingredient.  Grace, also is needed...  where there is a wrong stroke or a wrong colour...  grace and creativity are needed to compensate and shift.  

God reminds me today that I am His masterpiece...  his 'poema' (Greek word in Ephesians 2:10).  His poem!  He is writing, and painting, and creating me continuously.  

Just as I sketch with a vision--- so He sees Stephanie as she will be, should be, ...is.  He starts with a sketch.  His ways are perfect.  His skills masterful.  His ways good.

Just as I paint this bit, then that bit, waiting, ...layering and adding.  Shading and shifting.  Taking mistakes and turning them with my brush into purposeful strokes...  So, He is constantly "completing His good work in me" (Philippians 1:6)  

These paintings of mine... they aren't done yet.  So much can be added to or 'fixed' or tweaked... 

I am not done yet.  

I am not done yet.  Or, shall I say... He is not done with me yet!

He is not done painting.  The story is not over.  The poem is not complete.  He still has much colour to add, much shading to do... 

I am reminded that He always starts with a vision of beauty.   Knit together in my mother's womb, on purpose, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  All my days planned, known, and shaped by His love.  (Psalm 139). 

You, too.  He sees.  He is shading.  He is working.  He is painting. 

Every. Single. One of us.  

His poema.  His masterpiece.  His loved, beloved creation.  

Lean in and let Him have His way.  Tell Him you want Him to continue to make you a thing of beauty.  

It always begins with a vision of beauty!  

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page#20 Hidden

 Hidden

The tide rolls in and covers.

Boulders and stones lay beneath.

Hidden. Unseen.

Beneath movement and thick deep

Cities and stadiums of structure stand.

Hidden. Unseen.

Give it time!  The tide will shift again.

These rocks and foundations will be revealed

Opened and on display.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, 

and nothing concealed that will not be known

and brought out into the open."

Luke 8:17

Hallelujah and Praise Him for His mercy and unfailing love.  

Hesed  חֶסֶד‎!  

Written October 2020

Reminds me of this post from 2009

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #28 Perfect Redefined

 Perfect Redefined

Nature doesn't move in a linear fashion.

There is nothing neat and tidy

found on the forest floor.

Leaves don't fall into a pile.

Random, scattered, multi coloured

Thrown, tossed---a tumble of here and there.

Grass doesn't grow in a straight line.

Wild, untamed, high and low

The curves and the turns have no pattern.

Trees don't stretch out straight.

Jut out, jagged, jostled about

Flaws and faults the norm.  

The path ahead twists and turns.

Rocks strewn left and right

This plant, that tree, this vine or weed.

Nature let's her hair down.

Flowing freely whipped by wind.

 Dishevelment is earth's standard.

Creation is not clean, pristine, or scrubbed.

Seemingly random, wonderfully creative! 

Variety and diversity esteemed.

Beauty found in blemish.

Peace amidst mess.

Charm and comfort in chaos and colour. 

Isn't the woodland wonder just perfect?

The wild, wind blown grass just perfect?

The twisted trees draped over the path...

Absolutely perfectly perfect!

Written October 2020

Creativity Unleashed and the Battle Rages

In an effort to incorporate and 'lean into' a bit more fun in my life, I began watercolor painting in June.  I am enjoying the process and have been painting frequently--- in some cases even losing track of time (which never happens in my life!).

On a side note, that is a definition of 'fun' I once heard.  "Fun is when you are doing something and loose track of time".  According to this definition, I never have fun and my husband is absolutely always having fun!!  Which may or may not be true.

Joking aside, I am indeed having fun!  But, I can honestly say that this fun has had it's challenges and the enjoyment is often under siege.  Let me explain.

I don't think I am alone when it comes to a perfectionistic tendency.  I know that the critical voices, and the judgmental reality and struggle, come alongside any type of creativity.  I have yet to meet one author, one visual artist, dancer, singer, or musician that hasn't had their own battle.  The fierce fight with thoughts of all sorts...'didn't hit that note','missed that step', 'could be a bit more profound', 'doesn't look quite right'...   Judgment seems pretty constant when trying to create.

These negative voices have been loud and intense at times.  Just to be clear, by and large, the 'voices' I am talking about are almost always and exclusively in my head.  ...the inner critic, some call it.  The imagined judgment.  Or, the very real criticism that Stephanie has of Stephanie's work.  She can be really, really mean.

The other day I tore up, ripped in half, a piece of art I had been working on for a week.  I was fed up with the painting and threw it away.  When I told my son, he said (with this tongue firmly in his cheek) "Mom, are you going to cut off your ear any time soon?" (think:  Van Gogh)  No, son... I am not!  I laughed at his words and appreciated his reference.  But, here's the deal.  Creativity can be really hard.  Why am I so mean to myself?

It wasn't long ago--- even a few years ago---that I was in adamant, verbal denial of my creative abilities, at all.  "I am not a creative person", I would say to my husband.  He disagreed just as adamantly as I denied the fact.  I finally understand that every human being, being created in the likeness of our Father, is 'creative' by nature.  We create all the time, just as He creates all the time.  Call it cooking, baking, email, organization...  Call it what you like, we---as beings---create.  We are made to create beautiful, wonderful, and new things every single day.

Anyway, so... yes, I am creative.  So are you.  But, unlike God--- I create imperfectly.  And, there lies the rub.  I have been wrestling within this battle, indeed, as I paint, or write, or speak... sometime even when I cook!

Is my Father judging my picture?  Is He pointing out the flaws in the brush strokes or angle?  No!  By no means!  We, ourselves, are better parents than that, right?  What do we do when our children bring us their art work? We oooo and we ahhh and we enjoy the beauty they create--- pasting it to our refrigerators and posting it to our walls!

Why?  Why are we so mean to ourselves?  I know I am not alone.

Yesterday another friend voiced her creative struggle.  With deep frustration she blurted out, "But... I keep thinking... what is the point?  Why am I even doing this?  What does it produce?"

She vocalized a second problem and battlefield within creativity:  pragmatism.

Second to perfectionism is the issue of pragmatism.  Ah... the modern idea that everything has to be useful or practical.  And, if I am anything, I am practical--- practical to a fault.

My watercolor paintings have very little (if any) use.  Okay, yes,... to ease this discomfort, I have made a few birthday cards.  That's practical!  But, really, I now own a pile---ever deepening pile--- of 'useless' paintings.  Sunsets, buildings, landscapes, flowers.  Why?  For what purpose?

Oh the battle rages!

Immediately when she said those words in frustration, I understood.  I deeply understood.  But, on the heels of the understanding was---literally--- a picture of a bright flower in a field of wild flowers, followed by the image of a giraffe.  A flower and a giraffe.  That's what came to mind.  Flower... bright and beautiful.  Here today and gone tomorrow.  Why?  What purpose is that splash of color?  And, a giraffe...  why?  So creative and so weird and ...fun and bold and bright.  Beautiful.  Why?

So, as the creation battle continues to rage, I will press in and lean into the fun.  I will make color on page... I tell myself.  I am creative, just like my God.  He splashes color on a page every single day.  So can I.

I will paint the weird, fun, bold and bright.  And, like a child... I can do this for no "purpose" and my Father can enjoy it, in all it's imperfection.

As a beluga whale was made to swim.  I was made to create.  So, create I must!  And, maybe, just maybe I will have fun and loose track of time.

My Advent

There are days when it all feels very heavy and dark.  The world.  The news.  The sadness.

But, today, I awoke with a sadness that was almost oppressive.  Sadness seemed to hang around my neck as I rose from bed.  It pulled me down and filled my chest as I sipped my coffee.  Grief sat in my throat as I ate and weighed heavy as I walked to church.  As worship began, the tears hung heavy in my eyes...  slow, big, fat, hot tears.

Heavy, dark sadness.

I was sad... deeply saddened by the state of my heart.

Simply put, in my life, there is a certain way of thinking and seeing that is just wrong.  Profoundly wrong.  I know it is wrong; and yet, I still think the crooked thoughts and see with these darkened eyes.  There seems to be nothing I can do to change it.   Years, my heart cries.  Years and years I have seen this way and battled against it.   Years, Lord!  I cry out...longing for this to be changed.

I even know why I might naturally think this way...   I am aware.  I know the history--- I understand the where it came from.  God has shown me.   And, that has helped.   Awareness is definitely good.

But, still.  Still, I can't shift it.  I can't seem to change or fix the pattern.  My friend refers to these places as tectonic plates in our souls.  I seriously need an big 'ol 8.0 to shake these set ways of seeing.  Where can I go and what can I do?

It was one moment in time...

One swift moment.  This morning, in the midst of this heavy grief over my sin...

One young man reading one well-known passage in Scripture. 

A phrase.  A line from the text.  The Word jumped out of his teenage mouth into my dark heart and there was instantaneous light.  I felt it.  One beautiful moment...   Truth and light.

I quickly found the passage to read it again.  I couldn't take my eyes off it!  I read and read.  As I read the Word, I could literally feel the surge of hope.  I could feel the light swelling and pushing out the sadness.

"Every valley shall be raised up.  Every hill made low.  The rough ground shall become level and the rugged places a plain." (Isaiah 40:4)

Rugged and rough places.  Dark valleys...

In my minds eye I could see the rough and rugged reality of my soul--- these wrong ways of thinking and the dark valleys where my eyes could not see rightly.

My soul.  Rough.  Rugged.  Thorny and full of stones.

As if I could hear the Spirit of the Lord this morning saying over me, "Make a straight path for our God!" (Isaiah 40:3)  He commands it.  The Lord wills it.  Over me, He speaks...  I will make it level!  

In me.  In and over these rough places.  In me... a straight path.  Level ground.  A green plain.  A straight pathway for the glory of the Lord.

This is the gospel.  This is what Jesus has done for me.  This is what Jesus is doing in me...   The now and the 'not yet'.  He has shifted.  He will shift.  And, He continues to shift the rocks and make way for His way in and through me.  I have seen it.  I will continue to see it.

Light shone into my darkness this morning.  This morning, I, once again, saw a great light.  The darkness will not overcome it.  He is making all things new.  This will shift.  This will change.

There are days when it all feels very heavy.  Yes.

Today, I will wait.  I will hope and I will watch for the Lord.  With joy, now, hovering over my head and light filling out the spaces of my heart---I wait.

My advent. 

"And then, imperceptibly, it was death and winter that yielded, and life and spring stood at the door and beckoned." ~ Elizabeth Goudge, Towers in the Midst

A Lil' Sentence Does a Whole Lot of Good

Photo source

It didn't feel inappropriate or untoward.

It did surprise me, though.  It caught me off guard.

An older man, slightly humped and bald with wisps of grey hair around his ears walked passed me... maybe we was nearing 80 years old?

When we passed on the sidewalk, I smiled at him.  His face immediately lit up---bright and beautiful--- he seemed to grow younger by 20 years.  As he looked up he immediately said, "Well, you are the prettiest thing I have seen today!"

I literally felt the shock of his words and quickly replied, "Thank you, you are very sweet!"  Then we went about our day...  Me moving forward, the gentleman walking the other way.

Our paths crossed for only a moment.

In the first moments after we passed I prayerfully wondered if his comment was inappropriate.  In our current world---which is over-sensual and over-sexualized; with such an emphasis placed on outward appearance---was this wrong for him to say such a thing to a stranger?   I wasn't sure.

But, a few steps further down the road and I could literally feel myself walking taller and with more confidence.  I felt younger, too.  A bit of the child in me seemed touched and maybe even dancing.  The strength and energy in my stride caught my attention.  How had one little sentence brought such a significant subconscious response from my heart, my body... my very being?

It is hard to estimate and count what this little, kind compliment did for my soul.

I kept prayerfully wondering... watching my thoughts with curiosity...  A few steps further down my path, I pondered if this was my ugly-sided vanity rearing it's head.   Could be.  But, this felt different.  This felt purer.  This felt sweet.  Who can know their own heart, truly?  (Jeremiah 17:9)  Only God knows.

As I prayed, though, and walked a few steps further... I had a simple thought:  Words are powerful.

This man crossed my path for one very short moment.  And, his words had power.  They impacted me before I could 'think'.  His words had taken affect before my conscious mind was even aware.  My response to his sentence was something to 'look back on' and wonder about.  His words had a distinctly positive and uplifting impact.   At least, it felt positive.

What might my words do today?  What might I say to my husband, my son or my daughter?  What might I say to my neighbor or the stranger at the store?  Can I use my mouth to bring about blessing!?  Can I lift someone's head and help them to walk just a little bit taller?

It didn't cost that man anything to compliment me.  In fact, I would venture, from the look on his face, that it befitted his soul to offer me that rose.  He moved onward a bit taller, too. 

Lord, use me to bolster and to bless!  Father, help my mouth... all I say...to be used to raise up and to lift.  Fill me with Your Spirit, Your love and Your thoughts about this beautiful world and the beauty that fills each face.  "For out of the same mouths come blessing and cursing, brothers... it should not be!" (James 3:10)

Over Me

I took this photo a few weeks ago.  I know it is horrible quality.  That is what you get when A) You are me taking most pictures and B)When the picture is taken with movement, low light, and on a cell phone...  but,  I couldn't help myself.

I just had to post it--- because, this picture has been beautifully hovering around my prayers lately.   And, not just the picture... but the true, real, beautiful moment that this poor picture captured.  This tender wedding scene, which I was privileged to witness, has been informing my walk with God.

As the music played gently, this groom danced slowly with his new bride.  He and she were utterly enraptured.  They danced this way through most of the song.  ...this sight speaks of deeper things.

Look at the picture again and imagine the scene.  Then look at the picture with THIS verse in mind...  "As the groom rejoices over his bride, so shall your God rejoice over you" Isaiah 62:5.

So shall God rejoice over you...  

I will sit with this amazing truth for another quiet moment.  I will take a minute to breathe-in this reality again today.  How does God view me?  His church?  ...you?

So shall God rejoice over you!

I Can Only Imagine

There are just those moments in life when words fail to describe experience.  The feeling is so full, that words feel less-than.  I had one of those moments this week.  

I had the privilege to see Monet's Water Lillies at L'Orangerie.  I know.  The privilege, I promise, does not escape me! 

Photo source

I can hardly touch or grab words to describe how I felt the very moment when I entered the rooms that house these Water Lilly paintings.  I was not expecting it.  The feeling came upon me like a torrent.  Overwhelmed.  Awe.  Euphoria.  ...all I can say is that I just wanted to cry. With no sadness, only fullness and joy, tears came and welled through my very being.  

I was encountering beauty.  Pure beauty.  And, it was awesome.  Truly awesome.  
Purity and beauty entwined in fullness.  A surrounding.  A wrapping.  

Claude Monet not only spent 30 years of his life painting these scenes (take that in for a minute---30 years!); but, he also had the opportunity to design the rooms they would be displayed.  He created his lily garden with a painters eye... he painted these scenes for 30 years and then he designed the room they would be housed.  He was Creator from beginning to end...  

And it is awesome to behold.  Glorious. 

How often I forget that I, too, have been created in such a manner!   Created with such care.  

You, too.  

Him and her.  You and I and  ...every single soul around...  has been formed in our mother's womb.  We have been knit together and God is working out His good plans to form us into His likeness. 

He planned us.  He thought of us.  He is painting us.  He has housed us on display.  He has made us and IS making us glorious and awesome.  

But of course, we know... Monet is just a man.  Monet was only painting and giving us an impression of real things.  Every day.  Real things.  

Water.  Lilies. Trees. Light.  Color. Texture.  And, obviously, Monet is not the Creator of these things!  He who is the Creator of all--- the Maker of water, lilies, trees, light and you.  

I want to see more, Lord. 

What if I didn't take for granted the privilege of seeing Eunice at Church or Marie, the checker, at the grocery store?  What if I looked on with eyes of wonder and awe... these every day things.  Sam.  Becka.  Dave.  Olwen.  Ellen.  ...water.  lilies.  light. color and texture.  

In Awe....

Give me eyes to see more, Lord.  When I walk into church on Sunday, when I walk into the grocery store, or into my bedroom and see my reflection in the mirror.  Open my eyes to see the masterpiece you are working on, the vision of beauty and glory that You wish to display.  

For we are God's masterpiece.  (Ephesians 2:10)  I am His painting.  You are His painting!  Awesome. Glorious. Purity and beauty intertwined.  Woven.  Being made. On display...  

Can I see the Master's vision for her? Or, for you?   His vision for me?   He is making us glorious!  

I can only imagine.  



...it doesn't escape me that in my last post God was whispering "the glory of man is like a flower which shrivels in the sun and then gone".   In this post He is singing... You are glorious. Is it two sides of the same coin? ...pondering and praying here.  

Remembering the Wisp of Time

While washing dishes, the music plays quietly in the background. Quiet songs.  Beautiful, gentle, peaceful; but, really, I barely take notice. Until, like a moment frozen in time, the words pierce through the myriad of thoughts in my head, "All flesh is like the grass.  The grass withers and fades.  The glory of man like a flower that shrivels in the sun and falls.  But, the Word of the Lord endures forever." (Fernando Ortega, taken from Isaiah 40).

The glory of man is like a flower...

I am listening.  Now, Lord, I am listening.  

While looking out my kitchen window at the fading tulips in my yard, I am listening.  Bowing and drooping and dying.   Their 'end' is clearly in the near future.

These tulips have been a joy to me these past weeks.  I have become a bit addicted in my looking at them from the kitchen window.  Planted with care, over the years we have lived here, they bloomed this Spring with gusto.  A parade of color!  They really have brought a great deal of pleasure, delight and praise.  He truly does make beautiful things.

But, they are now fading.  A whisper of time, really.  Didn't they just bloom yesterday?  Here today and then they will be gone.  Their splendor and vibrancy will be a memory.

God reminds me today that this is true about me, too.  This physical body, this tent, is just like these flowers or like the withering grass.  Life here on earth only a wisp of time... only the first few chapters in the book of reality and life.

But the Word of the Lord endures forever...

A Psalm of Thankgiving

Photo source

I heard a beautiful sermon this morning on gratitude.  Psalm 136, in it's entirety, was read out from the front with the congregation following along and repeating the phrase "His love endures forever" after each line.  A call and response:

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever...
...

It was a very moving moment, with my eyes closed, as I listened to the testimony of what God had done for the Israelites and we all spoke out the truth of His enduring love.

The preacher said that "Biblical gratitude is based on history---on grounded facts and experience. Biblical thankfulness and gratitude is 'looking back' at what God has done and who He is."

My instinct in that very moment was to jump up and speak out (shout!) my own praise and thankfulness.  So, instead, I will use my voice here and write my own Psalm...

here I go, off the cuff---

Psalm one-thirty-six(b)
a psalm of Stephanie

1  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
His love endures forever.
2  Give praise to the Almighty God, who created the world and all the beauty we see,
His love endures forever.
3  Give thanks to my God, who sent His Son to save and deliver His people from darkness,
His love endures forever.
4  to Him that sent His Spirit to dwell in us and to lead us into all truth,
His love endures forever.
5  to Him that provides for our every need,
His love endures forever.
6  who feeds us and clothes us and comforts us when we are sad,
His love endures forever.
7 Give thanks to the God of gods, the Lord of lords,
His love endures forever.
8 He knows all things and His wisdom is pure and holy,
His love endures forever.
9 He has given us eyes to see, ears to hear and tongues to taste.
His love endures forever.
10  for yellow, red, blue and green; laughing and bird song; chocolate and peanut butter
His love endures forever.
11  Give praise to our God, whose heart is close and whose hand is mighty,
His love endures forever.
12  For finding me in that dark place and saving my sad and angry soul,
His love endures forever.
13  For speaking love over me and sending me words of truth,
His love endures forever.
14  and bringing me a man to walk through life and love me well,
His love endures forever.
15 to Him that led us overseas and taught us many things,
His love endures forever.
16 Give thanks to my God, who gifted me with miracle-babies,
His love endures forever.
17 and delivered and healed me from debilitating illness,
His love endures forever.
18 and destroyed the shaking one and rescued me from oppression.
His love endures forever.
19 He remembers me in my humble state.
His love endures forever.
20 And walks with me daily with the invitation of more of His Spirit,
His love endures forever.
21 and feeds me with His word,
His love endures forever.
22 Give thanks to the God of Stephanie, who allows long nights of insomnia,
His love endures forever.
23  and speaks of His wisdom.
He is completing His work in her, and teaching her to trust,
His love endures forever.
24 He has an inheritance for her that will not spoil,
 and is calling her forward for more,
His love endures forever.
25  He deeply loves all the people she sees and knows,
He hears and cares and sees,
His love endures forever.
26  and those she has never met,
His love is for the whole world---the nations
His love endures forever.
27  Give thanks to the God of heaven,
His love endures forever.

I wonder if this wouldn't be a fabulous weekly or monthly practice.  I might give-it-a-go!  Write a psalm... and remember all He has done and especially, essentially, the truth that His love endures forever!  

If you write your own Psalm and want to share... send it along!   I would love to rejoice in your testimony, too!

The Beauty of Death

The piercing wind and cold has come to this beautiful land.  We must use our fire each day to keep our house warm and a simple, quick walk to take out the trash leaves me deeply cold.  I must sit in front of the blazing wood fire, in order to take the chill off my back and keep it out of my bones.

Fall has come and winter is on it's heals fast here!

As I took my morning walk yesterday, out and into the fields around our house, I was struck with the beauty of death.

photo source

All around me the leaves are dying and falling.  They littered my path in browns, oranges and red.  What beauty to behold in this always-green place I live.  Color scattered!  They die and fall.  As they die the display such splendor.

Beauty in death.  As I walk and pray, I am reminded of the Scriptures that I have been directed to as of late:  "teach me to number my days rightly, that I may apply my heart to wisdom."  (Psalm 90:12) and "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."  (Mark 8:34)

Not all death is beautiful, I know.  I know this deeply and watch other deaths around me every day with a profound, deep, lingering sadness.  Like seeing the once berry-full-bushes which gave me such joy as we ate our way through the fields only a month ago.  Now, they look horrid... withered, black, abandoned, and tired.  Will they ever produce again?  These remind me of ugly deaths.

But, some death can be beautiful.  Death can fall with color...

Thomas a Kempis reminds us, "My dear friends, abandon yourself, and you will find Me.  Give up your will and every title to yourself, and you will always come out ahead, for greater grace will be yours the moment you turn yourself over to Me once and for all."

Reuben Job reminds us, "Jesus always invites us to choose life by forsaking our way of life for his way of life."  

And, Henri Nouwen writes, "In the act of prayer, we undermine the illusion of control by divesting ourselves of all false belongings and by directing ourselves totally to the God who is the only one to whom we belong.  Prayer is the act of dying to all that we consider to be our own and of being born to a new existence which is not of this world.  Prayer is indeed a death to the world so that we can live for God".  

A greater grace.  Choosing life through death.  A new existence that is not of this world.  To live for God. To live in God... through God.  This can be a death that sparkles with color!

Would denying myself... my choice to die to me and choose life, real life--- His life in me... Could that death be colorful and beautiful?  I think so.  This is what I am pondering today.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."  Galatians 2:20

re-post from October 2011

Shut Up!

 "Eve, don't listen to the liar!" by Paul Gauguin (Photo Source)

Sometimes I have to just tell her to "shut up".

Sometimes I need to say "Step back! Step-off! and Shut up!

Do you ever hear her or him... that inner critic, that judge and shame-dealer?

She pokes and prods and tells me how lame I am or what a failure I am.  She tells me to give-up and that it isn't worth it.  And, sometimes she tells me that I am unloved or unlovable.

When she "speaks", she is tenacious.   Always, she is a liar.  She is mean, unforgiving and ungraceful.

Today, she is plaguing me.  Like fingernails on a black chalk board, her "voice" is grating and shrill. It is time to tell her to "shut up".  Enough already.  Be quiet, in Jesus Name!

The Voice of Truth tells me a different story.  His Words are true and kind.  They are gentle, humble and dripping with grace.  And, with His voice,  all things can be calmed.

...even her ugly critiques.

So, this morning I say, "Enough is enough!"  In the name and power of Jesus, be still.  And, shut up!

All the Beauty by JJ Heller 

I know that she's a liar when I look into her eyes

But I believe in every word she says

She's out to start a fire burning everything I have

I can't put it out 'cause it's all inside my head 

And then You sing

I hear You sing

You call me lovely

You call me friend

You call me out of death and let me try again

You call me beloved

You call me clean

Then you show me all the beauty that you see in me

I still hear her whisper and sometimes I hear her shout 

You're not good enough and you will never be 

But if I focus on Your singing I can start to tune her out

'Cause You came with a love to set me free

I know that You love me enough to die

And I will try to see the value that you place on me

And You say I'm worthy

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

Simple Things

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So simple.  So very simple.  His words to me lately have been elementary.  Simple, clear and beautiful.  

Trust me.  

I love you. 

I am your Almighty Father.

Do not worry.  

Are there times when you feel young--- I mean very young, like a small child?  I do.  Today I do.

God knows this.  I sense Father's tender wisdom and gentleness as He speaks to me about His love, His faithfulness, His grace.

Over and over.  Simple and True.  He whispers and He gently nudges.

There are also times when I feel I should know "more" or "deeper"... or I should grow up and be finished.  Do you ever feel this way?

But, the more I walk this journey, the more I become aware of the cavernous chasm between Truth and what I actually know.  I really don't know these things... this Love, this faithfulness, this amazing grace.

I have tasted, yes, and I have seen.  Each day His love and His faithfulness are on display for me to encounter.  But, still I do not know.

So He speaks simple words to my heart.

And, like the early disciples,  I am curious to know more.   I want to follow Him and spend time with Him. He knows I follow behind... He knows my heart.  (John 1:37-39)

He responds to me, like a small child, "Come and see..."

And, He shows me simple things.  Beautiful things.  He shows me where He is and He lets me learn from Him.

Will I ever grow too old for these things?  Does anyone every get too old for "I love you"?

There He goes again... singing over me!

photo source

No...  Really? 

No... that song can't really be for me.  Is it, Lord?

As I awoke from my short cat-nap... I woke up to a song.  My body was tired-- fighting some kind of sickness all week.  But, when I awoke, wafting like a gentle breeze across my brain, the song sang to me.  It sang and beautifully touched down gently into my heart.  It brought peace---it's beauty brought light.

I hadn't heard this song recently.  In fact, I haven't heard this song in quite a while.  Where did that come from?

Waking.  Listening.  Questioning.

Generally, I don't wake up with songs in my head.  Do you? Some people, I am told, often have songs bouncing and singing in their minds and hearts.  I don't.  Rarely, in fact.  Where did that come from?  

I had struggled all morning with irritating thoughts of insecurity.  Comparison.  I had laid my head down on the pillow for my nap with a significant annoyance at myself--- annoyance at my insecurities and comparisons.

And, when I awoke... I heard these words:  Love, you are lovely.  

Gentle words.  A gentle song.  Simply beautiful.  "Love, you are lovely.  You put the stars to shame."  

I knew the song immediately.  A love song entitled "Tonight", by JJ Heller, this is a song from a groom's heart.  He is singing to his bride on their wedding day. Or, is the bride singing to the groom?

A beautiful love song.  Tender.  Gentle and simply beautiful.

How funny... why this song, Lord?  

Love, you are lovely.   Still singing.  Still brooding over me, this song.  It sounds like an invitation.  An invitation.

No?!... No!  this song can't possibly really be for me.  From you, Lord?  

Love, you are lovely.  You put the stars to shame.  

Scripture teaches us.  Experience speaks to it.  Creation shows forth His deep love for us.  Why do we question it?  He loves His bride.   He delights in her.  He calls us His beloved.  He lavishes His love over her day and night.  He smiles at her.  And, sings over her.

But, still, somewhere inside I struggle to take it in.  Could He, really?  Could You really, Lord, love me this tenderly?  

Almighty God?  Loves me... this much!?  Can He possibly sing to me this beautiful love song?  Can He want to dance with me...  and delight in me so.  It is almost too much for me to take in at this very moment as I type.

The singing-song has dissipated now.  Other noises and thoughts and moments of life have carried it away.  But, the sense of His deep love still lingers.

I still listen.  And, question.  And, wonder.  And, I smile.  ...attempting to take it in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VIWqTDKNbw

You are my beloved and I am yours to keep.  Take my heart forever, You have captured me!

As Common as a Rainbow

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Again, today, I saw it and it was breathtaking !  Stunning.  From the faded reds to the strong yellow and blue to the flighty indigo... a rainbow stretched itself beautifully over our town.

I was awed.

In my awe, I found my heart turning in worship to God.  Thank you, Lord!  The beauty of the rainbow brought thanksgiving.  As I was thanking Him for His Promises, I was instantly struck with the fact that all those around me, those walking with me on the road, were missing it entirely.  A gorgeous, full-spectrum rainbow was just over our heads and they took no notice, as far as I could see.  Did they see it?

And then the thought came to me, a slight whisper into my mind... It has become common place, Stephanie.  

Currently, we live in a place where it rains a lot.  This means, of course, that we have lush green and flowers and frequent rainbows!  Frequent rainbows---imagine that!  I grew up in a city where rain, lush green, and flowers were scarce... and rainbows---well, I don't think I saw but one in the whole of my childhood.   So, I am still awe-struck when I see a rainbow.  I still feel a childish sense of jubilee and I eagerly go looking for them when it rains on a sunny day!

It has become common place...  the words swam around in my head.  A rainbow.  ...common place?  How can that be??  The Promises of God... common place.

And, then it dawned on me,  My promises have become common-place here, too.  

Here in this lovely place where I live, God's promises and His Word were once primary and central.  God Almighty once awed the people of this nation.  God's Truth once penetrated hearts and changed lives.  But, now they are no longer core to my neighbors and my friends.  They are indeed just common, ordinary, and easy-to-walk-by...  All too common.

Jesus loves you...  "yeah.. yeah... whatever...  I know... I have heard it all before!"

Familiarity breeds contempt, we have heard it said.

The promises of God's Presence.  His salvation.  His death on the cross.  His resurrection.  Here all these are as commonly "known" as the rainbows, the flowers and the rain.  And, most people just walk right by them---and ignore them.  They miss them entirely.

These beautiful, deep, life-changing Truths go without notice... without awe... without any emotional or life-impact.  What a tragedy! 

And I wonder even as I write this...  Stephanie, what Truths, ...what Reality... has become common place to you?  

Father, may the Truths of You, the Reality of who You are and what You have done for me... may they awe me again today!  Father make these Truths of Your Word take my  breath away and bring deep thanksgiving in my heart.  May grace and mercy and love and holiness never become common place to me.  

Eternity Whispered

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There has been a quiet, misty-something happening within me lately.  I don't have great words for it.  It has been a soft whisper.  I have been barely able to hear what is being said...  deep within.

On Sunday, as I listened to God's Word being honored, taught and spoken from, I was reminded by His Spirit of the hope I have in Him alone (Hebrews 6:19).  As my brother shared his heart with the Body, there was a moment when the almost-silent, barely distinguishable Message slightly raised in volume and seemed to say to my soul:  Eternity.

Words that I hadn't been able to grasp for days... a theme rising.

Eternity, Stephanie.  
  
You see, I am a very temporary-minded girl.  Are you?  Today's dishes and laundry.  Today's plans and excursions.  Today's food and today's clothes. Today's ideas and to-dos.  Today's worries and excitements.  When tomorrow is thought about, it is still very earth bound and temporary in nature.  Tomorrow's dishes and laundry.  Tomorrows meals.  Plans.  Ideas.  and To-dos.  Tomorrow's worries and fears and excitements.  
  
He seems to be breathing something within me to remind my heart of tomorrow's tomorrow, somewhere beyond the temporary and earth bound thoughts...  He whispers an invitation to my heart to raise it's eyes and seek the light of a place with awe-filled hope and brimming contentment.  A place of beauty and rest.  A place of no tears, no pain and no worries.  No sin.
  
A place beyond me, beyond my ideas, my dreams or my excitements.  ...Eternity.
  
Look up and look out, Stephanie.  Gaze into eternity.  It begins today and looks forward to tomorrow---and tomorrow's tomorrow.  
  
Can you catch a glimpse of it's beginning today?  Can you just see it there in the distance, just around the corner... not far now, my friends.  Not far now.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."  ~C.S.Lewis

Always Present Moon

I just love seeing the moon during the day.   It always surprises me and brings me a message of God's always-Presence.

Out the kitchen window, while wiping down the sink today, there it was...  the moon.  Blue skies, green trees, the sunshine and ...the moon.  In broad daylight-- there it is--sitting in it's spot.  I could just imagine this day-lit moon was smiling at me with a laughing smirk and a wink.  He is calling my heart to remember that indeed he is still there.  The morning didn't send him away... he still remained.

Hidden, but there.  Unseen but always present.

That moon is always there, but unseen most days.  It never "goes away" really.  It is always up there rotating consistently and faithfully in the sky. I just don't always see it.

This has been a theme the Lord has been whispering into my heart lately.  Daily He seems to remind me to keep awake and aware.  This sleepy, sun drowned or cloudy world keeps me from seeing Him much of the time.  Sometimes I just forget or "fall asleep" in the haze of distraction.

Today my heavenly Father let my eyes fall on the hidden moon.  I want to see more, Father.  

Give me eyes to see, Father.  Give me an awakened heart to see, to hear, to be aware and awake today! May I see You, may I hear You, may I know Your voice.


"The real labor is to remember, to attend.  In fact, to come awake still more, and to remain awake."  ~C.S. Lewis

Trials Become a Rainbow

  © Bob Jenkins and licensed for reuse: Creative Commons Licence

You must have rain and sunshine to have a rainbow.  

I don't think it will ever get old... the rainbow sightings in this beautiful land where I live.  

...The blessings of having both rain and sunshine.  This is the beauty of rain and the Sun living side-by-side.  

As a former California girl, I do like the sunshine, I must say...  But, in all my years of living in California, I don't think I ever saw even one rainbow.  

I have seen multiple rainbows here.   Often, really.  Today, again, sitting in the slicing cold wind and being pelted by the rough rain... there it was!  Where did it begin, where did it end?  Just brilliant and beautiful!  A rainbow.  

Each time, remarkable!  Magnificent.  Surprising and exciting.  

But, I endured the rain today in order to enjoy the rainbow.  

Life is like that, isn't it?  He promises to make all things beautiful, doesn't He?  In His time, He says all things will work together for the good of those who love Him!   

In order for His beauty to shine through me, I need a little "rain" in my life.   He reflects His light off my rain!  He uses it.  He uses the rain:  that suffering, this trial and that pain.  He uses the rain to reflect His glory.  He shines forth His colors.  The rain is like a mirror, reflecting and showing forth the Light.  And then,living in Him, I am beautiful.  

...like a rainbow.  

You have to have gray clouds as well as blue skies.  Without the sun, you have no rainbow---this is true!  But, with the sun... and the rain... you have brilliance.  With His glory, You have beauty.  "to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Corinthians 4:7)  

"Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death" ...a rainstorm.  "But, this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God" ... the sun.  "God, who raises the dead!" ...the rainbow! (2 Corinthians 1:9)    

Indeed, you must have rain and sunshine to have a rainbow!  

Sunshine and Rain

Sunshine and rain.

Rarely do they go together. But, when they do... it is spectacular!

I sat today. A moment of quiet. While I waited for my children's lessons to be through, I sat in the rain.

The rain was pounding on the top of my car. The noise itself drowned out and interrupted the music coming from my CD player. It was a massive downpour. And, then, all of a sudden the sun began to shine. It kept raining. But, the sun was shining on the rain. While it poured, the sun lit up the rain all around me. It was remarkable.

God's amazing beauty and glory was shining forth that very moment. ...as the rain poured down.

I wonder if that is what it might be like when we "rejoice in suffering" or "count it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kind".

The dark, ominous, loud rain was softened and brightened... breathtaking and beautiful...

Is this what might happen to my sorrows, my trials, my disappointments?

Would they change colors and be radiant if I saw them through joyful lenses, a thankful heart, and knowledge of God's goodness and Glory.

What if I noticed His light shining on my pain? What if the sunshine, the glory of God, shone down on all my rain. Wouldn't it make my trials beautiful? Might there be rejoicing in the suffering, if the "rain" looked that beautiful in God's glory?

When the sun peered through the clouds and shone brilliantly on the rain today, I instinctively looked for a rainbow. I didn't see one. But, I knew that there was a real possibility that there was one... there could be one... there might be one any minute now!

... isn't that hope? What welled up in my heart that quiet moment in the rain was joy, awe and hope. What would this sunshine... these things... joy, awe, and hope do to my personal "rain"?

Sunshine and rain. God's beauty shining through.

Beautiful Laughter

Laughter filled our car and our souls. I laughed so hard that my stomach began to ache and my face was hurting from smiling. The laughter welling up within would finally begin to die down and one of my kids, or my husband, would say something even a little funny... and the laughter would burst forth with power. The car was booming with giggles and belly laughs.

I will say we do laugh a lot in our family. But, those moments are priceless and beautiful. Those moments are almost frozen in time. Frozen in my memory are the sounds, the jokes, the music of laughter from the back seat, the look on his face--- her face---, the "stop" that I yell at my husband through laughter so that the "laughter-torture" will cease. ... sweet and priceless.

I wonder what Jesus looked like when He laughed? What does God's laughter sound like?

Certainly He does laugh, right? He IS exceedingly joyful and happy. John Piper describes Christ, "as always indestructibly happy." And, Proverbs declares that He was beside God, the Father at Creation, "daily his delight, rejoicing before him always". And, again, in Hebrews Christ is described as being "anointed with God's oil of gladness". Gladness. Joy. Happiness.

Just as tears are an outlet for anger, sadness, and frustration; laughter is one physical outlet for joy, happiness, and contentment. And, certainly God created it in us. Yes, indeed, I do believe that the Son of Man laughed. What might it have looked like to see Him laugh?! I wish we had a record of it. I wish I could know what His face might look like or what His laugh sounded like.

When He laughed, did His side ever ache? Did His head fall back and His mouth gape open as He laughed? Did His laugh sound deep like a storm, like thunder or a crashing wave? Or, does God's laugh sound light and sing-songy like a bird? Or does He laugh like my son who laughs almost without sound... just air coming forth from His mouth? I wonder, Did He cover His mouth like I do when I laugh? or did He snort like my sweet daughter will do from time to time? What did Jesus sound like when He laughed?

I like to imagine it. It brings peace to my heart to think of my sweet Jesus laughing.

Did He laugh with us yesterday as our bellies hurt and our faces grew sore from smiling? I like to wonder what joy He was feeling as laughter filled our car and was medicine for our souls.