Missin' the Miraclulous

Photo Source 

At least three times a day I might just miss a miracle.

From fork to mouth, often without really thinking deeply about the realities of provision, I eat.  I know (somewhere solid and certain), in my head, that God has provided this food for me.  His provision is a gift.  But, how often is that provision a miracle?  How often do I miss the miracle of His gifts?

Reading together as a church Sunday morning in Mark 6:30-44, we were reminded of this truth of miraculous every-day-provision.  Jesus sees a hungry crowd and His very hungry disciples.  He knows they are in need.  Jesus sees this, not with disdain or as a bother, but with compassion.  He gets it.  He gets it and then He does something about it.

"He knows you need these things!"  (Luke 12:22-34)

Jesus takes a few loaves and some fish and feeds at least 5,000 mouths.  All the while, the crowd is told to sit down and eat.  Eat and enjoy!  Be satisfied.  So, they do.  They sit and have a nice little picnic, food slowly-but-surely distributed among them. In reality, they don't have a clue what is going on behind the scenes.  We get no indication that they are told that Jesus just miraculously expanded a few loaves of bread by, at least, 1,000 times.  They just miss it.  Hand to mouth provision and they don't see a thing.  They just eat.

Sitting comfortably, eating until they are satisfied... they simply enjoy a meal.  They enjoy a miracle and haven't any notion that heaven just moved and laws of nature shifted to provide the food that warms their stomachs.   They miss the miraculous.

How often are the heavens shifting for my belly, I wonder?  ...for my hunger and my thirst?

I don't want to miss it.  Open my eyes, Lord.  I want to see more!  Help me to see Your miracles every day.  Help me to walk aware and in awe of your daily provision of bread.  You are my good, good Shepherd.  

"Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who brings forth bread from the earth."  ~Jewish Prayer

He Tells a Different Story

Photo Source

The nature of our lives--- our work and our connection to so many people around the world---allows for a pretty consistent slew of bad news coming across our desks.  We jokingly look at each other sometimes and talk about the all too common feeling of dread when hitting the "send and receive" button in our email program.  What will we hear next...

Bad news.  

No one likes to hear it.  Feelings that accompany bad news are numerous, depending on the situation and how close it comes to us, the feelings come in degrees---sadness, grief, anger, disgust, worry, fear, hopelessness...  just to name a few.  Bad news can feel like a punch in the gut.  We don't like how bad news feels.  But, we keep hearing it.  ...and yes, we all keep reading the headlines and the news.  Like going back into a painful situation time and time again, we keep turning on the television to hear more or to listen to it again.  And, again.  Why?   Why do we do this to ourselves, I wonder.  

This morning I was struck when reading Mark 5:35-43.  In this passage, a desperate father is standing before Jesus asking for Him to come and heal his dying daughter.   While he is still standing with Jesus, some men come and tell Jarius, the father, terrible news---horrific news.  "Your daughter is dead", they say.   What might Jarius have been feeling at that moment; that gut-wrenching moment?  I can only imagine.  Truly, this must be the one of the worst possible pieces of news a person can receive--- death; the death of someone you love.  

Jesus' reply to this situation is shocking.  All eyes are on Jarius in this moment; but, heads must turn quickly to look at Jesus when He speaks confidently and directly after the men bring the bad news. He tells Jairus a very different story.  In the passage, in fact, Jesus "ignored what they said" and encourages Jairus with these words:  

"Don't be afraid:  just believe" (Mark 5:36)

Jesus tells Jarius a totally different story--- He gives him different news.  

Going against the tide, against the "truth" and "reality" that everyone is seeing and testifying to, Jesus walks forward and says, "The child is not dead but asleep".    

This morning, as I saw this story unfold in my mind's-eye, I kept thinking:  What if when I hear bad news---horrific and terrible news--- what if, I looked to You, Jesus.  In those moments---those sad, fearful, sickening moments.  What if I turned my eyes immediately from the messenger (let it be men, email or television) and asked You, "What say You?"  

Jesus, what do You say about this?  What is the true story here?  

Might I hear something different from my Jesus, my Savior?  When I hear the hopelessness that is being broadcast over our world today...  what if Jesus is "ignoring" this bad news of despair and saying something different?  

Might I hear the whispering of His words...  "Don't be afraid... just believe"

"I am making all things new" (Revelation 21:5)

Jesus, tell me Your story---Your good news.  Tell me the True story today.  

A Beautiful Gift

Photo source

I am a super practical girl.  My family and friends know this.  I guess that is why they offer me presents "with a purpose" which they know I will like---some of my most prized gifts being a kitchen mixer, mugs, a cast iron pot, a journal, and ipod speakers.  (Books and good music, by the way, do fit in this category... very, very practical, to my way of thinking!)  

Gifts that fit and fulfill a need...  these 'hit the spot' well with me.  

But, when it comes down to it, in reality, I am quite needy.  My awareness of my neediness has been coming awake for some time now.   I am needy.  As I inch my way forward through life, slowly gaining experience and insight into life;  I become more and more aware of this truth... my every-day-human-reality-needs.

I am hungry for so many things.  I long for love, grace, attention, quiet, peace, kindness, truth, and beauty---to name just a few.  Like the oxygen I need to breathe and the water that sustains me, so I also require so many other gifts to flourish in life---relationships, connection, belonging...  

God knows this about me.  He knows this about His people.  We are, indeed, a needy lot.  

Among the myriad of promises God utters to Moses in Exodus, He tells Moses that His very Presence will go with them.  "My Presence will go with you..." (Exodus 33:14)  

What a gift!  This idea is so wonderful and so full of hope.  With God's Presence comes the reality of cover, power, strength and provision.  But, that is not what God emphasizes in these verses---in this conversation of promise with Moses.   He offers something else with His Presence...  

"My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest."  

Rest.  

With His Presence comes the gift of rest...  Pull up next to God and you get such a beautiful gift.

I would venture to guess that if I asked most any room full of people this question, "Who would like or is in need of rest?"  I would bet that every hand would raise and a resounding, "Me!!" would sound with enthusiasm.  

We all need rest.  Deeply, we need rest.  Body rest... soul rest... mind rest.  

With His Presence, I find rest.  You, too, can find rest for your soul.  

I can enter in.  We can receive this gift.  We can sidle up next to Him and receive---or, at least, what He longs to give---is rest.  

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."  (Matthew 11:28)  

What a lovely, very practical gift He gives!!  This practical girl is a happy girl.  

God's Status Update

photo source

Today Facebook asked me to "describe who you are".

Apparently this is a new feature Facebook added recently. (or, am I just totally behind the times...equally possible!)  Anyway,  I am asked to answer this weighty question by filling in a tiny square at the top of my page ...in 101 characters or less.

I sat a while and wondered what is most important. Who am I? What shall I say here to sum-up Stephanie ... in 15 words.  Where do I start?  Funny, these thing.

As I sat down to read in Exodus 34 this morning, I saw God's answer--- I saw His "describe who you are" post.  Succinct and to the point, (although, I am not sure He hit the 101 character limit) He tells us what is most important.  He tells us who He is.  

Who are you, God?  

"I AM compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet I do not leave the guilty unpunished.” (Exodus 34:6)

There are many words I could use to describe God.  If it were me filling in God's "describe who you are" box, what might I write?  Where do I begin?  Strong, Wise, Powerful, Eternal, Kind, Right, Holy,...

These are all true about Him, to be sure.  But, when He describes Himself in this instance... He chooses to start with compassion.

Some translations use the word mercy.  Either way, I am so deeply grateful that He starts with mercy!  He begins His description with compassion and grace.  Abounding love and faithfulness.

What a beautiful picture!  In these words, God Almighty reveals an incredible truth to Moses---and to me.  God's foundation, His very core ...the very center of "who He is" is compassion, grace, patience, love, faithfulness, forgiveness and justice. These are the words He chooses to use to describe Himself--- to reveal Himself.

Oh! How I want to know this God more!

Now that I have God's "describe who you are" section.  I wonder how He might fill in "where you work" or "what's on your mind"?  What would God's Facebook status be today?

Hard Questions

Photo Source

"Why?"... she stumbled to formulate her question.  Sweet girl.

 She asked, with hesitation, as if unsure of the appropriateness.  Maybe she was wondering, 'Can I even ask such a question?' ...

"Why... do you think... why, would God allow you to have this long term illness?  Is there something... anything... is there a 'reason'?  What has He shown you?"

What a question!  What a beautiful, honest, appropriate question.  
We ask it all the time, don't we?  Deep in our hearts, we wonder. We hesitate to ask.  Why, Lord?  We want to understand.  We want reason behind pain and suffering.   I have asked this question about many things through the years.  Sometimes, I get 'the answer' (or an answer) and sometimes I don't.  A hard question.  No easy-come answers, to be sure.

But, when this young gal asked (who has her own long-term illness with which she must wrestle), ... when she asked...  I had an answer.   I knew the answer.

It surprised me.

It came so quickly to my mind and so clearly to my heart... that I just knew.  I knew ---at least---one of the reasons He has allowed me to suffer with pain, weakness, and illness (in varying degrees) my whole life.

It is my kryptonite.  That was the thought.  A funny thought, right!?

I am ...as I truly believe we ALL are...  a gifted, competent, strong person.   I am super-girl.  This illness has given me a gift--a huge gift.  

My answer to her was simple:  It is my kryptonite.  It reminds me most days that I need God.  I desperately, desperately need Him.  I have weakness and that is okay...  I have a strong God!  

I believe that if I hadn't been allowed this suffering, I would have easily done life on my own. Entirely.

My pain and illness have been a key...  a pathway and a light along the path;   always leading me to my desperation for God.  Through the years of suffering, if I have 'learned' anything it would be my need of God:  as my Father, my Deliverer, my Provider, my Calm, my Shepherd, my Strength, and my Shield.  I, laughingly, admit that I can't even sleep without Him.  It's true.  I can't!

I have learned--- and continue to learn every day--- that His grace is truly sufficient.  (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

After sharing this with my young friend, she said a profound thing,  "Wow.  That is almost the exact thought that has been growing in my heart these past weeks."  God has been answering her hard, awkward question, too.

Yes!  I am so glad you asked, sweet girl.

My Golden Calves

photo source

I feel a deep, gut-level cringe even as I simply read the title to Exodus 32: "The Golden Calf".  It has taken me two full days to decide "it's time" to dive in.  Every time I open up the Bible, I can feel myself wanting to hide.  This journey through the Old Testament---looking for God's heart--- has been so rich and sweet.  And, I just know, this one is going to be painful.  Exodus 32 is going to hurt.  They are going to hurt God's heart.

God had been with them.  I have just read about Him delivering them.  He has provided for them over and over.  From Exodus 24 onward, He is speaking His words and His ways for them.

And, then... the golden calf.  

When I read the section title alone, I wince and think---What?  How?!  Why?  How did they do this? How did they so quickly turn?   I feel shame for them.  Shock.  Pain.

Less than 10 words into the reading... I get my answer:  How?  Why?

"When they saw that Moses was so long in coming down..."  (Exodus 33:1)

They were impatient.  Simple, as that.  They were tired of waiting.  Impatient.  Maybe, afraid. They just couldn't wait any longer.  Waiting for Moses to bring them God's words, they grew weary...

As I read these words, I am stopped in my tracks.  Oh!  Lord, how often...  how OFTEN, I get impatient.  I get tired of waiting, too.  Praying... asking... waiting... seeking...  and, I, too, grow weary.
 
My culture doesn't lend itself to carved calves from gold.  No, we do other things when we grow tired of waiting on the Lord.   My culture has other paths...  We push harder.  We do.  We do it ourselves.  We medicate.  We think.  We dig.  We plan and organize.  We figure and research.  We buy what we think we need.  We adorn.  We eat.  We drink.  We fill our minds with more.  And/Or, we just give up--- and turn on the television and numb.  Until, we get up, push harder and plan.  Or eat. And, drink.

Oh, how we must hurt God's heart.

...God has been long in coming down and answering my prayers...  

I do get tired.  Impatient.  Afraid...  will Moses ever come down!?  Will God ever answer?  "We don't know what happened to 'that guy'", the Israelites say to Aaron.

So, Aaron... or Google...  make me a god that will take care of me.  I need something here!
I can't wait any longer.

As I sit with the Lord, confessing my impatience to Him, my mind is flooded with verse upon verse... a whisper and breath of Truth bringing light to the moment...

There is another way, Stephanie.  There is another way...  

"Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart"  (Psalm 27: 14)

"They that wait upon the Lord shall mount up with wings as eagles." (Isaiah 40:31)

"Let us not grow weary of doing good..."  (Galatians 6:9)

"Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.  Do not worry."  (Psalm 37:7)

There are things I am waiting for and asking the Lord.  Help me, Lord, to choose the way of trust.  Help me to wait for You.  You, Faithful One, have always delivered me.  You have always come through.  Help me to wait for You.  

Hangover Headache and Heartache

Photo Source

I have a hangover today.  

In this case it wasn't from a blog post, it was a *good* conversation that sent me internally puking.  I am reeling from a very real conversation and a "revealing" of some of my darkest yuck.  I shared my true self and now I feel the regret.  It still happens... regularly, these hang-overs---as I push into vulnerability and explore gut-honesty with myself and others.  

I chose it---and by God's grace, I will continue to choose it.  But, now I am feeling the consequences.  So, I re-post this blog entry from November, 2012, because I could easily have written it today.  

-------

"A vulnerability hangover" is what author and researcher, Brene' Brown calls it...

I have never been drunk.  So, I have never actually had a proper hangover; therefore, I can't say I know what one feels like.  But, I am guessing it isn't very comfortable!  I have heard a few stories and seen my share of instances.  So, I gather from the puking, purging and pounding-head that a hangover is never a positive things.

A vulnerability hangover isn't fun either.

Too much vulnerability... and you are destined for a sickening hangover!

Let's just say that each time I write a particularly vulnerable blog post---write something deep, hard, or ugly--- I experience the incredible urge to purge!

Within 2 hours of writing and "publishing" my post, I have this desire to go online and delete the post immediately.  Thoughts like:  "Too much", "too raw", "too weak"... pour over my mind.  If I resist the urge to "purge" the post, I then want to "purge" the blog...  "I just need to stop blogging".  "This is stupid".  "People don't want to read and hear this..."

And, if I resist the urge to delete my blog; then, the final 'hangover' symptom is to write a "nice" post.

There are nicer posts, right?  Posts that are true and right and encouraging.  I like those posts, too.  There are blog posts---still honest and real posts---about God's blessings, His gifts, His peace and His Word.  But, after I share one of my "I cried" or "I am in pain" posts--- I desperately want to get on quickly and write a "nice" post.  This last vulnerability-hangover-urge is an attempt to let you all know, "I am okay."  With a "nice" post, I assure you (and me) that "I am not in pain all the time".

I have resisted urge #1, and #2.  So, I am officially saying it now---without writing a "nice" post...

Readers, I am okay!

Did I need to say that?  I don't know.  But, the gut-wrenching urge within me was to communicate to you, my friends and readers, that I am not "the sick person", "the weak person", or "the messy person".  When the fact of the matter is... I am.

Why do I feel the deepest urge to write "I am okay... don't worry about me"?  Or, elsewhere--- other times in my life---why do I need to back away and tell you, "Please don't be bothered about me!"?

I am pretty sure it is because at some point in my life (probably more than one point!), I believed the lie that I am supposed to be perfect.  I am supposed to be "okay".  Not weak.  Not in-process.  Not a bother.  And, certainly, not messy.

Well, the truth is... I really am okay.  I am well.  And, happy.  And, at peace today.

But, it is also truth that I am a bit messy, too!!  Both.  And.

But, none-the-less, vulnerability and weakness are hard for me.   I talked to the Lord about this today--- can I just delete that post or this blog, Lord?  ... I felt prompted to keep on sharing, keep on posting, and keep on getting drunk on vulnerability.  Courage to share weakness is one cure to perfectionism!

And, so I "drink" the healthy carrot-orange-alka selzer juice concoction of this blog post to bring a little healing to my hangover!

That said, right about now I am feeling a bit over-vulnerable---tipsy, you might say----so give me about 4 hours and I will be sick with my vulnerability hangover from this post...

-----
Maybe I will write soon about the blessings, growth and strength that have come with deep honesty and, the pushing into, vulnerability.   The benefits are innumerable and priceless, to be sure.  Maybe I will share...  but, today, I am just reeling a bit.  

What God Really Wants

Photo Source

What do you want from me?  

This is just one of the many questions swimming in our minds, often underneath the surface.

There are certain personality types that seek this answer more than others, to be sure.  But, as humans, we all do it--- to some degree---even if in different ways.

We look up after birth asking our mothers to tell us what they wants from us.  Each little face ultimately seeking love and relationship; we want to hear:   I am so happy you are here!  I just want you!  I want to hold you and love you and be with you.  

We long for her to say... I want you.  Just look at me, connect to me.  I love you.  

Certainly, we have all received varying messages from our mothers.  And we follow forward--- looking to our fathers, our siblings, our friends, our bosses, our spouse, our neighbors---asking similar questions. How can I please you and keep you happy?  How can I make you like me and/or respect me, or value me? How can we stay connected?  The questions vary depending on our make-up and uniqueness.

Essentially we are asking the world:  What do you really want from me?

Maybe it is just me.  But, somehow, I don't think so.

As I journey through the Old Testament, I keep looking for God's heart.  I want to know Him more.  I want to know what He wants.  Lord, show me Your heart.  What is it You want? What is Your desire? What is the purpose, the foundation, the goal of Your words, these stories, these commands and Your workings? 

Sometimes I find myself confused and ill-equipped to answer this question.  I don't readily know and I don't understand the "why".  I have trouble seeing His heart.  And, thus, the conversation continues.

Yet, there are moments when His heart's desire jumps off the page and shouts out with His words.  Loud and clear:  God tells us exactly what He wants and why He has done this or that...

In Exodus 29, I found such a place.

After very specifically enumerating the particulars of sacrifice, clothing and worship instruments, God speaks the "why" behind His orders.

"[After all this] Then regularly... there I will meet with you and speak to you and the place will be consecrated by my glory"  (Exodus 29: 42) 

What does God really want?  What is His purpose for all this?

He wants to meet with His people.

He wants to speak to His people.

And, He wants His glory to fill, to clean, to make us holy (consecrated).

He is setting it all up for meeting.  ...for dwelling and connectedness.  He wants to draw near.   We are indeed designed for relationship with Him.

In fact, He says it over and over.  He reminds them yet again in the next verses following that this is exactly WHY He delivered them from Egypt: "I brought you out of Egypt... so that I may dwell among you and be your God". (Exodus 29: 46)

God Almighty wants to be with us...  to dwell among us.  

This is one of His deepest 'wants'.  THIS is what He really desires.

God reminds me this morning----  Stephanie, you ask how to please me?  How do you stay connected to me and make me smile?  Let me dwell with you.  Let me meet you.  Meet with me.  Listen and speak with me.  Let my glory fill you, make you holy and new.  

I just want you.  I want to hold you and love you and be with you.  
I am just happy you are here.  


"As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you." (Isaiah 66:13)
"Come away with me, my love."  (Song of Solomon 2:10)

I am Getting Larger Every Day

Photo Source

Do you ever get tired of the sin in your life?  I do.

I can feel small.  Narrow and dark.

Some days I wish I was just done.   Done with sin.  Finished. Completed.  Perfect.

I have this deep desire to be perfect and ...to be perfect yesterday, please.

But, alas, that is not how God works, I know.  He is the author...  writing our faith.   He is the perfecter---the finisher--- of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) He is the one who is bringing it into completion.  (Philippians 1:6)

This truth jumped off the page and settled into my heart last week as I read in Exodus 23.  He reminds His people that He is indeed leading them and will bring them to the land.  He tells them that He, Himself, will destroy all enemies---all those that will cause them harm.  But, ...  BUT... He tells them,

"But, I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land will become desolate and the wild animals are too numerous for you.  Little by little, I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land."  

Little by little, I will drive them out... 

All these enemies of my soul... the sin, the pain and wounds, the flesh, the temptations, the devil... He is driving them out, to be sure!  And, He will complete His work.  But... little by little.

I have always seen this truth play out in my life.  The "distrust and unbelief" issue in my life that He has been driving out.  Little by little.  Do you trust me now?  Stephanie, now, do you believe me? 

Yes, Lord, I believe!!

Good, He says, that was the 'Amorites' of distrust.  Now let's get to work on the 'Hittites' of unbelief... and next year we will grapple with the Jebusites.  "I will be an enemy to your enemies.  I will wipe them all out completely!" (v. 20, 23)

He doesn't wipe our "land" clean all at once... because, well--- maybe... just maybe we can't handle it. We simply aren't ready to be that free!  I don't know.  "The wild animals are too numerous for you." He knows.  He promises to keep working.  He keeps watching and helping.

Until you have increased enough to take possession of the land...  He whispers.

He IS increasing us.

photo source

Augustine of Hippo once said, "Narrow is the mansion of my soul, enlarge it, Lord..."

He knows what I can handle.  He knows that the world and the devil prowl around like a lion looking to devour and steal; wild animals looking to pounce on my soul.

Don't be dismayed or discouraged.  God will take the land!  He is completing His work in me.  He does win in the end... and always, always, always I walk through it all with Him.  Led by Him.

Narrow is my heart, please enlarge it, Lord!  Increase my soul...  increase me and take full possession, Holy Spirit.  Have Your way, little by little, in my mind and heart and soul!  

Not perfect yesterday.  Not tomorrow, either.  But, by His grace, I am getting larger every day!

I Can Only Imagine

There are just those moments in life when words fail to describe experience.  The feeling is so full, that words feel less-than.  I had one of those moments this week.  

I had the privilege to see Monet's Water Lillies at L'Orangerie.  I know.  The privilege, I promise, does not escape me! 

Photo source

I can hardly touch or grab words to describe how I felt the very moment when I entered the rooms that house these Water Lilly paintings.  I was not expecting it.  The feeling came upon me like a torrent.  Overwhelmed.  Awe.  Euphoria.  ...all I can say is that I just wanted to cry. With no sadness, only fullness and joy, tears came and welled through my very being.  

I was encountering beauty.  Pure beauty.  And, it was awesome.  Truly awesome.  
Purity and beauty entwined in fullness.  A surrounding.  A wrapping.  

Claude Monet not only spent 30 years of his life painting these scenes (take that in for a minute---30 years!); but, he also had the opportunity to design the rooms they would be displayed.  He created his lily garden with a painters eye... he painted these scenes for 30 years and then he designed the room they would be housed.  He was Creator from beginning to end...  

And it is awesome to behold.  Glorious. 

How often I forget that I, too, have been created in such a manner!   Created with such care.  

You, too.  

Him and her.  You and I and  ...every single soul around...  has been formed in our mother's womb.  We have been knit together and God is working out His good plans to form us into His likeness. 

He planned us.  He thought of us.  He is painting us.  He has housed us on display.  He has made us and IS making us glorious and awesome.  

But of course, we know... Monet is just a man.  Monet was only painting and giving us an impression of real things.  Every day.  Real things.  

Water.  Lilies. Trees. Light.  Color. Texture.  And, obviously, Monet is not the Creator of these things!  He who is the Creator of all--- the Maker of water, lilies, trees, light and you.  

I want to see more, Lord. 

What if I didn't take for granted the privilege of seeing Eunice at Church or Marie, the checker, at the grocery store?  What if I looked on with eyes of wonder and awe... these every day things.  Sam.  Becka.  Dave.  Olwen.  Ellen.  ...water.  lilies.  light. color and texture.  

In Awe....

Give me eyes to see more, Lord.  When I walk into church on Sunday, when I walk into the grocery store, or into my bedroom and see my reflection in the mirror.  Open my eyes to see the masterpiece you are working on, the vision of beauty and glory that You wish to display.  

For we are God's masterpiece.  (Ephesians 2:10)  I am His painting.  You are His painting!  Awesome. Glorious. Purity and beauty intertwined.  Woven.  Being made. On display...  

Can I see the Master's vision for her? Or, for you?   His vision for me?   He is making us glorious!  

I can only imagine.  



...it doesn't escape me that in my last post God was whispering "the glory of man is like a flower which shrivels in the sun and then gone".   In this post He is singing... You are glorious. Is it two sides of the same coin? ...pondering and praying here.  

Remembering the Wisp of Time

While washing dishes, the music plays quietly in the background. Quiet songs.  Beautiful, gentle, peaceful; but, really, I barely take notice. Until, like a moment frozen in time, the words pierce through the myriad of thoughts in my head, "All flesh is like the grass.  The grass withers and fades.  The glory of man like a flower that shrivels in the sun and falls.  But, the Word of the Lord endures forever." (Fernando Ortega, taken from Isaiah 40).

The glory of man is like a flower...

I am listening.  Now, Lord, I am listening.  

While looking out my kitchen window at the fading tulips in my yard, I am listening.  Bowing and drooping and dying.   Their 'end' is clearly in the near future.

These tulips have been a joy to me these past weeks.  I have become a bit addicted in my looking at them from the kitchen window.  Planted with care, over the years we have lived here, they bloomed this Spring with gusto.  A parade of color!  They really have brought a great deal of pleasure, delight and praise.  He truly does make beautiful things.

But, they are now fading.  A whisper of time, really.  Didn't they just bloom yesterday?  Here today and then they will be gone.  Their splendor and vibrancy will be a memory.

God reminds me today that this is true about me, too.  This physical body, this tent, is just like these flowers or like the withering grass.  Life here on earth only a wisp of time... only the first few chapters in the book of reality and life.

But the Word of the Lord endures forever...

Directionally Challenged

photo source

It's been a joke in our family for years.  We laugh in agreement at the facts of the case... I am, indeed, "directionally challenged".   Regularly, my husband painfully and patiently explains the route, yet again...   Yes, I have been there many times.  But, no, I can't remember how to get there this time. Directions.  A great challenge;  extreme and laughable.  They joke that if someone set me down in the middle of my small town, I may have trouble finding my way home.  I'm not sure I am that bad. But, maybe.

That is why Monday was so remarkable.

My daughter and I were headed out to a new part of the nearest city.  Headed to a funeral, I was responsible to drive us there.  This type of scenario is a typical, big time "stress-trigger" for me. A general, low level anxiety and insecurity is commonly triggered by the unknown.  New things do this to me.  Can I do this?  Can I handle it?  A new place.  New directions.  New situation (I have never been to a funeral in this culture).  New people.  This has always been a recipe for overwhelmed, anxious, and/or afraid.  But, Monday was different--- markedly and remarkably different.

Something had changed and both my daughter and I noted it.  I just wasn't concerned or worried.  I could certainly feel the tension and reality of not knowing where I was going... and the newness.  But, that is all it was--- slight "normal" tension.  It just wasn't anxiety.  I didn't feel upset or uneasy.  I was calm.  I had the sense that we would make our way with no problem and all would be fine.  This, I know, is the way a lot of people simply live their life.  My husband walks through life with this foundational security. It is beautiful and admirable.  But, it has not been me.

Something had changed.  I believe there are profound moments in our God-journey where we can "see" proof from years of prayer and walking with Jesus.  Monday was that day!

Worry, calculation and 'overwhelmed' have been a constant companions these 40+ years; walking with me, since before I can remember.  I cope.  Sometimes I cope really well.  And, have learned many tricks and tactics--- most people don't have a clue my internal reality.  (Isn't this true for most of us?)  In 2009, I wrote a blog post entitled "What if I just stopped"---questioning and challenging this worrying bend in myself.

In fact, for as long as I have known Jesus, I have been bringing Him these worries... this overwhelmed "natural" tendency.  He has spoken for years, through a variety of ways, about this issue*.   Certainly, by His grace, there has been slow growth.  We have talked together about why I have this... from family of origin, personality to sin habits, God and I have been conversing and looking and digging.  And, I have been asking...

Suddenly, I was seeing something new.  Something miraculous had shifted in me.

His Word tells me that He is completing His good work in me and creating in me a clean heart---  I think I saw a beautiful piece of His work on Monday.  I didn't really DO anything to produce this difference.  ...just time, trust, leaning in, looking, confessing, and the silent, deep work of the Spirit.  "In the silence of the heart, You speak", Audrey Assad sings.  "You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos...  You said be free... in the work of the Spirit---I cannot see".

He has spoken.  "Un-seeable" work done by this quiet Spirit.  Yet again, I am changed.  He has done it.  The unseen becomes visible.

Mom, your are not anxious and not worried.  You aren't questioning yourself.  You just seem calm. These were my daughter's words.  And, I was!

One of the most interesting moments in the day, though, came when I had to make my way home after the funeral.  Miraculously, I did so without any map, or directions.  For the first time in my entire life, I didn't feel directionally challenged.  We just made our way.  What!?  Was it the freedom in my physical brain to just work properly now without anxiety and worry to cloud and confuse? Was this also a part of the gift, the Spirit's change and work?

Laughingly, I tell my family, if I am no longer directionally challenged... what in the world will they tease me for next!

...Plenty other issues to choose from---to be sure--- no worries there.  (smile)



*a myriad of other blog posts on worry...

Nearness in His heart

photo source

I heard God's heart today.  As I read, I could feel His tender hope, His desire for His people, and His intention:  "You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself.  Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." (Exodus 19)

He had carried them.  He had brought them out with His own hand... "I carried you"... these words are so personal, so very close.  And, yet, they cannot draw near.  He tells the leaders to keep the people from coming too close.  Put up a barrier! God insists. (Exodus 19:12,21) If they come too close it will destroy them... they will die.  He must protect the people from His power, His holiness, perfection and glory.  It would be just too much; His holy Presence would devour them.  So, He must hold them off.  

But... can you just hear His heart to bring them near.  In fact, He tells them how.  Just obey everything I say, God says.  Simple, right?  He gives them a simple IF---THEN statement.  If you obey, then you will be mine.  I will make you a kingdom of priests, holy and mine. 

As I read this in Exodus, I realized how very familiar these word felt.  Where, Lord, have I heard these words before?  Of course,...yes, I know... I have read these exact words before.

A simple google search for "priesthood in the New Testament" and here we are---yes, almost an exact repeat so many years later.  Those words:  a priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession... 

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." (1 Peter 2:9-10)

I just have to stop, be still, and read it again.  Once through. Twice.  Just take it in.  I stand amazed, once again.   God has done such a beautiful thing for us!

God's heart spoke it out in Exodus.  His desires expressed in Exodus now finalized and written about through Peter.  We couldn't accomplish it.  We want to... just like the Israelites who claimed, "We will do all you have asked" ...and then promptly didn't.  We just can't.  I can't.  Period. Full-stop. 

We couldn't accomplish it, so He did.  He did it for us.  He did it for me. 

A two way "if---then" clause and covenant.  He took care of both sides of the contract.  He fullfills the IF and He takes care of the THEN.  It is done. 

In this verse in 1 Peter, God is declaring this as done.  True.  Finito.  A finished reality.  You are...  He says. Once you were not...  and now you are... 

And, to top it off---with the help of google---I jumped over to Hebrews 4 and then to James 4. Because of Jesus, the head priest, we can boldly approach God's throne.  No more barrier.  No more warning.   No more holding-off.  ...quite the opposite, in fact.  Draw near, He says.  Come very, very close.  Be bold.  Walk right up and touch me!  Abide in me and I will abide IN you. 

I hear God's heart today...

Chewing on Mercy

Photo source

Bits n' bobs*.  That is often how I experience God speaking.  Here and there. A little bit from here and a 'bob' from there---slowly, over time, a theme begins to emerge.  From His Word, His people, a song, a book, nature, and His still small voice whispering into my soul... He speaks. And, if I am listening, I begin to hear Him.

I just finished an excellent book on forgiveness.  Not an easy topic for anyone.  I know.  This author certainly doesn't skirt the reality of hard. And, in fact, emphasizes the truth that calling offense: "pain", "wrong" and "real", is an important step in genuine forgiveness.  In order to truly forgive we have to look the reality square in the face... take account, and remember.  Not easy.  For anyone.  I know. How in the world do we ever truly forgive?

Through the whole book, one particular phrase jumped off the pages at me and has been swimming in the recesses of my mind for these weeks.  The words like chewing gum... only the taste doesn't go away... it gets stronger and more pungent.

I have been chewing on these words...  Love mercy**

The author takes this phrase from Micah 6:8, where Micah reminds us what God wants of us:  To love mercy... 

As I have chewed  on this phrase, there have been many thoughts feeding me from this theme.  A pinch of this and a tablespoon of that...  The flavor of the phrase is coming alive.

Those who have been forgiven much, love much.  (Luke 7:47)

Love that comes from God...  (1 John 4:7)

And, mercy triumphs over judgement... are just a few.  (James 2:13)

What might it look like for me to live in this truth, day-in-and-day-out:  to love, delight in, rejoice in, run-to... mercy.   To choose mercy first.   To choose mercy toward my family, my friends, my neighbors... and myself.

When I feel the natural urge to correct or to speak... love mercy.
When I want to punish... rejoice in mercy.
When he has done that yet again... adore mercy.
When I feel mis-understood... delight in mercy.
When I fall to temptation and feed my face with other loves...  relish and receive mercy.

Love it, Stephanie.  Love mercy.

Oh how I DO love mercy!  What would I do without it?  Where in the world would I be without the mercy of God!?  I do love mercy.  But, help me with my un-love, Lord.

Gently, the Lord whispers an invitation to my heart...  Love much.  Can you be merciful ---love mercy---in this situation, Stephanie?  Right now, here.  Today, can you love much?  

Just chewing and tasting...

"Love is the last thing we need to ration in this world"~Brene Brown, Rising Strong

*Bits n bobs phrase **Definition of mercy

This Disease is Killing Us

photo source

I treasure those beautiful moments when you are speaking truth to a friend and, it seems, the Holy Spirit is simultaneously nudging and whispering, "Are you listening to this?"  Like a mirror reflecting an image, your own voice bounces back and you hear yourself...  or you hear His voice in your words.

It is that very moment when the words of truth pouring out are the very water my soul needs.   Pouring out and drinking in, all at the same time.

I was speaking with a friend who was sharing her new diagnosis of a long-term illness: an illness I am very, very familiar with.*  She was sharing with me her fears and her anxieties.  Of course she is afraid!  Of course this is troubling.  It sucks!  I hear you, friend.  I hear you.

After listening and empathizing with the frustration, sadness and "suck-ness" of her situation, I heard these words slip out of my mouth, "I have had this disease for 30 years.  And, I promise you--- I promise you!--- the worry and fear, through the years, has robbed FAR more from me than the disease has ever done".  Yes, disease robs and steals.  But, worry and fear rob far more.

Worry robs more than reality.  Every time...  

Worry robs more... 

Always.  It is just the truth.

I have been reading a lot about the brain recently and we know, even scientifically, that worry is a future oriented thought process.  In order to worry, we have to be thinking of the future---not the now. Not the real, right-now reality of our lives.  Worry is the "what ifs" and "will it?" "will they?" and the "how will I?", "can I?"...  The worry isn't real.  It isn't true.  It is make believe.  Always.  Tomorrow may truly never come.  Tomorrow isn't real, or true.  Worry about tomorrow, according to brain experts, is simply a waste of important energy.  Unfortunate, unproductive (even damaging) and a wasteful firing of neurons.

(Funny how science eventually catches up with the Bible... Matthew 6:34 and James 4:13-14)

This 'make-believe' we play in our heads steals and robs from our today.  In fact, it is literally physically killing us.  When we worry and fear, our bodies release a powerful hormone; one that can throw off the balance of all our body chemistry and has detrimental affects on our health and well being when it is regularly released.  Worry is deadly.  Worry and fear steal from our minds, our bodies and our souls. They do very little to help us.  (...the occasional need to run from a bear or escape an earthquake are the rare times that we are grateful for this hormone released from worry or fear!)

I have learned through the years to stop and prayerfully ask myself two questions:  First, "what story am I telling myself?"  and, secondly,  "What is real? or What is actually true, the mere facts, right now?"

Answering these questions brings grounding.  While grounded in the now, I can connect to the real of Jesus here.   Him here today.  Now.

I am learning.  I see it.  And, I am grateful.

I don't know if my friend was able to take-in the testimony I was sharing...  "the worry and fear have robbed more than the disease".    I'm not sure it was for her that day.  I think it may have been just for me.   A good reminder.  I need not worry about tomorrow.  I need never be afraid.

I heard it, Lord.  I hear it and choose again today to trust You.

*If you are curious and would like to read more about my health, healing, and physical journey--- you can read here, here and here (and many other places on this site...)

The Field of Your Choosing

photo source

At the new year, I felt strongly that God was inviting me into a journey through the Old Testament.  It has been a long time since I felt His leading this clearly regarding a place in Scripture to read.  If I am honest, I haven't been a big fan of portions of the Old Testament.  It can be a confusing place for me. Often, I seem to be missing something.  ...missing God, misunderstanding God, and His true character.  This invitation was a bit daunting and exciting at the same time.

I am very, very, very slowly making my way through and it truly has been a sweet experience.  My goal is to converse with God as we walk through the Old Testament together.  We have had some great---delightful and difficult--- conversations!  I ask "why?" and tell Him, "I really don't get this!" on a regular basis.  I ask Him to please tell me more.  I also find myself in awe at the revelation of His beautiful character.  I am not missing God this time around!!  

In this slow walk, I often read a section twice or three (or six) times.  We settle down and talk about a section for a while before we move on, sometimes a day later---or even after weeks on end. Yesterday, I was reading the first part of Exodus 17:1-7.  This is when God gives His thirsty people water from a rock.  Water from a rock...  Just think about that! Amazing!  I was struck by God's faithfulness to His people over and over.  They are in bondage--- He delivers.  They are in danger---He destroys their foes.  They are hungry---He feeds.  They are lost--- He leads.  They are thirsty--- He gives them water to drink (multiple times!).  I spent the remainder of my time yesterday praising His compassion, faithful love, and generosity.  

Today, as I sat down, I wondered if we should walk-on from here.  Nah... let's read it again.  

I read the same passage and new words jumped off the page.  I hadn't even noticed them yesterday:

"traveling from place to place, as the Lord commanded" (17:1)  God was leading the Israelites every step-of-the-way.  

I immediately thought:  You brought them to a place that had no water!  No water.  On purpose? What!? With feelings lingering close to indignation, yet mixed with amusement, I asked:  Why, Lord? What is this about?  Why would You lead them to a place with no water?  

The phrase which came to my mind after I asked this question was jarring:  The Lord is my Shepherd.

In recent years, this phrase has become a touch-stone for me: sweet words of comfort.  Words given by God as a gift of peace and a way back to joy. Through years of chronic pain, multiple moves, food allergies, and strange physical symptoms God has reminded me that I can trust Him to lead me exactly to the right field at the right time.  He owns me and loves me and will walk me, leading, every step of the way.  I don't have to worry... I can just watch my Shepherd and follow.  He knows.  He cares.  I can trust.  

Last night, in the midst of a bout of sleeplessness, I found myself utterly frustrated---even angry.  I didn't know who I was angry with---I was just angry.  Lack of sleep can do that to ya...  right?!  Similar to the Israelites in Exodus 17, I just wanted to complain and grumble:  Why am I even in this bed, tonight?  Did I come here, to this bed, to die of sleep deprivation? To toss and turn and rot?  

In the midst of tossing and turning, I remembered the comforting phrase and it truly brought calm and trust... the Lord is my Shepherd.  You are my Shepherd, God!  Within these words live a myriad of lessons.  I can believe that if this 'insomnia field' is the field He has brought me--- then, in this very field...  I will go, I can walk. I can lie down and trust Him.  He knows me.  He knows what I need.  His wisdom is pure and it sits on a foundation of love.  

Plain and simple, God does indeed bring His people... time-and-time-again... to places where there is no water to drink.   He leads them into battles.  Desert lands.  Foggy fields.  Dark places.  Will I now hear the invitation to watch and wait for Him to quench my thirst?  Will I expect water from a rock and manna from heaven? And, can I trust Him when I am left in the dungeon like Joseph for years on end?  

I walk with you in this field, the field of Your choosing, my good Shepherd.  

A Psalm of Thankgiving

Photo source

I heard a beautiful sermon this morning on gratitude.  Psalm 136, in it's entirety, was read out from the front with the congregation following along and repeating the phrase "His love endures forever" after each line.  A call and response:

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever...
...

It was a very moving moment, with my eyes closed, as I listened to the testimony of what God had done for the Israelites and we all spoke out the truth of His enduring love.

The preacher said that "Biblical gratitude is based on history---on grounded facts and experience. Biblical thankfulness and gratitude is 'looking back' at what God has done and who He is."

My instinct in that very moment was to jump up and speak out (shout!) my own praise and thankfulness.  So, instead, I will use my voice here and write my own Psalm...

here I go, off the cuff---

Psalm one-thirty-six(b)
a psalm of Stephanie

1  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
His love endures forever.
2  Give praise to the Almighty God, who created the world and all the beauty we see,
His love endures forever.
3  Give thanks to my God, who sent His Son to save and deliver His people from darkness,
His love endures forever.
4  to Him that sent His Spirit to dwell in us and to lead us into all truth,
His love endures forever.
5  to Him that provides for our every need,
His love endures forever.
6  who feeds us and clothes us and comforts us when we are sad,
His love endures forever.
7 Give thanks to the God of gods, the Lord of lords,
His love endures forever.
8 He knows all things and His wisdom is pure and holy,
His love endures forever.
9 He has given us eyes to see, ears to hear and tongues to taste.
His love endures forever.
10  for yellow, red, blue and green; laughing and bird song; chocolate and peanut butter
His love endures forever.
11  Give praise to our God, whose heart is close and whose hand is mighty,
His love endures forever.
12  For finding me in that dark place and saving my sad and angry soul,
His love endures forever.
13  For speaking love over me and sending me words of truth,
His love endures forever.
14  and bringing me a man to walk through life and love me well,
His love endures forever.
15 to Him that led us overseas and taught us many things,
His love endures forever.
16 Give thanks to my God, who gifted me with miracle-babies,
His love endures forever.
17 and delivered and healed me from debilitating illness,
His love endures forever.
18 and destroyed the shaking one and rescued me from oppression.
His love endures forever.
19 He remembers me in my humble state.
His love endures forever.
20 And walks with me daily with the invitation of more of His Spirit,
His love endures forever.
21 and feeds me with His word,
His love endures forever.
22 Give thanks to the God of Stephanie, who allows long nights of insomnia,
His love endures forever.
23  and speaks of His wisdom.
He is completing His work in her, and teaching her to trust,
His love endures forever.
24 He has an inheritance for her that will not spoil,
 and is calling her forward for more,
His love endures forever.
25  He deeply loves all the people she sees and knows,
He hears and cares and sees,
His love endures forever.
26  and those she has never met,
His love is for the whole world---the nations
His love endures forever.
27  Give thanks to the God of heaven,
His love endures forever.

I wonder if this wouldn't be a fabulous weekly or monthly practice.  I might give-it-a-go!  Write a psalm... and remember all He has done and especially, essentially, the truth that His love endures forever!  

If you write your own Psalm and want to share... send it along!   I would love to rejoice in your testimony, too!

Why I Write...

photo source

I write because I am so glad they did...

God Almighty, thank you, for Your Word!

Moses...  thank you, for Genesis and Exodus.  

Isaiah, thank you!  

Peter and Paul, thank you for putting your thoughts:  His heart, His Thoughts--- to paper. John, thank you, for recording the movements of Jesus and His words.  

St. Augustine, thank you, for attempting to articulate your journey.  

Thank you...Oswald Chambers, Andrew Murray, Henri Nouwen, C.S. Lewis, Hannah Whithall Smith, Brother Lawrence, Madam Guyon, T.J. MacLeslie, Brene Brown, St. Teresa of Avilla, Ann Voskamp, Brian Wells, George MacDonald, Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Lauren Winner...

...they just wrote--- or are currently writing.  

And, I am so very glad.   I am deeply grateful.  

Known...  Unknown.  The famous and the obscure.  

"If you cannot express yourself on any subject, struggle until you can.  If you do not, someone will be the poorer all the days of his life.  Struggle to re-express some truth of God and God will use that expression to someone else.  ...it will become the very wine of strengthening to someone else...  the author that benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance."  (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 15th)  

This is another reason why I will continue to write...  

How Did I Get Here?

Photo Source

Off kilter and out of sorts.  I didn't wake up feeling this way.  A few hours into the day... that is where I was.  Out-of-wack.  Not at peace.  How did I get here?

Curiosity, is what Brene Brown suggests:  just remain curious about what you are feeling and experiencing.  Look at it and ask "why"?  

Awareness and awakeness are the words I have been using for the last few years.  Lord, make me more awake and aware.   Larry Crabb calls it the "red-dot-moment".  (That shopping mall map that tells you with a red-dot:  "You are here")

Where am I, Lord?  

I know that Scripture assures us of our inheritance in Christ.  We have been given a great gift because of His sacrifice.  A gift of the now and the "not-yet", to be sure: but, a gift to open today and enjoy.  He has given me a living inheritance:  He has given me His peace and His love to remain in and within which we can abide.   I have a home, a place to sit and I can rest.  A pathway to walk that is peace, joy, hope and security.  This is the inheritance that is mine.  And, yours.  Ours in Jesus:  our true home.  I can always live there.  It is 'on offer' to me always.  

I am struck by the deliverance of Israel in Exodus 14 and then the song sung to God in Exodus 15--- God's heart for His people:  His good plan---  unfailing love and strength can be our dwelling, His holiness. (Exodus 15:13)

"You will bring them in and plant them on the mountain of your inheritance—
the place, Lord, you made for your dwelling, the sanctuary, Lord, your hands established." Exodus 15:17

This plan was fulfilled in Christ Jesus.  Because of Him, we have a place to live.   You and I are planted; rooted and established in love.  I have a secure, paid-for-place to live every moment of every day--- an inheritance of peace and love.

But, I forget... I wander.  I stray away from my home.  I get up from this restful place and I step off the path of His love.  I get off kilter in the brush and bramble beside the road.   Like my brothers and sisters the Israelites of old, dark "pursuers" ride toward me; from within and without.   Horse and rider yell out at me or whisper from within "be afraid... be very afraid".  Lies.  All lies.  This also can happen any day.  Moment by moment.

When I remain curious, by His help, I am becoming more keenly aware of when I am off the path and out-of-step with His Spirit.  This morning was one of those moments.  Becoming aware is such a huge, beautiful key!

I became aware... hours after wandering... and simply stopped and asked the Lord for help.  Holy Spirit, help me.  I know where I am.  Now, how did I get here?  

I sat, prayed, quieted my heart and listened.  He brought to mind one small thing---then another--- It was one small flash-point in my morning.  A simple, quiet, niggling--certainly not earth shattering---reality in my body (my health) that triggered worry.  Ah!  more awakeness...  more awareness.   Thank you, Lord. This small moment had clearly brought up bigger, older fears.  Old patterns of coping--- worry, wondering what-might-happen-if, calculating.   It had started with the one instance... then next a piece of news in email (now further off the path!) and then the memory.  Ah!  Like a quiet cascade... the journey to wander at that point was in full swing.

Okay, I had wandered off the path.  Now, I knew when I left my home of peace.

Thank you, Lord.  Now, would You bring me back.  Bring me back inside, Lord.

He says... Open Your hands and surrender to My love and speak Truth to Your soul!

I choose to surrender to Your unfailing love.  I accept "what is" and choose to stop thinking about "what might be".  I offer my body to You--- You are my good Shepherd, my kind Father...  my Creator.  You made my body---so I give it to You to care for!  I am yours.  I don't have to worry.  I don't ever have to fear. You have a place of love for me to rest in---to live in.  I resist the lies in the name of Jesus.  I stand firm, by Your blood, against the worry and fear.  Even when I am in pain... even when my body is wacky... Your Love, Truth and Light are secure.  I receive it!  I let go of fixing this, figuring it out, or worrying about it.  I open my hands and receive Your love and this place of peace.  I choose to sit down in it and rest.  

I sat down in peace and walked on.  My body's reality hasn't changed, the news on email was still hard--- but where I am walking is different.  Stand firm, be still, AND move on (walk forward)--- this is what God tells His people in Exodus (Ex 14:13-18).  What a paradox!  Stand firm.  Walk onward. Trust and obey.

Out of the brambles.... back on the road.  A few hours away---  I now welcome and delight in the gift of peace.  For now, by His grace, I abide in His love.  Lord, make me more awake and aware!  More of You Jesus in me.  

"I will sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously.  The horse and his rider have been hurled into the sea.  The Lord is my strength and my deliverer.  He is my salvation.  ...The Lord is a warrior"  (Exodus 15)