"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Why I blog: Hungry to Connect

I blog because I am hungry. 

God has given me signs of hunger and thirst.  My stomach growls or my mouth just feels parched.  ...my head might ache a bit or my energy level drops.  These are tell-tale signs that it is time to eat or take a long, deep drink.  

I am still learning so is it true of the sign and signals my soul gives off.  When I am fatigued or anxious... when I feel "needy", irritable, or oversensitive.  When I want to manipulate or use my words, or actions, for attention.  All these are tell-tale signs that my soul is hungry.  ...maybe past hungry--- maybe a bit starved, in fact, by that point.   

I believe we all get hungry.  ...we all get soul-hungry, as well.  And, I also know that where one person would eat in small snatches 5 times a day; another might eat one large mid-day meal.  My husband is this kind of "camel" eater.  He just simply doesn't need three meals a day.  I need 4 or 5.  Our hungers are universal and yet, unique.  

Isn't this true about our spiritual hunger and how we feed it?  What it looks like for me to be soul-filled and satiated will undoubtedly look different than it might look like for you.  Oh!, the beauty of the variety in the Body of Christ!  

But, we all have hunger and I think just as we all need basic vitamins and minerals, water and proteins to survive physically; So, we all need some spiritual basics that are universal.  I am seeing my basic need... my "vitamin C" need for relational connectedness.  And, I will venture to say we all need this essential in our soul's health.  We have a basic need to be known and to know.  We have a deep, God-given, need for relationship.  

This is the Trinity and our "made in the Image" of the Almighty, isn't it?     The Trinity fellowship that is Our Father, Son and Spirit is a beautiful Truth and basic tenant of Our faith.  And, it was in His image that I was created!  Just as He is connected and known in three-persons, I long for fellowship, connectedness and known-ness. 

I am realizing that I hunger and thirst to be known.  I long to be known and to know God and His people.  

And, so I blog.  

Sounds a bit odd, I am sure.  But, truly, that is one reason I sit here and pour out my thoughts. I know that my husband, my best friends, my new friends, and my sisters are reading.  And, I desperately want them to know this 25 minutes of my life.  I want them to know me.  And, I want to know them.  If only they would all blog!!  

I realized this when I contemplated writing just into a Word Document on my computer.  Afraid of my pride, my people-pleasing tendency and my perfectionism creeping into this blog; I stopped blogging for a while and talked to Father about this issue.  I know myself well enough to know that I can be ridiculously prideful; and my fail safe way of skirting that issue (and any sin issue) is to avoid or to remain clear of anything that might stroke my pride.  

And, yet, what I found as I prayed is that Father God was inviting me to enter into this arena, fully aware of my sinfulness, and find freedom in writing here.   I believe He is inviting me to dive in and blog; while consciously fighting off the enemy of pride.  

Because a Word Doc wouldn't "do it".  In fact, I have noticed I don't feel finished with any given blog post until my husband reads it.   It isn't his praise that makes me feel "done" ---it is the connectedness and the "have been known a bit more".  He read my thoughts.  He now knows these thoughts, too.  

So, in the same way that the fear of false hungers--- boredom, anxiety, sadness, or exhaustion--- might keep me from eating properly or eating enough; so the fear of false hungers of my soul--- pride, self-righteousness, and people-pleasing, don't need to keep me from doing the things that feed my soul.  And, writing, feeds my soul.  

And, so, I write.  I write to be known.  

Does this blog represent all of me.  No, not at all, of course!!  This is one small window into a 30 minute thought-dump.  But, it IS real and it is a part of me.  ...and a part of me that I might have trouble saying to you in the 10 minutes we stand with coffee in hand in the church aisle.

Now, if we had the privilege to sit for a few hours together... (face-to-face communication clearly surpasses the computer screen, in my opinion)... then I could know more of you and you could know me more.  But, alas, one avenue I do have is to write.  And, so I blog.   

So, thank you for reading... thank you for taking a minute to know me (or a part of me).  Thank you for being a part of my soul-feeding. 

"I count myself as one of the number who writes as they learn and learn as they write" ~Augustine 
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