It was only a few weeks ago that I had the thought... why am I keeping track? What is the point? Is it helping me in any way to know?**
Brene Brown in her fabulous books often talks about a 'mentality of scarcity'. We walk around struggling with the "not enough" feeling all day long. Scarcity. I am not enough... or I don't have enough. Not thin enough. Not smart enough. Not tall enough. Not funny enough. Not enough time. Not enough sleep. Not enough energy. Not enough fun. Not enough money.
This 'not enough' mentality--- scarcity--- haunts us and follows us around throughout our days. But, it's a lie. This way of thinking is absolutely false.
In contrast, we are told that we have "all we need for life and godliness"... (2 Peter 1:3). Scripture tells us that God gives us all we need...
It is false to say I don't have enough for life. No! In Christ, I truly have all I need!
"The way to slowly die is to believe you live in scarcity---not abundance" ~Ann Voskamp
According to Scripture, when we live in Christ, we live in abundance. Abundance of grace. Abundance of strength. Abundance of peace. Abundance of life and light and truth...
So, I have decided to stop keeping track.
An older friend here told me she read an article that said it is helpful to not look at the clock when you wake up in the middle of the night. The news article stated that it helps you fall asleep quicker if you don't know... or don't look. I started there one night. (and this was quite a discipline)
Now when I am tossing and turning... or wide awake... I just don't look. I cover my clock with a book! Why do I need to know? It only brings trouble to my mind, it never helps.
I just stopped keeping track entirely. I don't count. I don't keep track and I don't tell my family how much sleep I got, or didn't get. I actually don't know!
My goal in the morning, instead, is to swing my feet around, plant them firm on the ground and stand on the truth that I have enough. For today. For life and godliness, today, I have all I need. In this, I can be very thankful for any and all sleep. Slowly, I am trusting I got exactly what I need. Jesus is my enough. He has given me all I need today for life and for godliness...
Today, I had just enough sleep. If, in fact, I didn't get much; then, He will give me enough energy for what He is calling me to today. In Him, I have enough.
I speak to my soul... Trust the Lord, Stephanie. Trust that He is Your enough. Trust that in Him you have abundance. He has given you what you need. And, indeed, He will give you what you need for today.
**Of course, it is helpful to keep track of these things when we are struggling to take good care of ourselves. ...am I giving myself the vegetables I need? Am I giving my body exercise and healthy care? Am I going to bed at a beneficial time---allowing for enough sleep? In these ways, it can be super helpful to know... or keep track. But, this isn't my problem. I am taking good care of my body--- heading to bed at a decent hour. I am just simply not sleeping. (a very common problem, so I hear, with women 'my age' and older!)