Laying in bed, in prayer... I decided to get up. I would re-set my alarm to sleep past my normal waking time. I could go and have my 'God-time' in His Word at 4 am... then allow myself the extra sleep if I could get there again after 5 am.
Needless to say, it was a troubling dream. Anything that will pull me from my warm bed...into the cold, wet dark of winter; I was feeling it acutely.
Sitting in my 'morning chair' I prayed. I could feel the silence of the dark around me and I knew that the dark was welling inside, as well. I didn't feel relief in that moment. I just felt alone.
So... I spent the first moments of my quiet time in my journal. I wrote. And, wrote. I spilled out the profound sadness that accompanied the dream. This dream happened to be a repeat of a theme, as of late. I have seen this dream before... or at least I have seen its sort.
A theme of worries and fears about the future. I have been having dreams of sadness draping my world and hard roads which lay ahead. Oh... the cold and dark of the early morning hours.
After spilling my mind and my heart out on paper... I still felt a bit lost. Where now, Lord?
I sensed and felt to simply pick up where I left off yesterday... in my daily reading through of Isaiah. Isaiah 30 is where I landed.
In the dark of this early morning, my eyes began to read and read and read... Slowly, prayerfully I read; all the while waiting and expecting the living Word to do what it so often does--- jump right off the page and touch me. I wasn't disappointed.
After a few moments, from the pages, my soul saw and heard "Yahweh is a God of justice*. Blessedly happy are all who wait expectantly for him" (Isaiah 30:18)
The word justice... in this version.. had an asterisk next to it and the explanation said:
"This word justice is the very complex and profound Hebrew word: mishpat. In this context it means 'one who knows how to make right decisions at just the right time'.
...to make right decisions. just at the right time. Always true. Always authoritatively correct. Always timely. Just the right time.
This was exactly what my soul needed this morning. With the Words, I could feel my heart resting and my mind slowing to the pace of Truth.
My God... this Yahweh, who I love with all my heart, mind and strength... is a God who is good, righteous, loving, and holy. He has always been. He will always be. It is HE that makes these decisions. Just at the right time.
These heavy premonitions and worries that lurk at the edge of my future... these sad things that my soul seems determined to process--- I can lay them down at His feet. I can place them in His hands. I can wait expectantly on Him---receiving my inheritance of peace and 'blessed happiness'. I can know that He does all things well.
I need never worry. I need never be afraid of tomorrow. I can trust Him to do just the right thing in/with my life---at just the exact right time.
As an end to my early morning journal ramblings, I wrote the verse down. I circled it. And shutting the book, I quietly made my way upstairs and slipped back into bed. For a very few short moments, lying in the dark of the 5 am... I whispered a prayer and my soul was at rest once again. ...Falling asleep with the thought, My God is the God of mishpat!
