While walking, my random thoughts became prayer, a light-hearted conversation with my Father ... "wandering prayer" some might call it.
As I headed toward the coast, my walk took me between two fields. Only months before, on this same walk, I had watched the farmer bailing hay and carting it to the barns. Both fields had been harvested and cut down to dirt. This day, as I walked, I noticed that new growth was peeking through. I noticed that the fields no longer looked dark and brown; but, instead the field was a vibrant "new" green. In amazement at this growth, smack dab in the midst of winter (at -2 degrees below!), I wondered at how this land--- in this country I am living--- this land just MUST be green. It can't help but be green.
It doesn't seem to matter the temperature, the time of year, or the rain... Green just pushes forth from the ground and grows!! And, it is beautiful.
I still remember the first time I visited this country and saw the small, tender, colorful flowers peeking through freshly fallen snow. I was amazed then. I am still amazed at God's creation that just keeps pushing through!
As, I commented (half to myself and half to the Lord) about this "must" growth, I felt the Spirit of God speaking softly to my heart, to my mind.
You are growing and green, Stephanie!, He seemed to be whispering in response to my half-hearted, wandering prayer.
With this thought, instantly, I was moved within. I was filled with joy! I am growing, aren't I, Father?! The thought sprung from my heart with encouragement and joy! Yes, Stephanie, you are! You are green with life and growth, seemed to be the non-worded, Spirit-"words" to my heart.
In that moment, on that walk, I felt secure in His growth in me. I felt loved and known. I felt that indeed the faith I have been asking for was greening and the trust that I have been longing for was growing! It was a sweet moment.
And, then, ...as if there was a divine "but"... my eyes noticed something else in the field. As I kept walking along the fields and wandering in prayer with my Father, I noticed that these verdant fields were full of rocks. Dotted, scattered, throughout the whole of the field were many, many rocks.
Rocks? My mind paused. The picture just didn't seem to compute. Wouldn't the field grow better and stronger, if there were no rocks??
Yes, it would.
Doesn't the farmer want those gone? And, wouldn't he be working to rid this field of rocks?
Yes, he would. And, He is.
Oh, Father, I have rocks in my soul, too. Don't I?
Yes, my Stephanie, you do. Many rocks.
And so went this tender, wandering conversation with my Father. As His Spirit spoke to my heart and I ask questions. I waited and walked. I pondered and prayed. And, very quickly, I could articulate those rocks in my soul or at least a few of them. I have many.
I am growing. As I walk in His strength and sit in His love, He MUST grow in me. He just can't keep from growing! He can't help but spring forth and shine through. And, He does this... just like those luscious fields... despite the rocks. But, He still wants those rocks dealt with and gone. And, so do I.
So, I will keep walking. And, keep talking and wandering with my Father, a good Farmer. ...and working on those rocks.