"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Too Far Into Love

"I am afraid..." she said to me, with almost a whisper in her voice.  Could she say it out-loud?
"I am afraid to take it too far.  I hear all you are saying about God's love for me... In fact, I think I have heard Him say it to me.  I hear it.  ...about living-as-loved... about who I am because I am loved.  But..."  

"But, isn't it possible to go too far?!"

I knew what she was saying.  I have known this hesitation.  

I remember saying almost the exact same thing.  I remember saying it and knowing it was wrong... and still saying it!  I remember feeling the hesitation or danger in this concept of unconditional, lavished love!  

I said it.  I did.  It wasn't that long ago that I said to my husband:  "There is a hesitation to diving in.  It is a dangerous feeling.  I mean, if I really--- I mean, really and truly--- believed that God loves me.  If I really trusted in God's love for my "okayness", my everything, my security...  then... who would keep me in check.  Wouldn't I just jump off the deep end of sin?  Wouldn't I be prideful and selfish?  Wouldn't I just 'let myself go' and 'rest on my rump'... doing nothin' for good or for God??  Who would keep me in line?" 

I know the hesitation.  I was there.  

We, as Christians, do get really good at being good.  ...doing what is right.  ...living by all the "shoulds" around us.  We perfect the act and dance the dance well.  Well,... sort-of.  At least on the outside---  at least outside our homes, outside our living rooms and bedrooms.  I think, we learn to put-on "loved" that is.  

Or, I did.  For a long time...  

Not that I didn't love the Lord.  I did.  Very much.

Not that I didn't grow or even move forward in my understanding of God.  I did.  ...but, still deep within I knew the truth.  I knew that there was something big missing.  I knew that deep down I really questioned God's love for me.  

And, I also knew that the idea of abandoned to love---left alone with only His love---felt a dangerous and scary concept.  ...would it be enough?  

"I am afraid.." she quietly shared with me today.  "Isn't it possible to go too far with God's love?"  

Now, I know.  I finally know!  I reallly, truly and deeply know that God loves me.  

....and I can whisper back to my fellow-journeyer, an invitation, "Trust me, my friend, you can never---ever---never go too far into God's love!  You can never push the concept of you as a loved-one, a beloved one, too far!  You just can't!"

Dive in.  Dive deep.  Swim wide and long!  Soak up the Truth of His love for you.  May it invade your very bones, your marrow, your bloodstream!  May His love fill every nook and every dark place within you!  With His love you can never take it too far...  
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