"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Monday, October 28, 2013

Sleep Walking

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I fall asleep so quickly...

I slumber and slip into numbness with the simple tasks of cooking, cleaning, teaching my children and walking to the store...  I slip into a state of "to-do" and "task-girl".   I slide into automatic.   Do you ever do this?  Like a dishwasher, just push the "start" button on Stephanie and off I go... working without much thought or "life" or awareness.  Almost inanimate.

I think Jesus is inviting me to something more... a life lived more alive.  More awake.

"Be dressed and ready", He has been saying.  (Luke 12:35)

"Stay alert, watchful and awake", He has been speaking to my soul. (1 Peter 5:8)  Not words of condemnation, but these have been words of invitation and wisdom.

I have more for you, Stephanie.

I went away on a three day spiritual retreat this week.  What a joy!   The beauty of silence, solitude and pulling away are always balm to my soul.  Curled up in the comfy easy-chair in my friend's living room, I sat with my journal, my Bible and my pens...  "What is it you want to do with our time, Jesus?"  I asked and waited.

Go outside and take a walk into town.


The quiet words wafted across my mind.  Go outside.  Take a walk into town.   "What, Lord? Go outside?  Take a walk into town?"  No, that can't possibly be from God.

So, I asked Him again.


Twenty minutes later (after explaining to God all the reasons why I shouldn't be doing "this" on my pull-away-quiet-solitude spiritual retreat!) the invitation still hung in the air of my soul.  It was like the words just waited patiently for a response.  Go outside and walk into town.  

So, I put on my shoes and my coat and took a step outside.   Crisp cool air hit my face and woke me up.

I have more for you, Stephanie.  Be awake and alert.  Be watchful.  

I walked up into town with an obedient heart.  I was so alive in those moments.  Awake and aware.    Extra aware, extra sensitive.  I was listening.  What was it He had for me?  Why would He ask me to do this?  Who, Lord?  What is it, Lord Jesus?  Show me?  Teach me...  Lord, I want to walk into town with you.

I walked into town with Jesus that day... In those sweet moments, I was so very awake.  I felt alive.  From the beginning until the end of my walk, I felt that I "saw" everyone, smelled everything and heard all.  I noticed each soul and prayed my way through the town.  I was waiting and watching and listening... What do you have for me, Lord Jesus?  My heart was asking.

I have this..  

I have this awareness, Stephanie.  Awakeness.  Surrendered-obedient-anticipating-adventuring-aware-awakeness.  Learn to walk through all of your life in this way, my daughter.  

Because... I fall asleep so easily.

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