"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Two Fragile Hearts

We have known that our kids have not exactly been “themselves” for a while. We have seen the stress of the ambiguity wearing on each of us.
There are moments when theoretical stress turns into real, every day emotions. This happened yesterday!
I noticed that the room they are staying in was messy and needed to be picked up. In a joking manner, I made the off handed comment regarding my sweet girl's doll, “Maybe it is time I take the doll away if you can’t keep her stuff picked up.” The quick comment was said in response to the “tornado” room I was looking at; but, her response was immediately very intense!
She burst into weeping tears and pleaded (while gripping her doll) that I not take away her doll.
Of course, my next response was to grab her into my arms, apologize for my off handedness regarding her dolly and to hold her as she cried. I knew instantly that the tears were not only about this doll, but the other dolls/stuffed animals that she misses.
Many very important and special things have been “taken away” these last 10 months (friends, home, team, and stuff).
I asked her if I was right in my guess and she wept that much harder with a resounding “yes!”. I can certainly relate! It has been almost 10 months now of a nomadic lifestyle for our family.
My husband and I both have been fighting off the general malaise that comes with the daily stress of this transition. Maybe I should have entitled this “four fragile hearts!”
There is a beautiful stability that comes with “home” and our stuff, isn’t there?
We feel secure in our homes.
When God allows us to be in a homeless, nomadic state it does remind us that He is our home and that things are temporary; but, these lessons are deeply difficult none-the-less.
So, we continue to ask God to fill our hearts with faith, peace, and stability in Him alone. While asking that He fills our hearts with contentment in Him alone, we also ask fervently that he would eventually allow us to re-unite with our stuff (packed away and ready to ship to Wales from Turkey) and allow us to have a “home” again. I find this balance of surrendered prayer and persevering prayer a difficult one.
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