"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Monday, April 27, 2009

Do you trust me now?

The Lord has always provided for me. 
  
Truly, through the years, I have had the privilege to see Him provide everything from finances, to visas, to refrigerators, cars, ...even babies! Even more importantly, I have-- time and time again-- seen Him provide His presence in the most needed moments. 
  
I have always been provided for.

Just recently, though, it seems that His provisions comes a bit "later" than I have grown accustom to. He seems to be saying "no" more and "wait" a lot more often these days. 



Lately, it feels like He brings me right up to the edge of the water, waits for me to put my toe in the water and then...
...He opens the "red sea"! 


But, my toe needs to touch the water first, it seems. His whispers into my soul have been, "Do you trust me now?". ...and "how about now?" ..."and now". 


These whispers are certainly not unkind; but, instead, just asking gently for my trust. "Do you know I love you, Stephanie?"

Just yesterday, as we were coming upon another move into the unknown (another 'where will we be living next week and where will we live in a month' moment), I finally bowed my head in complete surrender. 



It isn't that I haven't been attempting and even finding daily surrender to the Lord; but, this was a full face-plant kind of surrender. I said with deep, difficult sincerity, "I trust you, Lord" and "it is well with my soul". 


And, blam, we now have a house to live in right here in town for the remainder of our stateside time. Hmm... Now, of course, there is no formula to this! I can't say the magic words and blam I will have exactly what I want or need... it is a heart thing. 


It is a relational thing. It is a daughter-dad thing.

My heart had to give in and give up, to trust a loving, kind and good Father and His plan... His timing. Trust is not about words. It is not something you can muster. I guess this time my toe finally went into the water because He just opened the "red sea" (a very small "red sea", I would admit; but, a red sea in my life none-the-less)...
   
Thank you, Lord. You are faithful.
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