"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tell yourself the truth...

If I listen well, I can sometimes hear awful lies that bounce around in my head.  Almost like recordings---or tapes-of-old, these lies and words are like "old friends"; but, certainly not healthy friendships, to be sure!

I can make harsh judgments about myself and shame myself.  Not always word-based, these feelings toward myself can be angry, irritated and fed-up.  Some days there is very little grace and mercy that pour out from my own self talk...

I have been asking my Father to make me more aware of my thoughts and my feelings toward myself and toward others.   I have been asking the Holy Spirit to lead me into all Truth.  I have been listening more keenly lately.   Using a wonderful, ancient tool called the Enneagram, I have awaken a bit to some of the pitfalls of my personality.  What nasty, destructive untruths would my unique personality fall into? ...oh!  I have some doozies!  With this personality tool, I have also found some helpful "wake-up" calls for my attention and to aid my awareness.  This has helped greatly.  It is amazing what a little awareness can do.

But, then, today, I heard these familiar untruths---those recordings--- come out of my daughter's mouth.  She is not my personality type--- not at all!  But, listen to what she is saying!  Look what I have taught her!  We do teach our children, not with our words but, with our actions and with our lives.  Good. And, bad. They see what we really believe.  ...about ourselves and about others.  Unconsciously, she is mirroring my own lies---my harsh judgments toward myself now spoken out against herself.  And, this grieves me today.

I can battle those lies that come out of my sweet girl's mouth.  And, I do.   I do with fierce passion!  I see clearly in those moments.  I know them immediately as falsehood when they fly out into the Light.  They sound so very wrong when spoken through her darling, lovable lips!  I can answer them with Truth.   I can speak Truth to her about what God sees, about who she is...

Why is it so hard to fight the battle when it is inside me?  When the war is inside my head and directed at me, why is it less clear?!

What you tell her---that Truth--- tell yourself!  The Truth that you tell her, speak to yourself, Stephanie.   

This is the phrase that has been bouncing around in my head today.  That Truth.  The Truth that fights those ugly lies coming out of her deeply-loved-mouth.  That Truth you speak over your daughter...  tell yourself that same Truth.  

If I listen well to my thoughts, it is amazing the amount of false things that can bring chaos to my soul.  If I listen well to my words, maybe I can hear some Truth.

Friends, by all means, talk to yourself, ... but please tell yourself the truth!    What would you say to your deeply loved daughter if you heard those lies?  What Truth would you speak to her... tell yourself that Truth!
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