"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What about me!?

Who's taking care of me? This was the cry of my heart, this morning. A selfish cry? Yes! But a genuine, heart-felt cry from deep within as I juggled the normal... breakfast, laundry, phone call, email, early morning prayer meeting, time with the Lord?, children, dog, husband, upcoming guests... I woke up this morning bombarded by needs. What about me? I just wanted to get back into bed and sleep another hour.
When I sat down to pray... I just began to tell the Lord exactly how I was feeling. I love that my Father in Heaven is not burdened, upset, worried or shaken by my emotional well-being. His throne, His crown, His very being is perfectly stable regardless of how I am feeling! It is such grace to remember this. I can rant and rave and cry and stamp my feet a bit... and He is unmoved. Not that He doesn't care for me and not that His heart is not filled with compassion, I believe it is. But, my emotional make up any given morning does not affect His well being. What a blessing!

So, I told my Dad how I was feeling and He listened. Did I feel Him listening right away--- no! I was feeling grumpy, selfish and angry. I wasn't feeling His presence at all. But, after a time of telling and then sitting and then remembering... and His presence was more distinguishable. I knew exactly what my heart needed. I needed to worship and give thanks. My heart needed to look up and out a bit. So, I began to thank Him. It isn't hard once you get started. There are so many blessings! He has given me so much and has cared so well for me. He has been so good, so kind, so sweet to me. It is amazing what thankfulness can do for a selfish heart!

And then the sweet words began to flood my heart and mind... "in repentance and rest is your salvation". "Restore the joy of my salvation". "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty". Ah! His rest. He, Himself is my care-giver. He is my refuge and the One who gives to me. He gives strength to the weary and makes those tired mount upon wings like eagles. He never tires. He never sleeps. He takes care of me and He is a good and loving Father.

O kind Father, thank you for Your sweet love and care. Thank you for Your word and Your grace. You have strengthened me and given me hope. You have restored the joy of my salvation and given my heart rest. I am still tired, Lord. I need You to carry me. Thank you for Your limit-less love and grace. I choose to dwell in You today and rest in Your shadow.
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