"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Weaned one

My son had a dream last night. As he told me his dream, I was struck at "it's" message for my heart. Simply put, he dreamed that it was time to come down and snuggle with me. (We snuggle a bit each morning after he wakes up). But, he knew in the dream that he had to wait until 6:30 am (our house rule). And, in his dream 6:30 had come!! When he woke up from this "wonderful dream" (as he characterized it), he realized that it was 3:00 a.m. and that "made him really sad". Essentially, my son dreamt about me. He dreamt a wonderful dream about snuggling me and was sadly disappointed when he woke up to find it was only a dream.

Obviously our morning cuddle time is important to my son. This time is very important to me, as well. I get up early... and start my quiet-moment with the Lord before the kids get up. But, around 6:30, my ears are attuned to the noises in the house. I anticipate their coming to see me. I love to see them in the morning. When I hear their footsteps coming down to see me, it seems to "complete" my morning.

When my son told me the dream it seemed to accentuate and illustrate a silent prayer that I have been praying these last few days. Like a weaned child, Lord. Make me content, like a weaned child. This prayer comes from Psalm 131:2, "But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me."

After my son made his way back upstairs to read quietly, I re-entered my "devotional time" and started writing down all the character qualities of a healthy, weaned child. There are many, I am sure... but here are my first thoughts.

A weaned child is content. When my son sits on my lap in the mornings, he isn't asking anything from me per sey... he just wants to be with me. Essentially he wants my lap. He wants my presence. He wants my warmth. Lord make me content to sit with you. May I long for and be satisfied by You, Your presence and your warmth.

A weaned child is secure. He knows that the lap he sits upon is safe and stable. He knows that I will provide all he need, in time and isn't groping. Lord, make me secure in my relationship with You. May I know I am deeply loved and sit securely in who You are and who I am in You.

A wean child doesn't grope. I had the privilege of nursing both my children. I actually really loved this aspect of being a mom; but, I must say, at times I just felt like the milk-maid. Babies love their milk! They smell it. They always want it... and when hungry, they cry like they aren't going to get it! The groping for milk seems almost filled with anxiety, distrust, and desperation. When my children began to eat solids, the groping began to wane. Their hunger was satiated by something other than... me. The relationship, then, changed a bit. Now, my children do not lay their heads on my breast to eat... they lay for simple comfort and closeness. They aren't anxious, or distrustful, or desperate. They just sit still. Lord, may I not grope after You in order to get something from You. Lord, be my one desire. May I learn to trust You completely and to enjoy You more than Your gifts, Your provision and Your answers.

Just as I have been asking Father to make me like a weaned child, sitting contented and secure in His love, I have also been asking God to wean me from this world. This whispered prayer comes from a quote I heard by David Brainerd, "Such fatigues and hardship as these serve to wean me more from the earth; and, I trust, will make heaven the sweeter."

I want to be a still weaned child of God, comforted alone by My Heavenly Father. And, I want to be (need to be) weaned from this world. I want to be weaned from the things in this world that I naturally grope after. ...Control. Man's praise. Comfort. Food. Relational Harmony. These are a few of the things that have been "my mother's milk" and things I have learned to rely on, go to, quench my God-sized thirst. I long to be free from these things. I long to be free to run the race unhindered and untangled from the earth, the flesh, and sin. Lord, wean me more from this earth.

Weaned. I want to be a weaned one.

In the light of eternity we shall see that what we desired would have been fatal to us,and that what we would have avoided was essential to our well-being. ~Francis Fenelon

Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best;God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take
it. ~George MacDonald
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