"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Flood of Tears

Tears finally came today. ...and they rushed out of my soul like a flood. Tears don't come easily to me--- not that I don't feel sad often enough to cry... I do, of course; but, I have never been very good at crying. So, when tears DO come, they flow like a torrent. Today I had a tsunami of tears. From my gut, from deep within, I wept.

I wept with my friend, who must sit up nights and watch her little one in a hospital bed, begging for our Father to heal. I wept with my friend, wondering what she must have felt as she stood before the gun... knowing she was next in line for death. I wept.

As I thought of this friend, dead now and in a white robe before Our Father's throne, I remembered what it says about those martyred for their faith. As I wept, my heart recalled:

"I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain because of the word of God and the testimony they had maintained. They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brothers who were to be killed as they had been was completed." (Revelation 6)
And as I wept, I prayed. I prayed, "Avenge her blood, Lord!" "Avenge her!" my soul cried out to God. How do I put in words what my soul prayed this morning. ... The vengeance, or justice, that I was asking for was none other than the salvation of a nation. I was asking God to avenge her blood by doing that which her murderers hated so much... bring Your kingdom to that land, Father!! Pour out Your spirit and bring many to faith. Rip the nation from their hands, from the hands of darkness, and give the people Your light! My gut was calling out for justice and I believe the heart of my Father heard my cry.

Avenger her blood, O kind, just and merciful Father. May Your kingdom come in that land. Would You pour down and rip away that land from the enemy. Tear the people away from a lie and bring Your truth! Do this Father, I pray!!

Wait a little longer... he says. Just a little longer, He tells His people.

And now I walk through this day asking the Lord how I can live rightly. How do I live my life in a worthy manner, a life worthy of the calling for which she died? So that... I might, by His grace, sit up late at night watching a loved one sick in a hospital bed. Or, so that... I may face a gun and trust in Him alone.

The tears came and now, I feel an urgency in my soul to live my life with Him as my all, my only, and my hope.
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