"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Angry Words

I yelled at my kids yesterday. It wasn't pretty. And, it hurt them.

It was as if frustration with their behavior seized me. I didn't pause. I didn't pray. I just raised my voice and said harsh words in anger. I spoke angry and mean words to the ones I love here on earth the most. How is this possible? Would my brother, Jesus, have helped me if I had asked? I think so. He has before...

It is so easy to let emotions get the better of me and throw self-control out the window. This is what happened yesterday. And, I am am deeply sad about my behaviour. Had I asked the Holy Spirit to help, would He have filled me to full with self-control, peace, and patience? I think so. He has before...

Oswald Chambers says, "The true test of a person's spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening." Yesterday, I failed this test. And, I failed miserably. An average day. An average childish misbehaviour. Nothing tremendous and nothing out of the ordinary. And, I failed.

When I did ask my sweet children for mercy and forgiveness, they gave it... and I believe they honestly gave it. They forgave me. But, I still saw hurt in their eyes. Forgiveness releases the wrong-doer, but it doesn't take away the pain or the repercussions of the wrong done. I am grateful of their mercy and grace. But, with even this 'small' blow of emotional and angry words, I gave my sweet children a wound. I wounded these that I love so deeply. And, this hurts my heart.

Lord, give me pause. Give me space when the frustration seems to overtake. Give me a right mind to ask for Your help. Help me to live in Your strength, Your grace and Your self-control. When I react in myself alone, I fail miserably. If I had asked You, Father, would you have helped? I think so. You have so many times before...
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