"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Just sit still

Each morning I have an invited, and very welcome, interruption to my quiet time with the Lord... my sweet kids. Directly after they wake up and before they start their quiet reading time, they come find me in my chair to sit on my lap and snuggle for a moment. I get a special "one-on-one" moment with each one on my lap. It is truly one of my favorite parts of my day! I love it so much that there have been mornings that I have been distracted away from time with my Jesus because I am anticipating this sweet moment.

This morning as I sat in my chair my heart warmed thinking about them scurrying in to find me. My reading this morning was from Psalms 131,
"I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me". Oh, Lord, my good Father, I thought... this is what you have for me! I can sit "on your lap" and be still and quiet. This is the relationship I can have with God. He invites me to come and sit. He invites me to security. He invites me to quiet moment with Him. ...and He anticipates it! Amazing.

As I read the Psalm, I thought for certain that God was going to reinforce this beautiful concept to me and show me tangibly through my children. Instead, He had a different thing to show me this morning...
My son was the first to come in this morning and instead of his normal quick climb up on my lap, he just didn't seem content by the way I was sitting (put your legs this way, Mommy) or the way he was sitting (I am not comfortable, Mommy). He was discontent with how my lap felt this morning. After he was finally situated on to my lap, he didn't stay still very long at all. He began to be distracted by the way the recliner handle worked, by the plans for the day and by what we were going to have for breakfast. He just wouldn't sit still. I hugged him tight and I quietly whispered to him, "Just sit still for a moment". He hardly heard me. And I had thought for sure God wanted me to learn about stillness from my sweet weaned boy! But, lo, I realized... this is the lesson!

...Oh, Lord, I do this to you. I wiggle and squirm in the place You have for me. Oh, Father, how I squirm! I complain about "the way" you sit, or I sit... I am not comfortable, Lord, I say. I finally may come to sit on your lap, and I am distracted by the setting, the plans for the day, or my daily bread! This is me.
Looking back at the Psalm, I am struck by the choice the psalmist is making,
"I have stilled and quieted my soul". It is an option. It is an action. My son could have just choosen to sit and quiet his soul in my arms for a few minutes. Most mornings he does. This morning he missed it. And as a result I missed the moment... and I felt sad.
Does it make you sad, Father, when you whisper into my soul, "Just sit still" and I don't...

Today I intend to choose to quiet my soul. I will choose to still my soul and rest in your arms. May it be so.
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