"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Answers

We got it. After four months of waiting, we got it! Amazing. Our company has received permission to invite us and we should be only 4 weeks away from a visa in hand. I cried when I heard the news. It was like a cloud burst of emotion. Unstoppable joy. Relief. Release.
He answers prayer. I knew He would. He has been growing this hope in me these last few years. I knew He would answer. How and when were the only remaining things to be seen. I knew He would answer. He always does.
The truth is He has been answering my prayers all along. He answered when I asked Him to be my rock of stability in the uncertainty. He was my rock. He answered when I wasn’t sleeping well and asked to sleep. He didn't give me sleep, but He taught me more about prayer. He taught me to rely on Him the next day when I was exhausted. He answered when I asked Him to be Present and to be my strength. He has been very present, even if unfelt at times, very present. He has been my strength. Did He answer more today than He has these past four months? Nope, I don't think so. He has always been answering. He just chose to answer "yes" and "now", today.
I asked Him this morning for a miracle. I asked Him to answer today. I asked Him to release the visas and He did it. (No, it isn't the first time I have asked) The crazy truth is that He did it before I ever asked. The permission had been given before I asked this morning. But, He tells me to ask. He heard my prayers and He responded. I don't get it! But, I love it.
>My kids ask me for gum almost 4 times a day. I don't give it to them every time they ask, but I fully intend to give it to them at some point. They know I will answer. They know I will say "no" sometimes and "yes" other times. And, they keep asking. They are learning to trust my answers to them. They are beginning to get that my "no" and my "yes" are not random. I say "no" when it is morning time before we have even had lunch. I say "no" directly after they have just finished the last piece. Sometimes, I say "no" just so their little bodies don't get a mini-addiction, so they "have" to have it after every meal (like my morning coffee). My "no" and my "yes" are not random and my cuties are beginning to trust that. Me, too, Lord.
The verse I read this morning as I cried out to Him telling Him how "done" I was and asking Him for a miracle, was in Psalm 145. It says that the Lord is near to all who call... to all who call on Him in truth. I was struck by the need to be honest and real with my Father. So, I told Him all I was feeling. He listened. He answered. His answer was not only in the permission later this morning. He answered in that moment this morning. He answered with Himself. I am beginning to trust.
I am certain I will be in "this place" of asking for miracles many more times in the future. Lord, teach me to know you are a God who answers. Lord, teach me to look for Your answers... all of them. May I look for your "no", may I look for your provisions, Your Presence and Your strength.