It is always a good thing to be reminded that you are not really needed. Usable, yes. Gifted by God, okay. Wanted, yes. And, missed, maybe. But necessary, no.
I was supposed to fly to Hong Kong on Saturday. I was to be at some meetings and play a small part in the training. I was planning to go and care for some sweet friends and co-workers. My husband and I had planned and prepped. I had all my bags packed, my laundry all done, the house cleaned and groceries in the house to care for my kiddos as they stayed behind with teammates (enough food really for about a month... just in case they got really hungry!).Early last week, I had really felt un-ready emotionally ... I was afraid, insecure and weary. But, one day my heart changed dramatically. Struggling to surrender the trip (and mostly the leaving of my kids) into His hands, I submitted and decided, again, to trust my good Father. Almost in that moment, I truly began to feel the strength of the Lord rising from deep within. Toward the end of the week, for two days prior to our departure time, I felt very excited, confident and ready to go!
It was really a sweet thing to sense His sustenance, His provision of strength and energy for the task ahead. My faith was bolstered and I will remember this provision from Him.
And then a volcano erupted... well, actually continued erupting. Strangely, this volcano in Iceland threw molten rock and glass into the atmosphere... which "happened" then to drift over the country I am now living in. The blue skies that had brought joy the day before were holding tight to and hiding an apparent ash cloud miles above my head. My flights, all flights, were grounded and we were not to fly.
We waited in anticipation for the cloud to shift and the flights to be reinstated... surely He had provided all this strength and confidence so that I could go and be a part of this important event.
But, no, still here we sit under the ash cloud and the beautiful blue sky. The cloud still lingers and the flights are still grounded. The training and friends are in Hong Kong ... and the event begins without--- well, without me. Reports this morning prove that God is present, working and showing-up in powerful ways. ...Thus, the "stick your finger in a glass of water" saying comes to mind!!
An Icelandic volcano forced me to pull my finger out of the glass of water. No real hole will be left... not one that another sister or brother can't fill. Certainly no hole is left that my Father can't fill. No hole is left and that is good and right. I want it that way. I want the time to be sweet because He shows up... not me. This is my prayer.
He doesn't need me. Isn't that good to remember!
So, the ash cloud lingers and the water fills in the hole left by my finger.
And... I rejoice that He is before all things and in Him all things hold together. I rejoice and attest to the fact that He can give all I need...strength and confidence. And, I rejoice that He doesn't need me.
