"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Talkin' like a foolish woman!

"You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Strange as it may sound, I am internally much more comfortable with suffering than with blessing. Not that I like to suffer. But, in my soul somewhere that "feels" better, more holy, more okay.

My life is really good. I have so much. Truly, I am over-blessed. I have a sweet relationship with Jesus, an amazing husband, two healthy children, good friends, a beautiful home... and on and on and on goes the list. Blessings in abundance. Am I the only one that struggles with this? Sometimes in raw moments I find myself almost apologizing for the blessings and good things. In quiet moments, I sometimes wonder if God can love me "even though" I am not suffering for Him. No, okay, I never really wonder that exactly--- that would be wrong, on-its-head, theology. But, my wonderings do get a bit close to that place of questioning God's okay-ness with the happiness in my life. Is He okay with this?

I think all my life I believed I would suffer. I remember telling a mentor once about this thought process and she was shocked, "Why would you think that? Why would you say that?" That was the first time I questioned the assumption of suffering I had always made.

I think I have prepared, waited for, and relied on the fact that one day I would suffer,... big suffering. And, I just haven't. Has life been perfect for me? No. I have had my share of hurt and some suffering... but, I guess I have always assumed that martyrdom or death of a close loved one was to be my lot.

Now, today, my boundary lines fall in very pleasant places. My lot is sweet. (Psalm 16:6)

I came home yesterday after a peaceful, beautiful, spirit-filling prayer walk in the fields. BLESSING! As I came in the door, I felt the tinge of guilt that sometimes plagues me--- too much blessing!! Something isn't right if it is good... not enough suffering... Silly thoughts like this came poking at my mind. As a response to the poking, roaming thoughts, I began to sing a familiar song, "Blessed be Your Name". I sang it loud and clear with emphasis on the "when the sun is shining down on me. When the world's all that it should be... Blessed be your Name!". I was speaking to my soul with this song. 'Streams of abundance flow' right now in my life. He gives and takes away. He gives. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

My heart tends toward worship when I hear the "take away" part. I am okay with that. At least in theory I am okay with that... But, where is the worship with the "He gives" part? Well, I chose worship yesterday! Out loud, off-key worship for the blessings!

In Philippians 4, Paul talks about contentment in both need and plenty. He says he knows the secret to this kind of contentment... Jesus. Jesus is the secret to being content in all circumstances. My Jesus' has the strength I need to be content in both hunger and when I am well fed.

In this very "fat" time, too, Jesus' strength can help me find contentment.

Job 2 says, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

God says to my heart today, "Stephanie, you are talking like a foolish woman. Shall you accept bad from God, and not good?"
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...