"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Monday, June 15, 2009

Disposition to Infidelity

I have been convicted recently of running to my "escape routes" again instead of running to God first. Why is this so natural? Each and every time I am sorry I didn't sit at Jesus' feet for a while... instead of that movie I watched... or instead of the Internet surfing.

And, yet, time and time again, I go to other things first. I am not talking law here. I know full well that neither the movie, nor the Internet are sin. But, I also know my heart. I know the whisper of God's call, "Come. Sit" that went unheeded as I chose to continue to read or play or eat or watch. I know my heart. Well, I actually I should say, I have been getting better acquainted with my heart.

In the sermon today, the preacher talked about our tendency toward "Entertainment rather than fulfillment". He asked, "How often to we seek entertainment instead of doing that which we know will truly fulfill us?"

Yes!, my heart said. This is what I do. I run to entertainment or recreation... rather than run to that which will truly satisfy, (or more accurately He who will truly satisfy) I forget that it is He who will truly re-create my mind. Real recreation.

I was reading this evening and again this theme was before my eyes... do ya think God is trying to tell me something!?
Thomas Merton says,
"When we return to a frank and undisguised self-awareness, we confront ourselves as naked, insufficient, disgruntled and malicious beings. We see our stubborn attachment to ourselves and our disposition to infidelity. Even without acts of sin, we have in ourselves an inclination to sin and rebellion, an inclination to falsity and to evasion." I have felt this inclination to sin so strongly as of late. I have experienced the insufficiency in my own "will", "ability" and "intentions".
I have an inclination to falsity and to evasion.

Now the beauty of all this is that the story does not have to end there! On one end there is nakedness, insufficiency and disgruntled-ness... on the other end is an opportunity to walk as one clothed in Christ (Gal. 3:27). We have the option of resting in the All-Sufficient One and the privilege to be content in Him alone.

As Merton ends this very chapter he writes,
"We find ourselves lost and liberated in the infinite fullness of God's love. We escape from [sin] into the infinite space and freedom of grace and mercy."
From a disposition to infidelity to being lost and liberated in Love. From nakedness and insufficiency to the freedom of grace and spacious mercy! Amazing.
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