"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Accidental Mess

It was upside down. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I had just made such a mess of the important project. It was upside down!

So, last night I sewed a badge on my daughter's Girls Guides Jacket. And, yes, after sewing it on nice and tight (to handle to washing machine), I realized that I had sewn the patch on upside down. Upside down!!! It doesn't read "100 years" (to commemorate the 100th year of Girls Guiding), it reads "sraey 001". This was a problem!

Will anyone notice? I think to myself. I tug at it a bit. Wow! I did that stitch really well (on the sewing machine, mind you!). Do you laugh? Do you cry? Do you throw something?

My daughter walked up to me about the same moment I was seeing my mistake and I showed it to her. The look on her face was a -"Mom, you MUST fix this!"-expression that was priceless. So, I dug around in our sewing kit for the stitch-remover-doohickey. I settled down in a comfy chair to begin the ripping process.

The stitches were in there tight! Why did I do them so small and so tight?? What was I thinking would happen to this little badge? What was I thinking? It was accidental.

And, so the ripping began.

It was a quiet moment while I ripped and dug and pulled and tugged at the little patch. In the quietness I asked God to show me Himself. This is what God is doing in my heart, isn't he? I began to think. There are wrongly placed ideas, identities, values and thoughts that have been sewn in deeply, tightly, and securely. For better or worse, as a child, my family patched my heart and soul with experiences, images and ideas that were upside down and backwards. An accidental mess was made in my heart, mind, and soul. Some of my painful childhood experiences were like badges sewn on upside down!

That doesn't belong there, my Father says! It should read, "Loved" not "unloved", He exclaims when looking at my heart! It should read "trust" not "fear", He says with His seam-ripper in hand. Father just sits down quietly and begins to rip--- one stitch at a time. Let's get those thoughts, those ideas, those values right side up! We need a new a new patch--- a new badge!, He says with a gentle smile and unwavering hands.

As I ripped the badge off my daughter's jacket, I tore a few holes. I was careful. I was slow in the process... but still, a few holes remain from the ripping. God has been ripping seams and stitches of my life out for a while now. The process has been painful at times and a few scars remain. Many of my badges are right side up now, thank you Father! Yet, there are still a few to go.

I will now sew the patch right side up on my sweet girl's jacket. It will look just fine and yes, I fixed it! When she goes to her Girls Guiding meeting she will wear a jacket with a badge rightly placed... and placed with much time and love.

"God makes all things beautiful in His time. What God does endures forever. Nothing can be added to it or taken away from His work in our life." (Ecc. 3)
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