"I count myself one of the number of those who write as they learn and learn as they write." ~St. Augustine

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Why I write. Why I blog.

I can't help but write these days.  I have blog posts spilling out of me--- filling my head during times with the Lord, during times of worship, during phone conversations and funny moments with my children.  Writing has become a sweet gift!

I read a fabulous article about one's motivation behind writing.  After reading this post, I actually thought, for the very first time... I think I am a writer.

I write because I can't help writing.

I have always written.

I wrote poetry (horrible poetry, really) all through my teenage years.  I began my Christian journey at age 15 with a journal in my hand.  Notebooks and notebooks filled with ideas and thoughts along the road.  ...years of lessons written down, experiences registered.  These journals now stored away in plastic boxes in an attic.  I can't even begin to count the prayers I have hand-written to my Father in Heaven.  Most every sermon or message I have ever heard has been logged and scratched in bullet points and quotes---these notes, now thrown somewhere in the bottom of my purse, in the back of my bible, or in the rubbish bin!

Why do I write?  I write because I can't help myself.  It is, I am realizing, how God made me.  I have a voice.  I have things to say.  His things in me.

Do I want others to read?  Sometimes, no.  Most the time, yes, of course.  Another person's reading my writing is an important part of the process of speaking this voice--- but, it is not the why.  I don't write so you will read. (Well, most of the time---in those pure times).

I write because I just must get these thoughts, ....these phrases, these themes, these lessons He is teaching me... out.   I need them out of my head, out of my heart, and "on paper".

I found this beautiful "blogger's prayer" that I just must re-post (from Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience).  The thought of a blogger's prayer actually sounded a bit cheesy to me, to be honest.  Quite cheesy, actually.  Really?  I thought.  And then I read it.  ...all "cheese" flew out the window for me.  And, now I post it and I  pray it.

 I am no longer my own blogger, but Thine, O Lord. 
Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.

Put me to service, or put me to suffering.
Let me post for Thee or be put aside for Thee,
Lifted high, only for Thee, or brought low, all for Thee.
Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.
 Let me not strive but submit Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness
Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers.
 Let my blog be full of Thee, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of Thee, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough. May I write not for subscribers… but only for Thy smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement,
not the size of my audience.
May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ,
never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen ---but the ones I live with my skin.
 I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Thine pleasure and perfect will.
 My only fame is that I bear Your name
My only glory is the gift of Your Grace
My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find a heart hard after You.
Make this so, oh Lord…
 Yahweh, You alone are my God, not Google
Jesus, You alone are my Savior, not site meters
And Holy Spirit, You alone are my Comforter, not comments
 So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.
 This is my prayer I have made on earth and over this keyboard… let it be ratified in heaven.

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