It is interesting... because if I am honest, I think I would feel empty. Empty and without definition, maybe. Does worry and fear fill a need, almost like a harmful friendship or addiction? Maybe. Why does it feel a bit like dying to give up!? It has been "me" for so long that I can't imagine me without it.
What if I really stopped worrying and handed all my cares, all day long, over to a trustworthy Father? I can't imagine it. I believe it is possible. I believe that I can grow and that God can do this work in me. But, it takes surrender on my part. It does take a dying of self. It takes handing over to Him this comfy way of life that I have always lived--- one of planning, striving, manipulating and worrying. Can I really be that different? And what would Stephanie look like without fear, worry or concern? I can't imagine.
Struck only moments ago by this offer from my Lord... Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
No need for trouble. No need for worry. No need for fear, Stephanie. I give you peace, He says. This is what I have for you, He whispers. Why don't you take my gift, He says with kindness in His voice. It is offered in love and with grace.
What if I really stopped?
I remember asking myself a similar question years ago... What if I really began to believe that God loves me? I mean, what if I REALLY believed it? What if I walked around and knew in my gut that God loved ME? At that time in my life I couldn't have imagined it. I was truly afraid of the thought, ...although that may sound crazy. I remember being unable to grasp a picture of Stephanie loved. And, now I know. Well, at least I am beginning to know it more and more. I do really believe that God loves me. I am loved, lovable and deeply adored by a good, kind Father. This is special. This is unique and new.
So, now for the new question... can I trust this Lover? Can I truly offer all things to Him and entrust it all, without thought, into His good hands? Can I cast it off me and onto Him in an instant. Can I not worry and give it away to this loving One?
What if I really stopped? ...