Walking Along Unaware

Walking along the road, they are talking about all that has happened in the last few days.  Jesus catches up to them---but, they don't recognized Him.  They are unaware.  Pain of all sorts can do that---make us unaware.  Habits can do that---making us unaware.  Busyness, screens, agendas... all this and more can make us very unaware.  

He catches up to them and asks what they are talking about...  (Luke 24:13-35)

As you go about your day, walking along in life, ...chatting with your friends, your kids, your spouse.  As you think thoughts in your head---re-hearse conversations you have had or will have or will never have....  As you respond to or write posts on social media...    

I hear Him gently asking...  Stephanie, what are you discussing?  

Think about yourself and your conversations, your internal dialogues today and yesterday. 

 ~~~

Can you stop for a minute to hear Jesus asking you to tell Him what you are talking about, thinking about, interacting with?  What are you discussing?  What are you 'talking about'?

Stop for a minute and tell Him.  Explain to Him what you are discussing...  what has been happening... 

~~~ 

I can imagine these disciples are feeling so so many different things.  What might they have been feeling in that moment?  ...Anger, sadness, despair, confusion, fear, bewilderment, overwhelmed, traumatized, disappointment...

They tell Jesus that "we had hoped"... 

I read these words, and I am stopped in my tracks.  

Stephanie, what had (have) you hoped...?  What were you hoping for... or are you hoping for...?  

As I sat with this question, I could feel the disappointment, frustration, despair in my chest as I allowed myself to process my dashed hopes.   Old... and new.  Feelings are not for judging, they are just for feeling. Emotions are God -given data points that allow us to know ourselves and, if allowed, they are avenues to be closer to the Lord.  

~~~

Can you stop for a minute and figure out what you are feeling?  What have you been feeling today, yesterday, this week?  Have you hoped for something?  Are you feeling any frustration?  Confusion?  Sadness?

Stop and tell Jesus what you are feeling.  Is there something you had hoped?  Explain to Him your heart, your emotions, your pain.  

~~~

Jesus responds to their explanation of their thoughts and emotions with a correction and a call to think rightly.  Just to be clear, He doesn't leave them there.  He stays with them... and just gently calls them to account for their thoughts and their 'remembering'.  In fact, He calls them to remember.  He responds to them with Truth...   He reminds them of what He has told them before.  And, He reminds them of what has been True forever.  

~~~

Can you apologized to the Lord for any unbelief and foolishness in your heart or mind that might accompany or come alongside the emotions you feel?  Are there untrue things your are thinking and believing?  

Can you ask Jesus to speak His True Words over you... your thoughts, your feelings...  ?  

Sit for a few long moments and ask the Spirit to speak Words of Truth.  What would You say to me, Lord?  Speak, Lord, I am listening.  Give this time and quiet.  

~~~

After Jesus speaks Truth to them...  they want more.  They want more of Him.  More of His presence.  They are desperate for more of Jesus.  The disciples invite Him to come, be with them, stay with them, eat with them.  And, He says yes!

~~~

Can you ask Jesus to join you as you go about your day.  As you walk along the road today, as you sit, as you rise, as you eat, play, read, discuss...  can you ask Jesus to stay with you?  

Take a few moments and ask for more of Him.  Ask for more of His Spirit.  Ask Him to teach you to pray and to abide in His presence, His love, and His Word.

~~~

"Were not our hearts burning within us as he talked with us on the road...  It is true!  He has risen!"  (Luke 24: 32-34) 

As you go about your day, keep your heart aware of it's response to Him... Keep on the look out! 

He is alive and with you always!  

Wondering About Inheriting the Earth

I am wondering.  Rambling a bit...  

I am pondering...  Meekness.  

I am thinking about a kingdom that is upside down.  A kingdom that is entirely different to the natural ways of my mind and heart...  

I have been thinking about the climb up that is the descending way.  ...the way of our Jesus, gentle and humble of heart.  

I am wondering about a staircase down... 

Thinking about "further up and further in" that takes us downward and lower.  ...to think of others as more highly than ourselves.  

I have been praying on the idea of meekness, humility, abiding love that works in and through... and outward.  

What might it mean or look like if we, God's beloved, lived in and out of His love?  What might it look like if we were aware of our soul-poverty... hungry and thirsty for His righteousness? ...living as peacemakers?  What if I didn't judge...  what if you didn't condemn? What if you gave freely...  I forgave always... What if we loved mercy, as our Father loves mercy.  (Luke 6:20-42)

I am well aware that this meekness, humility, and abiding love is exactly that... abiding.  ...meaning it doesn't come from me; but, in and through me, from Him.  His love.  He blesses in order for us to be a blessing.  He fills us with good fruit... makes us good-trees...  to feed on and be fed on.  Receiving His love, living in it, soaking it in...  and then giving freely as I have been given.  

I believe the measure by which I know His love to, for and in me... is the measure to which I can even begin to live it outward toward others.  Known.  Felt.  Divine.  Spirit-led. 

But sometimes there is resistance in me to surrender and receive this love.  Why do I resist?  Why would I rebel against love?  Joy?  Peace?  Patience?  Kindness?  ...what in us fights this?  

The resistance and even rebellion that is in sometimes in my heart to give-way to God and to others... to forgive-first...  to step towards... to offer warmth and love.   Is it fear that makes me push a bit harder, to stay silent longer, to hold that grudge, to be right, to not forgive, to get justice for myself, to hold to my rights.... ?  Is it pride?  Or simply folly?  

Forgive this ramble...  

I am just wondering.   

Humble Heart by Jess Ray  

Fix it, Lord.

A wedding is a place to laugh, to mingle, and to relax.  ...unless something goes terribly wrong!  I remember being at my sister's wedding and walking into the reception hall, only 5 minutes before all the other guests, to find her wedding cake in three layered pieces in a pile on the ground.  What do you do in that moment!?  This is a serious problem to fix and we have five minutes.

This must have been what Mary was feeling at the wedding feast in Cana.  (John 2:1-12)  She saw a big problem and needed it fixed... right now!  

...so she did the very best thing she knew to do.  She asked her son.  She asked the son that she trusted. Even if he wasn't the Maker of the world, she may have asked him in any case.  But, she also knew who He was.  She had treasured in her heart the words spoken about him for 30 plus years.  She knew and had believed as He began to gather his disciples around Him.  

Mary did the best things she could think of... she asked Jesus to fix it.  

I love Mary's boldness here.  What beautiful faith she placed in Jesus!!  

...faith in His character as a son and as a person.  

...faith to know He would respond to her.  

...faith that He could and would handle it.  

She didn't come to Him with a solution.  She just told Him the problem.  Then, she watched, waited and told others to do what He said.  

The other day I saw a big problem.  It was a very practical problem that I had trouble seeing any answer for.  ...I didn't even know 'how' to pray.  I had no solution. I just knew it was a problem!  It was 2 in the morning, as I shifted in my bed, that the thought came...  Father, would you please fix this.  Here's the problem.  Please have Your way and fix it for me.    

...and He did.  In fact, in the next few days following, God fixed the situation in a way I would never have even imagined or asked.  He, essentially, turned water into wine for me.  

I doubt Mary imagined Jesus turning water to wine to fix her problem.  Who would have even guessed that would have been His answer!? She didn't know the solution.  She just came and trusted her son to solve the problem.  Fix it, Jesus.  

Lord, make me more like Mary was...  may I place my faith in You the solver.  May I have increased faith in Your character... God, You as my Father, Jesus---You as a brother, Spirit---You as my counselor....  May I know that You hear me. You will respond,.  Help me watch and wait as you fix the problems in Your way and Your time!  

Ancient Blogger

....warning... this is a very long blog post....  copy, paste, and print it out?  Get a cuppa and take a load off... and give it some time.....  That said, please do read it.  These are words spoken to us from long ago... and ancient friend to speak truth to our 'now' hearts.  

As humans it is difficult for us to see beyond ourselves...  We are generally, each one of us, self-centered.  Truly.  In psychological terms this can be referred to as the 'spotlight effect'.   

I wonder if this is why God had commanded us and so clearly told us--- so often--- to 'remember' and be aware of our forefathers, our history, and the reality of the community at large (to be aware of others!)  

It is difficult to see beyond ourselves.  It is also difficult for us to see beyond our time.  We know what we know now and find it challenging to reach back and understand the way of thinking, the values, the beliefs and the behaviours of another time.   100 year old philosophy, medicine, science, and even agriculture is hard to grasp for our minds---in fact, it often doesn't match what we know today, at all.  100 year ago thinking often looks silly, sometimes very wrong and definitely very different to our modern minds.  

700 hundred years ago is almost impossible.  Right?  

But,...then we get a glimpse...  just a peek into the hearts and minds of our forefathers and we stand amazed.  What if ... what if, what I believe now...  what if she believed it too?  700 years ago.  And, what if that which is true has always been true and will always remain true, for ever.  

...come age, come season, come nations falling and rising...  what was, is, and is to come remains.  Truth remains and has always been true.  

I have had this sense as I have plunged and journeyed slowly through, a second time, the writings of Julian of Norwich*.  She wrote in the late 1300s... one of the first known females to write in English.  (yes, even before Margery Kempe... who is currently 'known' for being the 'first')  

...so...  instead of recommending you read Julian of Norwich (well, because it is not a small task)... I have gathered my favourite quotes from her Long Text (my Cliff notes for you).  

Her writings remind me of my type of blogs.  Funny, right?  But, Julian is telling of what God has shown her (her 'shewings') and she is constantly sharing God's Word and the Truth that He is whispering into her heart and mind.  She does this in short sections to encourage her readers.  well,...that is what I have attempted to do here on Koodaigirl.  Let's just say that Julian is an ancient blogger---an ancient Gods-girl! 

Her words are so so so good, and so very sweet.  …What God showed her, such a gift to our time.  

Can I suggest you print this out and/or you read a few quotes at a time... take it in slowly?  Sit with the words.  Remember that this was not written in our time, from our vantage point, within our 'value' system, and our culture.  Let our sister's words amaze you.  Enjoy the fact that it feels so familiar.  

As you read, let your mind drift to Scriptures that come to mind, hymns that rise up, and sermons or books you read recently.  She is writing words of truth that have instructed us from the beginning...  Truth is always truth... and it will always stand the test of time.  

"Our Lord Almighty, all wisdom, all love---just as He has truly made everything that is, so He truly does and brings about all that is done."

"We are sustained securely in love, by the goodness of God, in misery as much as in joy."

"God is to us everything that is good, tenderly enfolding us; everything that is made is as nothing, compared with Almighty God; man has no rest until he counts himself and everything as nothing for the love of God."

"God is the maker, the carer, the lover.  Everything has its being through the love of God."

"God wishes to be known and is pleased that we should rest in him." 

"God, of your goodness, give me yourself.  You are enough for me, and I cannot ask for anything less.  If I do ask for anything less, I shall be in want.  In you alone, I have everything."

"Our souls must learn the wisdom of clinging to the goodness of God.  For truly our lover, God, wants our souls to cling to him with all their might."  

"We can contemplate with endless wonder at this high, surpassing, inestimable love that God Almighty has for us in His goodness."

"He has made everything that is made for love and by that same love everything is sustained."

"Continual seeking of God pleases Him very much, the soul moved by the Holy Spirit seeks, suffers, and trusts."

"The blessed Trinity is always completely satisfied with all His works.  He says, 'See I am God, I am in everything.  I do everything.  I never lift my hand from my work, nor ever shall, without end.  I guide everything to the end to which I ordained it.  How shall anything be amiss?'"

"Christ Jesus' passion is the devil's defeat.  Everything that God allows him to do turns into joy for us and to shame and misery for him (the devil)."

"The marvellous melody of endless love keeps us safe in sorrow and in joy.  To choose only Jesus for my heaven in both happiness and sorrow.  Everything seems insignificant to him in comparison to His love."  

"For it is God's will that we take true delight with Him in our salvation.  He wants us to be greatly comforted and strengthened, and through His grace He wishes our souls to be happily occupied in this, for we are His bliss; He delights in us with out end and so shall we in Him, through His grace." 

"Jesus says, 'Look how I loved you!' as if He said, 'Look and see that I loved you so much before I died for you that I was willing to die for you.'

"To bring to His bliss each person He loves, He lays on them something painful which is no defect in His sight on account of which they are rejected.  He does this to prevent damage of pomp and vain glory."  

"Contemplate the glorious atonement, for this atonement is incomparably more pleasing to the blessed Godhead and more glorious to man kind, then Adam's sin ever was harmful."  

"I can make all things well.  I will make all things well.  I shall make all things well; and you will see for yourself that all manner of things shall be well."  

"Everything helpful for us to know and understand, our Lord will most kindly show us, and what it is through the teachings of the Church.  He takes great pleasure in all men and women who strongly, humbly and willingly receive preaching and teaching in the Church."  

"God is always fully satisfied with Himself and with all His works"

"He wants us to love Him, to take delight in Him and to endlessly rejoice in Him."

"Let me be your whole love, my precious child.  Attend to me---I am enough for you.  Rejoice in your Saviour and in your salvation."

"The Lord revealed the completeness of love in which we stand in His sight--yes, that He loves us as much now while we are here as He will do when we are there, before His blessed face.  Our difficulty is because of failure of love on our part."

"It is a supreme act of friendship of our Lord that He looks after us so tenderly while we are in our sins; and furthermore, he touches us so very inwardly and shows us our sin by the sweet light of mercy and grace."

"Pray with all your heart, even if it seems to give you no pleasure, because it is helpful, even though you don't feel it.  Pray with all your heart, even when you feel nothing, though you see nothing.  For in dryness and in barrenness, in sickness and in weakness, then your prayers are most please to God."

"God teaches us to pray and firmly trust we shall have what we pray for; because He regards us with love and wants us to partner in His good work."

"It is proper for us, both through nature and through grace, to long and desire with all our might to know ourselves wand in this full knowledge we shall truly and clearly know our God in fullness of endless joy." 

"Man is changeable in this life and falls into sin through frailty and being overcome. During this time he is in turmoil, sorrow and misery and the cause is his blindness---because He does not see God, for if He saw God truly and continually, He would have no harmful feelings nor any sort of promptings the the cravings that lead to sin."

"The lack in not in God, but it is on our part; for through sin and wretchedness we have in us a wretched and continual resistance to peace and to love."

"Mercy works sweetly through love by grace, mingled with abundant pity because mercy works for our safekeeping.  Love never looks away from us nor does the operation of mercy ever cease."

"Without love we cannot live.  Our life is grounded and rooted in love and without it, we perish."

"We are not blessedly safe and in peace until we have our full contentment with God, His love, His  works, His judgements, with ourselves, and with fellow Christians.  God's goodness does this in us.  God is our true peace."

"While we are in this life, we have a marvellous mixture of both happiness and sorrow.  We have in us our risen Jesus and the misery of Adam's falling." 

"We ought to rejoice greatly that God dwells in our souls and can rejoice much more greatly that our souls dwell in God.  Our soul is made the be the dwelling place of God!"

"Our soul sits in God in true rest and our soul stands in God in sure strength and our soul is rooted in God's endless love." 

"We cannot  come to knowledge of our soul until we first have knowledge of God, our creator to whom it is united. For full understanding, we must long to know our own soul wisely and truly.  Through grace and by the Spirit we shall know them both."

"As truly as God is our father, so truly is God our mother.  Jesus is our true mother, feeding us not with milk but with Himself, opening His side to us and claiming all our love."

"Jesus wants us to have the nature of a child, always hurrying to him in our need."

"We shall know that in spite of our grievous sin, his love for us remains intact, and we were never of any less value in His sight.  Strong and marvellous is that love which cannot, nor will not be broken by our transgressions." 

"He wants us to behave like a child, for when it is upset or frightened it runs quickly to it's mother for help as fast as he can, so Jesus wants us to run saying, 'My gracious mother, Jesus, take pity on me.  I have made myself dirty and unlike you.  I neither can nor may put this right except with Your very own help and grace.'"

"As long as we are mixed up with any aspect of sin, we shall never see clearly the blessed face of our Lord."

"It is for us to have three kinds of knowledge; the first is to know our Lord God, the second and third is to know ourselves--- what we are through Him and His grace and what we are in regards to our sin and weakness."  

"Flee hastily from all that is not good and fall on our Lord's breast like a child on it's mother's bosom.  With our whole heart and mind, knowing our feebleness, knowing God's goodness and love, seeking salvation in Him alone."

"It is God's will that we recognize sin, and pray earnestly and labour willingly and seek humbly for instructions so that we do not fall blindly into it; and if we fall, that we rise quickly, for to turn from God for any length of time through sin is the greatest pain that any soul may have."

"Whether we are unclean or pure, His love for us is the same.  Whether in joy or in sorrow, He never wants us to flee from Him."

"Everything that is contrary to love and peace is from the devil.  The enemy looses many times over from our rising from our falls through God's love and our humility.  Acknowledge your wretchedness, then flee to your Lord.  Let us fly to our Lord and we shall be comforted and made clean."  

"Our Lord in his mercy shows us our sin and weakness by the sweet, gracious light of Himself---the light of His grace and mercy."

"He steadfastly waits for us and with unchanging demeanour, for He wants us to turn to Him and be united to Him in love as He is to us."

"When we have fallen through frailty or blindness, our kind Lord touches us, moves us and calls us; He doesn't want us to remain like this, nor does he want us to be greatly pre-occupied with self-accusation or too full of misery, but instead to swiftly focus our thoughts on Him.  For He waits for us and hastens to have us with Him, for we are His joy and delight.  He is our salve and our life."

Julian ends her book with these words which brought a song to my heart...  

"To those who wish to be His faithful lovers.  These are revelations of the unutterable love of God in Jesus Christ.  Revealed to a dear lover of His and are for all his dear friends and lovers whose hearts like hers do flame in the love our our dearest Jesus."  

*Julian (the name she took at a nun) lived 1343-1416.  Most of her life she lived as an Anchorite attached to a church in Norwich, England.  She lived smack-dab in the midst of the most intense times when the Black Plague hit England.  She certainly knew deep personal and communal suffering.  For those historians who have said that Julian was a 'universalist' or didn't mention hell or sin in her writings... this is simply not true (100% false, in fact).  I have read her works twice.  She mentions all basic concepts of sin, hell, and the distinct need for salvation through God's only Son, Jesus.  Although, I do not agree with every single word she has written... her basic theology and heart of faith matches my faith and orthodox, historical Christianity beautifully.  I am convinced, she is most certainly my sister in Christ and waiting in that great cloud of witnesses, urging us onward!  

I Want to See Like Fred

It really makes a difference what you choose to look for or how you see...  doesn't it?  

I just finished the delightful and poignant film about Fred Rogers' life, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.   Apart from the fact that I probably watched every episode of this amazing show from age five years old until I was 10, (and, yes, it brought up so so many 'feels' for me) the life and way of Mr. Rogers inspired me.  And, I am using that word very specifically.  To inspire:  spur on, motivate, quicken.  It comes from the two words Latin 'into' and 'breath'.   As I watched the film, I felt God breath into me fresh thoughts and fill me with more of His heart.  

I walked away thinking a lot about perspective.  Mr. Rogers just seemed to see life, time, circumstances, people and the world in a very distinct way.  He saw differently.  Yes, I was inspired.  His wife is quick to point out, so it is told, that Fred was not a perfect person and that his daily Scripture reading and other habits kept him grounded.  

I walked away from this film wanting to see the world like Mr. Rogers.  I want to see like Fred.  

Interestingly, in God's timing, my Scripture reading this morning was in Luke 6:6-11.  In this story, Jesus encounters a man with a withered hand.  He asks the man to stand up in the crowd... displaying to that little corner of the world... to show His love, compassion, healing miracle.  

It says that the Pharisees came into the scene LOOKING for a way to catch him doing wrong.  They were expecting offense.  

It really makes a difference what you choose to look for...  what you expect...  

Jesus heals the shrivelled hand. He heals a bent, broken, withered hand and makes it whole.  He does this right before their eyes...in real time! Incredible stuff, right?!  Stop a moment and imagine what that might have looked like!  What stunned awe you might feel as you watch this happen before your eyes.  I stand amazed with the thought!  

The Pharisees, though, have a very different reaction.  They see as they choose to see... their eyes bent to see him doing 'wrong'.  And, they react with rage.  Rage!  They see what they expected to see, didn't they?  They see offense in his actions.  They respond with disgust, vehemence and their response is not inspiration---but execution.  "The begin to discuss with each other what they might do to Jesus".    

Jesus does good.  They see bad.  Jesus heals and re-creates beauty.  They respond with a desire to destroy him.  

It really matters how we see.  It matters what you look for...  

Fred Rogers, in his 50 years of ministry on television (yes, he was literally ordained and sent to do this work...read about it!) Mr. Rogers saw every person as beautiful, worthy of love, complicated, and worth his full attention.  

Yes, indeed, I want to see like Fred.  

Please do yourself a big favour and take the time to watch this...  The Best of Mr. Rogers

If you'd like to read 45 quotes from this man of God  click here.  

~~~

Luke 6: 6 On another Sabbath he went into the synagogue and was teaching, and a man was there whose right hand was shrivelled. 7 The Pharisees and the teachers of the law were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal on the Sabbath. 8 But Jesus knew what they were thinking and said to the man with the shrivelled hand, “Get up and stand in front of everyone.” So he got up and stood there. 9 Then Jesus said to them, “I ask you, which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?” 10 He looked around at them all, and then said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He did so, and his hand was completely restored. 11 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law were furious and began to discuss with one another what they might do to Jesus.

Jesus Sighs

They bring him to you and beg.  

Heal him, they pant and plea!

To a quiet place you lead him aside and then...  

You sigh--- deep groan--- a heavy sigh.  

Why did you sigh, my Lord?  

Are you as frustrated and sad as I am with this broken world? 

You stand with this man---so near.   

You touch him and draw close.  

Your very spit lingers on his bent and broken tongue.  

You look up to heaven, with a knowing look, you and your Father agree.

This is not as you made us to be.  

Are you as frustrated and sad as I am with this bent world?

With you, the Father sighs and repents as in the days of Noah.  

Together you made ears to hear the bird song. 

With joy you 'all made eyes to see deep colour and the wisp of clouds.

In that quiet place you sigh---a grief and a groan.  

Man of Sorrows, you are well acquainted with grief.  

Yes, you are as frustrated and sad as I am with this bent world!  

With a sigh, and a touch, and a word.  

You whisper to the man--not only to his mouth--- but, to the man!

Be open, you command and his heart receives. 

Ears are now open to hear the singing of the birds. 

His mouth now able to sing along with them in praise to you!

You are ever at work in this sad, frustrating and broken world, Lord.  

I bring myself to you and beg you, Jesus. 

Heal me, I plea!  …with you, I sigh.  

In these quiet places, please touch and draw near. 

Shift in me these bent and broken places.  

Open my ear to hear truth and my mouth to speak light. 

  

"...the tongue of the speechless will sing for joy!" (Isaiah 35:6)

(poem based on Mark 7:31-37) 

Then Jesus left the vicinity of Tyre and went through Sidon, down to the Sea of Galilee and into the region of the Decapolis. There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him.

After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man’s ears. Then he spit and touched the man’s tongue.  He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, “Ephphatha!” (which means “Be opened!”). At this, the man’s ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly.

Jesus commanded them not to tell anyone. But the more he did so, the more they kept talking about it. People were overwhelmed with amazement. “He has done everything well,” they said. “He even makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.

Just As He Said

His Word is such a gift to me!  Like daily meals, I take it in and expect it will nourish and feed.  

Some days the meal is just that---simple bread.  ...with thanksgiving, I read/eat, swallow and pray, and move about my day as it feeds me, with me hardly aware of it's inward working.  

Then, other days, it just tastes so so good.  His Word touches my mind and heart in a way that is 'bang' or 'wow'... so similar to that tasty bite of a really good burrito or a ripe strawberry.  

Then there are extra special days, when His Word jumps off the page and pierces me with precision and light.  …like those "wow" meals that stick with you...  A meal you might think about the next day, or even a meal you might recommend to others, will definitely cook again, and talk about at a dinner party or share with a friend.  

Today these words jumped off the page and sweetened my tongue:  "...they found things just as He said they would be" (Luke 22:13)

Just as He said.  

I had just finished journaling the phrase "the work of God is to believe [Jesus]" (John 6:29) and was struck again with the idea that we all, EVERY believer has the same job.  We all have the very same work in common.  Every day we need to believe Jesus.  That is our job.  That and "love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength".  These are the main work points on our job description.  

…doctor, lawyer, brick layer, waitress, professor, cop, politician, artist, and teacher...  we ALL have one clear job:  love God and believe Jesus.  

The disciples believed Jesus when He told them that the exact place to celebrate the Passover meal would be given to them (Read Luke 22:7-13) and they found it 'just as He said it would be".    We can believe His words, follow His direction and He will come through. 

Following this lovely, delicious moment of His word I began thinking of the things He has told me... told us.  I began prayerfully wondering if I was believing Jesus today.....

I am going away now and am preparing a place for you and will come again...  (John 14:13)

If you abide in me, you will bear much fruit.  (John 15:8)

Peace, I give you.  My peace I give to you. (John 14:27)

I will be with you always, even until the end. (Matthew 28:20)

I will make my home within you.  (John 14:23)

You will have pain in this world (John 16:33)

Jesus has promised these things and so many more.  And, the full revelation of Scripture offers an overflowing bread-basket of abundant promises to the followers of God.   We have a feast of truth in which we can trust, believe and find our hope.  

He will come back.  He leaves me peace.  I will have pain in this world. He abides in me and will be with me to the end.   He has overcome the world and will make all things new and right.  I will be hated by the world.  I can not be separated from His love.  He began a good work in me and will bring it to completion.  He knows all things and works all things together for my good and His glory.  In the midst of pain, fire, storm, or flood, He is with me and I will not drown or burn.  

Today, I remember and I take You at Your Word, Lord Jesus.  

I will find things just as You said it would be.  

Just as You said.  

Lament Response

It was deeply, dark-clouded and a fiercely windy day.  While walking, no... stomping..., my way up the green, muddy hill, I asked the Lord, "Are you really with me?"  

This day was just another day in a string of hard days... my husband lay ill in bed with Covid.  He still suffered and we were waiting, praying, hoping for sickness to leave.  Days on days... weeks getting lost into months.  This illness and it's horrible touch lived with us every moment of every day.  

I had ventured out into the rough weather to get some fresh air and stomp out my prayers, my grief, my frustration, and my pain.  Muddied, wet, tired and emotional, I had the passing thought:   I am with you always... 

With you always, Stephanie...

With irritation and despairing tone, face upturned to the dark clouds, I shot back...  "Are you really with me? Really!?  Right here, now?  Are you really with me?"  

Lament is not my forte.  It is not something I normally do... nor have felt comfortable doing most of my Christian life.  My personality and my upbringing have not encouraged emotional outbursts, to be sure.  But, it seemed lately, that without lament...  with out this ever-increasing honesty with my Jesus...  I would run dry.   It seemed necessary and right and very good.  In these days, lament had become my doorway, my window, ...my deep well which accessed living water.   I was thirsty and God was teaching me to tell Him how very thirsty I was.  Oh!  How very thirsty I am!   

So, stomping up the hill, my face lifted, my honest response to the whispered Scripture, "I am with you always"... was tear filled retort.  Really, Lord?!  Are you really with me?  

Like a flash, I had His response.  Instantaneously, I heard one clear word quietly whispered to my heart...  Within.  

I am within you, Stephanie.  

Like lightening, the flash of truth filled me with the ever living water and it was another piece of manna.  Food for my days, for the weeks to come... for the days that would turn into months. 

Whatever would come, I felt my courage rise.  My faith was filled with His Presence and I knew...  

I am always within you, Stephanie.   

So much closer than with... even closer than walking alongside...  My Jesus is within me.    His Spirit lives and abides IN me.  Closer than my very breath.  

Paul tells us in Ephesians that Jesus makes "his home within us".  Jesus, Himself, tells us His Spirit abides with us and within us... (John 14)   I believe we spend too much time looking up and out for Him... seeking Him outside of ourselves... seeking Him in the skies (where He also dwells, just to be clear!)  We need to remember that He is within.  

Jesus said in John 16:5-16:  "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. In a little while the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you….If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him."

His home is within us.  And, all fullness of life and joy and peace lives in Him.  If we are lacking, He is not.  He will give to those who lack.  Do you need wisdom?  Ask Him... He is full of it and He lives in you.  Fullness of wisdom abides in you... abide in Him!  Do you need patience?  or love?  Or do you need joy today?  Ask Him, He is full of it... and He lives in you.  

I walked home that day... that dark, pounding day with a full heart.  I was full of Him and His truth.  He responded to my lament.  His loved welled up and filled my heart and mind with more of Himself.  

The difficult days continued onward... days turned into weeks.  Weeks fell away to months...  In fact, as I write this, we still live with the reality of this horrible illness.  We've stopped counting time passed.  But still ...and still...  that piece of manna ---within----feeds me.  

Just to be clear, I don't hear from His Spirit these type of "words" often--- this is why I call it manna.  Or, better yet, I should call it a feast.  He feeds me manna from the Bible and I collect what I can for each day.  His Scripture is my daily bread.  These special moments--- these flash moments ---are like a feast day.  

Even when I don't feel it... I can remember the taste of the feast.  I know it to be true.  

He is within me always, even until the end of the age.  

Buzzin Brain

Does your brain ever buzz with busy thoughts and details?  

My brain has been on super-charge this week...  as my youngest made his decision to fly further afield and pursue his master's degree in a different country.  Exciting!  So exciting.  Yes, and a bit maddening... the details, O the details!   

He doesn't need our help, of course.  But, we want to contribute and provide companionship in this big move!  So... this mamma-heart considers everything from transportation to toilet paper,  his housing and our hotel, transportation and taxes,  beds and banking, and...  well, a host of other things that need to happen as we go.  

With buzzing comes worry.  Or, with me, it does.  There is very little calm when my brain is a buzzin'.  

This morning, coming to God and His word, I was touched so gently by a passage in Matthew.   In Matthew 14 Jesus miraculously feeds 5,000 men.  In Matthew 15, the disciples witness Him feed 4,000 men.  Then in Matthew 16: 5-12, the disciples think Jesus is upset with them because they forgot to bring bread with them on their journey.  Jesus says,  

"You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread?"

In short, ...Jesus says...  How are we really still talking about bread!?   He reminds them that they have just seen two massive miracles where 9,000 men (plus!) were given enough bread AND left-overs.  

...for Jesus bread is really, really not a problem! 

My heart was so stirred by this passage...  And, I sensed a loving rebuke.  A tender hearted... You-of-little-faith-moment.  Stephanie, are we really still talking and worrying about bread? Do you still not understand?  Just tell me what you need and let's move on.  This is not hard for Me!  

How often God tells His people "Do not forget!"... and O! how often we forget!  Right!?  

My life has been filled with an abundance of transportation and toilet paper miracles.  He has provided for me over and over again.  Houses, hotels, refrigerators and rental cars.  In fact, in one of my very first posts here on Koodaigirl...  Microwaves on a Thousand Hills I wrote about the abundance of sheets---bed sheets and cookie sheets and the microwave that just showed up at our door.  Oh!  How easily I forget.  I am only slightly embarrassed that this was 2009 and here I am, learning the same lessons.  

So, today, when the details come lashing against my peace-filled brain... I choose to remember.  In fact, you might just overhear me walking around the house saying, "I have seen Him feed 9,000 mouths!" to remind myself.  

We can choose to remember.  

I choose to remember today and "forget not all His benefits"  (Psalm 103).   These moments of remember may just keep this buzzin' brain at bay.  

Little by Little

There are still so many things in my life that are simply not right.  Things I think... things I do... ways--- deep ways--- I walk through life.  Wrong thoughts.  Wrong actions.  Wrong motivations.   

Just simply wrong.  

I feel grieved by this, of course.  As I look at myself I see with sober judgment the ways that I fall short.  

I woke up last week angry with myself.  The accusations--- much of it accurate, in truth--- were heavy and strong.  It is hard to put words to the feelings raging in the night.  Rage, I guess, is a good word.  

Feeling this anger, I decided to remain curious about it.   (It is good when the counsel I give to others comes back to me.  ...'doctor heal thyself, comes to mind!')  

Prayerfully, I asked the Lord what was under the anger.  Using the good-ol tool, the Anger Iceberg, I ask the Lord to show me what was underneath my anger toward myself.  I have used this tool many times in my anger toward others.  But, this was the first time I had used it with myself.  It was SO helpful.  

The list was long!  Words like frustration, disappointment, disgust were right there.  As were embarrassed, guilt, and exhausted.  But, so were fear and worry...  

As I sat with these words and saw what was underneath--- I could feel the intense anger subsiding.  

I prayed through each word and stayed curious about each feeling as the "data point" that it is....  (feelings are simply data points for what is going on in our souls).  

I told the Lord that, honestly, the anger felt powerful.  ...helpful, even.  ...productive.  If I am angry at myself, then I will not think or do these things.  Right?!  Oh! that 'parenting by shame and anger' that always backfires!  

I heard a still small voice in response to this honesty...  Stephanie, love is more powerful. 

Love is more powerful!  

After the feelings of anger were quieted... and I could deal with the real substance underneath.  I asked God if He shared any of these feelings towards me.  Each word--- one by one.  ...that was a very revealing prayer conversation.  

He brought to mind many scriptures... many thoughts and I continue to pray for His thoughts over me.  He reminded me of His Hesed love --- unfailing and unconditional.  Powerful love.  Love that brings healing and repentance and grace.  He reminded me of His wisdom, He knows the beginning from the end--- His continued work in my life to bring me to completion (an 'in process' reality).

And, then, He reminded me of Exodus 23:29,30....  where He tells the Israelites that He is giving the land to them 'little by little'.  

I will not drive [the enemies] out before you in a single year; otherwise the land would become desolate and wild animals would multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out ahead of you, until you become fruitful and possess the land.

In His wisdom, He knew that His people were not ready to take the whole land---  He knew that they were only 'big enough' to take possession of the land in parts.  This verse was like a balm to my soul.  

These 'enemies'--- my wrong thinking, my struggles, my frustrations, my imperfections, my sin--- are being driven from 'my land' little by little.  In the Lord's kindness and love, He knows just how much of my 'land' (my very self... my soul) I can possess.  I am just not quite big enough in Him, in His love, in His power to have conquered it all yet!   Every day, I am growing... but...  I am just not there yet.  

My prayer at that point shifted dramatically... thanking Him for the ground and lands we have won!  Thanking Him for the years and years of victory in my life.  Asking Him for more ground--- more soul-land--- that would be His!!  May He make me fat with Him... big, grand, fruitful, and able to 'possess' in His name and by His Spirit the whole of myself.  

In Genesis and in Exodus, God promised that the land was theirs---  Already theirs--- by His powerful hand and covenant.  The land was theirs and yet, still needed 'taking'.  God Almighty is on-the-job of possessing all the land-o-Stephanie.  At the cross, Jesus has conquered this land and I am His. Conquered and 'His'... and currently being conquered.  May He have His way!  

Yes, Lord, there are still so many things in my life that are wrong.  Little by little, Lord, destroy these ways of thinking, these attitudes and actions!  I want to be wholly Yours---  fully alive and fully free in You.  

Dirty, dirty world

Dirty, dirty world

Oh dear!  

My shoes, Lord!?!  

Do you see?  

I'm sorry, Father.  

I only went out walking... 

The mud today was very deep. 

And, now, Lord... 

Do you see? 

My boots are covered in muck. 

Mud lingering up my leg. 

Dirty, heavy, drowned in sludge

What shall I do?  

Easily cleaned, you say?

Stand still a moment.

Simple water will do the trick.

Cold, uncomfortable, but easy to clean.

Thank you Father!

Cleanse my muddy boots.

Wash away the muck of today's world.

Wash my hands, my feet, and my head, too!

"Jesus answered, A person who has had a bath need only to wash his feet"   John 13:10

The Waiting Deposit

 

There is a sadness that sits in the silence

as I go looking for you.

I wait and wonder, 

where I am and where you are.

What I know to be true and feel in these moments

are far from each other.

So, I wait and wonder, 

when you will come, when I will feel you.

Deeper still, I listen hard and sit long

I sense your Presence.

I wait and I wonder...

A well of truth and love that fills

the depths of my soul.

I wait and wonder...

This recessed deposit reminds me

a future that will come. 

I wait and I wonder...

Sunken deep, a guarantee

my spirit tastes and sees.

So, I wait and I wonder, 

where I am and when you will come.  

"The Spirit is God’s deposit guaranteeing that he will give us the inheritance he promised 

and that he has purchased us to be his own people. 

He did this so we would praise and glorify him."  Ephesians 1:14

 

"It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ.  

He set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts 

as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."  2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #35 Farmers Words

 The Farmer's Words

Something is always wrong with the sheep, 

the farmer says with disdainful tone.

Their feet, their bums, ever lost or caught.

Would never make it on their own.

Funny that He calls me sheep,

Rumbles of laughter fill my soul.

My body, my will, often lost or caught.

My freedom is found in His control. 

Something is always wrong with this sheep.

This truth sits like a wisdom crown.

My shepherd, my farmer, my gardener, my friend.

Watched by Him, I'm safely found.  

Written November 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page#20 Hidden

 Hidden

The tide rolls in and covers.

Boulders and stones lay beneath.

Hidden. Unseen.

Beneath movement and thick deep

Cities and stadiums of structure stand.

Hidden. Unseen.

Give it time!  The tide will shift again.

These rocks and foundations will be revealed

Opened and on display.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, 

and nothing concealed that will not be known

and brought out into the open."

Luke 8:17

Hallelujah and Praise Him for His mercy and unfailing love.  

Hesed  חֶסֶד‎!  

Written October 2020

Reminds me of this post from 2009

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #29 Peace

 Peace

Coins spilling out of a purse, 

over-filled and bursting.

An inheritance is mine,

more wealth than Solomon himself.

And yet, I walk often without shoes,

without my coat that keeps me warm.

Riches beyond reason,

legacy that surpasses understanding.

I have been given peace,

As a birthright, it is mine!

Enduring endowment to fill,

Reality to guard and satisfy.

Today, I will accept the ring, 

wrap myself in the robe.

Today, I will lean in and receive,

I will rest my head and lay on that pillow.

I will walk in the given gift,

Take a long needed nap on the boat. 

Written October 2020

"Peace I leave with you.  My peace I give you..." (John 14:17)

Mark 4:38-39

Philippians 4:7

Good Friday Struggle

I hate it.  I really do.  I absolutely hate the story of the cross.

Today is Good Friday.  Today is the day we celebrate a story that I absolutely hate.   What an oxymoron.

This story.  This true, true story--- it tears at my heart and pains me in ways I can't explain.

Each year, as the day approaches and I know the story will be read and retold, I can feel myself wanting to run away and hide.  Like a child, I want to cover my ears, stick my head under my pillow, and never hear the horrible story again.  I hate it.

This past Monday morning, I was stunned by my visceral response when I remembered this was Holy week.  No! I could feel the cringe in my body and soul.  No! I don't want to read that part of the story.  The very mention of the topic and I can feel the sorrow, the pain, the suffering, and the tears welling up.

We call this day "good".  And, with all my heart, I believe and I know it IS indeed good--- so very good.  But, also, I can barely stand it.

It feels like reliving trauma or painful memories of my past.  Why must we, Lord?! 

Friday morning---this morning---we all enter the sanctuary and take our comfy seats.  The pastor reads the story out of Mark.  The parishioner reads from the Gospel of John.  We sing some songs.  They tell the story and share the truth of that day.  All morning, I can barely stand it.  I want to weep.  I want to wail.  Everything in me wants to scream!  Why must I hear again what my best friend---the man I love with all my heart---went through!?  Honestly, hearing the trauma and suffering is almost too much.  Even as I type this... I barely have words.  The heaviness of heart feels profoundly weighty.

Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

These words haunt me today.  These words tag along at my back, touch my cheek, and whisper deep into my heart.  I know I don't have a clue what I do!  I don't even get it.  All my rebellion.  All my selfishness.  All my pride and self-loathing.  Forgive me, Lord, for I don't know what I do! 

I found myself in Romans 7 earlier this week, frustrated with myself and my faithlessness.  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do, I do not do.  But, what I hate, I do." (Romans 7:15)

I know that He pronounced it finished on that day.  He said it was finished that Good, very good, Friday.

For this, I am utterly undone.  My soul feels gratitude beyond words.  It is finished.  All my rebellion.  Covered, finished.  All my selfishness.  Finished and payed for.  All my pride and self-loathing.  Carried, covered, payed for, and finished.  

Forgive me, Lord, for I don't know what I do!  

This story.  This horrible story is the very center and foundation of all I know and all I absolutely need.  The result of that trauma--- my friend's horrific death and painful sacrifice---is the source of all that is good and right in my life.  All of it.

So, yes, I loath it... I really do.   I am grieving today.

But, I know and I remember, it very, very good.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God"  (Hebrews 12:2)

Follow Me Into the Kitchen

These were my very thoughts today.  I offer this old post... re-posted...as a testimony of how we continue to learn the same things over and over again!  -----

I have had a particular image bouncing around in my head for a while now.   This picture came to my mind again today, as I was praying.  How do I describe what I see?

In my mind's eye I see Jesus walking into my kitchen and I am following Him.  I follow Him into the kitchen and watch Him pull up His long draping sleeve.  He dives His hands into my sink full of soapy water and dirty dishes. Dirty dishes.  Then, I follow Him.  I pull up my sleeves, dive my hands in and wash those dishes.   Together.  We finish the dishes and then He turns and walks into my hallway... headed for the closet---the vacuum cleaner.  I follow.  We vacuum.  Together.

Like two oxen plowing a field, we are yoked together.  Beautifully bound in unity, we work together as one. His strength making all compensation for my weaknesses.  His wisdom directing our work.   His Presence bringing Light and Joy and Peace.

Him and me.  Bound together because of His gift of grace and my choice to follow.

When Jesus physically walked the earth over 2000 years ago, He said, "Come and follow me".  And, they did.  James, John, Peter, and Thaddeus...  they followed Him.  They watched Him and did what He did, with Him.  They ate together and slept next to each other.  They walked and talked and did.  

Together.  Bound together because of His love and their desire to be with Him.

When Jesus physically left the earth, He reminded these friends--his followers--- that He would always be with them.  Always Present.  Always near.

Today, He reminds me.  Me, His friend, His follower... He reminds me that He is always with me.  He offers me Himself---His very Presence.

Come and follow me, Stephanie, He says to me today.

He invites you, too!  Follow Me into your kitchen, your schooling, your phone call and your errands.  I will be with you always! 

"As for me, the nearness of God is my good."  Psalm 73:28

-----

edited and re-posted from original post dated November 7, 2012

My Advent

There are days when it all feels very heavy and dark.  The world.  The news.  The sadness.

But, today, I awoke with a sadness that was almost oppressive.  Sadness seemed to hang around my neck as I rose from bed.  It pulled me down and filled my chest as I sipped my coffee.  Grief sat in my throat as I ate and weighed heavy as I walked to church.  As worship began, the tears hung heavy in my eyes...  slow, big, fat, hot tears.

Heavy, dark sadness.

I was sad... deeply saddened by the state of my heart.

Simply put, in my life, there is a certain way of thinking and seeing that is just wrong.  Profoundly wrong.  I know it is wrong; and yet, I still think the crooked thoughts and see with these darkened eyes.  There seems to be nothing I can do to change it.   Years, my heart cries.  Years and years I have seen this way and battled against it.   Years, Lord!  I cry out...longing for this to be changed.

I even know why I might naturally think this way...   I am aware.  I know the history--- I understand the where it came from.  God has shown me.   And, that has helped.   Awareness is definitely good.

But, still.  Still, I can't shift it.  I can't seem to change or fix the pattern.  My friend refers to these places as tectonic plates in our souls.  I seriously need an big 'ol 8.0 to shake these set ways of seeing.  Where can I go and what can I do?

It was one moment in time...

One swift moment.  This morning, in the midst of this heavy grief over my sin...

One young man reading one well-known passage in Scripture. 

A phrase.  A line from the text.  The Word jumped out of his teenage mouth into my dark heart and there was instantaneous light.  I felt it.  One beautiful moment...   Truth and light.

I quickly found the passage to read it again.  I couldn't take my eyes off it!  I read and read.  As I read the Word, I could literally feel the surge of hope.  I could feel the light swelling and pushing out the sadness.

"Every valley shall be raised up.  Every hill made low.  The rough ground shall become level and the rugged places a plain." (Isaiah 40:4)

Rugged and rough places.  Dark valleys...

In my minds eye I could see the rough and rugged reality of my soul--- these wrong ways of thinking and the dark valleys where my eyes could not see rightly.

My soul.  Rough.  Rugged.  Thorny and full of stones.

As if I could hear the Spirit of the Lord this morning saying over me, "Make a straight path for our God!" (Isaiah 40:3)  He commands it.  The Lord wills it.  Over me, He speaks...  I will make it level!  

In me.  In and over these rough places.  In me... a straight path.  Level ground.  A green plain.  A straight pathway for the glory of the Lord.

This is the gospel.  This is what Jesus has done for me.  This is what Jesus is doing in me...   The now and the 'not yet'.  He has shifted.  He will shift.  And, He continues to shift the rocks and make way for His way in and through me.  I have seen it.  I will continue to see it.

Light shone into my darkness this morning.  This morning, I, once again, saw a great light.  The darkness will not overcome it.  He is making all things new.  This will shift.  This will change.

There are days when it all feels very heavy.  Yes.

Today, I will wait.  I will hope and I will watch for the Lord.  With joy, now, hovering over my head and light filling out the spaces of my heart---I wait.

My advent. 

"And then, imperceptibly, it was death and winter that yielded, and life and spring stood at the door and beckoned." ~ Elizabeth Goudge, Towers in the Midst

Wanting to Write Faith

I am so naturally inclined to fix things...

Or.  Should I say I am naturally inclined to try to fix things? Or... even more accurately, I desperately want things to be fixed.  And, by things---I guess I should say people.

Yep.  People.  I want to fix people.  

I am so naturally inclined to want to try to fix people.  Myself, very much included.

A friend recently reminded me that people---any person--- "Is not a problem to be fixed".  People are not a problem.  People are a beautiful, created soul.  Each person I interact with is a unique soul to be loved, heard, seen, and encouraged.   NOT a problem to be fixed. 

Oh how I need to remember this...  

Why do I so want to fix the world, others, and very-especially myself?  

If, indeed, Jesus is the author of faith and the finisher/perfecter of faith (Hebrews 12:2).  Then, at no point in any person's journey, is it for me to try to fix and/ or correct their faith.  I can't create faith---I can't author it.  And, I certainly can't perfect faith.  The job of  the Almighty Author is to write faith and then bring each faith story to completion. 

I just get to read.  I get to love the story... or not.  I get to engage my heart, 'get really into' the book, and open up to what I see in the story being written.

People are as different as any two books!  

My job is to read the "stories" God is writing and bringing along my path...

I can interact with them, engage my heart in the story I am reading.  I can certainly cheer for the Hero of the story, applaud the good I see, and---like any good book--- profoundly long for the lovely outcome and conclusion the Author will bring about!   I can really, really want a happy ending.  

But, plain and simple: I am not the Author of Life.  I am not the Author of faith...mine or yours.  

Am I just talking to myself here?  

Because, I am so naturally inclined to fix things...  

Advent Needed Today

Last night it was at 2 am.  Sometimes it comes in the quiet of the morning... or maybe it comes into the stillness found when I am chopping vegetables for dinner.  Worry.

Worry comes.  Unbidden.  Unwelcome.  But, it comes and I find myself fighting for breath and truth---searching for a solid rock for my emotions to rest upon.

Worry.  Often about yesterday.  Most often about tomorrow.  The thoughts swirl around my mind and my heart.  Dizzy with what feels "real"...but, in reality isn't real at all.  It isn't now.  It's a story.  It is only a fictional piece playing in my mind:  Re-membering yesterday and fore-telling tomorrow.  What might have been?  What I should have done.  What I did wrong?  Will I have enough?  What might come?  What could be the end of this story line?  What if?

Last night it came at 2 am.

The darkness and loneliness of night makes the battle evermore fierce sometimes, doesn't it?

Truth fought hard at the corners and edge of my mind last night.  Do not worry.   Do not be afraid.  Do not be anxious about anything.  I heard the whispers.  But, these words felt so far off.  He felt so far off.

Lord, why is it so hard sometimes for me to take this in?  Why can I not live in this freedom that you offer and bought for me?  

Lessons long learned.  Lessons taught and written about here.  Freedom found.  And, so easily lost... again.  I believe.  Help me with my unbelief!

Morning came.  It always does.  Oh, my Dayspring!  "...through the tender mercy of God, whereby the dayspring from on high hast visited us, to give light to them that sit in the darkness..."  (Luke 1:76-79)

His faithfulness found me here again.  This morning I came.  I sat and waited.  I listened to His Word.  I asked.  Today, a fresh day.  A day to stand on His Truth and He, Himself, as the rock that can steady my heart.  His hold ever secure in midst of the fictional flood that overwhelmed me last night.

He came.  Today, He came.  My Dayspring.  My love.

Love comes.

Truth comes.  Light floods.  Welcomed.  Asked for.  ...hoped for.  The coming.  The Advent again this morning.  Fresh coming.  His whispers---ever steadfast---won and pushed through this morning.  No longer at the edge, His Presence filled.

Advent means the arrival.  The coming.  The rising.  The dawning.  My Advent, my Jesus!  Oh how this heart needs Your coming each and every day.


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