My Ballast

After a whirlwind, messy, upsetting dream filled with too many faces, too many needs, so many things to do and all while needing a shower and in my pyjamas for all to see... dreams are a funny things...  I woke up in a rough state of mind.  

Heart pounding, heavy laden and a hot mess...  I made my way down to my 'quiet time' space in the early morning hours.  As usual, I started my time by opening and playing "Pray as You Go".  Barely listening, the cob webs of faces and mouths that needed feeding began to clear away from my mind...  The dream waves began to slowly subside.  But, still, I began to think about the worries----the 'shoulds' and 'musts' and 'oughts'--- that had been pulling at me the past days.  Obviously, this dream was a good picture of the tugging of needs and my inability and struggle to get it all done.  

As my mind was tossed about by the litany of concern, I could feel my irritation and frustration mounting.  'Just leave me alone' was the feeling (is there one word for this 'feeling')!  I could feel my heart lament and the complaining beginning to rise.  Lord, I can't make everyone happy!  Father, I can't hold it all or feed them all or make them all right.  Maybe like my dear compatriot Elijah, I was basically saying... "I've had enough, Lord.  I am all alone here and these expectations just wanna kill me!" (big-time paraphrase from 1 Kings 19)  

Psalms of complaint and lament were welling up in my heart and waves were beginning to crash again 

...and then... in the background, the lovely voice on the Pray as You Go (oh! yeah... it had been playing the whole time while I ignored it) says, "If there is something that is a concern or a weight, maybe you want to ask the Holy Spirit to give you a different perspective".

A different perspective.  

Stephanie, can you ask Me for My perspective?  

Yes, Lord, I want Your perspective...  Please show me what is true and how to see this differently.  

Instantly, as I prayed, I could feel a slight shift.  One bite of manna and I was fed.  He answered and I was seeing just a bit differently.  It was like light shaft opened over my heart and brain and there was more balance and calm.  I was able to see the 'shoulds' that had been annoying me in a totally different light.  I began to see differently.   It was today's miracle!  

It was like my boat was thrown off kilter and the Holy Spirit was the ballast that brought me stability and centered me.   When I asked, He balanced me.  What a gift.  (Ballast is material that is used to provide stability to a boat.  Insufficiently ballasted boats tend to tip or heel excessively in high winds.)

On the heels of seeing a bit more clearly, I had two thoughts... 

   

First, how does anyone live life without the gift of God's Spirit bringing truth to their minds and hearts?  What a gift, Lord! 

And, then the second thought, ...oh! oh, man! I live my life all the time without the gift of God's Spirit bringing truth!  How often do I bounce around my day in a hot mess and heavy laden?  Lord, I need to do this even more!

Lord, help me to ask You for help more often.  Father, help me to abide in Your love, Your Presence and the gift of Your truth.  Spirit of God, thank you that you long to 'right me' and be my ballast.  I want to ask You more.  Teach me to pray!  

He offers us Himself as our ballast.  He offers Himself as my moment-by-moment answer to any whirlwind or hot mess I find myself in---awake or asleep.    

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #33 The Power of Words

 Power of Words

A simple phrase

spoken with a smile.

Said with kindness, 

words slam into my chest.

My balance is lost,

Rocked and off kilter.

Spoken shockwaves, 

I tilt and sway.

Sickness rises from the deep,

Said once, now a mantra.

Words swirl and surround,

running and racing in my mind.

Dizzy and disoriented,

I feel the shift.

I fight to keep stable.

Just stay still!

I pull at my heart,

tug it back into place.

Find my equilibrium again. 

I whisper truth to my soul.

It was just a simple phrase...

It was such a sweet smile...

Written November 2020

Enough

In this season of life, sleep is not always a given.  There are many mornings when I feel heavy and exhausted after the restless or sleepless night.  It had become a daily habit of mine to tell the family at the breakfast table how much sleep I had gotten...  "I only got 3 hours of sleep last night" ...longing for those around me to take part, sympathize, and understand.

It was only a few weeks ago that I had the thought... why am I keeping track?  What is the point?  Is it helping me in any way to know?

Brene Brown in her fabulous books often talks about a 'mentality of scarcity'.  We walk around struggling with the "not enough" feeling all day long.  Scarcity.  I am not enough... or I don't have enough.  Not thin enough.  Not smart enough.  Not tall enough.  Not funny enough.  Not enough time.  Not enough sleep.  Not enough energy.  Not enough fun.  Not enough money.

This 'not enough' mentality--- scarcity--- haunts us and follows us around throughout our days. But, it's a lie.  This way of thinking is absolutely false.

In contrast, we are told that we have "all we need for life and godliness"...  (2 Peter 1:3).  Scripture tells us that God gives us all we need...

It is false to say I don't have enough for life.  No!  In Christ, I truly have all I need!

"The way to slowly die is to believe you live in scarcity---not abundance" ~Ann Voskamp

According to Scripture, when we live in Christ, we live in abundance.  Abundance of grace. Abundance of strength.  Abundance of peace.  Abundance of life and light and truth...

So, I have decided to stop keeping track.

An older friend here told me she read an article that said it is helpful to not look at the clock when you wake up in the middle of the night.  The news article stated that it helps you fall asleep quicker if you don't know... or don't look.  I started there one night.  (and this was quite a discipline)

Now when I am tossing and turning... or wide awake... I just don't look.  I cover my clock with a book!  Why do I need to know?  It only brings trouble to my mind, it never helps.

I just stopped keeping track entirely.  I don't count.  I don't keep track and I don't tell my family how much sleep I got, or didn't get.  I actually don't know!

My goal in the morning, instead, is to swing my feet around, plant them firm on the ground and stand on the truth that I have enough.  For today.  For life and godliness, today, I have all I need.   In this, I can be very thankful for any and all sleep.  Slowly, I am trusting I got exactly what I need.  Jesus is my enough.  He has given me all I need today for life and for godliness...

Today, I had just enough sleep.  If, in fact, I didn't get much; then, He will give me enough energy for what He is calling me to today.  In Him, I have enough.

I speak to my soul...  Trust the Lord, Stephanie.  Trust that He is Your enough.  Trust that in Him you have abundance.  He has given you what you need.  And, indeed, He will give you what you need for today.  


------- This will be the last post for a few weeks, as I will be on the road.  

Unedited and re-posted from February 2017

Open My Eyes, Lord

I woke up two mornings ago with pain and a very swollen eye.  No fun.  It looked like I had been in a fight and lost!  The quick jaunt to the optometrist confirmed that I have a few (significantly and deeply) blocked ducts with no apparent infection---at this point.   So warm compress... and a few weeks... and it all should clear up. 

Asking the Lord for insight into this, I feel led to pray...  Lord, unblock and release us from the things that keep us from seeing Truth.  Help me to see You, myself, and others truly.  Help us to see rightly, Father!  Open our eyes.   

I can see right now.  But, my vision is just slightly impaired by the swelling.  The pain makes me want to close my eyes and stop looking.  And, these ducts have been 'getting' blocked for weeks now---without my awareness and detection.  My eyes were affected and "off" kilter before I even knew it.

How else, Lord, am I seeing impaired? 

These prayers have prompted deep conviction in my own life.  I know there are ways I see the Lord... ways I see the world... ways I see myself and ...ways I see others... ways I see wrongly and off-kilter.  The eyes of my heart and my mind are blocked in some significant ways--as is true of us all.  I need His purification and release.  I need God's truth. I need Him to touch and heal those deep parts of me which are affecting my seeing---my heart-sight.

Scripture tells us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.  The Word reminds us that fixed minds and hearts stayed on Him are at peace. When our hearts are steadfast on His Spirit and when we look at things that are of His Spirit, we will keep in step with the Spirit.  When we see rightly, we can walk rightly.  When we are facing or looking in the right direction, we will walk in the right direction.  Right?  Obviously!

So, today, I choose to settle into the reality of my blocked ducts.  I will use it as a prayer trigger until the Lord sees fit to take it away.  I pray for myself first... and then for those I love.... and then beyond.  That the eyes of our hearts would be given light and wisdom to understand more Truth about who God is and who we are in His love (Ephesians 1:17-19)  Would you join me in praying this, too?

Lord, let us see rightly!  

Sad is Okay, Too

I see it in your eyes.  I see the emotion.

All of me wants you to know, "It's really okay to be sad." I see it and I want you to express it.  Please don't hide it from me.

You really don't have to tell me "it's good".  I know.  You know.  We both know.  Of course, it will all be fine, it is good and God is good.  I know that you know this.  We both know this!

Instead, please, friend, just feel the sadness and the pain.  Can you let yourself acknowledge the suffering and the difficulty that is real---the difficulty of the now?

Tears come.  They well up and want to spill out.  I see them.  You feel them. I know you do.  I see your 'fight' turn on.  As tears begin to spill out of your eyes, I watch your embarrassment.  Is it shame? You wipe your eyes, you press your fingers over your nose, you push, you wipe, you press, you apologize... everything in you is trying to hold back the tsunami of tears.  The sadness is real.

Please, can you just let yourself have a moment?  Can you let yourself have an hour, a day... a month... and acknowledge that this hurts?

Why do we judge ourselves and our feelings?  We all do it.

God-given gifts---feelings.  Our feelings are not for judging--- they just are.  Feelings--- all of them---just are.  They are data points.  Why must we put them into a box.  Negative feelings vs. positive feelings.  Bad vs. good.  Why don't we just let them be a fact, for a moment?  I have blond hair and green eyes.  I am 5 foot 6 inches.  Facts.

I am sad.  I am angry.  I hurt right now.  I am scared.  Facts, just the same.

You speak too soon, I think, of the "good" or of the "truth"--- making every effort to make yourself "okay", or trying to make sure I am "okay" watching your pain.  I am okay.  And, sadness is okay, too?  Oh, how we all want to escape the pain, run away from the hard... or, at least, make you think something else of me.

I see it friend.  Please let the sadness have it's say.  I promise we will lean into the good a bit later.  We will rehearse truth further on...  I promise.

Happy and sad can live in the same place, at the same time.  But, I see the pain now.  I see it in your eyes. I welcome it.

Would you trust me with the tears?

Sit With Me

Below I offer you an un-edited re-post of a blog I wrote August, 2016.

-------

Take a load off.  Sit for a while.  Rest... 

Sabbath is really, really important to God.  Plain and simple.  He makes no bones about it.  His commandment of Sabbath is uber-important.  Reading through the Old Testament, it would be hard to miss this clear theme.

I was struck again with this idea when reading in Numbers 15.  Throughout the Old Testament, God offers, over and over, a 'way out' or an avenue for forgiveness from sin.  In this chapter, He enunciates the pathway for recovery and forgiveness for unintentional sin.  And, then, BAM... right in the middle of the passage, we read about the "Sabbath-Breaker" who is to be put out of the camp and stoned to death.  No restitution is offered.  There was no-way back from THIS sin.  What, Lord!?  

Sabbath is clearly really, really important to God.  I wouldn't even attempt to count how often He reiterates this truth in the Old Testament; but, indeed, He does again, and again.  

In Numbers 15, we are given clarity as to why this Sabbath-breaker is punished.  His sin was deliberate, Scripture tells us.  Rebellious.  He had contempt for God's commands.  "He has despised the word of the Lord." (Numbers 15:31)

But what was he actually rebelling against?  What was He despising exactly?  What was offensive to him... this condemned man?  A day-off!?  For Sabbath is a day of rest.  No work.  A day for worship. Quiet.  Why in the world would he (or we) rebel against that?  

(Now, let me just pause here and make very clear that I believe, as a child of God and one covered by the blood of Jesus, I am no longer under the law.  I know and believe that Christ died for intentional and unintentional sin!  And His blood covers all rebellion, curses, iniquity, and transgressions... and every thing in between.  ...just in case you were worried.   But, that doesn't lessen the reality of God's heart and character being the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. So, I also believe, this conversation is immensely important.)

So, why in the world would this man rebel against rest, quiet and no work?  

Or, more poignantly, what do I resist or despise the gift of Sabbath?  

Ezekiel 20: 12 says, "I gave them (a gift!) my Sabbath as a sign between me and them that they might know I am the Lord (note the why behind the giving) who sanctifies them." 

In Mark 2:27 Jesus reiterates this theme that Sabbath is for men--- a gift.  Made and given for us... for our benefit.  Not a legal law to remain under, but instead a gift to receive.  Or not.  

When reading and sitting with this idea, I was struck by the end of the Ezekiel verse--- I am the Lord who sanctifies them. I looked up the word sanctify and found this definition:  "the state of proper functioning".  In the Webster definition it adds, for clarity sake, "a pen is sanctified when it is used to write"

I wrote down in my journal:  "pens are sanctified when writing.  People are sanctified when used for the purpose God intends---living according to His design. People are sanctified when living with God."  Sabbath is part of our proper functioning as human beings.  Part of our very purpose here on earth is to rest, worship, and enjoy God!  It is what we are made for.  

When I don't live in the rhythm of Sabbath rest, I am living in an unnatural way.  A rebellious way.  It is anti-human to work non-stop.  Sabbath is clearly very important gift from God to man.  

Do I despise it?  Fight it?  And, if so, why?  

Just sit for a while and enter His rest.

------
I re-post this as I pack up and head out for a 4 day silent, quiet retreat with God!!  ...I will sit and rest awhile, Lord.  I will receive Your gift to me!  

Feeling Empty

I just didn't have it this morning.  I felt empty.  Lacking.

I woke up seriously lacking.  Lacking energy.  Lacking joy.  Out of sorts and out of whack,  I certainly didn't have it this morning.  Grace.  Love.  Peace.  Joy.  I didn't have any of it for myself, let alone for anyone else.

The morning habit of "the chair" always draws me... sometimes with excitement and anticipation, often simply out of discipline and habit.  At some silly-o-clock every morning, my alarm sings.  I wake.  I stumble down stairs and drink my glass of water.  And, then I go to my chair...  Habit.  Good daily habits. What a gift!

Bible.  Journal.  Prayer App.  Worship Music.  ...all tools I might use in my chair.  This day I just sat there, half awake, staring into the space in front of me.  How long did I just stare into the room? Looking but not seeing.  Just sitting.

I could scarcely hear the whisper waft my way... was it from my habit, was it from my Lord?...  Either way, I could hear a whisper:  the Word.  

The Word, Stephanie.  A still small voice reminding me to pick up God's word.  With automatic obedience, I lifted my bible and my journal from where they live in the basket next to the chair.

Opening the Bible, the red cloth book marker directed me where to place my eyes on the page.  Good thing for that marker!  Without it I may have just stared for more time into the nothingness.  Following the marker's direction, I found my place and I read.  Almost from the first word, from the pulsating life which lives within the very letters on this majestic page, I could feel a surge.  Truth.  I could feel the truth in the words I was reading.  None of the Words were new.  I have read them a thousand times, to be sure.  In fact, I had read the very same words yesterday.  But, again today, they were fresh with life.  Ah, the Word of God does wonders for the soul! 

As Scripture awakened my mind, my heart and my soul...  I began to see a bit more of me.  It took time.  A thawing was beginning as I read word after word.

Finally words from within me began to emerge.  The first words I scribbled in my journal said, "I just don't have it today."

I just don't have it, Lord.  I am seriously lacking.  

As if God is surprised by this confession, right?  He is well aware of our need for Him.  He knows I am lacking.  I am always lacking...

Yes, I know, Stephanie.  So, now that you know, ask Me for exactly what you need.   

What did I need from God?  Today.  What was my need.  Oh.  So much!  I need grace, Lord.  I need love today, Lord!  I don't have it.  I don't have it for me.  I don't have it for anyone else.  

Truth washed over my mind like a flood.  I have both in abundance.  I am Love.  I am rich in grace.  And, I live IN you.  

In You...  abundance.  richness and fullness.  

I could feel the boldness growing.  Yes, I can ask for exactly what I need!  Yes, my God is rich in mercy.  I need joy, Lord... Oh man, I am really not feeling the joy, Lord!  Can I have more joy today, please? And, oh, I'm seriously needing peace and definitely patience...  I need so much, Lord.  

In the dark, cold morning, I was warmed by His invitation.  My Spirit lives in You.  My fullness.  Love.  Joy.  Peace. Patience... all I am, accessible to you.  Always.  A living stream of life and truth is welling within you, because I live in you.  I dwell in you.  You have everything you need.  Everything.  In Me.  Ask me... and then wait and see!  

Truly, I walked away from my chair with more joy and peace.  I asked and He answered.  I could feel Him giving me what I needed for the day.  Enough.  I always have enough in Him.  I simply needed to ask and receive.  Bread enough for my today.

I didn't have it this morning.  But, my God does and He loves to give the good gift of His Spirit to His children.  (Luke 11:13)

"Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them. He was speaking of the Spirit..."  (John 7:38, 39)

Grab Your Hammer

The look on his face was priceless.  At 16 years old, my son is well accustomed to doing his own laundry. Yesterday, his dad, as an act of love and kindness folded his clean clothes. It was just a mundane moment of love... not difficult for Dad, right?  It took only minutes of his time.  But, to my son... it was a gift.

We heard the surprise and confusion in his voice, calling from upstairs, "Did you fold my laundry, Mom?"  Nope, I said.  It was Dad.

The look on his face, as he ran downstairs, was beautiful- such gratefulness.
One small act of love.  One small gift received.

My husband had told me that morning he had felt God's nudge to do it.  He quickly and quietly obeyed this prompting.  ...and reaped a tender moment with his boy.

The giving of love, the receiving of love.  Did that small act matter yesterday?  Did that count?

We tend to enumerate and count big things in our world, don't we?  There are certain 'big things' that we take note of and admire---changing the world kind of "big" things.  We count and keep track of the biggies.  Money, fame, admiration, beauty, service, and "likes" all are important if they are BIG.  Numbers.  Growing numbers.  If they can be counted or named.  Seen.

But, what if...

What if it really is just the small and mundane things that matter?

Are we all sold a bill of goods in the idea that we have to all do something "big" and significant?  How often have I heard a call to "change the world!" (the whole world, really!?) or, as a child, the mantra "you could even be President!"  Big things.  Presidential things.  Important things.

What if its just simply about the day-to-day, every day things of life... the cooking dinner, talking to a friend, driving to work, answering email,  'hello' to the shop attendant, praying, reading, exercising, cleaning the kitchen, sweeping a back porch...  these every day life realities--- what if they are truly the highest moments- ripe with the most significance?

I am reading a book right now that is stirring in me and prompting such profound discontent.  The book is titled and propagated as a book on contemplation, prayer, and journeying with God.  I read the author's continual reminders of all the 'big' things she has done and is doing because of, or alongside, her contemplation and prayer.  Almost as if prayer leads to doing great things.  Sprinkled and spread within the nooks and crannies of her writing are the assertion of work-with-impact in significant places.

What if prayer doesn't lead to great things... what if prayer is a great thing?

My small life, in a very small place,... my one-person-at-a-time, one moment-at-a-time life...  has been screaming at me as I read--- voices accusing me of laziness, not-enoughness, and nothingness.  Does it matter that I spent time in prayer today---praying for one small person in a small place?  Is that work of significance?  This critical voice tells me that my small life is less than.  What if that voice is lying to me?  What if...?

What if...

Twice this week I happened upon the story of Noah in Genesis.  At first glance, I felt the tug of this "huge" thing that Noah did.  Right?  It felt like an affirmation and nod to the accusations I have been feeling.  Noah had a huge impact!  He saved humanity from extinction, for goodness sake!  Or did he?

As I have been digging in and reading further, another thought has occurred to me---another Voice.

What did Noah actually do?  God saw the future.  God spoke.  God brought the animals.  God closed the door.  God brought the rain and sustained the little boat above the waves.  Really, when it comes down to it...Noah just built a boat.

He built a boat.

He picked up a hammer and some nails...  and made a really large boat.  That is actually what he did.

People build boats every day.  Right?  Johnny Cash wrote some songs and sung them.  Stephen King put some words on a screen.  And, Monet took some color and splashed it about---beautifully---on a canvas, or two.  But, actually, Cash, King, Monet and Noah really just lived their everyday life... eating, drinking, sleeping, cleaning, and living lives.  For better or worse, they danced their dance.  Just like you and me.

Color on a page.  Words on a screen.  Songs on an instrument.  A nail and a hammer.

With this thinking in mind, a new phrase sits with me now when I think about Noah's story. There is a profound and huge statement in Genesis 6:22... "Noah did precisely everything the Lord commanded him to do".

There it is!  That's it, right?!

My husband, yesterday, felt God's whisper to fold laundry...  and he obeyed.  If writing Scripture today, would God inspire the words, "And Dave did precisely everything the Lord commanded him to do."

Oh, how I long for this to be true of me!

The "whatever you do, whatever you eat or drink, do it all to the glory of God"(1 Corinthians 10:31) and "whatever you do, word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father" (Colossians 3:17)

What if I was like Noah... I go about my day, listening to God's command and doing "exactly what God commanded". What if I pick up my hammer and nails and build a boat?  What if my task today is to pray?  What if He nudges me to worship?  What if my folding laundry life is the big thing for today... the obedient, worshipful, honoring thing that God would have me do.

What is the look on God's face when we obey and actually do what He wants, I wonder?  I would guess its profoundly beautiful and priceless.

Today. Sit down and eat.

It just jumped out at me.  She said it, really, just in passing.  Smack dab in the middle of another story she said it.  And, in that moment, it was as if from the computer Skype screen it jumped out and snatched my heart.  

There are those moments.  They are often small, really.  Small, yes, but not insignificant. I think they are profound moments to be alert to---watch for and be awake.  

It was just in passing.  It rolled off her tongue.  What is He inviting you to today?  she said.  

What. ... His. ...Invitation.  ...You. ...Today.  

Today.  Now.  

Recently a few friends have shared with me the pain and suffering of the dark, grey hues of an unclear future.  These friends look ahead and don't know what to do.  All in remarkably different situations and circumstances. All are uneasy, in the least.   Some are truly panicked. All deeply afraid and even angry.  What was/is God doing?  What is coming?  What am I supposed to do?  I don't know what to do?  It makes no sense.  There is no path forward.  I have heard these questions and statements spoken over and over again.  I have been troubled with them, holding their pain, and praying for each one.  Today, I was reminded me that in each case the worries are about tomorrow---all about the future. 

The future.  Not today.  

Psychological studies say that we spend at least 75% of our time thinking about the future--- be it next week, next month, or ten years from now.  And, other statistical analytical studies show that 95% of what we think about (that 75 % of the time) never comes true... or never even shows up as a reality.  

Tomorrow.   ...or even tomorrow's tomorrow!  

What about the now, Stephanie? What is He inviting you to today? 

The question 'what am I supposed to do?'  ...when asked about the now... is usually, and generally, not that difficult.  What am I supposed to do now?  Well... now ...I need to take a shower, or clean this pile of laundry, or answer that email, or make some dinner, or go to bed.  

It is the future that trips us up.  It is the future that can trip me up.  What is around the corner?  What do I need to prepare myself for?  Or, what will happen if...?  or What am I supposed to do?  

I am struck that regardless of where I am on the journey; whether in the dark valley or the green pastures (Psalm 23), it is very clear what I am supposed to do in the now.   God tells me.  If it's the valley... I am to sit and feast at the table.  Sit down, eat and receive.  

His Word.  His Presence.  God's very self is the food I need as I 'walk' in the valley of the shadow of death.  Let Him pour over me His oil, Himself.   This is the invitation for today... in this dark valley. 

If I find myself in the green pastures...  what am I to do?  Lie down.  Follow.  Rest.  Enjoy.  Be refreshed.  Again, pretty clear what I am to do today.  

As over simplistic, over used, misused, and even trite as it may sound or feel as I type these words on a page: "Do not worry about tomorrow" ... these words feel utterly essential for my heart today.  

For my friends.  For me.

I want to look for His invitation to sit down and eat.  Today.  Or, to wade in the water, rest and lie down.  Can I just get on with it and fix dinner, or write that email, or fold that laundry while feasting on Him?  Can I simply do what I need to do today, and let His love and goodness follow and surround me?  

Lord, what do You have for me today?  

My Enough

photo source

In this season of life sleep is not always a given.  There are many mornings when I feel heavy and exhausted after the restless or sleepless night.  It had become a daily habit of mine to tell the family at the breakfast table how much sleep I had gotten...  "I only got 3 hours of sleep last night" ...longing for those around me to take part, sympathize, and understand.

It was only a few weeks ago that I had the thought... why am I keeping track?  What is the point?  Is it helping me in any way to know?**

Brene Brown in her fabulous books often talks about a 'mentality of scarcity'.  We walk around struggling with the "not enough" feeling all day long.  Scarcity.  I am not enough... or I don't have enough.  Not thin enough.  Not smart enough.  Not tall enough.  Not funny enough.  Not enough time.  Not enough sleep.  Not enough energy.  Not enough fun.  Not enough money.

This 'not enough' mentality--- scarcity--- haunts us and follows us around throughout our days. But, it's a lie.  This way of thinking is absolutely false.

In contrast, we are told that we have "all we need for life and godliness"...  (2 Peter 1:3).  Scripture tells us that God gives us all we need...

It is false to say I don't have enough for life.  No!  In Christ, I truly have all I need!

"The way to slowly die is to believe you live in scarcity---not abundance" ~Ann Voskamp

According to Scripture, when we live in Christ, we live in abundance.  Abundance of grace. Abundance of strength.  Abundance of peace.  Abundance of life and light and truth...

So, I have decided to stop keeping track.

An older friend here told me she read an article that said it is helpful to not look at the clock when you wake up in the middle of the night.  The news article stated that it helps you fall asleep quicker if you don't know... or don't look.  I started there one night.  (and this was quite a discipline)

Now when I am tossing and turning... or wide awake... I just don't look.  I cover my clock with a book!  Why do I need to know?  It only brings trouble to my mind, it never helps.

I just stopped keeping track entirely.  I don't count.  I don't keep track and I don't tell my family how much sleep I got, or didn't get.  I actually don't know!

My goal in the morning, instead, is to swing my feet around, plant them firm on the ground and stand on the truth that I have enough.  For today.  For life and godliness, today, I have all I need.   In this, I can be very thankful for any and all sleep.  Slowly, I am trusting I got exactly what I need.  Jesus is my enough.  He has given me all I need today for life and for godliness...

Today, I had just enough sleep.  If, in fact, I didn't get much; then, He will give me enough energy for what He is calling me to today.  In Him, I have enough.

I speak to my soul...  Trust the Lord, Stephanie.  Trust that He is Your enough.  Trust that in Him you have abundance.  He has given you what you need.  And, indeed, He will give you what you need for today.  



**Of course, it is helpful to keep track of these things when we are struggling to take good care of ourselves.  ...am I giving myself the vegetables I need?  Am I giving my body exercise and healthy care?  Am I going to bed at a beneficial time---allowing for enough sleep?  In these ways, it can be super helpful to know... or keep track.  But, this isn't my problem.  I am taking good care of my body--- heading to bed at a decent hour.  I am just simply not sleeping.  (a very common problem, so I hear, with women 'my age' and older!)  

Do Not Despise His Word

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Take a load off.  Sit for a while.  Rest... 

Sabbath is really, really important to God.  Plain and simple.  He makes no bones about it.  His commandment of Sabbath is uber-important.  Reading through the Old Testament, it would be hard to miss this clear theme.

I was struck again with this idea when reading in Numbers 15.  Throughout the Old Testament, God offers, over and over, a 'way out' or an avenue for forgiveness from sin.  In this chapter, He enunciates the pathway for recovery and forgiveness for unintentional sin.  And, then, BAM... right in the middle of the passage, we read about the "Sabbath-Breaker" who is to be put out of the camp and stoned to death.  No restitution is offered.  There was no-way back from THIS sin.  What, Lord!?  

Sabbath is clearly really, really important to God.  I wouldn't even attempt to count how often He reiterates this truth in the Old Testament; but, indeed, He does again, and again.  

In Numbers 15, we are given clarity as to why this Sabbath-breaker is punished.  His sin was deliberate, Scripture tells us.  Rebellious.  He had contempt for God's commands.  "He has despised the word of the Lord." (Numbers 15:31)

But what was he actually rebelling against?  What was He despising exactly?  What was offensive to him... this condemned man?  A day-off!?  For Sabbath is a day of rest.  No work.  A day for worship. Quiet.  Why in the world would he (or we) rebel against that?  

(Now, let me just pause here and make very clear that I believe, as a child of God and one covered by the blood of Jesus, I am no longer under the law.  I know and believe that Christ died for intentional and unintentional sin!  And His blood covers all rebellion, curses, iniquity, and transgressions... and every thing in between.  ...just in case you were worried.   But, that doesn't lessen the reality of God's heart and character being the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. So, I also believe, this conversation is immensely important.)

So, why in the world would this man rebel against rest, quiet and no work?  

Or, more poignantly, what do I resist or despise the gift of Sabbath?  

Ezekiel 20:12 says, "I gave (a gift!) them my Sabbath (note whose it is) as a sign between me and them that they might know I am the Lord (note the why behind the giving) who sanctifies them." 

In Mark 2:27 Jesus reiterates this theme that Sabbath is for men--- a gift.  Made and given for us... for our benefit.  Not a legal law to remain under, but instead a gift to receive.  Or not.  

When reading and sitting with this idea, I was struck by the end of the Ezekiel verse--- I am the Lord who sanctifies them. I looked up the word sanctify and found this definition:  "the state of proper functioning".  In the Webster definition it adds, for clarity sake, "a pen is sanctified when it is used to write"

I wrote down in my journal:  "pens are sanctified when writing.  People are sanctified when used for the purpose God intends---living according to His design. People are sanctified when living with God."  Sabbath is part of our proper functioning as human beings.  Part of our very purpose here on earth is to rest, worship, and enjoy God!  It is what we are made for.  

When I don't live in the rhythm of Sabbath rest, I am living in an unnatural way.  A rebellious way.  It is anti-human to work non-stop.  Sabbath is clearly very important gift from God to man.  

Do I despise it?  Fight it?  And, if so, why?  

Just sit for a while and enter His rest.  

Where exhaustion can take me...

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There is a powerful urge that I feel sometimes... a voracious appetite.  Do you ever feel it?

In recent years, I have become more aware.  Rather than just following it without thought, I am finally becoming more conscious of this drive, this hunger.  I catch and  "see" the signs.  And, I am starting to see what triggers the feeling.  

The hunger?  Simply put, I just want to eat.  And, then I want to eat more.  Something a little sweet.  Something a little salty.  Now, I want something more that is sweet... and on it goes. The desire is strong.  The pull can be intense.  I can go (mentally or actually) scrounging through the kitchen and find myself something tasty to bring relief to the "hunger" within.

Am I the only one?

My husband assures me that I am not alone in my hunger---although his voracious "eating" doesn't include food.  He is driven or pulled toward media, he explains.  He just wants to watch, or to research, or to read random news articles.  But, he too is aware of the drive and the intense pull.  We aren't alone in this drive to numb, to relax, to calm, to get-back-to-equilibrium.  We just crave different things to fill the hunger...

What do you crave?  

I do know my triggers...  at least in part.  I have written before of my tired temptations.  For instance, I know that when I am exhausted---physically, emotionally or spiritually---I can find the lure-to-numb really inviting!  I am still not quite sure where I learned this pattern---when did I learn to go to food to feed the emptiness that exhaustion can bring?  But certainly, when I am tired... I want to eat.  And, I want to numb.  The question I have been asking is why?  and when?  

Does the food actually give me a burst of energy?  Maybe.  Or, does it give me comfort?  Maybe even a bit.  ...a learned comfort, at least.  But, does it give me what I really need in those tired moments?    Most definitely not.  The interesting thing is that my drive to food is never satisfied and if I indulge the cravings... I am never satisfied.  I never find rest, peace or equilibrium when I eat to fill that void. In fact, quite the opposite happens!  Filling this "hunger" with unnecessary food often produces a cycle of frustration, annoyance and irritation with myself.  

What do I truly need in these moments??   I need rest.  ... rest.  I need rest and peace and equilibrium.  I need Jesus.  

The very Person of Jesus is the obvious answer to my true needs.  His Presence offers me rest.  "Come to Me, all you who are weary...and I will give you rest", He says. "The peace I give is from Me...not like the world's peace", he invites me in.  He is my manna, the Bread of Life that will nourish.  In Him I can find filling and satisfaction.  In Him I have found fullness!  

This powerful urge within... may it draw me into You, Lord Jesus.  May I receive from You all I need!!  Change the "natural" and automatic response within me to run to food and other things... may I learn to run to You and find my rest in You alone.  

Where (or to who... or to what) do you go when you are tired or exhausted?  

Screaming lists and loud calendars

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The "to-do" list runs long and feels heavy.  The calendar seems to scream at me and I begin to feel it pushing out my peace.  The feeling of "overwhelmed" creeps up on me, tapping me on the shoulder with a hiss--- a lying tongue whispering that I need to worry.

But, I don't have to listen.

I can just be.

Still.

I can be still and know that He is God!  (Psalm 46:10).

Will it all get done?  I don't know.  Will the earth stop turning on it's axis if it doesn't?  This light-hearted internal question brings a slight chuckle, which brings relief.

I really don't have to worry.  And, I don't have to listen to "overwhelmed".   Neither do you.

We can just be.

I can be here today.  And, not worry about tomorrow.  I can tell the long list to shut up and I can ignore the screaming calendar.  Be quiet!  Shhhh---enough already!  

I can be still.  And, I can trust that my kind, gentle, loving Father is God---

I can be still and know that He is God.

The tumble and fall of the urgent "more"

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Just one more pair of jeans... that should do, right?  Oh!  and...I need just one more shirt in pink, then I am done.  Just one more trip to Target.  Or, one more book.  One more album.  Or, one more app.   For everyone it is different, for sure--- but,  we feel it, don't we?  Or, am I alone here feeling the tug?  


Because, what I have is great... but it is not quite enough.   Nearly, yes.  Well, okay-yes, it is enough, of course!  And, I am thankful, Lord.  But...  but, I just need this one more thing...  


And so it goes.  The tumble and fall, the slippery slope of the "more".  There seems to be a constant urge within--- an urgent cry, a tugging, a screaming, or a quiet nag--- for "more".


In the movie, "Sabrina", Sabrina Fair reminds Linus,  "More isn't always better, Linus.  Sometimes it is just more."  Oh! The tug and the pull of the more.  One more movie, one more episode, one more email, one more blog and one more blouse.  One more chip and one more bite...  Just one more.


It isn't always better, Stephanie.  Sometimes, it just more.


Certainly this isn't a problem that only Americans have... although I do feel it keenly living here these few months, to be sure.  This is a human problem.  Across time and generations this has been a problem.  Solomon speaks to it over and over again, "Man's appetite is never satisfied". (Ecclesiastes 6:7)


To be content with exactly what I have right now and nothing more.  I need for nothing.  I have no need, no want, and no "dream" for the more.  "For godliness with contentment is great gain". (I Timothy 6:6).  My Father reminds me that there is great gain in being okay with what I have.  What blessings await me to be content with the "now" and to be happy in what I have now.  "Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God. (Ecc. 5:19)  So, He invites me not only to be "okay" with what I have, but to enjoy it.  


Lord, bless me with this enjoyment and this contentment--- these gifts from You.  


"O thou who kindly dost provide
For every creature's want!
We bless Thee, God of Nature wide,
For all Thy goodness lent:
And if it please Thee, Heavenly Guide,
May never worse be sent;
But, whether granted, or denied,
Lord, bless us with content. Amen! ~Robert Burns Grace

Order My Day

Lord, please order my day. 

This prayer I have been praying on and off for many years.  I am not sure where I first read it, or heard it... but it has become a regular, genuine prayer many a days.

There are days when the task list seems overwhelming.  The needs are great.  And, a tornado has obviously descended on my house...  laundry piles, dirty dishes stacked high, schooling to correct or to plan, phone calls to make, emails to write, ...the list is endless.  Where do I even start?

Lord, please order my day.  


This is where I started.  I decided to start by asking for His heart for my day.

Let me be clear, this doesn't come naturally to me.  It really doesn't.  Prayer is not my default; nor, is it where I go simply because I am a Christian.  No, actually, more naturally I worry.  Or, I make a list.  Or, I plan and work hard.  I work...  And worry and get frustrated.  And, maybe even a bit angry, annoyed that I had to do all this!  That is more "Stephanie" in-the-raw.

But, He is gentle and continues to teach.  To teach and to invite...  He invites me to so much more.

A friend of mine told me of a concept she learned in counseling once.  She said that patterns in life are learned over time.  We go to them in a familiar fashion.  Like reaching to the top drawer to find that every-day pair of socks, we reach for these patterns--- these reactions.  She was taught that in order to re-learn a new pattern (or unlearn an old, not-wanted pattern), you have to choose not to go to the top drawer.  But, to find "another" drawer (in your mind, your heart, your soul).  ...we have some choices in which "drawer" we will reach for...

My "I am overwhelmed" drawer is the top drawer for me.  In this top drawer are all sorts of "socks" like list-making and planning, worrying and frustration.  But, I have a choice, I can open another drawer first.  I can go to the "trust God and rest in Him" drawer.   Socks are necessary, yes.  Planning is certainly not a sin!  But, where do I reach first... that is the question.

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Every day I can choose.  I have another option.  ...another drawer.

Lord, please, You order my day.  What first?  You and Me... Your strength, Your plan, not mine.  


This is the drawer I chose to open.  The "I can trust my loving Father" drawer is an option!  In this drawer I find strength, peace and a firm foundation.  I also find surprises!  Things I didn't schedule or plan, or ask for... they show up in my day.  Gifts from Him come flowing into my life.  Gifts that might have the "look" of distraction or sabotage when I haven't asked; when I haven't turned my heart toward Him.  He brings these things to me when I ask Him to order my day.

What if I choose to pray all day, every day!  What if praying and abiding in Christ was my full-time job, my "task"... my primary work.  And, I did dishes while praying.  Not the other way around.  I didn't pray while I did dishes.  I did the dishes while I prayed.  And, I did laundry while I prayed.  And, I answered the phone while I prayed.  Prayer and abiding....  first.

Tornado house, laundry piles, school work to correct, emails to write---  I got a ton done!  I really did.  Can I write that and not sound self-promoting or "health-wealth" gospel-ish, or exaggeratory??  I got a ton done!!  ...I actually had time left over and very little stress today.  Time for a stop by friend who needed an hour of prayer together.  I had space for even this!  It was miraculous.  It was Him---from beginning to end.

I have so much to learn about abiding.  Teach me, Jesus!  And, please order my day.  

Listen to Your Body

The advice I received when I exited the hospital two weeks ago was, "Listen to you body!"

I have never been very good at listening to my body-- maybe that is part of the reason I ended up flat on my back with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 10 years ago.

My body takes second string to the other "voices" of my mind, my heart, my wants (or will) and my sinful tendencies. I can easily listen to and hear the many Stephanie-shoulds... the many, many "ought-tos". I compare and judge myself.

To actually listen to the cues that my loving Creator, my Father, has put in my body is a concept that I have struggled with most of my life.

Exhaustion and fatigue come as a second/third/fourth reminder of a general "tiredness" that was the first, gentle nudge to take a rest. What if I just listened more to that first sign of "tiredness"--- of body, of mind, of spirit and or soul? ...never having to get to that exhaustion and fatigue.

Anxiety and "overwhelmed" are second/third/fourth reminders of that general feeling of calculation and control (list making!) red flag that Father God has shown me. What if I heard that "list-making" and "planning" as the first sign to sit for a moment and rest, trust and release it to my Father's hands. Would I never get to Overwhelmed??

I have even found this journey difficult when learning to rightly relate to food. What if I just ate when I was legitimately hungry and stopped when I was truly, physically "politely" full? What happens? I know this one; because in my battle against gluttony and food-lust, this as been the best cure: wait for the God-given clue of a growling stomach and stop when you are full. ...then wait for the growl again. Simple enough, right? For years, this has been my passport to freedom from food's domination. And yet, even here, I have other voices--- other hungers--- that call out and tell me to listen to them!

So, as I recover from my operation, I keep trying to figure out the "when" about this recovery (I want some rules please!)... when can I start to cook, to clean, to walk further and to sit for long periods of time? When should I do this or do that? And, then, my sweet husband reminds me that there is no formula. OH! how I like my formula and rules. There are only guidelines and my body to lead the way--- how ambiguous is that??!

So, I have to be aware of my heart and it's deceitful desires to trick me! And, I have to listen to those love gifts that my kind Father has given me and my body.

Me and my UNIQUE body... which is different than "hers", "his", ...yours. Don't we compare, too? ...which adds to the noise of those other voices.

I can listen to those first, God-given clues of tiredness, calculating, and hunger. ...and maybe I will avoid the exhaustion, the anxiety, and the gluttony. Now, that would be a sight to see!!

Help me, Father! Only You can teach me this. Make me truly aware of my heart, my lusts, and my shoulds. Make me aware of my body and how you have uniquely created it. Teach me and lead me forward in this, I ask.

Lessons from a Stupid Movie

I watched a silly, stupid movie last night.

After a full day, I decided to watch a free, streaming-online movie. I really wanted to find a clean movie that was mild in any moral offensiveness. So, I searched a bit, found one that was promising, and checked the content on one of my favorite sites for movie content (Spotlight on Entertainment). I did find a film to watch that was quite mild. ...and also very stupid.

So, no, ...this is not a movie I would recommend (for it's sheer silliness and bad writing). But, that said, I believe God has used it today in my life. He does show up in the most unlikely of places, doesn't He?!

Okay, the movie was called "Confessions of a Shopaholic". In short, this young woman has a shopping addiction. Her addiction is dealt with in light-hearted, humorous way, to be sure, and the silliness of the movie is an attempt (I think) at satire. But, essentially, the audience watches as this woman ruins her life and all she loves in submission and bondage to this "mild" addiction. She has a lust and devotion to shopping, to "new" things, beautiful things, and "name brands". And, it tears her and her life apart little-by-little.

Toward the end of the movie, the man she loves asks her to tell him, "Why" she shops likes she does. He wants to hear her heart. He wants to understand. She pauses and answers something like, "...I shop because it makes me happy. I am happy for one very real moment. And, then ...well, then, I am not happy anymore. And, .... (pause for effect) then I have to shop again."

And, then I have to shop again. Profound, really. Maybe even a bit redemptive when looking at this badly made film! In this statement she sums up the pull and tug of the world and it's "offerings" to the human race. And, thus the beauty of the message of this stupid movie.

And, today, her answer rings true in my heart.

Just fill in the blank, Stephanie.

I _____ because it makes me happy. Even for just a moment, I feel happy. And, then I have to _____ again to be happy again.

What is it... shop, sleep, eat, read, watch, play, listen, drink, talk with, ... ?

Everyone has their escape, their addictions... surely some more "mild" than others. These "places" we go can be immoral, amoral, or even "good places". But, all these addictions, or devotions of heart, just "help" for a moment. ...I suppose even long moments, for some. But certainly they don't bring complete or lasting happiness. And, we have to have more (do more, eat more, get more, watch more) to get "more" happiness. ...like a drug.

I am not advocating the law, nor the ending of all shopping, eating, reading, sleeping, watching or playing. That is ludicrous. No, I am just wondering after my own heart.

I am wondering about

what I run to first...

what I devote my time to...

from where I gain my peace...

where I search out happy feelings...

or, where I go to find rest...

What is it that God offers us? What is it that He offers in Himself that is uniquely different than these other "places"?

...a stream of ever-flowing, living water. ...

...faithful love that endures forever. ...

...guarding, reigning peace. ...

...complete and fullness of joy. ...

Very, very different than my escapes, my other loves, and my other devotions!

From this silly movie, I am reminded to seek Him first. I am reminded that it is only He that satisfies all the longings in my heart, my mind and my body.

Only Him. Him alone. His girl alone.

Stolen Moment

Sometimes I just get really tired. Today I felt this way.

There are days when my body, my mind and my soul feel fatigued. This morning I felt this way.

Things to do. People to see. Places to go. Things to do....

When I feel exhausted I tend to begin to disengage and I can be easily frustrated or agitated. This morning I felt this way.

As the morning moved on, I felt the angst increasing and my head just felt heavy. And, then, for a moment... a short moment, maybe 10 minutes... I found myself alone in the kitchen. And, in that moment, I felt I had a choice. I truly felt the call, or invitation of the Lord, to sit with Him. I knew He was giving me a "stolen moment" with Him.

And, I took it.

There were many things I could have chosen to do instead. I could have made my hands, my mind and my heart busy with many things. But, today I chose wisely. I chose the one needful thing! (and, I write this as a statement of victory, because frankly I don't often make that wise choice!)

I plopped my rear-end into the kitchen chair and just sat. ...purposefully. I sat in Him purposefully. I sat and worshiped Him. I reflected and prayerfully soaked in His love. I listened for His voice. I asked for His forgiveness. I asked for His help and His filling, His Spirit. I spoke out (quietly!) words of Truth and who I am in Christ. With Christ's name, I fought a few spiritual battles and told that "angst and frustration" to take a hike if it was from my enemy.

10 minutes given to me as a gift. 10 minutes of stillness. 10 minutes of a love-feast, a stolen moment, a rendezvous with my God. 10 minutes of "the one needful thing" and I was at peace.

What a God we have! What a Father! What a Savior and Friend! What a Counselor and Healer!

I was at peace. ...still a little tired, yes; but, filled and at peace. And, this wasn't taken from me all day today.

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many thing but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41,42

"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it.

It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. A

ll your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals.

And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back, in listening to that Other voice, taking that other point of view…

Letting that Other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.

And so on, all day.

Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings and c

oming in out of the wind.” ~C.S. Lewis

Equilibrium

"I can't think of anything worth saying... but I know I owe you my life" (Aaron Shust)

My equilibrium is off. Not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I am out-of-sorts and unbalanced. I feel unstable and maybe a bit confused. I am tired and cranky. And, my thoughts are random and distracted.

"Dazed and confused. Calloused and bruised. My spirit is left wanting something more.." (Aaron Shust writes in his "Give Me Words to Speak") And, he sings words that seem to connect to my heart.

What words do I have?

I just read a quote by Blaise Pascal and a light bulb went off for me, "All human evil comes from a single cause, man's inability to sit still in a room. All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone."

I think I need to sit still. I need the muddied waters of my soul, my mind, and my heart to settle down. I need to think. I need to feel. I think I just need to sit still.

Last night I had the opportunity to sit quietly in a room... alone. And, I just didn't take it. I turned on a movie and added to the noise, the imbalance, to the chaos that is my heart.

Why do I run from it? Why don't I take those sweet stolen moments the Father gives to me, those quiet moments... that I know will set me right, or in the least begin the process of "righting" my balance.

In part, I think I am trying to run from the pain, from the sadness that still lingers in my heart from this week's difficult and sad news. I think, in part, the outside noise drowns out the chaotic flow of thoughts and questions raging in my heart right now. ... this is easier, right?--- to live in the noise and the business of life, ignoring the presence of overwhelming questions and unanswerable issues of life.

But I know better. I really do. I know that I need to sit still and just think. I need to feel those hard feelings. I need to ask those difficult questions of my Father. I need to quiet down and let silence, solitude, and His Presence do a work that noise and activity will never accomplish.

...to set my equilibrium right. For, I am a bit off today.

"Give me words to speak, don't let my spirit sleep. Cuz I can't think of anything worth saying... but I know I owe you my life."

It often cheers my heart to think that since the Lord made me he can put me right, and keep me so to the end.
- Charles Spurgeon

Difficult Decisions

Sometimes you just have to say "no". ...not because you want to. ...not because it feels right, but because you know it IS right.

And, sometimes that "no" will be misunderstood, judged, or cause pain and offense. Those are the hardest "nos" (and yeses, for that matter!) for me. The misunderstood ones... The judged ones... and the offensive ones. I like to please people and I love being pleasing to people.

C.S. Lewis writes, "The natural life in each of us is something self-centred, something that wants to be petted and admired..." I like to be admired and petted. And, often times, my world is all-about-me. When I am worrying about offending, rather than doing what is right... that is when I am being self-centered. I can call my "yeses" spiritual... and give them nice spiritual names like "service" and "sacrifice" and "sensitivity". But... if I am honest, my worry about offense or pain is not entirely (and not even a lot) about the other person... it is about me. I worry what they will think of me when I say no. And, if I say "no" I am pretty certain the thoughts won't be grand, or pleasing. Interestingly enough, many of my yeses that are motivated by this self-focused attitude often go undetected ... until I am exhausted, annoyed and spent (beyond God-given capacity) and then I wonder, "Why am I so tired?!"

Jesus said "no" a lot. He said "yes" often, too, of course. Good boundaries are not about saying "no" or about being un-busy. People who call selfishness "boundaries" are just selfish. That isn't it either. It isn't about a name-game... to convince ourselves or others. It isn't about calling our decisions by names other than they are... "service, sacrifices" or "boundaries and balance".

Good boundaries are about doing what God would have me do-- nothing more and nothing less. There is something in this idea that I need to learn, that I am desperate to learn...

Jesus said to them, "My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working." Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son alsodoes." (John 5:17)

So, I have to see and hear My Father at work. May He train my eyes to see this!
I must listen and watch my Savior as He works. May He train my ears to hear!
I must know His voice and discern the movements of His Spirit. May He train my mind, my heart, my soul to interpret this movement!

Difficult decisions are made well after difficult lessons and training. I have so much to learn. What is the Father doing... what would He have me do to join Him?

Because... I know that sometimes you just have to say "no". It doesn't feel right. You don't want to, ...but you know it just IS right.