Never Runs Dry

I needed more again today...  Unedited and re-posted from 2011. 

Will it run out?  my heart wondered, in the quietness of the morning.

Today I came to my Heavenly Father with a burden of sin.  Conviction of my sin weighed heavy on my soul.
  
Will your mercy and your forgiveness have a limit?  Will it run out?  

I know the Biblical, Theological, head-truth answer to my heart's question:  Of course not!!  Never!

When it says His love as unfailing in Scripture, does it mean anything less than un-failing?  When it says eternal, can it mean less than eternal?  When it speaks of His faithfulness being as high or long as the heavens?  Or, His love being as deep as the oceans?

When the Word of God tells me that God's mercies are new every morning, could He possibly be out of fresh mercy for today?  Could it be that He might finally say, 'Nope, not this morning, I am afraid.

Of course not! ...No!  Never!

His love.

His grace.

His mercy.

Each unfailing.  All boundless, unconditional, faithful and steadfast.  Always enduring and eternal.  Always new and freshly offered.  This, this!, is the truth of the matter...

And yet my heart wondered this morning, When will your grace to me run out?  When will you be fed-up with my wandering heart?  When will it be the "last straw"?

In the very moment of wondering, my Father answered this morning with a in-my-face real life example.

Here, let me show you...  He whispered.

As I was praying and seeking and wondering, right then!, my son disobeyed me.  Again.  Same disobedience.  How many times have we talked about this?  How many times have I reprimanded him and corrected his behavior.  He was doing it again... I could hear him in the other room.  Again.

Does your love and grace run out for your son?  my kind Father whispered into my aching, sinful heart.
  
Are you done with him, your sweet boy?  Is this the last straw?  You done loving him, Stephanie?  
  
No, Lord!  May it never be!!  my heart welled up with deep truth and emotion...  Of course not!! Never!!  
  
And He reminds me of this beautiful, theological, Biblical truth ...right in my today-home.

"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask." (Matthew 7:11)

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Oh! How He surprises me with His eternal, everlasting, ever reaching love!!  Oh how He loves us!!  Oh how gracious our gentle, kind and loving Father is!!  I am struck a new today...  Fresh grace.  Fresh mercy.  Fresh love. ....that will never run out.  

"I know not a word which can express the surprise and wonder our souls ought to feel at God's goodness to us. Our hearts playing the harlot; our lives far from perfect; our faith, almost blown out; our unbelief often prevailing; our pride lifting up its accursed head; our patience a poor sickly plant, almost nipped by one night's frost; our courage little better than cowardice; our love lukewarmness; are ardor but as ice -- oh, my dear brethren!... we should indeed be surprised that the sun of divine grace should continue so perpetually to shine upon us, and that the abundance of heaven's mercy should be revealed in us." 

- Charles Spurgeon

Unedited and re-posted from 2011. 

Because He lives...

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In church this morning we were asked to fill-in this statement: Because He lives, I can...  

I have been thinking a lot about the word freedom lately.  Generally speaking, I am, by nature a bound person.  I can be bound-up in "shoulds" or in what other's think.  I can be bound-up by the judging voice in my own head, criticizing and reprimanding me.  I can be bound up in the dual shameful feelings of being "too much" or "not enough".

Bound and not free.  Bound by worry about the future.  What if it gets worse..  Will I be able to handle it?  ...what will I say?  Bound by regret from the past--- what I did, what I should have said, or didn't say.  What I could have done or shouldn't have attempted.  We are bound in compulsions, comparison, anger or unforgiveness.  Bound-up in insecurity, in judgment, and in discord.  We are, by nature, a bound people. We bind each other and, most poignantly, we bind ourselves.   I bind myself.

I found myself bound in frustration this morning at church.  Annoyance and frustration: the small, niggling kind--- not the full-blown-loose-temper kind.  I was frustrated with someone and it was distracting me.

Stephanie, there is another way...  As I sat in worship and asked the Holy Spirit to fill me with His way,  I thought again about freedom.   It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.  I am free.  Because He lives I am free...  today.  Every single minute of every day.

What is binding me right now, Lord?  

Judgement.

But, Lord, what they are doing is wrong...  

Mercy triumphs over judgement.  (James 2:13)

These are the words that rang in my head and brought clarity to my clouded thinking.  Mercy. The antidote.  I don't have to judge.  I feel the need, yes.   The urge and the natural tendency, yep.   But, there is another way.  Judgement isn't my job.  ...So NOT my job!  Mercy is the cure for the disease of judgement.

Brene Brown, in her beautiful book Rising Strong, says that "love is the last thing we need to ration in this world".   I don't have to ration or limit how much love I show another person.  I simply can't love too much.  You have been forgiven much, can you love much here?

Can you give too much mercy today, Stephanie?

In the quietness of my heart, mercy was given.  Love offered.  Blessings genuinely prayed for the person I was frustrated with...  Rest was restored in my soul.  Mercy did triumph this morning! Because He lives.

Because He lives... I can be free to love and offer mercy.  Always.



--------this was my answer to the statement.  Here are a few other people's "fill-in" that made my heart smile:

Because He lives, I can....   Be happy.  Be myself.  I can forgive.  I can be forgiven.  I can make mistakes.  I can face tomorrow.  I can be the person He made me to be.  I can love.  I don't have to worry.  I never have to be afraid.  Forgive.  Worship.

Squirmin' Mercy Needed

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As I am reading through the Old Testament right now, I am squirming...

It wasn't really what I expected when I was beginning my journey back through the Bible.  He does surprise us, doesn't He?  Our big, beyond, and other-than-me God!  

It isn't that I haven't read the Old Testament many times before.  I have.  But, I don't know...I was just expecting a different understanding and experience.  I wasn't expecting to squirm.  I wasn't expecting to feel the conviction and the heaviness.

But, I am.  I am wriggling as I read.  

I started the reading on January 1st, intending to read through the Bible in a year.  I am already behind... and it is only the end of February.  But, I am ambling my way through.  And, as I read, I am squirming in in my seat.  I am uncomfortable.

My prayer and my heart's desire was to find God's love in and through the pages of the Old Testament.  And, His love is there, to be sure!  I am seeing His heart.  His feelings for His people is as passionate and as connected as it has always been since the beginning of time.  He cares.  Deeply. 

His love is shown forth in amazing deliverance, provision, and constant forgiveness.  But the reality is that God's care and His love are also expressed in His anger and frustration.  I am seeing the Truth of Revelation 3:19, "Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline."  He rebukes.  He disciplines.  He loves.  ...He is a good, kind Father.  Good, kind, loving parents do discipline and rebuke and feel frustration with their kids!

But, His goodness does look, feel, and sound a bit painful at times in Exodus... and in Leviticus ...and in Numbers.  And, I know it only gets more intense and more painful as I anticipate ahead toward the reading of Ezekiel.  

I love God's word so much.  I believe that His Word is teaching me... even as I squirm.  For weeks I have been asking God to show me the sufferings of Christ... that I might touch them more deeply this Lent season.  He has answered this prayer many times already.  I have been feeling, more keenly, the pain, suffering, and sin that taints our world so drastically every day.  I have sensed His suffering.

But, more recently, I feel He is showing me the pain, the suffering, and the sin deep within Stephanie.  Deep within me.  He is showing me my own heart and my sin.  And, that this darkness... pains Him greatly.  This is Lent suffering close at hand.  My sin.  ...in desperate need of the Resurrection and His salvation!  

I can relate to those He is rebuking.  I have, and do still today, complain and grumble about the same thing time-and-time-again.  I walk faithless and worried, not trusting my Father to provide.  I ignore His Presence.  And, I turn away from His best ways--- His Truth.   

As I read about the Korah's rebellion in Numbers 16 yesterday, I was so deeply struck by how I could relate to these prideful men.  I, too, have grumbled against leaders.  I, too, have felt "holier than thou" and stood in judgment toward my brothers.  Have you?  

I am reading the Old Testament and squirming in my seat these days.  

All I can say today when I sit and ponder are the words found in the ancient Jesus Prayer:  Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, as sinner.  And, I thank Him for His fresh mercy every morning!  (Lamentations 3:22-23).  Because of His great love, I am not consumed.  

Humble pie for dinner...

Sakes alive! am I prideful!

There is no two ways about it... I just am.

I had acted badly.  I had said mean things.  And, I knew it.  To make matters worse for me, it hadn't been hidden.  My family watched it---they had heard it.  My bad behavior was on display for my house to witness.

Simply put, I had behaved very badly.  And, there she was face-to-face, confronting me with my words and my attitudes.  My girl.  My sweet, sweet, growing girl.

Did it matter why I had acted so?  What she had done... what had happened...   Did it really matter what had lead to that bad behavior--- the place of pain from which I was reacting?  Not really.  No, not in that moment, it didn't.

She was confronting me with strength and passion, but with gentleness.  She was addressing my behavior, my words.  She spoke the truth and I knew it.  And, in that moment I had a choice.  We always have these moments of choice, don't we?  Which way will this go?  Which way will I take this?...

Justification.  Excuses.  Defensiveness.  Attack...

I didn't want to apologize.  I didn't want to say I was sorry.  A force to be reckoned with rose up within---my pride--- and I just wanted to be mean again.  I wanted to say more mean things and behave badly again.

I didn't really want this, of course.  And, I did want this---all at the same time.  (Romans 7:19)

Mercy.

That is all I have to say.  Have mercy on me, Lord Jesus.

And, He did have mercy.  I did choose wisdom in the moment.

I apologized to my sweet girl.  And, I did admit to my bad behavior---every last bit of it.

But, even as I ate the humble-pie that was being served, it tasted bitter in my mouth.  Oh!  the pride within!

Yet...
I will say--- it is a meal that sits well after it goes down.  Hard to swallow---yes--, it settles well and nourishes the soul.  Unlike a meal of meanness, anger, unforgiveness and rage... humility and mercy sit in my gut much better afterward.  This humble-pie fed me well tonight.

When the emotions had calmed and the forgiveness was given---and time moved me forward, I was so glad mercy won and I ate the humility dished out to me.

But, sakes alive!, am I prideful!

Will it run out?

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Will it run out?  my heart wondered, in the quietness of the morning.

Today I came to my Heavenly Father with a burden of sin.  Conviction of my sin weighed heavy on my soul.
  
Will your mercy and your forgiveness have a limit?  Will it run out?  


I know the Biblical, Theological, head-truth answer to my heart's question:  Of course not!!  Never!

When it says His love as unfailing in Scripture, does it mean anything less than un-failing?  When it says eternal, can it mean less than eternal?  When it speaks of His faithfulness being as high or long as the heavens?  Or, His love being as deep as the oceans?

When the Word of God tells me that God's mercies are new every morning, could He possibly be out of fresh mercy for today?  Could it be that He might finally say, 'Nope, not this morning, I am afraid.

Of course not! ...No!  Never!

His love.

His grace.

His mercy.

Each unfailing.  All boundless, unconditional, faithful and steadfast.  Always enduring and eternal.  Always new and freshly offered.  This, this!, is the truth of the matter...

And yet my heart wondered this morning, When will your grace to me run out?  When will you be fed-up with my wandering heart?  When will it be the "last straw"?


In the very moment of wondering, my Father answered this morning with a in-my-face real life example.

Here, let me show you...  He whispered.

As I was praying and seeking and wondering, right then!, my son disobeyed me.  Again.  Same disobedience.  How many times have we talked about this?  How many times have I reprimanded him and corrected his behavior.  He was doing it again... I could hear him in the other room.  Again.

Does your love and grace run out for your son?  my kind Father whispered into my aching, sinful heart.
  
Are you done with him, your sweet boy?  Is this the last straw?  You done loving him, Stephanie?  
  
No, Lord!  May it never be!!  my heart welled up with deep truth and emotion...  Of course not!! Never!!  
  
And He reminds me of this beautiful, theological, Biblical truth ...right in my today-home.

"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask." (Matthew 7:11)

photo source

Oh! How He surprises me with His eternal, everlasting, ever reaching love!!  Oh how He loves us!!  Oh how gracious our gentle, kind and loving Father is!!  I am struck a new today...  Fresh grace.  Fresh mercy.  Fresh love. ....that will never run out.  

"I know not a word which can express the surprise and wonder our souls ought to feel at God's goodness to us. Our hearts playing the harlot; our lives far from perfect; our faith, almost blown out; our unbelief often prevailing; our pride lifting up its accursed head; our patience a poor sickly plant, almost nipped by one night's frost; our courage little better than cowardice; our love lukewarmness; are ardor but as ice -- oh, my dear brethren!... we should indeed be surprised that the sun of divine grace should continue so perpetually to shine upon us, and that the abundance of heaven's mercy should be revealed in us." - Charles Spurgeon

Much Mercy Received

I woke up this morning needing mercy from God.

Tired. Head bowed, heart heavy, I came to Him this morning asking for mercy.

And He gave it!

Claiming the blood of Jesus over my sin, my weakness and my pain, I can receive grace and mercy. He offers me new mercy. Today's portion.... fresh and new mercy!

New every morning, His Word tells me. Imagine that! Mercy that never runs out. Fresh mercy that is always available.

Walking away from my quiet time with a heart thankful and filled, I began washing the morning dishes.

While my hands were deep in lovely warm, sudsy water, I heard the news.

With a heart still warm from mercy and hands warm from washing dishes, I heard that my friend made choices yesterday that just stink! Bad choices. And I felt angry at her choices. Knowing these choices hurt her, instant anger filled me. Frustration. I just felt mad at her!

Anger filled my soul and my mind reeled with all the angry words about her behavior. How could she do that again?!

Would she ever stop? Would these bad choices ever end? I ranted and raved internally for a moment longer until I remembered. Mercy.

Mercy, Stephanie. This is what I gave you this morning. Can you give it to her mercy?

It had been a bit hard to receive from Father God this morning; but,now it was even harder to give.

Steph, forgive, as you have been forgiven.

Love mercy. Verses from God's Word jumping at me from the sudsy soapy water I was washing in...

Head bowed and heart heavy, I decided to give mercy. With a cry for help from my Ever-Faithful, Ever-Giving Father, I decided to offer a portion of the mercy I had received just this morning.

I need it every morning. ...and so does she.

Yes, I can give mercy. With Your help, Father, I can offer grace!

.......

...still counting with Ann Voskamp and others at www.aholyexperience.com

#872. My boy praying for me without being asked to..

873. His word comes alive!

874. Sweet team meeting

875. Deep, uninterrupted sleep

876. Scripture repeats

880. Dancing in the kitchen with my girl.

881. Sunshine and rain at the same time!

882. New friends---good conversation.

883. New, fresh mercy received and given.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lam. 3:22-23

Mercy from a Rock

I really detest complaining. When I hear murmuring, whining or complaining it feels like nails on a chalk board to me. I remember praying daily for my daughter when she was 3 years old. She whined badly. And, I remember asking God to help her stop. I knew it would make me crazy if I had to listen to that sound!!

It is a pet-peeve... complaining.

And yet, it is amazing how easily I tolerate or put-up-with my own complaints. My own complaining heart doesn't seem to bother me to the same degree. It hardly bothers me at all.

I am pretty sure that I am okay with my own whining voice because somehow I feel justified. If I am complaining or murmuring, I feel "right" to do so. The complaint is obviously valid and therefore deserves complaining. Most of the time, I think, my mind is clouded by my complaint-inducing circumstance. It doesn't feel like complaining. It feels like I am just stating things, or seeing things, "as they are". That is not complaining, right?

When I hear other's complaints, I can see more clearly the broad truths around them. Even when a complaint is "justified" it is never alone--- without other truths that surround it and shine light on it. When it is someone else, I can more easily see God's blessing and His provisions... and it bugs me that they can't see it. I don't have much mercy-flowing as I hear the complaints around me.

Reading this morning, I was struck with God's faithful mercy. The Israelites are complaining and grumbling. They are causing havoc and chaos for their leader, Moses. It says they are quarreling with Moses. And, truly, their complaint is justified. They are thirsty. This is pretty good reason to be upset. But, their response is to mummer and argue. (Exodus 17)

Even so, God in His amazing grace and mercy gives them what they need with no punishment or rebuke. Such mercy!

I can't help but wonder if He would much rather have had them ask with faith and trust. Wouldn't it have brought joy to His heart if they had simply "prayed about everything" and "didn't worry about what they ate or drank", but "trusted in the Lord with all their hearts"?

Trust. Trust facilitates asking without complaining.

We have a saying in our family life, (we use it with our kids as well as with each other), "Telling me once is information, twice is complaining".

When my kids can trust that I heard them tell me they are hungry or have a headache, (For, of course, I want them to tell me that! I want that information), they don't feel the need to tell me 10 more times. If they trust I am listening and will respond, they don't need to whine or complain. When I am faithful to give them exactly what they need and to lovingly respond to their information, then they don't need to murmur or argue.

Do I trust Father God like this? Do I trust Him enough to sit and ask and then release it into His hands. Doesn't my complaining words, verbal or non-verbal, show that I am not entrusting the need to Father. Doesn't my murmuring testify that my trust in Him is faulty?

And, still. ...still He gives them water from a rock. This is the mercy of God.

I ask. And, still I complain. And, how many times has He even still answered and given me water from a rock!! Mercy.

...but, I think He is inviting me to so much more! ... Asking and trusting. Trusting and releasing. Resting and not complaining.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing" Phil. 2:14

Father, continue to build my trust and my faith. May I know You, Your sweet provision and love! May I learn to ask and to release to you all things. May I do all things without complaining or arguing.

Words without meaning

Sweet words were spoken today.

Words being said. Special words. Sacred words.

And, yet they seemed to be spoken with no apparent meaning. These words, though full of life and beauty, were empty and lifeless. Special words were nonchalant. Sacred words were rote and read from a page.

Today, I believe, I witnessed what God said in Isaiah 29, "The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men."

I watched mouths moving without a heart involved and it saddened me deeply.

This morning I was privileged to be invited to a baptism service of a young boy, my neighbor. As his appointed "godparents" stood up in front of the congregation, they read from a piece paper many beautiful words of Truth. ...proclaiming who Christ was and the sacrifice He made on the cross. In a monotone voice and rote way they professed their personal acceptance of Jesus and they committed to raise this little boy to be a man of faith.

But, I know better. Simply put, they just don't know or love God. They do deeply love my little neighbor boy, but they do not love Jesus. And, though I am keenly aware of the fact that I cannot see their hearts, my educated guess is that their hearts are very far from Him.

Hearts far from Him. ... this grieves the Lord.
To worship Him just with words ... this angers Him.
To worship simply by tradition ... this deeply saddens my Father in Heaven.

When do I worship Him this way? I wonder today. When do I say words I don't mean... or act in ways that are not true to my heart? When, Father, do I worship you with my words alone? Or, "go to church" or "have my quiet time" simply because I always do... not because You deserve worship.

...not because I love to, long to, or I just must worship You!

Oh have mercy on us, kind Father. Our hearts are far from You! Have mercy on me, dear Father. Draw me near to You. Light again today the passion in my heart for You and for Your glory.

Face Down

The ark of God is stolen and placed in the temple of Dagon (1 Samuel 5). The next morning the theives came into the temple and found a shocking surprise.

"When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. But the following morning whenthey rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained."

If I had to pick a favorite story from the Old Testament, this would be in the top 5!

Imagine the scene. They walk in for morning worship time and find their marble god face down before the Ark. (oops... uh, you okay, god??) Then, they take their god and put him back up! And, then, the next morning they come in and find their god on his face again--- but this time with his limbs torn off. (hmm... god, you doing alright there?!)

This was the passage the Lord brought to mind the other morning. And, just to be clear, He wasn't speaking to my heart about another person. He was speaking to me about me... and my god. Ouch.

For weeks now, I have been asking the Father to wean me from this earth. What I meant by the prayer was, ...wean me from sin, Lord. Wean me from temptation and the things of this world that lead me away from You. This was the prayer of my heart. I realized this week that He is answering this prayer... but not, exactly, as I have been asking. He hasn't weaned me from this earth and the temptations. I am still tempted. I am still fleshly. I am still prone to wander. No apparent change there!

What He is weaning me from... or working to wean me from... is my god, my mini-Dagon. It all became clear to me when I was "randomly" reminded of this story. I have a "god" too and I prop it back up, time and time (and time) again. I put it's head on and glue it's legs on. And, it just can't stand in the Presence of God any longer. I come to worship and it must fall face down. It just must surrender.

My god is self. Or, should I call it self-reliance. Self-discipline (that sounds nicer). Self-assurance and self-righteousness. Coping mechanisms and skills I learned young "to survive"... skills that allow me to do most anything I put my mind to, to "be okay" and make it through any situation, to be perfect (or to show forth perfection and avoid weakness)... they all seem to be failing me these days. They are falling face down and loosing limbs!! No, more, Stephanie... my Father seems to be whispering. No more.

As trite and common as it might sound, still, deep within me there is such a pull to earn my way to God. We all have heard it... so, so, so many times. The preacher says, "We can't earn our salvation! It is grace alone." We nod our heads... Yes, Yes! we say with agreement. And, yet...

Somewhere inside I still rely on those acts of discipline, those prayers, those "times with God", that ability to say no to the temptation, that generous service, that self-control, that kind word said about me... as my "okay-ness". I rely on myself. No more, Stephanie.

Sunday I was showered with messages of His love, His unfailing mercy, and His faithfulness. Today I was bombarded with His words of truth... "it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and it's not from yourself. It is a gift of God" and, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Weakness. In weakness, Stephanie.

This most certainly isn't the first time Father has dealt hard with this god. Like the Israelites before me, who kept going back to Baal... over and over again, this is a lesson of years. This isn't new. But, my God is faithful to complete what He has started in me 20 years ago. He began that good work and today He is still hammerin' away--- amputating arms, legs and the head of my god.

This idol of self needs to die. She needs to fall face down before the Presence of God. May I not prop her up again. May I truly learn to rely on Him alone--- His strength, His grace, His mercy, His goodness and His faithfulness alone. Oh Father, continue to wean me from this earth.

Block to Intercession

I am still shocked by his behavior and sin. I am hurt by his deception and I am angry with him for the sins he has committed against his wife. This friend... this one "in the fold" that has lied to his friends and his wife for years.

If I am honest, I am just too angry to intercede for him. Not that I want him to be in pain or for bad things to happen to him, I truly don't. But, my heart is not turned toward him and I certainly don't feel mercy, grace or compassion. According to a fabulous book I am reading, Tricia Rhodes assures her readers that without these thing... without mercy, compassion and grace... without a heart that is for the person..., real intercession cannot happen. She believes that supplication and request can happen in my state; but, not intercession. I was struck with this convicting idea just this afternoon as the heady-book knowledge clashed with my heart-world.

Intercession is "to act or interpose in behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition"(Random House Dictionary). Rhodes talks about intercession as being a stance of gap-filling (standing in the gap for someone). Intercession is a role of advocate and proponent. A true intercessor is one like Moses pleading God's mercy on behalf of the Israelites or Jesus begging the Father for mercy for his murderers... "for they don't know what they are doing!"

Rhodes also shows from Scripture that our role as believers is to be intercessors. We are all intercessors, she states and argues with persuasion. We are called to be ministers of reconciliation. We are called to hold the hand of Almighty God, our kind and loving Father, and plead the case of the lost, the hurting, the broken and the wayward. Our Father has invited us all to this work.

An important key, though, is that our heart actually needs to believe it. Intercession requires a heart-felt appeal to God for mercy. Like an attorney that doesn't believe his client is innocent... how is he to plead his case with integrity? An intercessor can not plead grace before God without being full of grace and love for the accused.

In this book, Rhodes states that we are never more like Christ than when we are interceding. He ever lives to intercede. (Hebrews 7:25) This is what He does full time! This is salvation and the work that the blood does on our behalf. We rely upon His intercession (His blood sacrifice!) when we stand before a holy Father and are welcomed in. Christ is the great intercessor!

Ah! but my heart is still hard toward this man. Not hateful... for I can request good things for him. But, can I intercede? Can I be like Christ in this manner? I don't have trouble interceding on behalf of his wife, his children and those he has hurt along the way. But, mercy must well up in my soul before true intercession can take place. Can I plead his case before God? Can I be an advocate for him?

My heart fights it as if interceding for him would make his sin less sinful or "okay". Does Christ's blood and intercession make my sin okay? Doesn't asking for mercy acknowledge the need for mercy... and mercy is only needed when sin is present. In my head somewhere, I know that I have done enough to anger Christ! Certainly, I have been as rebellious and my heart more wayward. Certainly Christ has every right to be angry at me! And, yet, my Savior-Brother stand in the gap for me. His anger does not get in the way of genuine and effective intercession for me. So, from my head the old saying... "there but for the grace of God go I" needs to make its way down to the depths my heart. This is what I have begun to ask for today.

For, "If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?" 1 Samuel 2:25

Will I join Christ in this work?

Oh Father, would you fill my heart with mercy and grace. Make me more like you, Lord Jesus. May I grow in my ability to forgive. May I grow in my ability to walk in mercy and compassion. Change my heart, O God. Jesus, teach me to pray.

Old and New

We live in an old house. A very old house! 100 years or more... And so, as you can imagine, the stairs creak. They creak a lot! Just this morning, I heard one of my new favorite sounds: creaking stairs. That early morning creak means that one of my kids is on their way down for their good-morning snuggle. There is a significant moment of joy the minute I hear the creak.

This morning, though, the joy was coupled with a desire and prayer for this day to be a bit different than yesterday. Last night my son and I struggled. Simply put, he didn't want to do something and I made him do it. He would be surprised to know that this wasn't easy for me. I knew it was good and, with force, I insisted. But, the struggle... the wrestle, was not easy for mom. I didn't physically wrestle with my son last night, but instead I went head-to-head with his (sometimes) stubborn will. The day didn't end badly, but my heart did suffer mildly during and after the struggle. I didn't enjoy the conflict, to be sure.

When I heard the creak this morning, immediately prayers of 'a different day' rose up to my good Father. Father, I want my son to know he is loved. I want him to know that we are okay and that my love for him is fresh, new and unchanged. This was my natural, instant mom-prayer as I heard the creak of our old stairs. Old creaks brought forth prayers for new. New mercy, fresh relationship, new love.

Ah... the thought brought such a sweetness to my time with Jesus this morning. God's word tells me that His mercies are new every morning. I don't come to Him this morning relying on old grace or old mercy. To be sure, I have worn those out completely already! I come to Him and He offers fresh mercy, new mercy... unused compassion and love.

God and I wrestled yesterday, too. Again, the same old patterns I have been writing about came creeping up like destructive friends. Although I didn't run away with these "friends" for long, I did turn from trust, truth and love for a long moment. I walked toward the worries, the control and the frustrations that comes so naturally to me. God, once again, came up against my (sometimes) stubborn will. He fought with me and we struggled together.

I often wonder why He puts up with me! I only have to wonder that, though, for a moment until I think of those creaking stairs. Those morning creaks bring such joy to my heart! This morning I heard that old creak and thought, My son was coming down! We would embrace and I would show him with my snuggles and my words that I loved him. He would know this morning that we are okay and that my love for him hasn't changed.

Am I a better parent than my Almighty, All-loving, Always good Father?!! I don't put up with my son. I love my son. God doesn't put up with me. He loves me.

Each morning as I creak down those old stairs to meet with Him... He is filled with joy and anticipation. He, amazingly!, wants to show me that His love for me is new and fresh. His mercies are new every morning.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. His mercies are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22

Heavy Laden

This last week I heard some hard news. Someone I care deeply about is ill, in pain and in need of major surgery. Last night the burden of this sad news felt too much to bear. I found myself almost physically pushed down with sadness for this person. I was heavy laden.

During my morning shower, as I soaked the sadness off and tried to shake the darkness from the previous day... the Lord brought to mind a simple verse. "Cast your cares on me, for I care for you." What a sweet thought! What light to my heart and mind! I can lift off the sadness, the pain and the burden and hand it... no!... I can cast it on the Father. Off of me and on to Him. He cares for me. He cares for me.

So, just as the kind friends brought their sick friend to Jesus on the stretcher in that wonderful gospel story, I can hand... no!... cast, throw, toss my dear one into the arms of my loving, strong and able Father. These friends brought their sick one to Jesus. Jesus noticed and He touched. He forgave and He healed. All His business. Not mine.

My job is to bear another's burden, yes, but only just a short distance, a short walk to Jesus. His shoulders are much stronger than mine and He cares for me... and her.
Lord, thank you for the kindness of Your care. You tell us that when we are heavy laden we can come to you and find rest. I have found rest in You, Father.

War, Famine, Poverty and a Breaking Marriage

There are so many tragic things going on in the world. Wars. Famine. Poverty. But, it isn't the war in Pakistan or even the friend that is being persecuted in Asia that is on my heart this morning. My 'tragic thing' is the friend whose marriage is breaking up. I am deeply saddened by this news. It isn't just the breaking of a marriage that is tragic. It is the hardness of heart, the months of misery, the hundreds of harsh words and the unforgiveness that leads to such a break that feels heavy on my heart.

Marriages don't just break up one night. Marriages don't go from bliss to hell in one day. I know. I am married. I know that it takes a daily commitment to kindness, forgiveness and grace. I know that I have to watch my words. I know how mean I can be. I know how often I must hold my tongue and how equally often I need to apologize when I don't. I know I need to extend mercy and grace when he doesn't. I know that I need enjoy, celebrate, allow or even laugh at the differences between us. He never thinks of time. I always am thinking in time categories. When he doesn't put the coffee on... and he had promised to... I must remember, purposely, that it isn't because he doesn't love me. He just forgot. Grace. Mercy and Forgiveness. Daily.

I also keenly know those moments when we are arguing and I am thinking, seriously, "This is horrid!". When I know I am absolutely right and he is absolutely wrong. Those are moments when I have to ask God for a humility that is just not in me naturally. Those moments take much more than a cursory extension of grace. There are times when I have to cry out to my Lord, my strong and able Saviour, to ask for His love, His grace and His forgiveness. I need to be filled by His Spirit. I know these moments, too.

I have a fabulous marriage. I count myself as very blessed. I enjoy my husband and love him deeply. He is my best friend. He is my soul mate. But, we simply couldn't do this "marriage thing" without God's help. That is for sure! I know, without a doubt, that my daily times with Jesus are good for my soul, yes!; but, very good for my marriage as well!

When did they stop asking God for help? When did this couple stop bowing their knee in surrender? When did they stop submitting to their Lord and their spouse? When was the first time they forgot to apologize? What did they choose not to forgive? What were the words they chose to say in order to hurt? When did they simply choose to be right and not extend mercy? When did they decide that their spouse was supposed to bring all their happiness and contentment?

A broken marriage is a war. It is a famine. It is poverty. It is brokenness in such a sad and devastating way. And, just as war and famine are, it is unnecessary. Oh, Lord, What would it take to bring healing? What needs to be forgiven? What does Your grace need to cover?