Drink Deep

After living in Britain for nearly ten years, I understand why they always talk about the weather.  In fact, I now find myself doing the very same thing.  There are many reasons... but, inconsistency and the unexpected are first and foremost.  Who really knows what today will bring?  Absolutely no weather app helps out here in my village.  (We have tried them all!)

We have all been shocked and surprised by this current 'Mediterranean Summer'.  Generally speaking, Wales is not a warm climate in any regards.  I am fond of saying that, living in this land, I have been bone-cold for 9 years straight!!  The wet, chilling cold (and dark) has at times been a small trial for this California-girl’s body.  But, recently, we have had the most amazing sun, warm days, dry and blues skies.  I have actually felt uncomfortably hot (which is absolutely wonderful!) and even have a slight sunburn from sitting way too long outside. 

But, with this dry warmth has come a brand new problem.  My grass is dying and my flowers... well, they look very, very sad.  To make myself clear, I have NEVER once had to water my lawn or my flowers.  Never.  It is that wet---pretty much all the time.  But, with this new, lovey 'Summer-vibe' comes a new, and harsh reality:  plants and green, living things need water! 

I have a large, beautifully vibrant hanging basket at my front door filled with summer flowers.  I have been quite meticulous in my attempts to keep it alive and well. Yesterday, I watered and tended it.  This morning it looked so very sad!  Drooping.  Dying.  Desperate.  Quite sad, really, ...as if only one day without water and all it's life had been slipping away.  As I watered it, I could literally see it revive in front of my eyes.  It was quite remarkable, actually.  As it drank, it seemed to lift it's head very slowly and cry out with a relieved sigh, Thank you!--- looking at me with a satisfied smile.   (Okay... no, my plant didn't actually talk or smile at me...)  But, the revival of life was real, none-the-less!  

Indeed, living things survive on water.  

Awaking today in the morning's cool air and heading out to the garden to water... I felt a nudge and sweet whisper.  Water yourself, Stephanie

Water yourself.

We, too, live in a dry and weary land (Psalm 63:1).  What must we look like day to day when we forget to drink from God?  We need---truly and profoundly need---to sustain ourselves and water ourselves with His Presence, worship, and His Word.  If not, we also easily become droopy.  Dying.  Desperate.  Sad, really. 

Scripture refers to God multiple times as the living water.  (Jeremiah 2:13) He is a living drink without and within!  We must drink deeply....daily... throughout each and every day! 

Lord, I will water myself today.  Thank you for being my sustenance.   I will sit and linger a bit longer---drinking in His love, His Truth and His strength.  For "His love is better than life itself" (Psalm 63) 

My Enough

photo source

In this season of life sleep is not always a given.  There are many mornings when I feel heavy and exhausted after the restless or sleepless night.  It had become a daily habit of mine to tell the family at the breakfast table how much sleep I had gotten...  "I only got 3 hours of sleep last night" ...longing for those around me to take part, sympathize, and understand.

It was only a few weeks ago that I had the thought... why am I keeping track?  What is the point?  Is it helping me in any way to know?**

Brene Brown in her fabulous books often talks about a 'mentality of scarcity'.  We walk around struggling with the "not enough" feeling all day long.  Scarcity.  I am not enough... or I don't have enough.  Not thin enough.  Not smart enough.  Not tall enough.  Not funny enough.  Not enough time.  Not enough sleep.  Not enough energy.  Not enough fun.  Not enough money.

This 'not enough' mentality--- scarcity--- haunts us and follows us around throughout our days. But, it's a lie.  This way of thinking is absolutely false.

In contrast, we are told that we have "all we need for life and godliness"...  (2 Peter 1:3).  Scripture tells us that God gives us all we need...

It is false to say I don't have enough for life.  No!  In Christ, I truly have all I need!

"The way to slowly die is to believe you live in scarcity---not abundance" ~Ann Voskamp

According to Scripture, when we live in Christ, we live in abundance.  Abundance of grace. Abundance of strength.  Abundance of peace.  Abundance of life and light and truth...

So, I have decided to stop keeping track.

An older friend here told me she read an article that said it is helpful to not look at the clock when you wake up in the middle of the night.  The news article stated that it helps you fall asleep quicker if you don't know... or don't look.  I started there one night.  (and this was quite a discipline)

Now when I am tossing and turning... or wide awake... I just don't look.  I cover my clock with a book!  Why do I need to know?  It only brings trouble to my mind, it never helps.

I just stopped keeping track entirely.  I don't count.  I don't keep track and I don't tell my family how much sleep I got, or didn't get.  I actually don't know!

My goal in the morning, instead, is to swing my feet around, plant them firm on the ground and stand on the truth that I have enough.  For today.  For life and godliness, today, I have all I need.   In this, I can be very thankful for any and all sleep.  Slowly, I am trusting I got exactly what I need.  Jesus is my enough.  He has given me all I need today for life and for godliness...

Today, I had just enough sleep.  If, in fact, I didn't get much; then, He will give me enough energy for what He is calling me to today.  In Him, I have enough.

I speak to my soul...  Trust the Lord, Stephanie.  Trust that He is Your enough.  Trust that in Him you have abundance.  He has given you what you need.  And, indeed, He will give you what you need for today.  



**Of course, it is helpful to keep track of these things when we are struggling to take good care of ourselves.  ...am I giving myself the vegetables I need?  Am I giving my body exercise and healthy care?  Am I going to bed at a beneficial time---allowing for enough sleep?  In these ways, it can be super helpful to know... or keep track.  But, this isn't my problem.  I am taking good care of my body--- heading to bed at a decent hour.  I am just simply not sleeping.  (a very common problem, so I hear, with women 'my age' and older!)  

He is All

I feel my weakness.  I feel my neediness rising this lovely Monday morning.

I don't need a thing...  she sings and reminds me.

My good Shepherd brings me all---  You are all I need.  
  
You let me catch my breath, even in the valley of death.  You are all I need.  
  
All I need to be complete is Your love.  Your blood---it covers me!  
  
You lift up my head.  You provide the wine and bread.  
  
You. 
  
You are all I need.  


from JJ Heller's, All I Need

Victorious through Him

photo source

He carried me.  And, we conquered.
Jesus, me, and my "300 men" of energy and strength!!

Last night, as I fell into bed and plopped my head on the pillow, all I could do was smile.  A very hard day, yes.  A "done" day, yep!  But, it was a day where I talked to the Lord much, more than I had been lately.  And, it was a day I needed Him frequently all day long...
  
So, that You would rely on My strength and not your own,  Stephanie.  
  
With His strength, I got out of bed.  I did a multitude of things and made it through the day with the Lord's Presence, and only 300 men.

Sweeping the floor... asking for God's strength.
Feeling sick... asking for God's healing.
Cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry... asking for God's Presence.
Forgiving others... asking for God's mercy.
Feeling hurt feelings... asking for God's perspective.
Schooling the children... asking for God's wisdom and energy.
Teaching a class... asking for God's Presence, His Word, His Power.

My Brother Jesus carried and strengthened.  He fought and worked.  He never grows weary!

We conquered!  Me and my 300 men... and my God!  I boast today in God's amazing strength, His endurance, His Presence and His mercy!  (Judges 7:2)  I was done yesterday.  God wasn't.  He carried and He conquered.  How do I even say Thank you, Lord.  My eyes are on You, my God!  (2 Chron. 20:12)

I am done today.

Do you ever just feel "done"?
   
Done mothering.  Done wife-ing.  Done laundering.  Done working.  Done giving and listening.  Just done.
   
I feel done, today.  Tired.  Spent.  And, done.   ...ready to curl up, tuck in and rest.  
   

photo source

It is one of those days when I could happily get back in bed, curl up in a ball, pull the covers up and take a long day's nap!
  
So, I offer this slightly edited version of a post I wrote in April 2010...  words that speak my heart today.  
  
****
  
I have only 300 men. 
  
This was my thought this morning as I woke to a full day ahead and an upcoming event I am not prepared for. I have only 300 men today, Lord.
  
In Judges 7, we read of God purposefully dwindling down Gideon's strong army to only 300 men. Early in the book of Judges, God finds Gideon hiding away and doing his task with his head down. God approaches Gideon in this hiding place and calls him to fight the Midianites... and the Midianites were a force to be reckoned with. Then, a bit later in the story, God dwindles the army Gideon has raised from 30,000 men to 300 men on purpose. 
  
On purpose.  Intentionally, God takes away Gideon's army. Really, Lord? And, to add interest to the story, God clearly tells Gideon what He is doing and why, "In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her." (Judges 7:2)
Today I have only 300 men, Lord.
  
I have learned so adeptly through my life how to do what needs to be done, accomplish the many tasks, bolster my heart and mind and survive... quite successfully. In my heart, at least, I have boasted in this strength.
  
And, God has been dwindling down my army for years. Slowly, God has been chipping away at my successful discipline, my organizing and plan-making, my energy, my solutions and my strategies, ...even chipping heartily away at my good looks and my charm (written with a smirk). The 30,000 "men" that I gathered around me through my early days as a Christian (lets just say the first 10 years of faith) were a blessing for those years. God does use large armies at times. But, these last 10 years, he has been whittling away at those armies.
  
The message to my heart of late has been one of surrender and reliance on Him. These past years, He has been ushering me into a new relationship of sorts with Him. He wants me to not trust in horses and chariots, blessings and strength... He wants me to trust in Him alone. No Stephanie-strength allowed.
  
Time and time again these days I find myself standing against the enemy, without or within, and saying to the Lord, as Jehoshaphat said, "Will you not judge them? For I have no power to face this vast army that is attacking me. I do not know what to do, but my eyes are upon you". (2 Chron. 20:12)
  
And, God's response to me, time and time again has been, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's!" (2 Chron. 20:15).
I am tired today. My energy is low. I have failed again in areas sin. I am disorganized and my to-do list is a long. I haven't had much time to process deeply these last few weeks and I feel a bit in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I am headed into an intense time of ministry... and I am feeling weak and ill-equipped. ...I only have 300 men, Lord. Like Gideon, I would like to just put my head down, do my "tasks" and get things ordered in my life and hide out from the enemy... without and within.
  
But, like Gideon, God calls out to me, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior"(Judges 6:12) Me? Me, Lord... mighty warrior?? When God calls him a mighty warrior, Gideon quickly explains to God that his clan is the least and that he is the least of those in his clan. Me, too, Gideon!! Me, too.
  
But, Our Father seems to like to call the weak... just a quick perusal of Scripture will show that as true. Our Father seems to like to call the foolish, the childish and the sinners. He likes to confound the wise with His strength shining forth through the weak of this world.
  
I am most definitely one of those weak ones. I am a jar of clay, broken and full of holes. But, I guess the jars with the most holes shine forth more light, for today I have only 300 men.
  
"But this happened that I might not rely on myself but on God, who raises the dead" (2 Corinthians 1:19)
  "I cant. He can. I think I'll let Him." ~J. Coles

Fed by a Gentle Father

I went to an Easter service yesterday feeling down. Physically, emotionally and spiritually I just felt "yuck". I felt (as I have off and on this week) out-of-sorts and down-right sad. Walking into the room, as if half asleep in a dream, I took my seat and "attended" this service. ...just going through the motions, really. And, then, something strange happened...

Something marvelous occurred as I sat in that pew seat...

The band began to sing the first song and my mouth moved with the known words. With very little feeling from within, I sang words and silently asked the Lord, What is wrong with me? My heart weakly murmured the words, Why so downcast, O my soul? I have forgotten again, Lord. I am so tired.

Then, in my mind's eyes, I "saw" (remembered) the story of Elijah. As if a direct answer to my prayer, God brought to mind 1 Kings 18. In this story, Elijah profoundly fights, in the Lord's strength, the prophets of Baal. Shortly after this amazing event, oddly Elijah runs for his life in fear. He hears about Jezebel and he is intensely afraid. He is exhausted and scared. It says in I Kings 19, "Elijah was afraid and ran for his life".

After running for some time, he falls down exhausted at the foot of a tree and says to the Lord, "I am done!"

I felt that way a few times this last week, ..."just take me, now, Lord!" I am done! I am so done.

Tired. Weary. Circumstances of life swirling ominous around my head. Larger than life, these mole hills did indeed feel like mountains. Hopelessness, anxiety, and fear crouching at my door, ready to leap and dig their nasty, ugly talons in me.

...so the band played, and I listened. I mouthed familiar words and thought of Elijah. Very quickly I realized the words on the screen were like a cool drink. Water! My eyes wandered and I watched those around me, my brothers and sisters, worshiping with joy and exuberance. Their worship was like food. Like a soft piece of bread, I ate.

The Lord was reminding me, showing me, offering me food and drink. They sang, I sang. Inviting me to a banquet, they sang, I watched. ...and I was fed.

Like my brother Elijah, I was fed by God's hand and by His people. I just needed to rest and eat. My Father, Our Father, offered me the food of praise. I took it in, ate and was satisfied.

Just like to my brother Elijah, our Father was gentle, kind and generous. He didn't rebuke me in that moment for my doubt, my lack of faith, or my unfaithful heart. No! He just gently lifted my eyes... like a kind Father touching the chin of his child. Look up, my daughter. Look up and out!

When I left that service, fed by the Lord, I was strengthened. I was awakened and alert. I was willing and able to continue on and keep serving in His strength. "So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God" (1 Kings 19:8)

And, with feeling I can now say, Hallelujah, He is Risen!!

Nothing to say

I haven't written, or posted, much these past few days because... well, simply put, ... I don't have much to give. I don't have much to say. Or, maybe more accurately, I don't have words to explain what I might want to say...

I have nothing to give. Or, at least, not much of anything.

As we have had a houseful of guests, this has been an on-going thought recently. Reoccurring very often, actually.

I don't really have anything to give her, ... or him, ... or them.

As I have sat with friends, talked with mentors, spoken with disciples, or listened to family... I just keep thinking, I got nothin'

Now, please, let me add a big caveat here... this thought hasn't been a negative one. And, as far as I can tell, it isn't stemming from insecurity or false humility. It really has been quite sweet. In fact, it feels... well, it feels true. And, it feels okay. True and okay.

Like Peter in Acts 3, I find myself saying, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you." I find myself saying (or my heart whispering)...

"Wisdom and knowledge I do not have, but what I have I give you."

"Advice and counsel I do not have, but what I have I give you."

"Healing and miracles I do not have, but what I have I give you."

My heart's reply to the stories, the hurt, the shared emotions, the questions of life, the victories and triumphs, and the confusion that is lavished on me by friends... this heart's reply is simply... I have not.

...But what I do have, I give you.

I can smile at you. I can hug you. I can ask you questions and listen. I can cry with you and I can pray for you. I can cook you dinner and pour you coffee. I can laugh with you and get angry with you. And, I can write a blog post from time to time.

It isn't much... but what I have I give you.

Reading tonight on a favorite blog, I read a beautiful post reflecting on the parable told in Luke 11. In this story a man is visited by a friend in the dead of night. When the man realizes he has nothing to serve his guest he runs to his neighbor's house. The man knocks, pleads and says with passion to his neighbor, "I have nothing!"

And, the neighbor gives the man bread.

This blog post reflects on the truth that "I am the servant, not the source". And, this stirred my heart. This, this!, has been the sweet message to my heart these past months.

Yes, Stephanie! Yes, you have nothing in and of yourself. Nothing. But, in Me, you have ALL. In My Love, You have abundance, my daughter. So, my lovely, give from that abundance and keep giving liberally!

So, I write tonight with nothing much to say... but, what I do have, I give you.

Before

Earlier this week, I was at the coast with my family walking the dog on the beach and rocks. 
In a quiet moment, when kids and dog played happily, my attention was caught by the sight of the massive cliffs behind us. 

Amazing sight! 
Beautiful.
I was struck in that moment with the bigness of the cliff walls, jutting up from the ground. I was struck by their solidness, firmness, timelessness. I couldn't help but think about the fact that those cliffs have been there... sitting beautifully like that... for many, many years. 
Before me! Before my plans. Before my yesterday and my tomorrow. Long before I was ever born, they were there-- much the same.
I asked the Lord in that moment, while awed by the cliffs, "What is going on in my heart, Father? What is it You want to say to me?"
I knew instantly what He wanted to whisper in my heart, "I was before these!" 
Before.
"He is before all things and in Him all things hold together"(Col. 1:17). This was the sweet phrase from Scripture that was "singing" in my head Thursday and Friday as the Father continued to strength and assure my heart of His goodness, His sovereignty and His love. As security and strength rises within my soul, I am know it is from His hand.

This "before" God that I worship, serve and love stands firm and unmoved. Jesus says in John 8, "I tell you the truth,before Abraham was born, I am!" Before me. Before Abraham. Before the cliffs on my beach coast. He is.
He was, He is and He always will be.

Thank you loving Father for being who You are!! You are the beginning and the end. You are the before and the after. You will always be! You are so solid and I am secure trusting in You. I worship You this moment and say that You are before all things and in You all things hold together! You are Forevermore!

Almighty God, who art ever present in the world without me, in my spirit within me, and in the world above me, let me carry with me through this day's life a most real sense of Thy power and Thy glory. O God, forbid that I should look today upon the work of Thy hands and give no thought to Thee the Maker. Let the heavens declare Thy glory to me and the hills Thy majesty. Let every fleeting lovliness I see speak to me of the loveliness that does not fade."
(John Baillie, from "A Diary of Private Prayer")

Gardening Lessons

Yesterday in the early evening, I went out to my garden to prune the winter-bloom bushes. Once in the Fall and once in the Spring, apparently, a well kept garden is pruned. I am learning to garden... I am told that twice a year I need to get out into the yard and trim back the death. Those plants that blossomed beautifully in the late Fall and Winter are now brown and ugly. The death goes deep down the shoots, not just the surface dead leaves and flowers. Being that this was my first time to enter the garden with clippers, I realized very quickly that I needed to cut deep. I needed to cut far down the stalk to get to the root of the withered plant's arms. Deep and big are the branches I must cut.

I have read much about gardening as it relates to the Father and His work in our lives. But, until I made my hands sore last night cutting away at old branches, withered flowers and dead leaves did I realize the impact of this truth in my life. The bush that is left after I hacked away can hardly be called a bush... a stump really, or a cluster of small stumps. But, if you look closely at the stump you can see life in those branches! When cut deep enough, when I cut off the hollow lifeless branches... life pulses in the base of those branches. And, now, I know that they will grow again in their time. In season, they will bloom brilliantly... with fragrance and colors that will 'wow' me again next Fall.

Interestingly enough, all around the garden there are also new things in bloom... little blossoms covering trees that my husband hacked at in the Fall. The Spring bushes are bursting forth. For months now they have looked quite pitiful really. Now, they show blossoms of growth. In no time, I will be awed by the life and beauty that will show forth on these trees, these bushes... this sleepy ground around my garden.

So, one bush blooms in the Fall and now must be trimmed and pruned. One bush blooms in the Spring... vibrant and awakening after months of sleep and ugliness.

Last night, as I cut, pruned, trimmed and hacked I asked God to do the same in me. Cut all the dead off, Lord!! I prayed. "Go deep and get rid of the ugly and the death... that I might bloom again in season! I trust You God to prune me, to shape me and to ready me for beauty again!"

He did. And, I know He will. And, He also reminded me that some of my "branches" are showing life and new buds, too. Me, or my heart really,... as His garden... is varied. Some parts of me need to die, to give up and be pruned... some parts of my heart are bursting forth with growth and life.

Everything in its own season. Everything in its own time. God's time. I see new life of trust blossoming in areas that He cut in the Fall... areas of strength today that I didn't see yesterday. His strength, His life, pulsating from deep within and showing forth on some of my branches today.

Today I feel strong. Strength I didn't feel yesterday seems to be rising within me. His strength, like the buds on the trees around me, is pushing forth and breaking through. Today, I awoke and came to His word and testified to the truth that "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 29:7

In the Fall, I will go again into my garden and cut back the beauty I see today. The seasons and the work of the Gardener will keep life growing and blooming. In His time. For, He began this good work in me and will bring (is bringing) it to completion.

The most generous vine, if not pruned, runs out into many superfluous stems and grows at last weak and fruitless: so doth the best man if he be not cut short in his desires, and pruned with afflictions. ~Joseph Hal

Only 300 men

I have only 300 men. This was my thought this morning as I woke to a full day ahead and an upcoming trip I am not prepared for. I have only 300 men today, Lord.

In Judges 7, we read of God purposefully dwindling down Gideon's strong army to only 300 men. Early in the book of Judges, God finds Gideon hiding away and doing his task with his head down. God approaches Gideon in this hiding place and calls him to fight the Midianites... and the Midianites were a force to be reckoned with. Then, a bit later in the story, God dwindles the army Gideon has raised from 30, 000 men to 300 men on purpose. Intentionally God takes away Gideon's army. Really, Lord? And, to add interest to the story, God clearly tells Gideon what He is doing and why, "In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her." (Judges 7)

Today I have only 300 men, Lord.

I have learned so adeptly through my life how to do what needs to be done, accomplish the many tasks, bolster my heart and mind and survive... quite successfully. In my heart, at least, I have boasted in this strength.

And, God has been dwindling down my army for years. Slowly, God has been chipping away at my successful discipline, my organizing and plan-making, my energy, my solutions and my strategies, ...even chipping heartily away at my good looks and my charm (written with a smirk). The 30,000 "men" that I gathered around me through my early days as a Christian (lets just say the first 10 years of faith) were a blessing for those years. God does use large armies at times. But, these last 10 years, he has been whittling away at those armies.

The message to my heart of late has been one of surrender and reliance on Him. These past years, He has been ushering me into a new relationship of sorts with Him. He wants me to not trust in horses and chariots, blessings and strength... He wants me to trust in Him alone. No Stephanie-strength allowed.

Time and time again these days I find myself standing against the enemy, without or within, and saying to the Lord, as Jehoshaphat said in 2 Chron. 20, "Will you not judge them? For I have no power to face this vast army that is attacking me. I do not know what to do, but my eyes are upon you".

And, God's response to me, time and time again has been, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's!" (2 Chron. 20:15).

I am tired today. My energy is low. I have failed again in areas sin. I am disorganized and my to-do list is a long. I haven't had much time to process deeply these last few weeks and I feel a bit in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I am headed into an intense time of ministry... and I am feeling weak and ill-equipped. ...I only have 300 men, Lord. Like Gideon, I would like to just put my head down, do my "tasks" and get things ordered in my life and hide out from the enemy... without and within.

But, like Gideon, God calls out to me, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior"(Judges 6) Me? Me, Lord... mighty warrior?? When God calls him a mighty warrior, Gideon quickly explains to God that his clan is the least and that he is the least of those in his clan. Me, too, Gideon!! Me, too.

But, Our Father seems to like to call the weak... just a quick perusal of Scripture will show that as true. Our Father seems to like to call the foolish, the childish and the sinners. He likes to confound the wise with His strength shining forth through the weak of this world.

I am most definitely one of those weak ones. I am a jar of clay, broken and full of holes. But, I guess the jars with the most holes shine forth more light, for today I have only 300 men.

"But this happened that I might not rely on myself but on God, who raises the dead" (2 Corinthians 1)

"I cant. He can. I think I'll let Him." ~J. Coles

So much more than me

I get tired. He never grows tired or weary.

I get frustrated. His plans are never thwarted.

I get confused. He knows the beginning from the end.

I get irritable and rude. His love is steadfast, perfect and never rude.

I get stupid. He is perfect wisdom and know all things.

I get overwhelmed. He can do all things.

I get selfish. He ever lives to intercede for His people.

I get afraid. In Him there is no darkness at all. His perfect love casts out all fear.

Thank you Lord for being so much more than I can ever be. Thank you for doing that which I couldn't even think of...being more than I could ever imagine. Thank you for being higher than me, deeper than me, wider than me and beyond me. Thank you for being so much more than me.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!...Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. ...You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you..." Isaiah 55

From Nothing

We started school yesterday. For weeks now, I have been a bit apprehensive about the load and feeling overwhelmed by the task of schooling my children. It was a sluggish start for me and the kids. Almost instantly, my mood began to shift when we read the first few pages of our science book. My heart was lifted with hope. We are studying the 7 days of creation. We will look very closely at each day, spending weeks studying the science of each created thing. The book began by explaining that God created our earth from nothing. Void. Formless. There was nothing and then He spoke... and there was.

Something from nothing. This is the phrase that jumped off the page at me. I remembered it again this morning as I sat with the Lord. God is the only One who can create something from nothing and He does it all the time! I certainly can't do it. Seriously, though! Often when I try to create something from something, I fail! But, God can take nothing and make something. In fact, He not only makes something... He can make something extraordinary, complex and beautiful. This gave my heart hope.

This amazing, creative Father can be trusted with my moods, my tasks, my relationships, my schedule. He can create from nothing... and make something. And all the somethings He makes are good! It reminds me of lessons learned last year from Beth Moore's fruit of the Spirit series, ..."With God, I can feel what I don't feel. I can do what I can't do. I can be what I can't be."

Where there is NO strength He can create strength. Where there is NO faith, He can create faith. Where there is no purity, He can create a clean heart. Where there is no hope, He can create hope. He is constantly creating, renewing, restoring, redeeming and making all things beatiful in His time.

Today, I am excited to school my kids this morning! Where there was no excitement, He has created excitement. Thank you, Lord!

You are my only hope, O God! And, what an awesome God you are!

Empty boats

An empty boat floats better than one laden down with weight. I was so struck with this thought as I read Charles Spurgeon this morning. Spurgeon was writing about a true humility that understands our human limitations and God's enough-ness. When we are so full of ourselves, our pride and our good works, we are of no use to God. God wants, enjoys and desires us to be fully surrendered to Him. He likes reliance and trust. He likes to use empty vessels... I suppose it leaves Him more room to fill! We need to know we are nothing without Him and everything with Him. I was struck with the statement this morning; but, even more struck this afternoon while I struggled to physically serving a friend. It isn't that I didn't want to serve her, it was as if I just felt I couldn't in my own strength.

Have you ever felt so tired you just know you can't do one more thing!? That is how I felt this today. So very tired. And, yet, I knew what God had for me today was to serve. When I felt my body groan with exhaustion is when the reminder of this mornings reading came rushing in. Empty boats float better... I am empty, Lord. I can do no more in my Stephanie-strength. I have nothing in me to keep going. And I certainly have nothing in me to keep going in peace, joy and worship!

...So, I had to ask Him to fill me up. He loves empty vessels. And He loves to be asked for help, for strength, for perseverance. I can be so "full" of myself. I can be so prideful and I rely so naturally on my own strength. It is these moments when I know I can do nothing without Christ. And, I know, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

And, He did exactly what I asked... I am trusting that He will continue to give me what I need to persevere and to do what He has for me today, tomorrow and beyond.

Fill me Lord with Yourself! Give me Your strength, I ask.

Increase Your Store

This morning I was feeling weak. I came to the Lord wondering, "Who am I!" and "What in the world am I doing"... Thoughts like, "I don't know how to pray!...Why would you call ME to a ministry of prayer!" "I can't move again, Lord. I can't meet all these new people". I felt weak and maybe a bit worn.

I am so grateful for my morning times with the Lord. Truly they are an anchor. God uses them to wrap His truth around me and belt me in, much like the "belt of truth" that we are called to wear in Ephesians. I remember this being described once as a belt that sailors would use in a storm. They would tie themselves to the mast of the boat. The belt would anchor them to the ship. It would hold them firm as wind and waves crashed in around them. He is my belt of truth in the mornings.

This morning He wrapped this passage around my waist, "Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness" 2 Corinthians 9:10. My heart was moved instantly! It is His supply. He supplies my seed... my ability, my time, my energy, my desire, my food, my every need. It is all from Him.

The context of this verse is about giving or sowing generously. So, He said to my heart through His word this morning... Stephanie, sow GENEROUSLY. Sow your gifts, your money, sow your time, sow your energy and sow your heart. Give it! I have given it to you. AND... I will not only provide what you need for tomorrow too, I will INCREASE your store of seed and enlarge your harvest of righteousness.

I tend to hold on to my energy... only use this much, Lord. It is my attempt to be ready for what tomorrow might hold. I tend to hold tightly to my heart and my time... only give this much, Lord. It is my attempt to be careful about what I might have to give tomorrow. But, this is not what God has for me. "For he that sows generously will also reap generously" 2 Cor. 9:6

God is not calling me to be careful with my self today. He is calling me to give. I am weak, YES. But, in my weakness He is strong! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So, in His strength, through His seed, I can give of myself in all ways today. I don't have to look at tomorrow and worry if I will have enough. He will supply all my needs and even increase my store!

"Almighty God, through the power of your Holy Spirit you enable us to do and be more than we can think or imagine. Come now, dwell within us, and make us strong to do your work and will. Through Christ our Lord. Amen." ~from A Guide to Prayer