How are you, you ask...

How Are you, you ask...

There are swirls deep inside

Emotions lash and tug 

Lifting and lowering 

I don't understand.

Maybe understanding isn't the point.  

Like the wind today, from which way does it blow? 

It propels leaves up and brings trees down

I don't understand.  

Maybe understanding isn't the point. 

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?  

Dirty, dirty world

Dirty, dirty world

Oh dear!  

My shoes, Lord!?!  

Do you see?  

I'm sorry, Father.  

I only went out walking... 

The mud today was very deep. 

And, now, Lord... 

Do you see? 

My boots are covered in muck. 

Mud lingering up my leg. 

Dirty, heavy, drowned in sludge

What shall I do?  

Easily cleaned, you say?

Stand still a moment.

Simple water will do the trick.

Cold, uncomfortable, but easy to clean.

Thank you Father!

Cleanse my muddy boots.

Wash away the muck of today's world.

Wash my hands, my feet, and my head, too!

"Jesus answered, A person who has had a bath need only to wash his feet"   John 13:10

The Waiting Deposit

 

There is a sadness that sits in the silence

as I go looking for you.

I wait and wonder, 

where I am and where you are.

What I know to be true and feel in these moments

are far from each other.

So, I wait and wonder, 

when you will come, when I will feel you.

Deeper still, I listen hard and sit long

I sense your Presence.

I wait and I wonder...

A well of truth and love that fills

the depths of my soul.

I wait and wonder...

This recessed deposit reminds me

a future that will come. 

I wait and I wonder...

Sunken deep, a guarantee

my spirit tastes and sees.

So, I wait and I wonder, 

where I am and when you will come.  

"The Spirit is God’s deposit guaranteeing that he will give us the inheritance he promised 

and that he has purchased us to be his own people. 

He did this so we would praise and glorify him."  Ephesians 1:14

 

"It is God who enables us, along with you, to stand firm for Christ.  

He set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts 

as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."  2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Old Habits

 

There are things we learn to do, ...to say, ...to think

To cope when we are young.

Habits of thought that bring comfort

Actions that blanket a sad heart

Activities that wrap around loneliness  

As we age, these habits become second nature 

Knee-jerk and natural responses.

They have grown up with us like friends from childhood.

But, they are incongruous and ill-fitting

They pinch and push against our maturity.

What once promised a cover of warmth, 

Now delivers cold realities

A heart revealed and a soul needing more. 

What we can do... what we do do...

Not always beneficial or constructive, Paul says.

My old habits are tattered and worn, warped and torn.

Old and in poor condition, full of holes.

I still try them on from time to time.  

Each and every time, I find them lacking.  

Dusty with years of stench... yep, the bin is where they belong.

"Throw off that which so easily entangles you!" (Hebrews 12:1)

LAST Sabbatical Reflection: Words on a Page #36 I Remember

 I Remember...  

...words taken and reworked almost directly from Ezekiel 16...

The clear image has stolen into my mind

Day and night, without bidding.

A waking dream. I remember. 

I see her...feeling so very old at 15,

But truly so, so very young.

Insecure. Lost. Sad. Scared. 

I remember the days of my youth,

I know where I came from, 

where you found me. 

I know the state I was in---

The pain, the confusion.

Where I was heading.

You found me, 

born from lines of sin and treachery.

Bloodied with misuse.

Uncared for. Unseen.

Tossed aside and neglected.

You found me naked, unaware of my shame.

Tenderly, you brought me close.

With your hesed, you bathed me.

You washed me clean. 

You clothed me with fine linen.

Adorned me with beauty and wealth.

You fed me with choice foods.

You poured abundance.

You poured blessing on my head.

You established an everlasting covenant.

You offered yourself to me, 

Covered me with your garments.

You called me your own.

I belong to you!
I am yours.

You are mine.

With joy and with peace

You fill my days.

Your love is better than life.

Written November 2020

...words taken and reworked almost directly from Ezekiel 16..

Ezekiel 16:3-14 

"...I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put sandals of fine leather on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewellery: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck..."

HESED 

Written November 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #34 Painting Clouds

 Painting Clouds

I simply can't paint you. 

I try and I struggle. 

But you will not be held or captured. 

I can not pin you down.

Your splendour and majesty.

Your brilliance of colour and depth.

Your movement and grace.

Your diversity and changeability.

I cannot capture you with my brush.

An argument I will never win.

A venture that has no end.

Wrestling Leviathan or a fight with the sea.

I try.  I struggle.

I attempt new techniques. 

New colours and strokes.

I shift and shade.

My skills are lacking, to be sure.

Yet, I am convinced that even if...

If I had the skills of the masters, 

I could never paint you.

Vangough's brilliant use of colour, 

his light and shadows...

He failed to paint you.  

To paint you truly. 

You have been painted already.

Made, altered, mastered...

by the Master, Himself. 

He that pulls the great beast with a hook.

He that wrestles the waves.

He that says, thus far and no more!

He has painted you perfectly.

Displayed His magnificent skills!

November 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #33 The Power of Words

 Power of Words

A simple phrase

spoken with a smile.

Said with kindness, 

words slam into my chest.

My balance is lost,

Rocked and off kilter.

Spoken shockwaves, 

I tilt and sway.

Sickness rises from the deep,

Said once, now a mantra.

Words swirl and surround,

running and racing in my mind.

Dizzy and disoriented,

I feel the shift.

I fight to keep stable.

Just stay still!

I pull at my heart,

tug it back into place.

Find my equilibrium again. 

I whisper truth to my soul.

It was just a simple phrase...

It was such a sweet smile...

Written November 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #32 Rambler

 Rambler

She called him a rambler.

Defined by his adventures, 

he rambles his way through

valley, field and mountain pass.

He walks, she explained.

He walks often... for fun, she laughed.

He rambles, she said again, 

willing me to understand.

Words bounce in my head and I wonder, 

As I walk the hills,

one muddy step after another, 

I ponder the words as they run through my head.

Am I a rambler?

It may not be Tryfan or Pen y fan, 

It certainly will never be Everest.

The Himalayas are not my cup of tea!

But, indeed, I ramble.

I ramble through this life.

I traverse and trek through peeks and passes.

Making my way through forest and fields.

I would not have chosen this life, 

this adventure and ramble 

of body, soul and mind.

But, I am grateful for the vistas.

I am deeply thankful for the sounds

I am in wonder for all I have seen.

Excited about the whispers of what is to come.

Yes, indeed!  I call me a rambler.

Written October 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #31 Tree Symphony

 Tree Symphony

Sounds like rolling laughter

The trees shout and rejoice.

They dance and sing, 

wild movements inspired

by wind and worship.

One high note rings, 

One low bass resounds.

The symphony of celebration

surrounds and engulfs.

Enchanted and uplifted,

I raise my voice.

I lift my hands.

I join the song and the dance! 

"Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them;

Let all the trees of the forest sing for joy! Let all creation rejoice!"

Psalms 96:12

Written October 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page#20 Hidden

 Hidden

The tide rolls in and covers.

Boulders and stones lay beneath.

Hidden. Unseen.

Beneath movement and thick deep

Cities and stadiums of structure stand.

Hidden. Unseen.

Give it time!  The tide will shift again.

These rocks and foundations will be revealed

Opened and on display.

"For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, 

and nothing concealed that will not be known

and brought out into the open."

Luke 8:17

Hallelujah and Praise Him for His mercy and unfailing love.  

Hesed  חֶסֶד‎!  

Written October 2020

Reminds me of this post from 2009

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #27 Crutch

 

Crutch and Cistern

Broken and twisted gait

Crutches needed 

For far too long

I think I am ready to let go.

Age old mechanisms

Survival needed

Modes to steady

Finally I am ready to release.

My legs are strong now.

Trusting muscles hold me.

Rock hard core

I don't need you anymore.

You crutch!  You, cisterns.

Watered and fed me.

Carried me with stale drink.

My tastes have changed. 

I know living water now

I know steady foundations

Will I release and let go?

Will I walk freely and drink fresh?

Hands off and letting go

I feel the wobble.

Worry floods... 

Can my legs hold me?

As I walk free, I feel thirst.

Stagnant pools draw

Familiar tastes tug at my mouth.

Will I walk free from these crutches?

Written October 2020

John 8:36  "If the Son sets you free, you can be free indeed!"

Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

Reminds me...

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #26 TV-The Sad, Sad Truth

 

TV- The Sad, Sad Truth

They feel like family, these pretend friends. 

Lights, sounds and transmissions flicker on the screen. 

I come home from school and I can't wait!  

Backpack dropped.  Coat and shoes chucked off.  

Quick!  Grab a snack... 

Drop down into the well-worn couch. 

We eat together, and I tell you about my day.

I watch you laugh and it brings me comfort.

Each day, I visit my mother and my father living in a box.

After school cookies and milk with Julie, our cruise director.

Ice cream with a Silver Spoon and Benson. 

Learning the Facts of Life with Jack, Janet and Chrissy.  

Alone in this world, I watch you cry and fight.

I cringe while you escape fire and disease and I am with you.

I join you to laugh.  I join you and I cry.

Your safety is my joy.  Your victory my win.

My young heart feels connection.  

Someone else had a hard day!

We commiserate together over chips and soda. 

You say the words of love I long to hear. 

Signals traverse through the air, they warm.

Like a much needed hug, the wrap around me.

Transmissions touch the gaping hole of loneliness.

You are there every day, my friends!  

Your presence just a click away.

Hours and hours and hours together.  

Your fun and antics tell me I am not alone.

These are the 80s realities.

Raise your glass... Cheers! 

Let's drink to television!

What in the world have we done!?

So, are the Days of Our Lives.  

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #25 Unseen

 Unseen

Two people

inhabit the same space.

Disconnected.

Coordinates identical.

Yet so very distant.

Untouched.

How can you sit there?

Across a table.  

Arms length and acres apart. 

Am I an apparition?

Sitting here, facing you.

You look but do not see.

Even as my sound enters your ears.

Vocalization unheard.  Unnoted.

You hear but do not listen. 

Please just respond.  Please remark.

Please look at me.

See and try to understand.

Why won't you ask?

Where is your curiosity?

Will you refuse to know me?

If I am here, or not,

A cut-out.

Or, a picture would suffice.  

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #24 The Best Medicine

The Best Medicine

Laughter wells up and spills over.

Like a singing stream, 

a song of joy bubbles and gurgles.

Laughter rises and bounces up.

Like a dancing dolphin, 

riding the wake with a jump and frolic.

Days of sadness have gone before.

Songs of mourning filling my week.

Waves of grief have racked and crashed. 

But today, I chuckle and chortle.

His essence fills my aching soul with good medicine.

Laughter wins today! 

Written September 2020

Proverbs 17:22 "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #23 Your Face

 Your Face

Your face

Attuned

Eyes smiling

Aware

Your face 

Seeing

Eyes knowing

Soft

Your face

Watching

Eyes delighted

Waiting

Your face

Always?

Yes, always...

Attached

My heart

Seen

Ever known

Secure

Written September 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #22 Depth of Sadness

Depth of Sadness

Down in the bedrock, 

far below the surface.

Streams of groundwater run and churn.

Filling the pores,

seeps into the cracks of my soul, 

The sadness flows deep and wide.  

Creeping and edging through.

Pressure pushes and pulls, 

This grief.  This pain.

Mostly quiet, even unknown.

Almost always unnoticed and unseen,

Rarely will it rise.

Today it threatens a flood.

Noah's springs of the deep roar and rumble.

The agony has reached it's tipping point.

Will it finally be heard?

Spill up and over.

Pour out and destroy.

Will the aquifer reach it's limit?

Will the confined boundaries be overcome?

Eruption of furry and flood.

Will the sadness win and have it's say?

Destroying all that is wicked on the surface.

Washing, finally.  Bringing justice!

Will the façade be toppled?

The earth be cleansed.

The floodgates finally opened wide.

O! These underground streams!  

The sorrow coursing through the foundations.

Living, growing and building all these years.

I hear you.  I see you.  I honour and listen. 

I welcome your voice.  

Pour forth, rise up, and make me whole.

Written September 2020

"Let your tears flow like a river...Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord"

 (Lamentations 2:18,19)

"It is better to enter a house of mourning than a house of feasting, since death is the end of every man, and the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for a sad countenance is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure."  

(Ecclesiastes 7:3)

Aquifer 

 

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #21 Freedom's Call

 Freedom's Call

Like a gentle breeze on my face, 

the expanse beckons me.

I am called to run.

Invited to venture forth.

In a brief moment of time, 

With just a breath and a whisper.

I can feel the offer to rest.

The binding weight being lifted.

Shackles loosen.

Arms free... movement offered.

Open space before me,

I am called to run.

Inspired to walk without weight,

Chains left and scattered to the wind.

Energy lifts, excitement fills

I am poised... ready to bolt!

Crouched down, I begin to push off

Feel the exhilaration from the momentum.

A small beautiful moment of time.

For just a breath and a second, I run!

Jolted to an abrupt stop.

I smack into myself again.

Just around the corner, there I am.

I run into me.

Instantly, in that moment,

I am locked again. 

Stuck and held.

Heavy and subdued.

"Who shall rescue me from this body of death?!"  

Romans 7:24

Written August 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #20 Midnight Call

 Middle of the Night Call

 A nudge.

A gentle tap.

3 am invitation comes again.

I roll over.

Pull covers up tight.

Certainly the clouds are too thick tonight, Lord.

A whisper.

A small thought.

'I want to show you, again!'

Another gentle nudge.

A push and a tap in my mind.

Barely conscious I am waking.

Doubt-filled thoughts.  

Questions rise.

This second-guess girl wonders at crazy midnight ideas.

Oh!  But, the tug.  

Now, the pull. 

With little expectation, I yank myself out of bed. 

Grab the coat

But, oh!, it's so very cold, Lord!

I slowly wander outside. 

Startled. 

Instant awe.  

I am shocked to my very core.

Dark clouds drawn back.

Opened like heavy curtains.

Pushed right to the edge of the earth.

Stars on display.

His masterpiece.

Singing His glory again!

Arrayed in majesty.

A picture of love.

Arranged by the greatest artist of all time.

To think! He invited me!

His hands pushed the clouds back.

Did He smile big that night?

When next will He call? 

Will I respond?

Will you listen?

"By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, their starry host by the breath of His mouth" Psalm 33:6

Written August 2020

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #19 They Come to My Window

 They Come to My Window

My heart is only so big.

My mind even less in size.

But still, they come.

They come to my window,

Sharing places and pain.

Stories and stupidity.

Hearts poured out like a waterfall,

Into my waiting pool. 

Their lives bring movement and stirring.  

Turmoil to any stillness that might be found.

I am never untouched.

Pain reverberates. My pond is disturbed.

They speak and cry.

And, sometimes they use words.

Bravely revealing vulnerability.

Tender and precious each one.

They come to my window.

Sometimes their hearts are beyond my understanding.

'Pray for them with all sincerity',

the Abbess advises, and I listen.

'Then, give them over to God'

So, I must let go.  

My heart is only so big.

My arms even less so.

I set them down

Leave them at His feet.

His grand heart, His kind mind, His strong arms

I leave them and close the window.

I pour them back into His hands.

But, still they come.  

Written July 2020

"...you can't hold in your heart all the pain that comes to your window.  Pray once and let them go" 

~The Abbess told Julian of Norwich (1343-1416)

Sabbatical Reflections: Words on a Page #18 Stargazing

Stargazing

Middle of the night rendezvous

I wait for Your call.

Step through the dark

Into the glory of light.

Tiptoe out. 

Don't wake the neighbours!

Wait.  Watch.

Tears fill my eyes.

Tiny. Bright. Distant dance.

Beauty and majesty touch my soul.

Spread out like a tapestry

You made these with Your word.

A still, yet moving, work of art.

Your heart shouts with a thousand lights.

Written July 2020

Jeremiah 31:35  This is what the LORD says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-- the LORD Almighty is his name!