Strength and Wisdom from Sorrow

My daughter wrote a stunning piece of spoken word.  I would love for you to click on the link and listen to her reading it out...   The truth in these words blessed my heart in a profound way. I share it with you with deep joy.

Click here

Or...https://drive.google.com/file/d/16g6vYacHhssWLukJuJOcM3IUrg-TVUs8/view

The text of the spoken word: 

When you look into a woman’s face
What do you see?
Sorrow.
It’s always there - 
it’s what gives the waves to the ocean in her eyes,
The fire in the pit of her stomach,
The lines around her mouth,
and depth to her words. 

Have you ever sat at the feet of a truly fierce woman:
Wearing truths she taught you to know;
just waiting, for the next pearl of wisdom to fall from her lips.
They splash onto those around her like tears. 

Tears shed for the ruined and loved boy,
tears for the cherished and lost child,
tears for the battered and beautiful friend, 
And hot wet burning tears for her own failures in grace.

These precious pearls were made through 
the scratching of the sand of the world
That made wounds and scars on her heart.
That left their cutting mark, but were not felt in vain. 

The laughter in the eyes of a child should be cherished. 
Always.
for, the liquid sunlight dripping from their eyes will vanish in time.

But the laughter of a woman is stronger still. 
For she has seen the inside of the darkness
and chosen to turn her eyes back to the sun; 
Even when she does not believe in its existence.

The flower might close at night, but soon it will be morning
And with a choice of perseverance 
She will again lift her eyes. 

Sorrow is the hinge-pin, the centrepiece, of a woman's life.
It ties her to those around her with a triple woven tread. 
Its end is what grounds her, like an anchor in a storm.
She has seen this before. 
She knows: in time, a gleam will arise out of the bloodied mess of broken souls.

She stands
It’s a choice
She knows
And with love, She chooses to throw her heart back into the fray
In order to touch the child, seeing darkness for the first time,
The man waylaid and pushed to destruction,
The women abused night after night, 
The running family with bombs sounding still in their ears, 
And the quiet grief of a boy who has nothing left to give.

This is why we come to their feet.
This is why we trust them with our love.
Their eyes hold a well of sorrow and a smile of peace.
We know they can hold more, 
and still will choose to look up from the dark to the sun.

Don’t forget their sorrow,
don’t rush on into life without their hands
They have lived your future pain.

Young women, those just tasting the start of truth,
Do not be afraid.
Every warrior has her story.
Yes, you too will have yours.
But a battered heart is not a broken life.
It is only a woman more ready to love
Well,
Wisely, and

Always. 

Link also here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/16g6vYacHhssWLukJuJOcM3IUrg-TVUs8/view
 or here  https://bit.ly/30nTbNj

What is Your Kryptonite?

My kryptonite is "making mistakes" or "doing it wrong"*.

I know, to some personalities, this sounds absurd...  "We all make mistakes", you might say.  All the time everyone makes mistakes, right?  But, for me, even the smallest of mistakes can bring a shame storm of hurricane proportions which ravages my soul.

Other personalities have other kryptonite... for some its vulnerability or powerlessness.  For others, their weak spot is being misunderstood, or a broken relationship, or conflict.  My kryptonite is doing it wrong.

Like Superman, the moment I become aware of my misstep, my soul begins to writhe in pain and I struggle for strength or breath.   Like a green death rock, the mistake is chained around my neck and I can hardly think straight.  I know this sounds overly dramatic.  ...but, it really isn't.  Do you know that feeling of shame?  The hot pouring shame that makes you shake inside and out... call it embarrassment, call it guilt, call it anger (it looks so many shades of green).  Shame seems to take over, ransacking the limbic system of our brain and shutting down the prefrontal cortex that helps us to think rightly!

Whatever your kryptonite is... whatever triggers the shame for you, we all know that hot, breathless place where we either want to fight, freeze or fly away.  In the midst, you just want to disappear... "crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head... go to sleep and never wake up" (exactly how I used to describe it as a teenager).

Well, yes... I do make mistakes all the time... just like everyone else!  And recently, to add insult to injury, I have been making a lot of mistakes.  I mean, a lot.  From small, "nothing" mistakes... to pretty big, significant mistakes... I have been tripping over my own two feet for a few weeks now.

The last mistake was five keys off the right note--- singing in front of a group of people at our town's Open Mic night (another effort in my life to be brave and have fun).  We had planned the song in one key... but, printed the song sheets in a totally (5 key different!) key.  Hmmm...  Yeah, it didn't go so well, as you can imagine.

After sitting down, I could feel the hot shame-filled bucket pour over my head.  I began to shake.  Anger.  Tears welling.  I wanted to disappear... run away, hide under that table.  All I could think was "Never again!!"  Never. Never. Again.  I won't put myself in this position again.  THIS is what brave brings! Never!

The storm lasted in and out through the whole evening, following me into my restless sleeping.  Tossing in the night, I would awake and literally put my hands over my face--- hiding from whom exactly?!?  Myself.  God?    Tossing and turning, I would groan.

I do understand that for some of you reading this, you may think it a bit odd...  why would the wrong note sung in a song bring such pain?  But, weren't we all a bit confused and watched in disbelief when Lex Luthor would chain up Superman with a green rock!  What?  Come on, Superman, it's just a glowing green rock!

Remember, mistakes are my kryptonite.

In the midst of it all, and through the whole night, here and there I also became aware of a still, very small voice that whispered an invitation.  I remember barely hearing its faint words... and almost completely ignoring it... just as I sat down.  After the song finished and I sat---right as the bucket of shame splashed around me at the table when I sat down, I heard it.  It was so quiet.  Almost in the distance...

A still small whisper...  There is another way.  

Stephanie, there is another way.

As I have been prayerfully processing my weeks of wrongs and my discomfort, I have been asking Father about this other way.  Is it another way to sit in or feel shame?  Is it another way to respond entirely to mistakes or doing wrong?  What is the other way, Lord?  

I am certain the answer isn't that I won't have kryptonite----or any weakness.  (Although that would be fabulous!)  For, I know, in my weakness, He is strong!  So, nope... perfection isn't an option.  (Dang it!)

Now, I am asking God to continue to show me the other way of reacting or a new way of seeing Mr. Luthor... What is the other way, Lord, while the kryptonite is being chained around my neck? 

Just for fun... have a gander at the clip of old---bring back childhood memories:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkSaAhbceBk



*For those who know the Enneagram tool, I am a One.  

Okay, God... let's have some FUN

A few months ago, as I was being prayed for, a brother felt he heard God whisper the word Fun into his heart.  After the prayer time, he approached me and said he felt God wanted me to have more fun in my life---especially in this season of transition with my children launching into the world and out of my nest.  He then asked me a pointed question, "What is fun for you?"

I was dumbstruck.  The feeling of utter confusion must have wafted across my face... because he laughed out loud.  "Ah!" he said, "That is probably where you need to start!"

I have been a wife for nearly 25 years and a mother for 20 years.   Almost half my life I have had the privilege of nurturing and raising two amazing children.  I have worked part time from home and we chose to home educate, as well; and so... my time has been very much all about them.  I truly don't regret this in any way, shape, or form.  I feel blessed by this truth.  But, when it comes to fun for me... well, ...I just didn't have an answer.  The question actually felt strange in my ear and hard for my heart to comprehend.  I know what is fun for my husband.  I know what is fun for my son and my daughter.

In all honesty, I am not sure I could have answered this question even 25 years ago.  'Fun' doesn't come naturally to me... I don't 'do' 'fun for me'.  Or at least, that is how it felt.

I began to pray.  What IS fun for me, Lord? Lord, help me know myself.

My 'go-to' solution to any dilemma is to pray and then read.  When in doubt, I say, read a book!  On the heels of this prayer time, a friend 'just so happened' to send me a book about the God-given creativity in every human being, The Soul Tells a Story by Vanita Hampton Wright.  I wondered if creativity and fun went together?  So... why not... I picked it up and gave it a go.  Maybe God would begin to answer my question in this way...

For years, I have had a very regular debate going with my husband.  "I am not a creative person" was my stance.  We had the--- 'yes, you are'... 'no, I'm not'--- going for years.  From the beginning, Ms. Wright suggests that creativity lives in each and every of us;  innate in us, creativity is like one fingerprint of God's design as 'made in His image'.  He created.  He creates still.  We also create.  Wright does a fabulous job explaining that creativity is so uniquely colored and varied with each individual...and so, I guess, sometimes it just isn't noted.  Or, understood and labeled as "creativity".

Or, in fact, it just gets lost for some of us.  In the first chapters, she offers a set of exercises which explore what was 'fun' for you as a child.  Like venturing back memory lane, you are searching for what was in you naturally... maybe what got hid away, or set aside.  What did you do as a child that you enjoyed?  What made you happy?  What did you do for fun?  For me, this question alone took quite a bit of time, quiet, prayer, and memory-journeying to find some answers.

I now believe with all my heart that I am indeed creative.  (My husband will be pleased with this!)  And, I have slowly ventured into the effort of 'doing' more fun things in my life.  Opening up.  Pressing in.  Things I used to do...?  Things that I have always wanted to do... or wondered about?  Slowly.  One thing at a time.

My newest venture has been into the realm of watercolor painting.  The ever-present practical-Stephanie assumed (wrongly, as it turned out)... that this was a cheap hobby.  So, I started here.

Today, I boldly---and it does take significant courage, mind you--- I share (below) a few of my first attempts to have creative fun in my life.  I figure, for the faithful few of you that read these posts, you hear the ins-and-outs of many vulnerabilities and very often the weaknesses in my life.  So, why not... I'll share this vulnerable place of creativity and strength, too.    And, I will assure you... I am really enjoying it!

...having a little bit of fun.  Thank you, God, for whispering on my behalf.  

The Loaves

"Fraud alert!" is never a good email subject line.  Right?

Usually these alerts amount to nothing.  Something I did has triggered the credit card or bank alert system. But, not yesterday.  

Yesterday 1,000 dollars was taken from my bank account.  After seeing the alert, I logged into our bank and my savings account sat there staring at me with 0.08 cents as it's balance.  Black and white.  8 cents. The money was gone!   

In the following micro seconds, while staring at the 8 cents,  I had a fervent stream of  deep fear and worry.... my daughter's help for college, travel to my brother's wedding this summer, the car breaks...  AH!  How?!  NO!?!  

And then almost immediately the phrase came into my mind... understand and remember the loaves...

Quiet and whispered...  remember the loaves, Stephanie.  

The phrase floated over my consciousness, as I sat staring at my empty bank account, and I could feel a peaceful invitation.  Actually, maybe a smiling, happy invitation:  Come in... You need never be afraid.  You can be unmoved.  You actually can trust Me right now, too.  

Recently, my son and I have been discussing this "loaves" phrase from Matthew 6: 50-52 " Take courage!  It is I.  Do not be afraid.  Then He climbed into the boat with them and the wind died down.  They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hard"

Directly after watching Jesus feed five thousand people, the disciples get into a boat and get caught in rocky, difficult weather and water.  They are afraid.  Jesus walks to them on the water and that freaks-them-out maybe more!  The minute He gets in the boat, the water calms.  This surprised and shocked them, too.  What?  Jesus can do miracles?  What?  He can walk on water?  ...and in His presence, the wind dies down?!  It is almost as if this was the first time they had seen Him do miracles.  But it wasn't!! They had already seen so much.  In fact, He had JUST fed five thousand mouths in front of their eyes.  (with twelve left over baskets of fish and loaves, I might add!) 

But, their hearts were hard and they hadn't taken it in.  They hadn't understood.  They weren't remembering.  They were walking into this new situation---rough, tough seas and the ghost of Jesus--- and they were not translating His previous work to their difficult-now.  

How often do I do this?  How often do I forget?  

Oh! How many thousands of loaves has He given me and others I love!?!  Oh... how many answered prayers has He heard and answered.  He has lavished His very Self on and in me.  Years and years of fresh, daily miracles:  His power shown forth in food and the elements.  In the midst of difficult and the hard He has been present.    

In that early morning moment in front of my empty bank account, I stopped.  I hear you, Lord.  Almost with a slight giggle myself, I said out loud:  I understand the loaves, Lord!  I will remember and not harden my heart.   And, I left it.  ...not physically, of course.  There are phone calls and emails to be written---follow-up needed.  But, I left it emotionally.   I really left it.  

The whole day I left it.  Because of the time zone issue, there was nothing to be done till evening.  But, I dropped it and moved on in my day with peace and joy.  

With the trust, there was an implicit assumption and understanding that it may mean the money was gone for good, never to be recovered.  Sometimes God says, "No" to our requests.  He doesn't always give us physical loaves, to be sure.  Jesus never promises that the boat isn't going to rock!! 

If the money is gone for good...  Jesus, You've got this and You are with me!  

If it can be recovered... Jesus, You've got this and You are with me!  

I need never worry.  

I do worry sometimes.  And, I do harden my heart.  I don't always hear or respond to His peace-filled invitations.  But...  

Today, I understood the loaves.  

*In the end, the situation was sorted by the bank.  The money was returned.  There was indeed theft and apparently someone in New York had my debit card (even though I have it in hand here in the UK).  The joys of this dark and clever criminal world we live in!  But, in truth, all is well.  By the end of the day... all bread was back in the basket!  And I have plenty.    ...but, actually, in truth, I had plenty and enough when the bank account showed 0.08 cents.   

Songs of My Heart

photo source

Like a stream of consciousness, the memories come unbidden.

I was simply sitting down to blow dry my wet hair and then in my mind's eye, I am there...  nearly 20 years ago, but I am "seeing" it and feeling it, like it was yesterday.

While in this season of launching my first child, there seems to be this movement in my mind... seemingly random memories coming like a wave.

Different things trigger the memories---a picture, a smell, a song, a comment.  This morning it was music.  As I often do,  I hit play on my "Worship" playlist.  I sat to begin a regular morning routine of makeup and hair.  Within only a few notes, the memory came rushing in...

link for song...  take a listen, if you can

The song begins with ..."It is our confession what we are weak... so very weak!" 

In a moment, I was taken back...  holding, rocking, clutching a baby girl.  We had taken this little one with us across the ocean into a backwater country.  Young and terrified, I stood over her crib, holding her tiny body while her fever screamed at my momma's heart, "Be afraid, be very afraid!"  

It is an intense fear that we feel as we hold our little ones and watch them writhe and struggle against sickness.  It is a deeply intense fear that we all feel when we are out of control... when we can't fix it, we can't make it okay.  

That night long ago, it was this song that I sung over her.  As I held her and prayed, the words seemed to flow out of my soul---a song, a prayer, a confession---

 "It is my confession, Lord, that I am weak---so very weak---but, You are strong!"

It's our confession, Lord that we are weak…So very weak, but You are strong

And though we've nothing, Lord…To lay at Your feet

We come to Your feet and say, "Help us along"

A broken heart and a contrite spirit, You have yet to deny

Your heart of mercy beats with love's strong current.

Let the river flow, God.  By Your Spirit now, Lord we cry

Let your mercies fall from heaven! Sweet mercies flow from heaven!

New mercies for today--Shower them down Lord, as we pray

How long did I rock her and sing this song over her that night?  It feels like I have been singing and rocking this over her for her entire life!

Today, as I writhe and struggle with the feelings of launching her.  As I watch her sadness, her pain, and as I feel my own...  As we truly roller-coaster-ride the ups and downs of this launch:  ...excitement, hope, anticipation, mixed with the high fever of grief, frustration and terror...

As her tears, and mine, scream at us, "Be afraid, be very afraid!",  I am in that selfsame place I was 18 years ago.  

I am holding her, rocking her with my heart, and I am praying these very same words... 

Help us along!  New mercies for today, Lord, shower them down as we pray!  

And, each time I sing this.  Each time I pray...  He holds and He rocks.  He stills.  In these moments, I know He sings over my soul.  Even when I can't hear it, I know He is singing...  He is always singing His song.  

Today, I choose to listen and lean in.  I let Him hold me and rock me.  Today, I say "yes" and hear His words--- Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9)

Sorting and Slowly Saying Goodbye

She is sorting her room.  It's time.  In 12 short weeks, she will pack up and leave this home... beginning the launch into a new world.

Bravely, she has been sorting and purging her things.  Her clothes...  ah!! but, I remember her in that shirt, that dress, that sweater!  

This girl, my sweet girl.  The one who keeps everything... the girl who remembers gifts given to her from 10 years ago.
With courage, she sorts and she purges.

Her art... her crafts...her jewelry... her books...   ah!  I remember those art books and the years of painting with those brushes!   ah!  I remember her devouring that book series.  

Unlike some, we don't have the freedom (or the "illusion" of freedom) to assume we will be in this physical place forever... so she has to pack it all up.  It all needs to be put in a box or a bag... a few things to store for "memory" sake (can Grandma's attic even take any more of our things!?)  ...a few things to fill a dorm room.

Most of her things...  most---we will just give away.  The first load went today.  Dad drove it up to the local charity store and offered these things as a gift.  We lay it down and give it away.  It feels heavy as we carry the boxes of books and label them "free to a good home".  ...in a strange way, the books feel like they have life in them---tied so strongly to a lovely memory of her.  Her childhood in a pile stacked in a box.  ...memories of her snuggled up in bed, reading.

It's a strange journey we walk here on earth.  All of us.  We know, somewhere deep, that this earth is not our home.  We are not long for here.  We know this.  Scripture tells us that walking this sod is only a quick, whispering breath in the scheme of time and Reality.

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business, and make a profit.” You do not even know what will happen tomorrow! What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord is willing, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15)

Our lives are just a mist...  a mist that appears and then vanishes.  

So why does it hurt so much to let these things go?  Why does this pink sweater, this piece of art, that necklace, and these books... why do they tug at my mother's heart and hurt so much.  Why does the box of books feel so very heavy as I lay it down? 

I am pondering and sorting with her, I think.  I am sorting through memories.  Sorting through the truth of these last 18 years...  

I told her today that part of me wants to do it all over again!  She was such a joy to parent.  Like a good, familiar book that you want to snuggle up to read over and over again---I want to 'read' those years just one more time.  

But books are not always for keeping---they mold and gather dust.  The jewelry rusts.  The sweater will fray...  And, the sweater is not her. These things are not full of life.

And, ....and, my girl is not for holding-on-to.   I can't keep her.  She was never mine to begin with...  I must let go.  I must continue to release and surrender.  

Bravely, today I sort and purge with my girl.  I remember and rejoice.  I regret and rehearse.  With courage, I allow the very-now of sadness and grief to come.  I let go and lay down.  I hope and I pray. I trust and I press-in to the One who IS always.  

For, I, too, am launching into a new place...  

Be Brave Stephanie

photo source

I was away from home.  And, very, very sick.

Sick and weak, I had to travel home--- 10 hours and 3 flights and 2 more security checks and 2 more passport controls---   

Sometimes we think we have to be strong for tomorrow.  We don't.  God kindly tells us to not worry about tomorrow.  Just look at today, He says.  We can trust Him for tomorrow.  Oh! What freedom I feel when I can just live in today! 

But, this day...this travel day...  I couldn't see past the next flight.  Or, the next hour.  Tomorrow wasn't even on my mind.  I really can't make it another 8 hours, Lord!!!   My heart was crying, physical tears only at the surface of my eyes ready to pour over for the whole of gate 21G to see!!

Then, like fresh air, I had this wonderful, Spirit-Truth thought:  You only have to be brave one hour at a time.  Can you ask Me for that, Stephanie?  Can you be brave one hour?  

I didn't feel brave.  I couldn't make it another flight.  Another hour.  I felt so week and so sick. 

Only one hour at a time, Lord? 

Yes, be brave just one more hour... okay?  

Lord, would You help me be brave one hour more?  

Yes, Stephanie.  One hour at a time, we can do this.  Be brave and courageous. 

I was brave one more hour.   And, then the next hour.   One. Hour. At. A. Time.  He walked me home.  

He brought me to my comfy, warm bed.  He tucked me in and I have been sleeping since.  ...and feeling much better today!  What will come tomorrow?  

I don't know.  But, I don't have to worry about tomorrow!!  I just need to be brave for today...  

I am giving thanks for each hour of care.  I am giving thanks for today.  ...and the myriad of other grace-gifts I have been counting this past week.  I am joining in with Ann Voskamp and others as we count our way to 1,000 gifts.  

#139.  A tight hug from my man. 

#145.  Bright morning light.

147.  My microwave.

149.  A sweet friend that notices me emotionally unwell and asks.  

152.  Music.

157.  Smooth flights leaving home and traveling so long.

158.  Welcoming homes in a foreign land.

160.  Open hearts of beautiful ladies and looking deep within and upward.

163.  Miraculous wellness only when I needed it most. 

165.  Brave one hour at a time. 

166.  Welcome home flowers, signs and hugs.  

168.  Wellness in my body---wow!  what good it feels to feel well again!  

Give me a fat heart!!

photo source

So, being described as "stout" is not a great compliment, right?  When someone says, "She is stout"... it isn't meant to encourage.  

I looked up the word in the dictionary this morning.  Stout means, "bulky in figure; heavily built; thickset; fat."  Okay, yep.... definitely NOT a compliment!  

But, this was the prayer of my heart this morning "Lord make me stout!  Make my heart stout and bold.  Lord, make me stout-hearted!"  

Stouthearted is a very different thing, isn't it?!   

The dictionary has a second definition for "stout":  "bold, brave, dauntless, firm, resolute."  

Now, here are words I like!  

In Psalm 138, David is praising God for His faithful answers...  God has heard me!  And, then David worships with the words, "when you answered me, you made me bold and stouthearted"  (Psalm 138:3)

This is the answer to the cries of our hearts, my friends.  He listens, He responds, and His Spirit emboldens and strengthens us! 

Daily life can bring wavering for me.  It brings moment-by-moment opportunities to be distracted, discouraged and overwhelmed.  My heart feels, at times, to be unsteady, timid and insecure.  But, in His Presence I can be strengthened and brave!  He can (and wants to!!) make me bold and dauntless.  

Just to imagine my "heart"---my insides, my soul, my very being---as bulky and heavily built, makes me smile.  Yes, Lord, may I have a fat heart!!   

May my heart be fat-filled with Him and immovable with the rock-confidence in His love.  May I know His answers and His Presence so keenly that I am firm and resolute.  Make me stout, my Lord!  Make my heart stout in You!  

So, ...it's not just me!

Photo source

It is amazing the rapid speed at which lies can come crashing into my heart and my mind.  Jarring.  Debilitating.  These lies freezing my desire for forward movement.

The lies whisper and sometimes they scream, "Be afraid."  ..."be very afraid..."

I have tapes that play this fearful tune, do you ever hear these too?  Mine say, "You're too young"  "What do you have to say?" "Who are you to..."  "You're not smart enough"  "You're not spiritual enough."  "You are a mess..."  "If they only knew this about you..." "Shut up...and sit down"

Some authors writing about this phenomenon have called it, "insecurity".  Some have called it, "pride".  One author, whose work I am currently reading, Brene Brown, calls it shame.  Shame--it is such an ugly word.  And, a confusing word.  

Defining shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging", Dr. Brene Brown says, "shame is all about fear."  "We are afraid people won't like us if they know the truth about..."  Brown describes the difference between shame and guilt being that guilt says, "I did something bad."  Shame says, "I am bad."  

Shame is about who we are- guilt is about our behaviors.  Interestingly, Dr. Brown's research also shows that guilt (which I might personally re-term "conviction") can be productive and helpful; while, shame is always destructive.  Patterns of hurtful behaviors and self destructive attitudes are bred in the garden of shame.     

So, what does this have to do with me and my journey?  I was reading Dr. Brown's book and was struck with the idea that silence and secrecy breed and give power to shame.  I had been hearing some loud lies recently and it was time to expose them to the Truth-Light!  This blog post is about exposing... vulnerability...  and courage.  

To put some context to my "recent" lie-tapes...  I feel that God has been calling, inviting, prodding me forward into a new ministry.  This inviting whisper has been happening for years, actually.  But, this past week the call from God to step forward has become louder and more clear.  And, as the call has become more clear; so have the lies started ramping up their mantra:  "Who are you? Who do you think you are?"  "You're too young"  "You're not one of them..."  

To put it bluntly, somewhere deep within I have believe that my imperfections negate my ability to be used in (blank) ministry.    Doesn't really matter how you fill in the blank.  
You name it...  My call, God's invitation to me, is unique and so is yours.  But, somewhere I have believed a lie that 'I can't (blank)because of me--because of who I am.'  

I am not alone in this, I know.  And, neither are you.

Reading in Jeremiah this morning, I was struck... "The word of the Lord came to me, saying:  'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."  "Alas, Sovereign Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am too young."  
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am too young'. You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord." (Jeremiah 1)

So, it isn't just me!
Jeremiah had a tape of lies playing in his head too!  
Alas, Sovereign Lord, I say in unison with Jeremiah, my brother!
And, God responds, "No!"  "Don't say that!"  ...don't you go agreeing with that lie!  ...don't repeat that tape.

"I will be with you!"

To Joshua, He says, "Be strong and very courageous... I will be with you."
To Moses' "Who am I?", He says,"I will be with you!"

These men, my brothers.  Me.  You.
It takes courage, my friends.  It takes God-given push... courage and bravery to rest and walk in the foundation of who He says I am.  It takes courage to resist and shut the mouth of the liar that says 'I can't because of me'.  Whether the lies come from without... or within.

...it takes the courage to believe and walk forward in the Truth that I can because of Him, because of who He says I am, because of who He has made me!