Heavy Loads

In Luke 5 we read about "some men" carrying a paralytic on a mat.

It isn't clear in the passage how many men helped or who they were. Were they his friends? His neighbor? We have no idea.

No names and no descriptions are given. Who these men were is apparently immaterial. What we do know is why they carried this load, this sick man. We know that their faith propelled them to carry the man. We know that they had faith in Christ's power to heal.

Somewhere deep within they believed, and then acted on this belief. They knew that if only they could lay him at the feet of the Miracle Worker, this Bondage Breaker, this Savior He would do something wonderful. We know this belief infused them with amazing gumption and gusto. They pushed through a large crowd, climbed on top of a house (with the man, mind you!) and then dug through the roof... lowering him down.

I have known a bit of the load that these men knew. I haven't physically carried a man before... but my heart, my mind and my soul have carried many in prayer. Sometimes the load of sick men and "paralytics" feels too much for me to bear. I feel that my spiritual arms might give out. I feel that my spiritual feet might not be able to take one more step.

But, then faith kicks in! I know, more than I know anything else to be true, that my Lord, my Jesus can and will do miracles!! He is my Miracle Worker, my Bondage Breaker and my Savior. Miracles of heart, soul, mind and body I have seen. I have known Him to do miracles and break bondage in my own life!

And, so I plod on and carry these souls that He has given me. Are they all friends? No, some are just "neighbors". Does it matter my name or by what means I get them there? No! I will cry my prayers... I will sing my prayers..I will whisper them in the middle of the night or while washing dishes. All that matters is that that I carry them. I must carry them to the Christ and lay them down.

I wonder if these men themselves had been healed. Had they known the touch of the Master's hand on their eyes, their hands or their feet? Did this push them forward in their faith-filled task?

What is most beautiful to me about this story today is that it was some men... not just one. I need the "some men" around me while I carry some of these burdens. He has given me friends, comrades-in-arms, to carry the load and this does wonder for my soul. I don't have to carry him, her, them... on my own.

My "some men" friends, those that know the healing power of our Lord themselves too, are carrying the load with me on this leg of the journey. This does wonders. It is like I can see their striving faces across the mat, they are feeling the weight of the mat. But, the load is a bit lighter than if I had to carry it on my own... we both know that!

And, we know that when we get them to Jesus, we can lay them down. Ah! the release and relief that comes when we lay them down. I don't have to continually wear them on my back. All I must do is get them to Jesus. I must. They must be placed at His feet! I will do anything to get them there. And so I trod on, weary and heavy laden. I go to Him that can heal, lay them down with deep faith, and I find rest for my soul and deep hope for theirs.

Control is STILL an Issue...

I read her honest post and was immediately convicted. Interestingly enough, God had been prodding this area just this morning before reading the post. He has a funny way of doing that! What a personal Father we have!

I posted a while ago about being "a control freak". Well, although I can't say there hasn't been any progress... it is slow going! I do often attempt to control my life, probably more than I am even aware.
I can honestly say that often when I am manipulating my circumstances or people, it is motivated by love; but, does that make it okay? 
Is it okay that I "remind" (read: nag) my husband about this-or-that? (I love him and want his best, right?) 
Is right that I plan and list-make in effort to feel at peace somewhere deep in my soul. (I am a "better" mother when I am organized, right?) ...As if calendar juggling and plan making will bring order to my soul. It doesn't really. Or if it does it is way-short lived. 
Is it okay that I call this person or write that person in the effort to assure that they like me or think well of me? (Motivated by love for them? or for me?) I know it sounds crazy and ugly... but I do it.

There has been growth and for that I testify to God's victory in my life. I am so very grateful that it doesn't consume my life or my thoughts; but, certainly I am far from free. 
So, what is the solution? What would be different in my heart that might free me from this.
Why can I remind my husband with such confidence what he should be doing with his time? Isn't this God's job, not mine. Why do I feel that I can or should plan my life (or my next week) to the every hour? Doesn't God have the right to order my day and do with my time as He pleases. Why do I feel it my job to assure people "I am okay and likeable"? Where is my hope lying when I function in this mindset? ... and am I entrusting my "okayness" to God alone. See, again the problem lies with making myself, me, the center of my thoughts and the world around me. Thus the problem.
As I sit here and dialogue with the Father, I get a sense that freedom would look like taking my eyes off myself. 
"Lose your life"... and "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" 
I am promted to "look out and up" and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. The thoughts from Father aren't harsh, they feel spoken as gentle reminders. It is not all about you, Steph, he says. (And the words bring peace!) 
The world is bigger, much bigger, than you. My kingdom is beyond your thoughts, opinions, plans or imagination. If I could heart-remember that the world does not revolve around me and my perceptions are hopelessly flawed, I think I would attempt to control less.

So, thank you my friend who posted yesterday. Thank you for your honesty, which propels me to question my heart, my thoughts and my actions.

Father, make me keenly aware of this issue in my life. Show it to me the minute it creeps up. Make me about You, Your glory alone, and Your kingdom. Invade me, Lord and turn my face toward you!

Ever hear God sing?

Early this morning I had a horrible dream. I knew that it was a dream while in it, but could not “make” myself wake up. It was torturous. So, I fought as I have learned to fight in dreams like these. In these dreams, I have learned to call on the name of Jesus with persistence until I am delivered. Early in the dark morning and in the dark dream, I did fight this way. Hard and long, or so it felt, I screamed the name of Jesus.

When finally I broke free from the dream and awoke to the light of morning, I immediately heard a song in my head. The song has been “singing” in my head ever since.

“The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save!
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save!
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing! The Lord your God is with you!”

This song that is playing in my mind is a beautiful rendition of Zephaniah 3:17. Recently, I have been listening to it and other Scripture songs on the Seed’s Worship Album (a fabulous resource for children or adults!). The beauty of Scripture is being sung to me even as I write this blog. What a sweet message to wake up to after a rough dream!

As I ponder the words of this verse/song, I am amazed afresh at their meaning.

The Lord your God is with you.

The truth of God’s presence alone does wonders for my soul.

I was just reading a prayer written by St. Patrick in AD 433…
“Christ with me, Christ before me,

Christ behind me,Christ in me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left…”
(*As quoted in Intimate Intercession by Tricia Rhodes)

What might my life be like if I would always remember “my” God, the Almighty Creator of heaven and earth, is with me?! I believe I would know more joy, peace and power if I walked in this truth more often.

He is mighty to save!

I love that this is the song that played directly after my dream. When I couldn't “save” myself in my dream, it was His name that delivered me! Did He watch me dream, remind my mind to fight in His name and then whisper “awake” and then ... sing to me, “I am with you! I will save you”. What a beautiful thought! We can find perfect rest in God, His presence and his strength to save us!

He will take great delight in you.

What a mind-blowing thought! The God of the Universe delights, great delight, in you! What?!! Me? This one seems to be the most difficult one for me to swallow and believe, truly believe. Do I believe that God loves me dearly and that His love is unfailing and without bounds? YES! I could preach a 40 minute sermon on it! (smile) But, somewhere in my depths, I do have this inkling of wonder at how He could possibly “delight” in me. I believe it fully with one part of my being and question it somewhere else deep within.

Does He delight in my husband? Can I see it? Absolutely! My daughter? Without a doubt! My son? Certainly! My teammate or best friend… ? I have no problem “seeing” that! But, Stephanie? Hmm… still somewhere deep within there is a hesitation. He has brought much healing to that hesitation, to be sure! Deep, deep within I believe it more than I did say…10 years ago, … 5 years ago, even. But, I have some healing steps still to take in walking in this wondrous truth that He delights in Stephanie.

And yet…, I can see just a glimpse of this truth as I imagine this loving Father … around me, within me, beside me, beneath me… knowing my dream, watching me fight with His name and His armor. I can almost see the smile across His face and His “well done” or “good job, sweet heart” look on His delighted face. I can almost see it clearly.

He will quiet you with His love.

Quieted with His love... this love, God’s love, …so perfect, so unexplainable and unfathomable. This is where we find rest for our souls. This love can cast out all fear and guard our hearts and minds from all anxiety. He speaks His love over us and we are at rest, we are quiet. Can't you just see a loving mother, holding her well-loved child in her lap. This mother’s presence and love is all this child needs to find peace, rest and quiet.

He will rejoice over you with singing.

What does it look like or sound like when God sings!? If the Welsh coast line, the snow covered mountains, the newly budded flowers of spring or the newborn baby is any indication, it must be phenomenal! He rejoices… God, the Father, rejoices over you. Over me. And when He rejoices over you, He sings! He breaks forth in a song. What a thought?! I can hardly even write the words. Oh! May they sink into my soul.

I believe I could live the rest of my life just feasting on these words alone…
“The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save!
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save!
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing! The Lord your God is with you!”

Thank you, Lord for your Word. I praise you Father for your Presence and I worship you, claiming that your are Almighty… the Mighty One who saves. Thank you Lord for Your love and the depths of it… thank you that your love includes delight over me and singing! Oh Lord, my Father, my sweet God, would you sink this truth deep into my heart, mind and soul. May I walk as one loved in this way, believing it fully!

Block to Intercession

I am still shocked by his behavior and sin. I am hurt by his deception and I am angry with him for the sins he has committed against his wife. This friend... this one "in the fold" that has lied to his friends and his wife for years.

If I am honest, I am just too angry to intercede for him. Not that I want him to be in pain or for bad things to happen to him, I truly don't. But, my heart is not turned toward him and I certainly don't feel mercy, grace or compassion. According to a fabulous book I am reading, Tricia Rhodes assures her readers that without these thing... without mercy, compassion and grace... without a heart that is for the person..., real intercession cannot happen. She believes that supplication and request can happen in my state; but, not intercession. I was struck with this convicting idea just this afternoon as the heady-book knowledge clashed with my heart-world.

Intercession is "to act or interpose in behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition"(Random House Dictionary). Rhodes talks about intercession as being a stance of gap-filling (standing in the gap for someone). Intercession is a role of advocate and proponent. A true intercessor is one like Moses pleading God's mercy on behalf of the Israelites or Jesus begging the Father for mercy for his murderers... "for they don't know what they are doing!"

Rhodes also shows from Scripture that our role as believers is to be intercessors. We are all intercessors, she states and argues with persuasion. We are called to be ministers of reconciliation. We are called to hold the hand of Almighty God, our kind and loving Father, and plead the case of the lost, the hurting, the broken and the wayward. Our Father has invited us all to this work.

An important key, though, is that our heart actually needs to believe it. Intercession requires a heart-felt appeal to God for mercy. Like an attorney that doesn't believe his client is innocent... how is he to plead his case with integrity? An intercessor can not plead grace before God without being full of grace and love for the accused.

In this book, Rhodes states that we are never more like Christ than when we are interceding. He ever lives to intercede. (Hebrews 7:25) This is what He does full time! This is salvation and the work that the blood does on our behalf. We rely upon His intercession (His blood sacrifice!) when we stand before a holy Father and are welcomed in. Christ is the great intercessor!

Ah! but my heart is still hard toward this man. Not hateful... for I can request good things for him. But, can I intercede? Can I be like Christ in this manner? I don't have trouble interceding on behalf of his wife, his children and those he has hurt along the way. But, mercy must well up in my soul before true intercession can take place. Can I plead his case before God? Can I be an advocate for him?

My heart fights it as if interceding for him would make his sin less sinful or "okay". Does Christ's blood and intercession make my sin okay? Doesn't asking for mercy acknowledge the need for mercy... and mercy is only needed when sin is present. In my head somewhere, I know that I have done enough to anger Christ! Certainly, I have been as rebellious and my heart more wayward. Certainly Christ has every right to be angry at me! And, yet, my Savior-Brother stand in the gap for me. His anger does not get in the way of genuine and effective intercession for me. So, from my head the old saying... "there but for the grace of God go I" needs to make its way down to the depths my heart. This is what I have begun to ask for today.

For, "If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?" 1 Samuel 2:25

Will I join Christ in this work?

Oh Father, would you fill my heart with mercy and grace. Make me more like you, Lord Jesus. May I grow in my ability to forgive. May I grow in my ability to walk in mercy and compassion. Change my heart, O God. Jesus, teach me to pray.

Fresh Wind

Past experience is like the old manna, it breeds worms and stinks if it be relied upon. The moment a man begins to pride himself on the grace he used to have six years ago you may depend upon it he has very little now. - Charles Spurgeon

We do this I think... often. Recently I had talked with a mom about her faith, her heart. She talked about her college years... those sweet years when she was close to the Lord. With light in her eyes she talked about the challenge that she had known from the Word, the closeness of His voice and the sweetness of worship during that stage in her life. In the same conversations, she told me with sadness of her current dryness (she is now in her late 20's...) Oh!, too many years of dryness!!

It isn't that she isn't a believer (she certainly hasn't lost her status as a loved daughter of the faithful King!). It isn't that she doesn't attend church or once-in-a while read her Bible and pray. She does. She loves God and is dearly loved by Him. She just maybe loves a memory of the Father more than a current person. She is relying on day old--- year old--- manna.

We look back at what God has done in our lives. We relish in our memory those special moments of worship, those sweet times of fellowship or those periods in our lives when we "had" great times with the Lord. We look back and rely on those experiences.

We need new, now, and fresh experiences with God and His word. Today. Yes, it is important to look back and remember WHO God is and all that He has done... this aids in our hope for today. But, we can not rely on these times in our lives. We can't say... I used to walk with God. We must be able to say, "I am walking with God. I know Him today, I talked with Him this morning..." This real, genuine, today-fresh faith will bring fruit for this season. We can't eat from old, rotten and moldy fruit... it won't last.

I just talked with this mom this week and she is running back to Him daily. She is ready to get to know Him again! She told me of times this week when she was challenged by His word and she told of a heart looking for Him through her day. This mom is now getting fresh manna. Does it look different than it did in college? Absolutely! and that is okay!... This part of the journey, the scenery, has changed dramatically. But, He is the same and I can just see His smile over this daughter. I can just sense His delight as His dearly loved daughter is looking for Him today. No more looking back at the Red Sea of life... but instead looking, feeling, watching for the fresh wind coming through her bedroom window.

Oh, sweet Lord that we would run to you each day! Thank you for your faithful character and your steadfast love that allows us to come back each day, mercies new! Oh, dear loving Father, that we would know You more and more each day. I want to see you afresh today!

Another Mary

I just had the privilege to pray with a dear woman. She is processing a very difficult circumstance and grieving deeply. Toward the end of our prayer, she began to cry out to Jesus, "You didn't protect me! You didn't show up! Where were you?".

In my mind's eye, I felt I was back a few thousand years ago watching sweet Mary falling to the ground, dirt stained dress. I could just see her grasping the Lord's feet, weeping and crying out, "If you had come, he wouldn't have died!" (John 11) And, then I could see Him troubled. His face contorted with compassion, sorrow and grief. I could see Him weeping as she wept.

Mary needed to say it to Jesus. She had to be honest with Him and she was not punished for it. In fact, she saw His Glory on the heels of that real grief and honesty! She needed to see Him deeply troubled by her circumstances and she needed Him to enter into her grief with her. Mary needed this 2000 years ago.

And so did this other Mary today.

This sweet woman who sat with me this afternoon had to say it to Jesus. She needed to ask Him "why?" and cry at his feet, in accusation, like Mary... you didn't come, Lord!! Why!!??!!

Oh, the beauty of genuine, heart-deep interactions with our Lord! Can we trust Him enough? Can we believe that He will enter in to our grief and not punish us for honesty? Can we know His shoulders are big enough to handle the questions and to take our accusations?

Thank you, my sweet brother, Jesus for being a man well acquainted with grief and sorrow. Thank you for being able to take our ranting and raving! Thank you for showing forth Your glory and allowing the fire of pain to strengthen us. Thank you that suffering produces growth, perseverance and character! Suffering produces glory.

But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5)

The "why" in pain

Why would she fail to meet Him when He comes? Was Mary so discouraged... so distraught that she fails to welcome Jesus when He finally comes? Was it sadness and despair alone? Or was it disappointment, anger or despondency that makes her ignore the teacher's arrival (John 11)?

Lazarus, her brother, had just died. She had walked the path of sickness that brings death. She had been sitting in mourning for days. Had she been stewing in her sadness? Had she been wondering? Had she been questioning Jesus and His friendship, this One she had grown to love? Had her heart been asking about His love for her, His love for her brother? Did the "Why!?" swell within her like a flood as the days went by and she had watched her brother dying? They had sent word to Him(v.3). He knew! ...she might have thought. He knew, He must have known!, but He didn't come? Why, Jesus? Why? Can you feel the mounting of frustration, confusion and despair that can come and compound grief?

Was it late at night, beside her brother's bed... that she wondered why this Miracle maker, her friend, wasn't coming? Why wasn't her Savior responding to her? Is that why when the house heard of His arrival (v.20), Martha went out to greet Him... but, Mary stayed at home? I don't know. Maybe she was too upset to even hear of His arrival. We don't know.

I do know that when I pray for something earnestly and hear "no response", I can begin to wonder and question. I can even question His love for me. I can find myself pondering the sin in my life and wonder after His silence. I can get upset... maybe even angry... at God for not "showing up". My night time, sleep deprived, moments can be filled with doubt and fear, frustration and accusation. "If you had been here!!!... he would not have died!"

What Mary doesn't know is the heart of Jesus. She doesn't know what we get to hear, in John 11, that Jesus knew the beginning from the end of this event. He knew what would happen to Lazarus and He knew what their hearts would learn from this. What Mary doesn't know is that her sweet friend, Jesus, is allowing all this for a deeper, greater, more significant good in her life! What she doesn't get is that His love propels Him to stay away! He knows that GLORY will be seen. He knows that this will bring life to their hearts.

She couldn't know this, no. Or could she? Maybe, just maybe, she could have trusted Him more. Maybe she could have known that if He wasn't coming it was for their good... it was because of His love for them that He allowed this pain. Maybe, just maybe, she could have assumed the best. Maybe she could have trusted this One she had watched, followed and loved. I certainly can't imagine myself in the same situation without seeing myself in the very same state of mourning and with the very same questions swirling!

Her sister, Martha, is just as confused and bewildered by Christ's slowness in response... "Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died" and yet, in a fascinating statement of profound faith she says, "but,... But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask!" What was Martha hoping for? She was confused, "He wouldn't have died if you had been here!"... but, ... But, she says to Him... I know you! I know WHO you are and I trust that even now God will do what you ask! There is a sweetness of faith that accompanies Martha's response to Jesus. She is upset, yes. She is confused, yes. But, she there is an inkling of hope in her words and her subsequent confession in this verse.

I love that Jesus doesn't get his feelings hurt but Mary's ignorance of His arrival. Culturally, yes, this may have been a slap... but He doesn't seem to care. In fact, He seeks her out. Oh! How He is so faithful to keep seeking us out even when we hide away from Him in frustration, guilt or anger. "The teacher is here and is asking for you", her sister says to Mary. And, Mary's response is classic. She takes off running and falls at his feet! Can't you just see the scene? Weeping and clutching his feet... why? why, didn't you come?! If you had only been here? Oh, Jesus... why didn't you come?

It says that when he sees Mary's weeping he is deeply troubled. He is agitated, it says. He is upset. A bit further in the passage it says He wept. Why did Jesus cry like this? We don't really know why. Certainly it wasn't mourning he loss of Lazarus, for He knew Lazarus would be alive in only a few moments. Did He get upset and agitated because He saw her lack of hope? Did He get upset simply because He entered into Her grief. Did it pain Him so much to see her weeping that He, Himself, wept? Certainly God is the God of all comfort, mercy and compassion!

What we do know is that Jesus purposefully allowed this suffering and pain because He loved them so much! He knew that His glory, the glory of His Father, was the very best thing... and so He waited and didn't respond--- on purpose! He let them hurt, mourn and watch a sick man die because He wanted to teach their hearts more about Him and His Father.

Our God is certainly not opposed to using suffering and pain in our lives to bring about a better good... And, He is okay with the "why" we ask in the midst of it--- this didn't stop Him from showing forth His Glory that day. He still brought Lazarus back to life... He had intended it all along. His plans were not thwarted by their faith or their questions!

Will I fail to meet Him when He shows up and finally answers my prayers? Will I allow the "why" that swirls around my head and heart swallow up hope or faith... or will I say, "but, you are the Son of God and I know that God will do whatever you ask!" Will I trust His faithfulness as a friend even when He doesn't come...

Ask for suffering

Who ever asks for suffering? Who utters the words, "Lord bring pain in my life". Who, in love, would ask, "bring suffering to my friend's life!"? Who ever asks God for pain? Who, in the world, would ask the Lord to bring famine, heart ache or death?

Why would you ever pray for drought? What a crazy prayer... Lord, please stop the rain and bring drought. Why in the world would you pray for it to stop raining?! Who would do such a thing?! In most of the world, drought is an unrivaled curse. A plague or a curse, right? Not a prayer...

"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years." (James 5) Why would he have done this? And, why so earnestly? It says he prayed earnestly... he labored in prayer, he fought in prayer, he begged God that it would not rain. Why?

We get a clue as to why Elijah prayed this way in I Kings 19... after the three years of drought, he explains himself. He was zealous, or jealous, for God's glory! He was sick with what he saw the people of God doing, their lives sickened him. He watched in agony as the Israelites continued to disregard God's name and glory. He watched as they fervently disobeyed and dishonored his God, the Lord Almighty. And, his response... jealousy! He was jealous for God's glory.


He knew that God's desire was relationship with his people. He knew that God had warned them time and time again regarding disobedience... and he knew that God cared more about their hearts, His glory and His name than He did about their comfort...

Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Then the Lord's anger will burn against you, and he will shut the heavens so that it will not rain and the ground will yield no produce, and you will soon perish from the good land the Lord is giving you. (Duet. 11)


He knew that what the people needed was to turn back to God. He watched as they were comfortable in their disobedience. They were wayward with no real consequences. He knew that the best thing for the people was pain and suffering. He was desperate to see God get the glory, the honor and the worship he deserved.


And, if pain would do it, this is exactly what Elijah would pray. God's glory was more important to him than rain, than crops or livelihood. God's deserved worship was more important to him than those that might die because of drought. He was zealous for God and it deeply pained him to see the people turning their backs on their God.


And so he prayed. He prayed earnestly for no rain. He prayed for suffering and pain (for himself and others... for he lived in the land with them).

When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain because your people have sinned against you, and when they pray toward this place and confess your name and turn from their sin because you have afflicted them, then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your servants, your people Israel. Teach them the right way to live, and send rain on the land you gave your people for an inheritance. 1 Kings 8

God is not opposed to difficulties in our lives if it will turn our hearts toward Him. He wants our hearts... He is jealous for our hearts. And, He deserves our obedience and worship.
When we pray, maybe we should be more like Elijah and ask for no rain... Maybe, just maybe, then those we are fighting for in prayer will turn their hearts toward God Almighty and give Him the glory He is due.

Would you pray for me?... we ask each other over and over again... "prayer requests" come in frequently.

Yes, I will pray for you--- but I might just be asking for pain.

Affliction is a bitter root, but it bears sweet fruit.

- Thomas Watson

Happy Hope Year

"Happy New Year" we say to each other... This sweet greeting, that often comes with a hug, a kiss or a hand shake, is a blessing. Whether we know it or not, we are speaking blessing into each other's lives as we say, "Happy New Year". We are saying to each other,"May this next year, this new year, be happy for you!"

We had a sweet celebration last night and wished each other happiness in the new year as we feasted, played games, laughed and talked late into the night.

Reflecting and reading this morning I was struck with the simplest of phrases... a verse you might see 100 times or more in Scripture. "Blessed is he whose hope is in the Lord" (Psalm 146). The word we translate "Blessed" from Hebrew simply means happy or happiness. Happy is the one whose hope is in the Lord... it could be written.

Hope is about looking forward toward the future, or toward the New Year in my case this morning. What an appropriate scripture for all new year celebrations! Happy New Year translated--- Happy are you who hope in the Lord this next year!! Even more simply put, "Happy Hope Year". May you be happy as you hope in Him.

What is it I hope in 2010? What do I want this next year? This was the discussion I started with my Father (or better said, He started with me...) this morning. What do I want with 2010?

I want to put my hope and my trust in Him more this New Year.

I want to strip off that which hinders me and to run with perseverance toward life in Him, my goal, my prize.

I want to listen and to obey with joy and freedom.

I want to eagerly watch, to look, to expect Him and be aware of His presence, His voice and His will.

I want to live a life of thanksgiving, praise, worship and gratefulness. I want to see everything as a gift from Him and await His surprises for me around every corner of life.

I want more of Him this New Year. My hope is in Him, for He himself, as my happiness this new year.

I want a Happy New Year! I want a blessed new year... a happy future, hoping in Him!

Happy are you who hope in the Lord this next year! Happy Hope Year!

So much more than me

I get tired. He never grows tired or weary.

I get frustrated. His plans are never thwarted.

I get confused. He knows the beginning from the end.

I get irritable and rude. His love is steadfast, perfect and never rude.

I get stupid. He is perfect wisdom and know all things.

I get overwhelmed. He can do all things.

I get selfish. He ever lives to intercede for His people.

I get afraid. In Him there is no darkness at all. His perfect love casts out all fear.

Thank you Lord for being so much more than I can ever be. Thank you for doing that which I couldn't even think of...being more than I could ever imagine. Thank you for being higher than me, deeper than me, wider than me and beyond me. Thank you for being so much more than me.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!...Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. ...You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you..." Isaiah 55

Me, too, Bethlehem

Insignificant. Insignificant was the word he used to describe this little village, this little town in the hills of Judah. My heart soared the moment that he spoke the words... "the insignificant town of Bethlehem" From deep within, with tears welling, came my immediate response... "Me, too, Bethlehem!"

The minister said it was characteristic of how God worked. I know. Me, too, Bethlehem. He rarely chooses the most powerful people or the most beautiful places to use when He is working. Sometimes He does, but rarely. Rarely does God choose to invade the lives of the prominent, the wise and the gorgeous. More often He chooses the insignificant, the deaf, the dumb and the ugly. I know. Me, too, Bethlehem.

Insignificant was the town of Bethlehem when David, Israel's king, was born there. Still insignificant this little hill country town was when Jesus spent His first night on earth there. But, God chose it... visited it... and used it. Now Bethlehem is know across the nations and preached about among the unreached of the world. Bethlehem is part of that wonderful story. Bethlehem is famous now. Bethlehem is spoken of, sung about and visited often. Bethlehem is profoundly significant now.

Something insignificant becoming significant by God. I know. Me, too, Bethlehem.

Insignificant was this little girl. Small, quiet and unnoticed by most. Stephanie, unknown and unimportant. Sad and lonely was this little teenage girl that the Lord chose those many years ago... He visited... and is now using. Now she is profoundly significant... a dearly loved child of the Almighty King, a daughter, a saint, a servant of the Most High God.

Something insignificant becoming significant because of God.

Me, too, Bethlehem.

Snow!

Ah! the beauty of a freshly fallen snow!


Yesterday's post talked about a book I have been attempting to read. The theme of this book is living a life of gratefulness or "prayerfulness". According to the author, this prayer-filled life is one of of awareness, one of "aliveness", and or wakefulness. It has reminded me of the importance of noticing and watching for the "gifts" that are all around me. I have been challenged to see all things as gifts-- everything is a gift. The author challenges one to live amongst even the mundane in surprise, awe and gratefulness.


It snowed last night and we woke to a blanket of white. Snow is not mundane! We are living in a moment of awe and wow! in our home this morning! The kids are outside playing in the thin layer of white that covers our garden. It doesn't snow here regularly, so we were not anticipating it... but we were hoping! In fact, we prayed and asked God for this gift. Maybe we should have been anticipating it?!


Last night I read from this sleepy book, my boring book, that has impacted me greatly! The author talks about true gratefulness as rooted in a deep trust. We are thankful for a gift when we trust (even just a little trust) the giver. A truly thankful response is spoken to a friend when the gift is handed to you... not after you have opened it. A truly grateful person is handed the gift and experiences a "thank you" of heart that precedes the knowledge of the gift inside. This is trust. Who cares that the size of the package is the perfect size for a bomb or a rotten egg... we trust the one who hands it to us and say thank you with perfect freedom. My friend would not give me a bomb or a rotten smelling egg! I expect good things are in this little gold wrapped package!


Ah! If we could transfer this to all things given by our Father, the Giver! If I could thank God for each thing that comes my way, without knowing the inside or the outcome... simply because I trust the Giver. I know He gives good things. I know that even those things that are difficult, ugly or "bomb" like in my life are given in love. Here is the rub. To be content in all things... whether in much or little. To be thankful in all circumstances and rejoice always. To look at suffering and rejoice... because we know and deeply trust the One who gives or allow, at least, the circumstances and suffering around us.


So, to stand in awe and gratefulness when looking at the new fallen snow, the rain, the hail, the wind and the mud... this is the challenge of the day. I want to see my Father's good hand in all these and more. Open my eyes, Lord, I want to see you today! Make me aware and awake all day to your gifts--- the good, the hard and the ugly. May I walk through my day today in a state of anticipation for Your gifts, for Your Presence and for Your snow!

Asleep sometimes

I have been reading a fascinating book on prayer.

Sometimes fascinating, I should say. It has been one of those books that I love about half the time and "hate" another half the time. At times the book is exceedingly boring and difficult to follow. Then it surprises me and whamo! a profound nugget of truth jumps off the page. There have been paragraph-long pieces I have written down because I have felt the weight of their truth. And, then, back into confusion and boredom I go... and so the reading has been with this book.

From this sleepy book, one particular theme has been bouncing around in my heart. I believe it has had a very practical affect on my life already.

The author talks about those moments in life where we are surprised or truly grateful--- those moments, you know, when you say "Wow!" at the sunset or at the rainbow.

You know those moments when our hearts are full and in awe at the newborn babe or the sweet smile from your child. He says those moments are actually more true and genuine prayer (or prayerfulness, he terms it some places) than most of our prayer-moments or daily devotional "prayer" times. I can't disagree.

I can find prayer times to be dull and distracted. I can find my mind wandering and certainly I am not often sitting in a state of "Wow!".

On the other hand, it is those unique "surprise" moments when I a feel most alive, most truly grateful and this, He calls true prayer.

The author suggests that in these moments we are truly awake, truly alive and truly grateful. In these moments we are not taking for granted the gifts that are all around us and in fact, the realization that everything good is a gift. It is in these moments we are truly grateful and are, therefore, praying.

The gratefulness that arises in those moments of surprise---the beauty of a noticed full-moon on a clear night---fill our hearts with gratefulness, which is indeed prayer. And from this state of prayerfulness comes or flows our "prayers" (i.e. our words). He states that the meal itself--- the actual eating and enjoying the tastes, flavor and food--- is more genuine prayer than the "prayers of blessing" we often say before hand. Maybe our prayers should come at the end of the meal!?

An important question comes with this very every-human-experience of surprise or awe. The question, of course, is to whom, or to what are we praying?

When the roaring beach waters catch our attention, or the news of a recovered loved one is heard, or the excessive, lavish gift from friend is given--- those moments of Wow! or gratefulness are what we all know. Where do we look when we have these moments and how often, how frequently, are we awake like this? If we begin to awake to the reality that all things are a gift. In truth, all good things are lavished gifts and opportunity for awe, then we too might live in a state of prayerfulness. We too may live awake.

As I looked around the room of our village church this morning, I was struck by this concept.

We have freedom to worship here--- a gift. We have people of all age--- a gift. We have music, a guitar, drums, a warm place to worship--- all gifts. And I had a moment of awe. I experienced a moment of awareness. I felt gratefulness that was, most certainly, prayer. I was awake and conscious of God. I was, in that moment, aware and more thoroughly "alive" than I had been on my walk to church that morning.

My other readings this week have been along the same line:

"God is not real to most of us because of the condition of our consciousness. If we are not aware of him, it is not because he is not with us. It is, in part, because our consciousness is so under the sway of other interests that it cannot turn to him with loving attention which might soon discern him. Did you ever encounter, on the street, a friend whose physical eyes looked at you without seeing you? You walked right up to him before the alien look on his face changed into one of recognition. Though actually in your presence, he was nevertheless as unconscious of you as if you did not exist. That is a persistent failure of the unemancipated consciousness. It can be so preoccupied with lesser realities that it does not sense the presence of the divine Reality surrounding and sustaining it. What makes life splendid is the constant awareness of God. What transforms the spirit into his likeness is intimate fellowship with him. We are saved-- from our pettiness and earthiness and selfishness and sin---by conscious communion with his greatness and love and holiness" ~Albert Edward Day

O Father awaken my heart to Your constant Presence. May I be aware of You and of Your gifts to me and may I live in gratefulness, prayerfulness and worship. Turn my attention to You throughout my day and wake me up when I fall asleep on my feet. Free my consciousness. Free my mind to be aware of You and may I, in all things, whether I am eating or drinking or praying... may I, in all things, give you honor and glory!

Feigned Repentance

Our puppy is now a bit over 3 months old and has already learned to pretend to repent. Do we, as humans, learn this as fast? She has learned and clearly knows that when the back door opens, she is to sit, stay and not bolt inside. We have practiced this, trained toward this and punished her when she has not complied. With both positive and negative reinforcement, this has been a daily training for the past 2 months. Daily we have worked on this and 9 times out of 10 she obeys the rule. She has shown that she knows what to do by generally obeying the clear rule: door opens... I sit, I stay and I get a treat and a "good girl". It has worked.

Generally, when she is punished (a stern "no" or a loud sound), she bends her head and starts to roll into a submissive position. This is normal dog behaviour and a good sign. It is quite cute, actually and we all want to smile and lavish love on this repentant sight. But, today it was less amusing when she took the lowered-head position, tilted as if to fall into the submissive state and then with strong perseverance (and still in the "half-submissive-position" pushed her way through the door). It was as if she was saying, "Yes, I know I am not supposed to do this... I know I am making a bad choice... but, I really must. I have to. I just can't help myself." But, she says with her actions, "see, do you see... I am submitting" (and rebelling at the same time!??)." Of course, her submission wasn't even close to real submission. It was a strangely human-like rebellion. Her actions clearly stated, "I will pretend here that I am obeying; but, really, I am making my way and doing what I want to do. But, look at me... I am a good girl-- I am so very sorry as I do it!"

Doesn't it sound like the good-'ol phrase, "better to ask for forgiveness than permission".

Feigned repentance. It is quite a sad and pitiful thing to watch. For our puppy put herself in a submissive pose, but actually was rebelling with purposefulness. We humans might say, "Yes, I am sitting down; but, I am standing up on the inside." Oh! How we have perfected the art of feigned repentance.

Repentance means that you see the wrong and turn from it. Any movement toward the sin, or the disobedience negates all real, genuine repentance. This is true of our pup and very true of me. How often do I say "I am sorry" to my husband, but hold within somewhere an "buy really this is why I had to say this to you" feeling in my depths. "I really have the right to be angry like this, I think to myself... but on the outside I am apologizing for my rude behaviour or angry outburst.

We bow our heads, say our "sorry" and persevere forward in our own way... whether it be thought or deed.

When I know what I ought to do and do not do it... when I know what I ought not do and yet do it--- all somewhere deep within trusting, or assuming, or presuming upon the grace of God. This is a pitiful sight. Like my sweet pup who bows her head in repentance as she disobeys with gusto...

Lord, may I feel the weight of my sin and know Your thoughts about my deeds, my heart and my thoughts. May I have true repentance and turn from my sin. May my submission be genuine and my I be aware of my rebellious ways.

Unexpected Path, Unexpecting Town

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie...

They missed His coming.

The whole town of Bethlehem missed His coming. They weren't waiting for Him. Those that were waiting thought His coming would look so very different than it did. They slept through the whole thing! God does this. He uses unexpected paths and ways that surprise. He uses odd or different means to accomplish His end.

Reading in Psalm 77, I am struck by these different means. "Your road led through the sea, your pathway through the waters---a pathway no one knew was there!" (v. 19 NLT). His roads, His ways, His direction ...was through the water. The Hebrew words in this verse speak of an inconceivable and unknown way. Steps that are unknown. His footsteps were not perceivable. His steps were unknown. His path was unexpected and not knowable. He led them through the water, for crying out loud!!! Through water... Certainly this was a pathway that no one knew was there! He used this unexpected path.

How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given...

He came to earth as a baby. Silently, He slipped in. An unexpected path. ...footsteps unknown. A way they could not see. Quietly He made His entrance.... announcing His arrival to only a few shepherds. His arrival was discerned and perceived by only a few. He came to His own, but they knew him not. They did not recognize Him. They did not perceive, expect or detect His coming. They missed Him.

O come to us, abide in us, Our Lord Emmanuel!

The deeply sad thing is that while the people of Bethlehem missed His coming, they suffered greatly because of it. Herod killed their children because of Christ's coming. Actually, Herod killed their little ones because of a star (another unexpected path!)---and the testimony of a few foreigners. Herod's soldiers killed their baby boys in His desperate effort to stamp out the coming of this King.

The families in Bethlehem lost their baby boys and yet missed the opportunity to worship the Messiah that would rescue them from this hateful, sinful, and messed up world. They missed the abiding blessings of seeing the Chosen One that may have helped, even if just a little, to handle the grief and loss that came upon this silent, sleepy town. They missed the abiding of Emmanuel... the hope it may have brought their distraught and grieving hearts.

God uses unexpected paths and hard-to-understand ways. May we not miss Him! May I not miss Him and take the opportunity to worship this Messiah. May I not miss the blessing of bowing down to a King that will rescue me from this sinful, wretched world! May I not miss God's unexpected ways. May I follow Him through the waters, through His odd and strange paths... like a sheep following a good, kind Shepherd. (Ps. 77:20)

No ear may hear his coming, but in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive him, still
The dear Christ enters in.

Oh Holy Child of Bethlehem,
Descend on us we pray!
Cast out our sin and enter in,
Be born in us today!

Fit for a King

A gift fit for a king.

We were handed a scrap piece of paper and a pen. The assignment given was to write down one item we would be willing to give. We were to write it and place the paper into the gift box as a present for Jesus. This item was to be important to us, of high value. This item was to be a gift fit for a king, fit for the King, to be exact. We had just read and discussed the story of the Magi. They had searched and searched. They had come prepared expecting to find the King and to give Him gifts of great worth. They worshipped and gave Him valuable gifts.

As we sang Christmas songs, each one in the room took time to think a moment. At differing speeds, hands began to scribble on the scrap. We weren't being asked to "really" give this item away; but, we were asked to think of it as if it were real. What would you bring to this King as you bowed before him in worship?

Midway through the second song, my 7 year old son motioned quietly for my attention. When I caught his eye, he held up his piece of paper to show me what he had written. He was careful to show only me. In clear writing was one word. It said "Rocky". My heart was filled and a smile was instant. Rocky. My son wanted to give Jesus his Rocky.

Sweet Rocky is a raccoon that has gone everywhere with us. He is a very well loved stuffed toy that has seen his better day--- too much love, I think! This dear toy has traveled on many airplanes, taxis and trains. He has slept with my son in the many, many beds. He has ventured from country to country and from State to State. Rocky the raccoon has been lost and he has been searched for ...and Rocky has been found. This animal has been with my son through most of his life and he truly loves Rocky. Rocky is highly valued.

In bold letters his paper said "Rocky".

I was moved by my son's surrender of this deeply loved friend. My heart was full and my eyes as well. I believe that the Lord smiled tonight. I believe that my Father in heaven was moved and singing over this beautiful gift. I believe that His heart filled and He was truly worshipped with this act of simple scribble on a piece of paper. I believe that Jesus would see this as fit for Him, the King.

Rocky the raccoon, a gift fit for the King.

Wouldn't that be great!

Wouldn't that be great!, he said with excitement.

We had just finished putting up the Christmas tree, eating dinner and watching a Max Lucado video about Christmas. Throughout the video the bug, cartoon characters (Hermie and friends) have multiple conversations with God. They speak to God and He speaks back to them in a sweet, strong voice. As the video came to a close and the credits began rolling, a thought that had been rambling in his mind came out of my 7 year old son's mouth with a blurt, "Oh! Wouldn't that be great if we could just talk to God like that and God would talk back!" Strangely enough, I had had a similar train-of-thought bouncing in my head throughout the video.

The thoughtless and immediate, almost palatable, group response to my son's statement was, "Yes! That would be sooo cool!" And then there was a second internal "stop" in my spirit as I "yes!-responded" with my mouth. Wait a minute! Can't we talk to God like that and hear from Him?! Isn't that what we see throughout Scripture? Isn't that what a relationship with God is? ...Speaking with Him, hearing from Him, interacting with Him? Isn't that why I wake so early on these cold, dark mornings to sit before Him? Wait a minute! Yes! We can. I can. I do.

I turned to my son in a third, now verbal, response and put my hand gently on his face. "Oh, but son, we can! We can talk to God that way and He does respond", I said. The look on his face was priceless. His look was a mix of hope and doubt... His look was, "Really!" and "Really?" all mixed up. My husband chimed in and agreed with my statement of assurance that we could have a vibrant, interactive, conversational relationship with God. It was a sweet moment. This isn't the first time we have had this discussion with our son... but worth a re-visit in that teachable moment.

We revisited the topic after church today. As we ate lunch we all four discussed how God speaks, how we know it is Him, and what His voice sounds like. We all were able to share moments of hearing from God. My son shared that as he has been reading in Exodus lately, he has been struck with how much faith Moses must have had in God. He shared that while reading it he has beenfeeling like he needed to grow in his own faith and trust of God. Was this God speaking? he ventured. Yes! We all agreed.

I shared that sometimes when reading a passage of the Bible, a word or a phrase would just jump off the page and touch my heart. I shared that sometimes it was encouraging and sometimes it was convicting. Was this God speaking? Yes! We all agreed.

My daughter shared that sometimes when she is singing a song about the Lord, she is filled up with so much joy she will burst. Is this God speaking? Yes! We all agreed.

My husband said when he asks God what he should be studying or preaching that a certain verse or a certain passage of the Scripture comes to mind. Is this God speaking? Yes! We all agreed.

On and on went the discussion... talk of another person's words being used as the "voice" of God, the absence of fear or the physical presence of peace, or that small voice where you know the right or wrong way, or that "must" feeling of prayer for someone. What a joy this discussion was to my soul!

This is the Christmas story come to my home. The Immanuel that was promised in Isaiah came to earth as a baby. And, He lives in our home with us. God with us! Wouldn't it be great if we could walk with God, if we could talk with God, if we could hear Him talk with us!?!! Oh! Wouldn't that be great!!

Father, may we hear you more. You say Let he that have an ear hear what the Spirit says... let me hear you and see you more, Lord. You are God with us! You never leave us and you have given us your Spirit to guide us, to remind us of all truth. May I abide in you and walk in you and live in you today.

So many books...

So many books... so little time. Or more accurate to the truth in my life, so many books... so little effort given to reading.

I sat down to read tonight. I have been "attempting" to read this book for the past 6 months and truly, I have loved this book. It has been encouraging, challenging and has honed my faith. I picked it up again tonight and browsed the "recommended reading" list in the back of the book. It was like a mouth watering menu at a favorite restaurant. The list from this trusted author was so inviting. I wanted to read them all! I marked them and now intend to add them to my "wish list" on Amazon. Ah!, my wish list. I have a book-wish list online and another one on the book shelf here at home. Books, piles of books, I wish to be reading.

It would be nice to say that I don't have time to read, but that wouldn't be true. I do have time to read. It isn't like I have a boatload of time to read, of course... but I do have time. I just so rarely choose to spend that time reading. If I devoted myself to reading and dove into that pile o' books, I know the dent I could make in the pile. If I simply gave 20 minutes here or and a half an hour there, I know I could make my way through that book wish list. And, I know my soul would be better off from the endeavor, as well.

There have been distinct times in my life when I chosen reading over other "less-soul enhancing" activities. I have made choices with my time to read and it has impacted me greatly. I am ready for that again. I am ready for a push from the Lord and a dive into this inviting menu of wish-books on my shelf.

So many books... so little effort given to reading. I want this to change.

Gift of a Dream

God spoke to my heart through a dream last night. He has used dreams a few times in my life. Last night I saw a picture in my sleep and woke immediately knowing it was from God. Interestingly enough, past dreams that I believe have been from God have mostly have been about my heart; and in particular, these dreams have been about my sin. Last night God spoke to my sin through a dream.

The details of the dream aren't important. The important part of this moment in my journey is the message that I woke up with at 2 am. I woke up this morning knowing (praying, actually) that I needed to be "wearing Christ". More specifically I needed to be "wearing" thankfulness, worship, joy and grace. It can be quite easy for me to "wear" complaint, discouragement, fear or judgement. I saw this in my dream. I believe God's hand was at work in my dream world and He was speaking loud and clear. Stephanie, clothe yourself in Me.


Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature. Romans 13

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3

All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5

So many Scriptures come to mind and I am moved to begin afresh praying that I would put-on Christ each day.

The other (and more important) part of the dream and consequently the "knowledge" that I woke with... is that I need to put these things on, I need to "wear" thankfulness and grace, most specifically AT HOME. It is an easy thing to say that we are most real with those we love. It is easy to say that those we are closest to get the hardest, harshest and most raw treatment from us--- but it should not be this way. I was struck this early morning by the fact that my "wearing" of complaints and grumbling was most affecting my home. I was struck this early 2 am morning that I need to put-on Christ in my home, with my husband and with my children.

The beauty of last night is that God did not leave well enough alone. He had a follow-up discussion prepared in my daily reading this morning! I love that! This is what I read the morning after my dream:

"Accompany me to-day, O Holy Spirit, in all my goings, but stay with me also when I am in my own home and among my kindred. Forbid that I should fail to show to those nearest to me the sympathy and consideration which thy grace enables me to show to others with whom I have to do. Forbid that I should refuse to my own household the courtesy and politeness which I think proper to show to strangers. Let charity today begin at home." ~John Baillie

He says "forbid". Forbid, dear Lord, that I should be unkind, complaining, harsh or judgmental to my own family. Forbid it, Lord. Forbid that I should not show mercy to my children and my husband when you show me mercies new every morning. Forbid it Lord! Forbid that I not wear the grace and joy that You have bought with such a precious price!

It started with a dream... it was knowledge and conviction ...and then a mid-night prayer... it was an early morning reading... and now, yet, another prayer.

Thank you for the dream, Lord. Let charity today begin at home.

Jumped on

Sometimes the words just jump off the page and slap you in the face.

I was jumped on by God's word this morning. This is one aspect of the Scriptures that I love, although the words jumping out at you are not always an easy slap. Today's slap hurt a bit.

"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance" were today's jumping words.

I often start my time before God in confession and repentance. After a time of worship and adoration it is good to bring before the Lord my heart and ask for His light to shine. This morning was no different. I was agreeing with the Lord in repentance this morning as His light shone brightly into my pride, my judgemental attitudes, my gluttony and my worry.

Certainly none of these sins are new to me. Unfortunately the list of sins is similar week to week and month to month. Oh, Lord have mercy! My heart cries out and I ask for His faithful love to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. He promises to do this and I can rely on Him as the Rock of my salvation (it is a beautiful thing I don't have to stand on me, or my works for my salvation!).

So, I truly received forgiveness once again for my crimes against Almighty God. What a gift we have in the blood of the Lamb, my brother, my Savior Jesus!

After a time of confession, I turned to my assigned reading and whammo! bam! off the page jumps these words... as God's heart speaks to my heart.

"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance". These words spoken by John the Baptist are directed at the Pharisees in Matthew 3. I am not a Pharisee. I am a child of the living God. I am forgiven and set free. So, what do these have to do with me? Everything.

I believe John was inviting to Pharisees to do something they simply could not do. They couldn't produce fruit!

When I repent from worry, I simply CAN NOT produce the fruit of peace that is "keeping with" my repentance. When I confess the sin of gluttony, I can not produce the fruit of self control that would be "in step" with my repentance. I can't make self-control happen in my life. Certainly there are things I can do to strengthen my faith, to exercise my will, and to work the "muscles" of right choices; but, I can not make myself joyful, peaceful or full of love instead of judgement.

The only One who produces good fruit is the Spirit of the living God. I have to rely on Him!

Abide in Him. Rest in Him. Rely on Him. In Him is Your salvation. Keep in step with the Spirit. Be filled with the Spirit.

From a Spirit-tree comes Spirit fruit... from a flesh tree- comes flesh fruit. I can not produce Spirit fruit. Only He can... the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience... and self-control.

John the Baptist mentions this as well in Matthew 3. He explains that the baptism he was offering was only repentance. But, One better was coming that would baptise them in the Spirit of God!

Repentance isn't enough. We repent all the time. We turn from our sins, we turn toward God... and then whoops... we turn back. And on goes the cycle. Have mercy on us, Lord. But, God offers us more than just repentance. He offers us fruit that keeps with our repentance. He offers us life and freedom. It is when I turn from my sins and then walk filled with Him where I find this life and freedom. This is where I find fruit in keeping with repentance.

It certainly doesn't mean try harder, Steph. It doesn't mean squeeze really hard and pop! out of your life fruit might emerge. No! It means surrender. It means keep Your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of Your faith. It means keep in step with the Spirit and rely on Him. Listen to His promptings and rest on His strength. This alone will produce fruit in keeping with your repentance, Steph.

Off the page, they jumped and slapped me in the face. What a gift!

Thank you, Lord for Your Word. Thank you Lord for Your faithful forgiveness. Thank you, Lord for the gift of Your Spirit. It is He that will lead me into all truth and righteousness. It is in Him I will find freedom and rest. Fill me today a fresh with Your Spirit and produce in me, O Holy Spirit of God, the fruit that is in keeping with my repentance. For Your glory alone, Father!

Like a good ballet

Our team has the fun opportunity to attend the ballet, The Nutcracker, this Christmas. I am very excited! I absolutely love a good ballet. I love to watch a well danced ballet...

I have watched and participated in a "good ballet" this past few days. Our team danced well this last week. It is so great to "do life" and work with a team. I so see God's wisdom in making each member of His body different and with different roles. I am so aware this morning of why He gives us each other. When working well, the Body is a beautiful thing!

Team is not always easy, of course. Just like our physical bodies... when one part isn't functioning well the whole body is affected. As it is with the Body of Christ, when one part... or two parts together are not working well together, then what an unhealthy mess we can be! But, when functioning well and within our gifting the Body can be beautiful.

Like a beautiful ballerina dancing her debut solo performance. She is well trained, physically fit, and well practiced. She understands the choreography, the staging, the lighting and the music. The stage is well staffed with the props she needs, her dressing room with outfits and people to help her change, and the lighting is adjusted just so. The orchestra knows exactly the timing and the notes that need to be played,... when to pause, when to begin. All this and so much more allow the one ballerina to dance the Sugar Plum Fairy solo with ease and grace. Now, give this girl a chest cold, a broken foot, a missing outfit, a wrong size in her ballet slippers, a violinist off beat, a broken light bulb or a bad conductor and you get a different picture. This is team--- one way or the other.

Our team danced well this week. We had guests come. These were really our guests, requesting time with my husband and I... and so our team didn't really have to "do" anything. These guests were really our responsibility to care for. There were no "musts" when it came to our team's involvement. But, man!, this family wouldn't have received half the care (maybe more than half) without the help of our team. What a blessing the Body of Christ is when working together! What fun to perform together a good ballet before our Father.

Father I am grateful for my brothers and sisters. I am grateful for Your wisdom in making us a Body. Help us to glorify You as our head as we function well, as we love each other well and as we work together well. Be honored and glorified, Lord in our team.

Art of Lying

I was lied to the other night. He wasn't very good at the art form or at that moment, in particular, I saw through it as clear as day. But, I was clearly lied to. All in brotherly love, right?...

We Christians have mastered the art of lying. We lie to each other all the time and then we spiritualize it away and call it "being sensitive", "sacrifice" or "service". I was lied to probably four times yesterday. I could see it in his eyes. I could see the lie in his eyes as his words said one thing, "yes", but his heart was reeling against the request. We lie to each other all the time. I, too, lie.

What are we doing exactly? Dr. Cloud talks about the Christian (or human) tendency to "manage the emotions of another person". So, I discern what that person wants me to say, or wants me to feel, or wants my answer to be... and then say that thing, do that thing or answer that way. Some of us do this better than others. Some of us do the discerning better. Some lie better or cover up their true feelings better than others. Unfortunately, I can do them all well.

These last few years it has been a deeply personal goal of mine to stop this ugly habit and live my life honestly, not managing other's emotions or responses. This is not easy. When you attempt to do it... you say "no" more frequently and you don't "agree" with that piece of gossip that would be natural to just wag your head up and down and say "interesting... or uh, huh..." Interestingly enough, when you try to do this some people don't trust you. Strange as it sounds you get the questioning look more often. It is clear you have stopped playing by the rules. This is confounding to some and off putting to others. Those that are particularly good at this art form are trying their darnedest to discern if you really mean that "yes" you said or just saying it. What in the world are we doing to each other!?

The other night we offered a favor to a friend. As honestly as I can say, it was a genuine offer of help on our part; but, they had a question in their face. You see we lie to each other so much that any real, genuine offer of help is questioned... they are now trying to manage my emotions and figure out if I really want to help or if I am just saying so... Oh how this lying has corrupted our trust of each other!

We tell each other enough stories of how we have been "taken advantage of" and we offer enough fake help that all of us are constantly assuming that others are doing it as well. We just lie to each other.

Now, as I write this, I am aware of people who proudly refer to themselves as "straight forward" and are actually just unkind, selfish, mean and lacking in verbal self control. I am not talking about that. I am not talking about being careful with our words and choosing when to speak truth. I am not talking about our admonition in Scripture to speak truth in love. I am not talking about the "yes you look fat in that dress" comments that are unproductive and unnecessary. I am not talking about those who are selfish, don't ever serve and call it "good boundaries", either. Certainly we all need to grow in serving... truly serving with right attitudes!

I am talking about the person who lied to my face last night when he said, "yes" and really didn't want to help. I am talking about the person who I had to convince last night that I was genuinely offering help... and she didn't need to question my motives, my emotions or my offer. It just isn't spiritual to offer help or compassion when the act or the words will be complained about later to a safe spouse or friend. It is just wrong. It isn't Christ like to say yes to everything. It isn't right to say something your heart does not mean in a effort to manage another's emotions, to have them like you or to "be" Christ like.

Maybe this means that some of us need to have a change of heart and want to help more, as Christ served. Maybe this means that some of us need to stop lying and not feel obligated to serve when it is not what God is calling us to do. Even as I write this it sounds so scandalous.

I can speak so candidly on the subject because I, too have mastered this Christian art of lying. This learning curve has been a steep one for me... and I am still learning.

Oh Lord help your Church to stop lying to each other. Help us to follow your example, Christ, and to do that which you see your Father doing. You said "no" often and you said "yes" often and you truly meant it each time. You never lied, Lord. Teach us. Teach me.

What about me!?

Who's taking care of me? This was the cry of my heart, this morning. A selfish cry? Yes! But a genuine, heart-felt cry from deep within as I juggled the normal... breakfast, laundry, phone call, email, early morning prayer meeting, time with the Lord?, children, dog, husband, upcoming guests... I woke up this morning bombarded by needs. What about me? I just wanted to get back into bed and sleep another hour.
When I sat down to pray... I just began to tell the Lord exactly how I was feeling. I love that my Father in Heaven is not burdened, upset, worried or shaken by my emotional well-being. His throne, His crown, His very being is perfectly stable regardless of how I am feeling! It is such grace to remember this. I can rant and rave and cry and stamp my feet a bit... and He is unmoved. Not that He doesn't care for me and not that His heart is not filled with compassion, I believe it is. But, my emotional make up any given morning does not affect His well being. What a blessing!

So, I told my Dad how I was feeling and He listened. Did I feel Him listening right away--- no! I was feeling grumpy, selfish and angry. I wasn't feeling His presence at all. But, after a time of telling and then sitting and then remembering... and His presence was more distinguishable. I knew exactly what my heart needed. I needed to worship and give thanks. My heart needed to look up and out a bit. So, I began to thank Him. It isn't hard once you get started. There are so many blessings! He has given me so much and has cared so well for me. He has been so good, so kind, so sweet to me. It is amazing what thankfulness can do for a selfish heart!

And then the sweet words began to flood my heart and mind... "in repentance and rest is your salvation". "Restore the joy of my salvation". "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty". Ah! His rest. He, Himself is my care-giver. He is my refuge and the One who gives to me. He gives strength to the weary and makes those tired mount upon wings like eagles. He never tires. He never sleeps. He takes care of me and He is a good and loving Father.

O kind Father, thank you for Your sweet love and care. Thank you for Your word and Your grace. You have strengthened me and given me hope. You have restored the joy of my salvation and given my heart rest. I am still tired, Lord. I need You to carry me. Thank you for Your limit-less love and grace. I choose to dwell in You today and rest in Your shadow.